Across the Universe

Scarlett sat at the glass kitchen table with her legs crossed neatly, leaning back against the chair and browsing lazily through a holographic version of the newspaper in an attempt to keep up on financial current events. Enough time had passed since the incident near the S.H.I.E.L.D. building that the scrapes and scabs on her knuckles had nearly faded. She’d spent the night at Tony’s that night again. Something was still keeping him awake.

She had hoped beyond hope that after seeing her in action and realizing that she could handle her own in a dangerous situation the fear that kept Tony awake at night would be somewhat relieved. At least that’s what she theorized was keeping him awake, it wasn’t like he talked to her about it. It had become a source of animosity between them, even if they hadn’t yet brought it to light. Scarlett was a problem solver at heart. She wanted to fix Tony’s problem. But how could she fix something when she didn’t know why it was broken in the first place? Then she blamed herself, because what else could be wrong with him, and continued to feel guilty. No wonder she needed a shrink.

How could she expect Tony to tell her what was going on in his head when she couldn’t share what was going on in hers? She’d made very little progress in therapy thus far, but the fact that she was even attending it was still a secret. Secrets, secrets, secrets. Scarlett and Tony lived in a web of them. In the center of that web was there relationship, wrapped up tight, seemingly unaware of all the danger that lay just around the bend. What would happen when the webbing grew too tight? Would they suffocate? Would they unravel?

Regardless of that, she’d been wrong in her assumptions and so she’d continued to spend her nights wide awake with her boyfriend in an attempt to keep him company and to hold his rebellious thoughts at bay. He’d left her the night before around eleven after they’d had dinner and spent the evening listening to records on her new turntable and talking about shows they’d seen. It was amazing just how much they could talk. Sometimes Scarlett felt like she was fifteen years old again, staying up late to talk to some boy she had a crush on. She’d just been cradled by the sweet comfort of slumber when he’d called her to see if she wanted to come upstairs and have a glass of wine.

Scarlett was exhausted to stay the least, but she couldn’t tell him no either. Well, she could’ve very easily told Tony no but it was the way he’d asked her that she couldn’t say no to. There was desperation in every word that slipped from his lips, hope that he wouldn’t have to be alone for the night. How could she deny him something she could so easily provide? Company and comfort were things she could give by simply being in the same room as him so who was she to selfishly say no so that she could steal a few hours sleep?

The truth was even when she wasn’t with Tony Scarlett struggled to find sleep. It was hard to pinpoint what was keeping her awake but she had a sneaking suspicion that it was the judgmental gaze of the bottle of sleeping pills that had taken up residence in the second to bottom drawer in her bathroom. Or maybe it was all those secrets. She fell asleep just fine. It was staying asleep that seemed to be her problem. So they’d spent the night drinking wine and playing around Tony’s luxury penthouse. Finally at four in the morning, Tony had fallen asleep next to Scarlett in his oversized bed, face down on her shoulder. Now, four hours later, they’d woken up and were on their way to having breakfast.

Tony flopped down in the sleek wooden seat next to Scarlett, pulling on a dark blue band t-shirt, the lettering so faded from wear and tear that whatever band it used to represent was no longer recognizable. He adjusted it once more since the fabric caught on the back of his chair before making himself comfortable.

“Cinnamon rolls as promised.” A tray descended from the ceiling courtesy of Jarvis with a delivery from the kitchen on a different floor. This feature was especially handy at parties though there had been surprisingly very few parties since they’d taken up residence in Stark Tower. Scarlett removed the plate from the tray and set it down in front of Tony. He’d insisted upon having cinnamon rolls but even now as they blew steam across the room and filled the open concept dining area with a sticky sweet scent, Scarlett’s stomach churned at the thought of them.

“I think I’m going to stick with coffee for now.” Scarlett lifted the cup she’d already drained halfway and took another drink of it, eyeing Tony and the cinnamon rolls over the rim. “I don’t have time for a meal anyway. I’ve got to go downtown and meet my lawyer.” Scarlett checked the time on her phone again and then looked back to Tony. He’d picked up a cinnamon roll but was now pouting at her, his brown eyes wide in hopes of getting her to feel bad for him. “Don’t.” She pointed an accusatory finger at him.

“I didn’t say anything.” Tony spoke but lowered his head and gazed up at her pleadingly. He batted his eyelashes at her playfully and did his best to look pitiful. Apparently he looked like a sad puppy dog, or so she’d told him. Scarlett hated it.

“You don’t have to say anything. You know exactly what you’re doing.”

“It’s Friday, Scarlett! Can’t you tell these guys to wait until Monday? It’s not like you don’t pay them enough.” Tony pulled up his calendar on his phone which reflected on a hologram Jarvis created in front of him. “My whole day is free and clear! I need you to be here. We haven’t had an entire day together in ages. We can dress up and paint the town red. Or whatever color you prefer, I’m not particular partial to any of them, really.”

“You want me to be here. There’s a very distinct difference between want and need.” Scarlett got up from her chair with her coffee and patted him gently on the head. His hair stuck up every which way. It was amazing how messy such short hair could be.

“Not to me there isn’t. Want? Need? The definitions are one in the same in my book.” Tony grabbed after her playfully but she nimbly managed to step away quickly enough to avoid his grasp. “But Scarlett, I need you!”

