Across the Universe

When Tony opened his eyes the Manhattan sunlight was shining through the window, filling his living room with a warm glow. As his living room came into focus he vaguely wondered how much he’d had to drink in order to have passed out on his couch. Mere few seconds past before he recalled the events of the night before and just how he’d come to be on that couch. Jumping alert, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and looked every which way in search of Scarlett. The only sign of her having been with him at all were bloodstains on the soft white fabric of his furniture and droplets along the floor leading toward the elevator.

What had he been thinking buying white furniture in the first place? It was obviously a terrible idea given the dangerous lives they led. Tony considered it was a bad idea even if their lives hadn’t been dangerous. Maybe it was time for a change of furniture after this. Something dark but stylish. It wasn’t long that his thoughts lingered upon the idea of new furnishings before worried took over his mind and filled his gut with ache.

The only thing he could think of was the fight they’d had the night before. She’d been so seriously injured and yet they’d been stupid enough to fool around and ignore that very same injury. The amount of blood she’d lost, even just on the couch that he could see now, was dangerous. Pepper had been right when she’d scolded them and urged that they go straight to the emergency room. Worry and greed had muddled Tony’s intentions enough to obscure what had really been important.

Now she was gone.

Had she gotten sick and disappeared into a bathroom somewhere to take care of herself or gone downstairs to bed? Maybe she’d stormed off in her anger after he’d drifted to sleep and had gone to do something stupid. Like pursue MedCo. Or go back to the scene of that fire searching for clues.

“Do I want to turn on the news, Jarvis?” Rubbing his temples, Tony muttered beneath his breath. His head was beginning to pound from the number of scenarios he’d played out in the last three minutes. Maybe it was partially from having slept for the first time in weeks or maybe it was from stress, Tony didn’t know. Either way, he wasn’t exactly a fan of it. As he ran his fingers through his messy hair he felt a bump on the back of his head, likely from the fight the night before. That would do explain the headache.

“Oh, you’re finally awake.” The voice of his assistant followed the sound of the elevator doors opening. Pepper looked a frightful mess. Her usually tame and neat hair was pulled back in a messy bun and her bangs were out of their usual trimmed perfection and brushed across her forehead. There were bags under her eyes that Tony hadn’t seen since he’d returned from Afghanistan. Now Pepper wasn’t sleeping. Insomnia seemed to be catching.

“Finally? What time is it?” Tony searched around him for a clock, something he’d purposely neglected in his design aesthetic. Time was relative, or at least that was his excuse.

“It’s nearly one in the afternoon. You were out like a light. I was going to wake you at eight but Scarlett insisted I let you sleep.” Pepper smiled warily. At the mention of his girlfriend Tony jumped off of the couch and nearly fell flat on his face since his legs were still wrapped up in the blankets from his bedroom.

“Where is she? There’s all this blood on my couch. She didn’t go after those guys from last night did she? You didn’t let her go after them, right? You know better than that at this point, I hope.” Tony was frantic but he didn’t express his true worries. After the fight they’d had the night before he was scared Scarlett was preparing to leave him. Why wouldn’t she? He couldn’t blame her for not sticking around after what he’d said to her. He’d practically told her that he didn’t have faith in her repeatedly and then shoved salt in the wound by blaming the entire ordeal on her.

This was going to be a hard mistake for him to make up for. Pepper walked over to where he sat and scowled at the couch before turning her attention back to her boss and her friend.

“Calm down, Tony. She’s downstairs in the big dining hall. I called a doctor first thing this morning since I had a feeling you two were going to ignore her shoulder. Neither one of you was in your right mind last night.” Pepper’s smile was sympathetic. Scarlett had been less than in a good mood that morning and had been even less talkative than she usually was. Given that her shoulder was bleeding through the gauze that had been wrapped around it and she’d been covered in various bruises, Pepper couldn’t rightly blame her for the bad attitude. When she’d asked what happened Scarlett had told her she didn’t want to know. Pepper had tried to explain that Tony was likely just worried and whatever he’d done to make her mad was really him just trying to say he was scared but Scarlett hadn’t seemed concerned with that. Instead she said she already knew that and had insisted they let him remain asleep for as long as he could manage.