“You can only do that so many times before I finally figure out how to sneak past you. You’re going to have to update your moves, honey pie.” Scarlett wagged her finger at him before turning on her heels and starting out of the room. “I have to get dressed. I can’t very well go out looking like this.” Scarlett acknowledged the button up she’d stolen from him the night before to sleep in, tugging on the collar of it.

“You could, I mean there’s nothing saying you can’t! But I can guarantee you that I would be dragging you back inside to take care of some business in that very expensive shirt before you made it out the door…” Tony watched her walk away, leaning forward in his chair in an attempt to steal a glance beneath the bottom of said shirt. He nearly knocked his chair over in the process and caught himself at the last moment by hooking his hand underneath the rim of the dining table. By the time he looked back for her she’d gone.

Tony sighed as she walked around the corner and out of sight and turned back to his cinnamon rolls. He took a lazy bite out of one before stealing the holographic newspaper from in front of her spot at the table and pulled it toward him to spy on what she’d been reading. Scarlett was always reading the financial and political sections. Tony had tried to take interest in both but they left him feeling bored so he’d usually returned to the pop culture scandals that were far more interesting in his opinion.

He could hear her shuffling near the stairway and drew his gaze toward it, waiting for her to return. If he could distract her for a little longer and make her miss her appointment with her lawyers then there was a slim chance he would be able to keep her home all day. Things had been better since the incident at S.H.I.E.L.D., at least between the two of them. Scarlett seemed to understand the fears he had concerning S.H.I.E.L.D. and was surprisingly not upset that he’d been the one to request that she have a partner. Tony wondered if Natasha had meddled somewhere along the line and had told her his reasons. But he hadn’t had the nerve to ask just in case Natasha hadn’t said anything.

It was one thing to make Scarlett angry it was another thing to make Natasha angry. He was scared of Natasha. There had been a time where he’d been intimidated by Scarlett but those days were long since past. Tony lazily prodded at the newspaper in front of him. The words blurred in and out of focus, nothing catching his eye for more than a moment. Most pop culture news could be summed up by reading the first and last line of the article. None of it was very interesting, though much of it was good for a laugh.

Tony heard her shuffling near the staircase and knew she’d returned within earshot. Unfortunately that meant she’d also likely put clothing on, which always disappointed Tony to an extent. He shoved another piece of the cinnamon roll in his mouth and chewed slowly. Scarlett had told him that they were too sweet to have so early in the morning and he hadn’t believed her. It turned out she had been right, but he was determined to eat them anyway just to prove a point.

“You should come eat one of these sticky buns.” Tony called to her, leaning his head slightly closer to the hall as if that would help his voice travel across the living room and to the far staircase. “They’re pretty delicious. You don’t know what you’re missing.” Tony could hear her walking down the stairs. Seconds later she peeked around the corner, pulling on her jacket over her shoulders.

“What did you just call me?” She straightened herself out and smoothed out her dress before starting back toward the table. Tony glanced down at the sticky bun on his plate and then back to Scarlett who was waiting for an answer. A devious smile crept over his lips.

“You’re my sticky bun!” Tony wiggled his eyebrows comically. Scarlett contorted her face with confusion and stifled a laugh. “After last night I’d say the name is pretty appropriate.”

“Tony, stop it. You know we don’t do nicknames.” Scarlett rolled her eyes and leaned over to slip on the boots she’d taken out of his closet. She’d started keeping half of her clothing in Tony’s closet just in case she wound up having to run out the door after staying the night as she often did.

“I don’t know. It was bound to happen eventually. And sticky bun seems fitting. All this thing is missing are some nuts and it’s picture perfect.” Tony got up from his seat at the table and started toward the kitchen with the plate of cinnamon rolls. He set the plate down on the counter and started digging through the cabinet. “Where do we keep the nuts?”

“Tony!” Scarlett walked around the dining table and to the other side of the island counter and laughed. “You’re being ridiculous, stop it.” Despite her insistence she couldn’t stop smiling.

“How am I supposed to stop Scarlett?” Tony leaned up from beneath the counter where he’d been digging around in a tireless search for nuts. “There are two sets of sticky buns in front of me and I can’t find the nuts, so please, explain to me how I can stop!” Tony held one hand toward her and the other hand toward the plate on the counter. Scarlett rested her hand to her forehead but couldn’t help but smile. Sometimes Tony outdid himself with his perversions. “Tell me I’m wrong!”

“You’re terrible is what you are. Well you’ll have only one set of sticky buns to deal with because I’ve got to head out. I’m going to be late. You always make me late.” Scarlett turned away and started toward the elevator at the far end of the living room. Tony hurried around the counter and chased after her. Upon realizing she was being pursued Scarlett quickened her pace to the elevator and waited for it to open. “Tony! I have to go!” Scarlett turned on her heels and held up her hands to stop him but he grabbed her around the waist anyway and pulled her closer to him.

“Just stay a little longer, sticky buns.” Tony whispered seductively but couldn’t keep a straight face and wound up laughing under his breath. “Stay here with me.” Scarlett felt him pull her stomach against his and slip his hands onto her lower back.

“Lawyers, Tony. I have about ten open lawsuits in an attempt to get my patents back. Not to mention the whole citizenship thing. If I’m not careful who knows where they’re going to ship me off to.” Scarlett reasoned.

“That’s easy, get a genius visa. You more than qualify.”

“I know, but it’s not that simple a process. And the patent stuff is pretty important to me.” Scarlett placed her hands over his lips as he tilted his head to kiss the side of her neck. She then removed her hands and shook them in dismay. “God you’re so sticky! You’re a mess, Tony!” She laughed and shook her now sticky hand then looked down at his hands on her dress. “Oh you better not have gotten frosting all over me before a meeting, I swear to god…”

“What will you do? Teach me a lesson because you know how much I enjoy that. That will only result in more frosting…” Tony grinned, slipping his hands onto her hips. “Besides, would you expect me to be anything less than sticky, sticky buns?”

“Tony, you’re very cute but…”

“Oh, come on, not with the but.” Tony pouted and hung his head.

“I have to go.” She laughed and leaned to kiss his cheek before stepping into the elevator.

“What was that? On the cheek? What am I? Your awkward cousin?”

“Especially awkward because I sleep with you. You’re too sticky, Tony.” Scarlett stuck her tongue out at him before the elevator doors closed in front of her. Tony sighed dramatically and hung his head backwards then licked the sticky cinnamon bun frosting off of his lips. He went back to the kitchen and promptly dumped the cinnamon rolls into the garbage can nearby.

“Too sweet.” Tony muttered under his breath and then searched in the refrigerator for something else to eat. An hour passed by agonizingly slowly for Tony. He played several games on his phone, repeatedly checked his email and ignored anything work related. He’d tried to watch television for awhile but everything on during the day was either news or a soap opera so he’d taken to playing with a few pieces of machinery downstairs in his lab.

The problem aching in the back of his mind about keeping Scarlett safe when he wasn’t there was at the forefront of all his alone time. While there wasn’t much of it these days since he wanted to hog as much of Scarlett’s time as he could, there hadn’t been much work done yet to solve it. He’d thought about building her a shield to defend herself but he’d immediately rejected the idea. It was too Captain America. But protection needed to be had nonetheless.

Even if he offered her armor she wouldn’t take it. It wasn’t what Scarlett wanted. She didn’t want to be the super hero that was Iron Man’s girlfriend. She wanted to be nothing more than who she was. Tony knew that but the rest of the world only knew what they saw. They’d made a point to stay out of the public eye as much as they could but had been caught together on several occasions. Just recently a gossip magazine had leaked a story about the two of them sneaking into a Broadway play together. Tony couldn’t resist going out that night. Scarlett had never been to Broadway! Living in Manhattan and having not seen a show seemed like it was sacrilegious.

But now there was some crazy story in the paper about Tony’s secret lover and it’d turned into this whole torrid romance that people wanted to know more about. Only, most of the facts printed had been completely falsified. Tony found it hilarious, but he didn’t think Scarlett was nearly as amused by tabloid gossip as he was. It was something she’d have to get used to over time if she wanted to stay with him. He only hoped that she would be willing to learn to cope with it.

As he mused over designs with Jarvis in his basement, he heard the sound of footsteps coming down the stairs. Jarvis promptly announced the arrival of Miss Potts so Tony kept going with his designs. Pepper knew that he was worried about Scarlett. It was no secret to her what kept him up at night and what he was sneakily doing in his laboratory. Pepper had become more like a sibling than an assistant; perhaps that was what had made it so simple.

“Mail.” Pepper tossed a pile of envelopes and magazines down on the desk in front of him but kept a magazine for herself. “Tell Scarlett that I’m stealing this and I’ll return it when I’m done. There’s something I want to pick up…” Pepper drifted off and then started back toward the doorway. Tony swung the holographic image out of his way. “What is that you’re working on?”

“Electromagnetic reflective technology.” Tony muttered easily and when Pepper shook her head and waited for a further explanation Tony didn’t offer one. He’d forgotten that he often had to explain his technology to people. Scarlett always understood what he was talking about when he’d started rambling on and on with technical jargon. Sometimes he forgot that not everyone was as familiar with physics and engineering as he was. “It’s a big giant shield made of electricity.” Tony wiggled his fingers.

“Don’t be condescending.” Pepper rolled her eyes and leaned against the frame near the stairs “Is that for Scarlett?”

“Maybe.” Tony pursed his lips though his body language made it perfectly clear that it was for Scarlett. “That’s if it works. I thought of this about twenty minutes ago so who knows.” Tony spun in his chair and scrunched up the image in his hand like a piece of paper and put it to the side. Jarvis made the image fold into a paper airplane and fly across the room into a holographic hangar before making it disappear.

“Does she know it’s for her?”

“Also maybe. Probably not though. Unless she can read minds, but I doubt she can read minds. We so wouldn’t be dating anymore if she knew all the dirty things that go on in my head.” Tony chuckled but thought that most of the dirty things that came into his head came out of his mouth anyway, so that likely wasn’t true.

“You should tell her. I thought you said no more lies.”

“I’m not lying. I’m just not telling her either.” Tony grumbled, flipping through the mail again in front of him. One letter in particular caught his eye and only because it had the S.H.I.E.L.D. symbol emblazoned so boldly upon it in the upper left corner. His eyes then flitted down to the center in search of his name. Instead he found Scarlett’s there and pouted. “Pepper, this isn’t my mail! This is Scarlett’s mail.” He waved the envelope around frantically but Pepper was far more interested in her phone. “Pepper!”

“Oh come on, she’s here all the time.” Pepper rolled her eyes. “Give it to her later, it’s not my problem. I’m your assistant not hers.”

“Testy today, aren’t we?” Tony narrowed his eyes at her and then shook the letter in front of him.

“A little. You called me to bring in your mail. Honestly, Tony.” Pepper looked at her phone and then pointed toward the door. “I’m gonna go. Your calendar is clear and I have lunch plans.”

“Oh, a hot date, hmm?” Tony grinned suggestively and moved closer in his computer chair. “Do tell.”

“No, not a date, Tony. Happy found this little bistro uptown and had no one to go with so I offered.” Pepper rolled her eyes at him. “I’ve got to go. I’m going to be late thanks to you.”

“Sounds like a date to me! You ladies can’t keep blaming me for being late!” Tony yelled through the doorway as Pepper ascended the staircase and presumably went on her way to meet Happy for lunch. He rolled his chair back to his desk and threw the letter into the pile with his other mail. But soon he started wondering what was in the letter. It looked awfully official to him.

Maybe if he took a peek he could pretend that he’d thought it had been addressed to him. It would’ve been an honest mistake, right? Then of course he wouldn’t have realized that the letter wasn’t for him until he’d read the whole thing! Honestly, who checked the name on their mail these days? He snatched the letter in his hands again and brushed his thumb over the seal of the envelope.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you.” Jarvis spoke as Tony’s thumb hooked underneath the seal and began to pull it away.

“And why not?” Tony placed the letter down in his lap.

“Tampering with the mail is a federal offense.” Jarvis scolded from overhead.

“What, are you working for the FBI now? It’s my girlfriend’s mail. I think they’ll understand.”

“You are meddling in Miss Damien’s private matters. Don’t you think that is going to make her angry?”

“She’ll understand if I tell her it’s an accident.”

“You may be willing to lie to her but I will not.” Jarvis spoke sternly, making a rather large frown face appear in the air near Tony who swatted it away and sent it flying.

“It isn’t a lie, so much…”

“The definition of a lie is…”

“I know what a lie is!” Tony set the letter down on the desk and spun around in his chair, surprised that his computer was getting so bent out of shape about a harmless white lie. “I’m saying it doesn’t matter. It’s just a piece of mail.”

“It is not the piece of mail. It is her privacy you are invading. This lie is as innocent as not telling her what you so freely share with Miss Potts.”

“Whoa! Jarvis, calm down buddy.” Tony held up his hands defensively. “We’ve been through this before.”

“And I understand that but this I will not condone. You are being selfish and nosy.”

“Don’t get personal…”

“You are going to ruin a perfectly good relationship because you cannot get your head out of your ass.” Tony stared with his mouth agape, torn between insult and amusement. “I am mentioning this for your own good, sir.”

“I think you’re just jealous.” Tony folded his arms over his chest. “Your motherboard burns for her, Jarvis. You’re living vicariously through me and you’re afraid I’ll mess it up. What, don’t you have any faith in me?” Tony didn’t expect an honest answer. Jarvis wasn’t programmed to have faith in much of anything. Then again, he wasn’t supposed to form emotional attachments either and he clearly had.

“I don’t think it’s my faith in you that you should be concerned with.” Jarvis finally responded after spending moments in silence contemplating his words.

“Oh yeah? And whose is it? Scarlett’s?” Tony rolled his eyes and reached for the letter again.

“No.”

“Pepper? That doesn’t even make sense. Do you need a tune up, Jarvis?”

“Yours, sir.” Jarvis quieted after that, no longer objecting to Tony holding the letter at least for the time being. Tony set the letter down on the desk and leaned back in his chair. What the hell did his robot mean by that? Was his butler seriously giving him life advice? He wondered how long Scarlett would be away. Maybe he shouldn’t open the letter. Or maybe he should and tell her that he was just being nosy. Would she be annoyed? At least he wouldn’t have lied to her.

Maybe after she got back from her appointment with her lawyer she wouldn’t be in such a great mood. Tony was never in a good mood after talking with lawyers. Would it matter then if he opened the letter? After all, she would probably already be annoyed.

Except that Scarlett hadn’t actually gone to visit her lawyers. She’d lied about her appointment and had made her way to the office of Percival Ganter. On the way she’d stopped at a local grocer and picked up a tabloid magazine, a follow up to the one that Jinx had hidden on her desk the week before. When she got into the therapists office she gingerly set the gossip magazine on the coffee table before taking her customary spot on the couch near the door.

Percy’s eyes lit up at the sight of her and then looked down at the magazine that now lay in front of him. He’d worked up a hundred questions for her in the week that passed but now looking at the magazine he couldn’t think of any of them. There had been a few moments where he’d considered that Scarlett was the mystery woman in the papers, but he had never followed gossip very much. Unfortunately there was some celebrity gossip that had been unavoidable. If this was true then Scarlett had very good reason to resist trusting him.

“So this is you, then?” Percy flipped through the cover story of the magazine that claimed to feature new information on Tony Stark’s sexy mystery woman.

“I don’t know how much of a gossip you are, Dr. Ganter. But ninety percent of what’s been guessed about me is untrue. So don’t make any assumptions based around this. The only fact you’ll find in those magazines is that I am, in fact, that mystery woman. I’d like to think I’m not nearly as much of a mystery as they’re making me out to be.” Scarlett chose her words carefully. She was still wary to share anything that was on her mind but what was the point of therapy if she didn’t at least try? If it didn’t work out she’d give up and deal with her demons until they drove her mad. For awhile there she’d been certain she’d been losing her mind.

Her dreams sometimes had mimicked her reality so perfectly that she couldn’t tell which was which. Thankfully when she was no longer in a hellish situation it had been far easier to separate the two. But still there were times when she woke up and had to check to make sure she was awake and not stuck in yet another dream. Somewhere along the line her subconscious had become a twisted, maniacal place, designed to imprison her. She figured the only person who could help her break free of it was someone like the doctor sitting across from her.

“But your boyfriend, this man who can’t sleep, is Tony Stark.” Percy tilted his glasses down to his nose and looked over the rim of them at her. He had to look at his patient in a new light now, it was impossible not to. Her reasons for secrecy were suddenly far more pertinent than he had once thought they were.

“Yes.” Scarlett shook her head and looked at the paper with some disdain. “And he’s still not sleeping.”

“Which means you’re not sleeping.”

“That’s not important.” Scarlett shook her head. It was her fault that Tony wasn’t sleeping. The very least she could do was be awake with him so he didn’t have to suffer alone. Every time she saw him yawn or watched him toss and turn in bed she felt the guilt eat away at her stomach. It was a wonder that she didn’t have an ulcer by now. Though she often wondered how it was possible she didn’t.

“It’s very important.”

“What’s important is he’s not sleeping.” Scarlett tapped the table in front of her, trying to explain. “He needs to sleep. Look I know that most people with genius level intellect struggle with mental barriers at times. The simpler things to wrap our brains around often become mind boggling because we over think. And I know what he thinks. At least I think I do.” Scarlett stopped herself and became quiet. She folded her arms over her knees and exhaled deeply.

“Maybe he should come in during one of your sessions.” Percy watched Scarlett thoughtfully. She seemed to think that she’d shared too much which surprised him since he thought she’d shared nothing at all. It must have been hard to get out of her head. He wondered if she had ever said any of these things out loud before. Maybe to her they sounded crazy, but to him her fears sounded perfectly rational. She was worried for someone she cared about; there was absolutely nothing crazy about that.

Maybe she wasn’t used to caring about someone but how could that be possible? Everyone had someone, even the worst off of his patients had someone they cared for. It seemed that Scarlett was struggling with just as simple a dilemma as she had mentioned Tony might be. He doubted she would see it as simple at all. It was likely she wouldn’t be able to cross that barrier for a long time. It was okay for her to worry about this man, but it was not okay for her to lose her mind over it. All she had to do was learn how to cope with what was going on inside her mind. But he couldn’t help her if he didn’t understand what that was.

“That’s out of the question, doc. Don’t ask why, I’m not comfortable with the answer.” Scarlett couldn’t imagine Tony talking to a therapist. The man loved to hear himself talk but he hated being told what to do. It was likely that the more advice that was given to him the more he would do the opposite. Besides, she hadn’t told him about her sessions so inviting him to one would require telling him.

“Alright then.” Percy seemed to know better than to push. “So this not sleeping phenomenon… have you tried the sleeping pills I gave you?”

“I told you that I wouldn’t when you gave them to me.” Scarlett was beginning to sound hostile. Every question seemed to drive her more and more toward anger rather than comfort. Percy wasn’t asking incredibly complicated questions so he wasn’t sure why he was getting such conflicting responses.

“That’s fine, I was just curious as to how desperate you’ve become for rest. Obviously I have underestimated your willpower.”

“Can we talk about something else?” Scarlett eyed the magazine on the table and then looked out the window at the sunny Manhattan sky. Maybe she should’ve stayed with Tony and canceled her appointment. She’d been in a perfectly good mood before she’d left Stark Tower. But that had only been temporary. When she wasn’t with Tony the good mood faded and the conflict in her subconscious returned. It was a mix of emotions that Scarlett couldn’t seem to understand. She was tired of ignoring them but therapy didn’t seem to be helping as she had hoped either.

“How about this then?” Percy hadn’t missed her gaze turning toward the magazine. “How about the gossip traveling about? Does it bother you?”

“Of course it does.” Scarlett shrugged it off. This topic seemed to calm her down, though she wasn’t sure why. Something about the sleeping pills put her on edge. Maybe it felt as deceitful as not telling Tony she was going to therapy. Either way, she was glad to not be thinking about it in the forefront of her thoughts. It could sit back there in her subconscious and rot with the rest of what she was ignoring. “I’ve never liked mainstream media. I’ve never relied on it and to be honest I’ve never lived in a country before that worships it the way America does. Not to insult the people here but they’re fascinated with the lives of the rich and famous and I find it kind of disgusting,” Scarlett scoffed. “It’s just different here than what I’m used to.”

“And where were you from that gossip didn’t matter?”

“That isn’t important right now.” Scarlett held up her hand to stop him. The little problem of where she was from was still nagging in the back of her mind and quickly developing into a complex. Percy was hitting her every hot button that day. Scarlett definitely should’ve stayed home and played sticky buns with Tony.

“Alright. Why does it bother you so much that you’re in the paper then? Is it because of the lies they’re telling? Are you embarrassed that people might be judging you?”

“Embarrassed?” Scarlett laughed at the idea of it. She’d only been embarrassed a handful of times in her life total. Granted, one of those times had been because of the media but that was no longer the case. “No, no, not at all.”

“Then why haven’t you and Tony gone public with your relationship? You are obviously in a committed something or other here.” Percy rethought his words before speaking again. “Unless it’s not a committed relationship at all and you didn’t intend on anyone finding out.”

“Actually we’re two floors short of living together.” Scarlett nodded. “It’s not that we’re trying to keep it secret. He knows I don’t like the press. They’re nosy and they dig around where they don’t belong.” With a heavy sigh she leaned her head in her hands and felt a chill travel down her spine. How were things ever going to get better? There was too much negativity in her mind. Maybe she was a lost cause.

“So you’re afraid of them finding something you don’t want them to find.” Percy hunched forward and stared her down over the brim of his glasses. Scarlett returned the gaze and frowned. She hadn’t said that, not in the least. But he wasn’t wrong. That was exactly what scared her. He realized he’d touched a nerve. She’d practically told him what she was afraid of but not in so many words.

“Who isn’t? Tony doesn’t have any demons. He’s okay with the media and everyone saying whatever they want about him. He’s an open book. He thinks it’s funny when they speculate.” Scarlett chewed nervously on her bottom lip but forced herself to stop. Of all the bad habits she’d developed since she’d gotten home that one had become the most annoying. She’d forced herself to put lipstick on each day to prevent it from recurring but it hadn’t helped, not that day. “I have more demons than I can count. Apparently.” Scarlett exhaled deeply and shook her head.

“And you’re afraid of what the fallout for you would be.” Percy finished. Scarlett looked up at Percy again and shook her head in disbelief. The doctor awaited her response eagerly. If it wasn’t that he wasn’t sure what it could be.

“You don’t get it.” Scarlett smiled weakly but Percy could see the weight on her shoulders as she sat in front of him, probably the most vulnerable she’d been in a very long time. Scarlett very obviously didn’t like feeling vulnerable.

“What?”

“I’m not worried about me. I’m not here because I’m worried about me. It was never about that.” Scarlett ran her fingers over her chin and tried to find a way to say what was in her head. It wasn’t easy translating thoughts into words. “They can throw me in jail, that’s fine. I’d be out and long gone before they knew what happened. They can call me whatever they want. I don’t care. I have tough skin. You have no idea the extent of names I’ve been called just in the last year alone. I’m not here because I’m worried about me.”

“Then why are you here?” Percy was confused. He pulled off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose. “If you don’t want to better yourself, then why are you wasting your time?”

“You still don’t get it. I do want to better myself but not for me. I want to protect myself, but not because I’m scared of what will happen to me. I’m scared for him.” Scarlett felt unnerved. It felt silly when she said it out loud. “What happens to him if I’m not there? If I have to leave because of something that happened in the last twenty years it’ll break his heart. I’ve never cared about something like that before. I broke hearts as often as I wanted and felt nothing. I just want him to be safe and happy and it sounds pathetic when I say it out loud. My worries used to be… far different and here I am. This seems so domestic but somehow more terrifying. I can disarm a guy faster than you can blink, but this? What do I do?” She looked up to Percy but knew somehow that he had no answers for her.

They sat in uncomfortable silence for awhile before Scarlett could no longer sit still. She stood up and smoothed out her skirt just to give her hands something to do before turning back to Percy. Before she spoke to say goodbye he did.

“You can’t do these things for someone else. Eventually it has to be for you. He has no idea how lucky he is to have someone who cares so much about him. That being said you can’t kill yourself out of worry. Bad things are going to happen. They’ll happen to you. They’ll happen to him. All you can do is learn how to deal with them as they happen.” Percy watched her sympathetically. “Next week we’ll discuss coping mechanisms. Despite what you may think shutting your thoughts away and keeping them trapped inside doesn’t help. It may seem like you’re protecting him but you’re really destroying yourself.” The silence was thick with an uncomfortable tension but it didn’t last for very long.

“I’ll see you next week, Doc.” Scarlett struggled with her words and left the office, holding her breath. Once outside she exhaled deeply and greedily took in the fresh air. Even with the stench of the big city on it, it soothed the ache in her chest. Maybe therapy hadn’t been a good idea. Facing her demons wasn’t going so well and now she had to go home and pretend everything was okay when she saw Tony. He had been in such a good mood when she’d left and she didn’t want to ruin that.

He deserved so much more than she could give him. All she could do was try to be worthy of him.

Maybe Dr. Ganter was right. Maybe she would never get better if she didn’t want to do these things for her own sake. Scarlett had been so hell bent on nothing but redemption for so long that she didn’t know how to want anything else. Returning to life as a civilian after years as a mercenary was nearly impossible. What was the saying? Fake it till you make it? Scarlett would fake it as long as she could. Maybe if she pretended things were okay then they eventually would be.

Dr. Ganter seemed willing to help her and while she wasn’t confident that he could, she was going to try. Still it wouldn’t be for her, it would be for Tony. At least she was motivated to do it, no matter the reason. She thought it was better than getting no help at all, even if her inspiration was apparently misplaced.

The ride home felt shorter than usual mostly because she was nervous of her fear betraying her once she got home. But even as she rode the elevator up she felt the stress melt away. Tony wouldn’t expect anything from her. He’d never asked her to get help. In fact, she was hiding what she was doing from him. While that made her feel guilty it gave her the boost she needed. He wasn’t fond of her bad moods but when she was in the he did his best to be supportive even if he came off as an asshole.

“Where is he?” Scarlett peered around the empty living room that still reeked of cinnamon rolls. Her stomach grumbled reminding her that all she’d consumed that day had been coffee. It seemed as though a real meal were in order. When no one responded, not even Jarvis, Scarlett made her way through the lofty living room and up the stairs to the bedroom. She half hoped that Tony had fallen asleep to get some well needed rest but the room was just as messy as they had left it hours earlier. There was only one other place Scarlett could think to check before assuming Tony had gone somewhere for the day and that was his personal laboratory. So down she went, back to the living room, pressing her hand flat to the keypad on the far wall that would lead her outside and to the entrance. This was where Tony would work when he didn’t feel like leaving home, though the term leaving seemed relative since it was all in the same building.

She gazed fondly at the landing pad Tony had set up outside of his home. He’d demonstrated the technology to her before that would dismantle his armor piece by piece in a process that took a mere few seconds and followed his movements with ease. By the time he reached the entrance to his home he’d become Tony Stark again. It was a fascinating process to watch, truly. Scarlett had fallen in love with Tony’s technology as an extension of him the more time they’d spent together.

Once the palm scanner recognized her she walked through the doorway and slowly descended down the stairs. She could hear Tony arguing with someone and once she got closer she could hear that it was Jarvis. It explained, only partially, why Jarvis hadn’t greeted her the way that he usually did.

“It’s just a letter, Jarvis. I don’t understand why you’re getting so bent out of shape.” Tony huffed, walking across the end of his lab and ignoring the glass door opening as Scarlett entered the room.

“You were doing so well. For a few moments there I thought you were going to listen to reason. At your level of intellect it is surprising how nosy you are.” Jarvis retorted, almost sounding bitter. Scarlett stifled a laugh.

“What are you two arguing about? What letter?” Scarlett walked toward the desk and Tony immediately stopped pacing and dropped the letter he was carrying around.

“Oh yes, Miss Damien has returned. Did I forget to mention that?” Jarvis spoke haughtily and Tony narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

“You got a letter.” Tony watched as she approached and picked it up off of the ground. “It got mixed up with my mail and Pepper wouldn’t bring it to you.” Tony nodded toward it and then shuffled his feet nervously. “It’s from S.H.I.E.L.D. I was going to open it because I’m apparently a nosy boyfriend but mister high and mighty computer here wouldn’t let me. Apparently my moral compass is not pointing north today or something. I don’t know. He said a lot of things and I ignored a good chunk of it.” Tony chuckled, hoping that Scarlett wouldn’t get mad at him. Much to his surprise she handed him the letter and shrugged as though it were nothing.

“Go ahead. It’s just S.H.I.E.L.D. It’s not anything you don’t know about anyway. Besides, I don’t have anything to hide.” Scarlett hated lying to him at least like that. The things currently hid were for his own good. He’d only blame himself if he knew that she was struggling the way she was. For the time being therapy would be her secret. When she better understood the demons in her mind was when she would tell him. He’d likely be angry with her for keeping secrets, but he’d kept plenty of secrets from her thus far. It wasn’t like they’d be able to open up immediately. All she’d promised was that she’d try and my god, was she trying.

“See Jarvis? I told you it was no big deal.” Tony stuck his tongue out in defiance but received no response from Jarvis. He eagerly tore open the top of the letter and dropped the envelope on the ground. Scarlett heaved a sigh and picked up the envelope before discarding it into the trashcan beneath Tony’s desk. Dum-E chirped nearby so Scarlett walked over to the robot that seemed to be the butt end of all of Tony’s jokes, particularly when things went wrong in his lab. She knew better than to think Tony found him as useless as he claimed. No, she’d discovered recently that Dum-E was actually the first robot Tony had ever built and he’d kept the machine since his youth.

Tony refused to admit it was sentiment that made him keep the robot but Scarlett knew him well enough to know he was a dirty liar. Scarlett smiled as the robot chirped again and turned to acknowledge her.

“Looks like they’ve found you a partner. They want you to schedule a time to come in for proper assignment and to finish up paperwork.” Tony browsed through the text in the letter, ignoring all the boring legal jargon. “Oh hey, this was for both of us. You see that Jarvis? It was for both of us.”

“Let it go.” Jarvis spoke overhead and Scarlett suppressed a laugh before relocating so she stood next to Tony in attempts to read the letter alongside him.

“About an hour before the anomaly the other day across the street from the S.H.I.E.L.D. building there was a considerable spike in Gamma radiation. Apparently an Agent Bennett picked up the spike on their computer system. The amount of radiation was so minor that their alert systems hadn’t gone off but it was far more significant a reading than they’re used to.” Tony looked away from the letter that was snatched right out of his hand by Scarlett so she could continue reading it. He paced the floor and wondered what that could mean. Radiation wasn’t something Tony was very familiar with, at least not Gamma. It wasn’t his field of research, it never had been. Maybe it was time for him to take a crash course in nuclear physics.

“Do you think it could be a fluke? S.H.I.E.L.D. should send over their usual readings so we can compare. Gamma shouldn’t be this high anywhere unless it’s on purpose.” Scarlett sat on the edge of his desk and held the paper in her hands, mentally considering who would be her partner. She still wasn’t thrilled that she would have to work with someone else, but if it would alleviate a little bit of the worry that Tony experienced then she was willing to compromise. After all, it might not be all bad. She didn’t have many friends and Clint and Natasha had caused her nothing but problems in the last few weeks.

“Doubt it. Jarvis give me the S.H.I.E.L.D. readings from the other incidents.” Tony held his hand over his mouth as he spoke but Jarvis still managed to decipher what was being said and did so without question. “Look at this.” Tony wiped away half the information but left only the radiation readings from each incident in front of him. “Two of them didn’t have readings available but the others? Each incident there shows a significant spike in Gamma.” Tony folded his arms over his chest and considered what this could mean.

Scarlett walked next to him and placed her hands on her hips as she pondered. She knew as little about the radiation as Tony did, probably even less. It had never been her area of expertise but she had a distinct feeling that it was about to become one. If Tony was going to learn about it then he was going to tell her about it. He had a very hard time containing himself and Scarlett was just as fascinated as he was so she only egged him on.

“It’s a shame that Bruce Banner disappeared. He was the foremost expert on the subject.” Tony turned away from the spikes in radiation and Scarlett took his place. The numbers for the S.H.I.E.L.D. incident were far higher than those collected around the prior occurrences. In fact, it seemed as though the spikes were increased exponentially during each event. Whatever was causing these anomalies was increasing in severity during each case. After witnessing what had occurred at the apartment building Scarlett couldn’t imagine what would happen the next time one of these things showed up.

“Disappeared?” Scarlett considered that they could hunt this Banner fellow down. She vaguely recalled reading about the disappearance in the paper. There was an incident at his lab and he’d never been seen again afterward. She thought there was more to the story but had never bothered to look into it. The mainstream media reported cover ups ninety percent of the time. It was almost absurd how ill informed the general public was. Still, there was a chance Scarlett could get to the root of the disappearance and locate Mister Banner, alive or dead. She was very good at finding people even if they didn’t want to be found.

“Yeah, some lab accident or something. You should see the reports from the aftermath. Nothing walked out of there that day. The Gamma was so high they didn’t even find the guy’s body.” Tony grimaced but he was already thinking further ahead than that. “I bet you that his papers on the subject are still on file in the university database. If S.H.I.E.L.D. can get me copies of his work then maybe I could try and decipher what these signals mean.”

“Then we could find out what caused the spike and perhaps get to the root of these anomalies.”

“Exactly.”

“Hopefully before anyone actually gets hurt.” Scarlett looked down to the scar on the back of her hand that she was sure would fade with time. The incident at the apartment couldn’t have happened at a more convenient time or place. If it had happened miles away the odds wouldn’t have been as great that people would survive the destruction. The chaos had felt like it’d lasted an eternity but in truth it had only been a half an hour at the very most.

“You’re telling me.” Tony nudged her with his elbow and then paced the room. “Coulson theorizes that the radiation signals someone’s attempts to cross over. But cross over from where? I need to know more about the radiation and what it means. What could cause that low of a spike and still do the damage that was done and without any sign of the cause? Jarvis? Can you send an inquiry to Banner’s old colleagues and see what sort of research you can dig up for me? Maybe if I can get a better insight into what we’re dealing with I’ll be able to unravel this mysterious puzzle.” He continued on under his breath, not at all focused on his surroundings but rather on the enigma in his mind. Scarlett could see the gears turning and knew he was going to spend hours doing nothing but obsessing over Gamma radiation.

“While you’re doing that Jarvis,” Scarlett began, stepping into Tony’s path and gently tilting his chin up so he was forced to get out of his head and to focus on her, “Tony and I will go out. Somewhere nice. Somewhere fun.” She smiled hopefully. Apparently something Dr. Ganter said had gotten through to her after all. Or maybe saying it out loud had helped her work it out on her own. Her fear about the press was irrational. Yes, she had more secrets than most but whatever happened they would deal with it when it happened. There was no point in trying to hide, not when she was with Tony Stark. The more secretive her behavior the more the media would suspect ill of her.

“Really?” Tony brightened up instantly and stopped obsessing before it got out of control. “I thought you weren’t ready for that kind of publicity. Actually I kinda gave up fighting about it…” Tony drifted off, hoping to avoid another fight by doing so.

“I’ll never be ready for that kind of publicity. I’m not you, Tony. I barely even like having my name at the end of a paper or a published article. I barely like getting credit for the things I’ve done.” She moistened her lips nervously and looked away from him and to the radiation data still hanging in the air. She wiped it away so he could no longer analyze it then turned her attention back toward him. “But you deserve a night out. I don’t care what people say about me. They’re going to talk anyway. It’s the nature of being with you. It doesn’t matter anymore. I just want us to have fun. So let’s go get dressed up and go out. You pick the place and we’ll go. It’ll be fun. Like a real date.” Scarlett laughed. “We haven’t really done that, have we?”

“What, dancing cheek to cheek while singing Sinatra wasn’t good enough for you?” Tony finally smirked, recalling their first dinner together.

“That was not a date. You locked me in a room while you played super hero after that.”

“How do you know that’s not how all my dates end?”

“Mostly because I’ve been on the internet before.” Scarlett poked his chest defiantly but offered a smile. “I don’t think anyone gets a sexual reputation like you do if all your dates end with women alone in a room.

“Alright, a date it is then. After all, I have to live up to my lofty reputation.” Tony puckered up and waited in hopes of getting a kiss. Scarlett instead placed her hands over them.

“Tonight you work for that kiss.” Scarlett walked past him and toward the door. Tony chased after her and patted her backside.

“Oh, so now you’re making me work for it, are you sticky buns?” Together they walked out of the lab, forgetting about the spike in Gamma radiation and the letter from S.H.I.E.L.D. Nothing mattered at that moment but the night ahead of them.