It was a Saturday and Tony didn’t have any meetings to get to so Pepper had agreed and allowed her boss to sleep. She’d even muted Jarvis so that he wouldn’t be woken up by the usual announcements and alerts he provided throughout the day.

“Thanks.” Tony sighed with relief but slumped his shoulders. He had wanted to help take care of her and had probably only succeeded in making things worse for her and more painful. “Can we do something about this couch?”

“I can call a dry cleaner who can be discreet.”

“Or you can throw it away.” Tony didn’t want a couch with Scarlett’s blood on it or anyone’s blood for that matter. “It’s time for a change in here.”

“Tony, you just moved in a few months ago.” Pepper laughed, partially amused at his finicky nature.

“I can’t look at it anymore.” Tony sat back down to untangle his feet from the blankets and then made his way into the kitchen. “Jarvis, I need so much coffee.”

“Alright.” Pepper walked over to the counter and stood awkwardly at the end of it as she watched the computer overhead deliver a cup of coffee mixed just the way Tony liked it. Even though he tried to ignore Pepper, she continued to flit her eyes toward him every so often.

“What?” Over the rim of his coffee cup Tony scrutinized Pepper’s sympathetic glance. Why was she being so nice to him after last night? Where was her lecture about how there were homeless people all over Manhattan and here he was throwing away a perfectly good, practically new couch just because it had a little bloodstain on it. “Did I forget my pants again? No, that’s not adoration in your eyes.” Tony joked but didn’t smile.

“Nothing.” Pepper shook her head and then turned her attention back to the living room. If Tony hadn’t been sure he was wrong he could’ve sworn that Pepper looked near tears. Why were the women in his life so damn sad lately? He was not good with sad. Tony had never been a very good shoulder to cry on. He considered it his only flaw. “What were you thinking for the living room?”

“Something darker but still fits the aesthetic. Maybe a rich brown in something soft. No leather this time. It makes me sweaty.” Walking away from Pepper’s sad blue eyes he approached the windows that led to a balcony that overlooked the city of Manhattan. The sky was oddly clear today. If he stood on the end of his balcony he’d be able to see the entire skyline from there. Manhattan was a beautiful city, so why was it that all Tony could see was danger on the streets below? This was seriously becoming a complex for him.

“I’m sorry, Tony!” Pepper practically exploded from across the room. Sipping his coffee nonchalantly Tony tried to recall what Pepper had to apologize for. Turning to face her he gave her a confused look but then nodded his head in approval even if he couldn’t think of a single thing she’d screwed up.

“Apology accepted.” His attention returned to the city skyline but only stayed there a moment before it made its way back to his assistant. “Why are you apologizing? I mean, I can think of a hundred reasons why you should be apologizing but you usually don’t agree that you’ve done something wrong in these instances.”

“It’s my fault!” Pepper held the newspaper she’d brought with her close to her chest and then nervously rolled it up in her hands.

“What is?” For a brief second Tony wondered if Pepper had done something to cause the events from the night before but he immediately dismissed it. Pepper was harmless. In fact, Pepper Potts was the most helpful human being he had ever met before in his life. There was no way that she could have possibly meant the attack was her fault.

“I misjudged Scarlett.” Pepper discarded the newspaper and sat on one of the barstools near the island in the kitchen. Tony didn’t respond, he merely raised a curious eyebrow and took another sip of his coffee. “I thought she was using you for your money or your technology. Honestly, I thought she planned to take Jarvis and run. It wouldn’t be the first time one of your girlfriends tried to steal from you.”

“What does this have to do with anything?” Tony knew better than anyone that the two women hadn’t gotten along and he had never asked why. He’d always assumed it had something to do with Scarlett’s deception that seemed like so long ago. It was easy for him to forget that only a few months had gone by when to him it felt like a lifetime. What was it now? Six months? That sounded about right. They’d met in June and it was the beginning of November. So it was even less than that. To Pepper the deception must have been fresh in her mind but Tony had long since moved on from it.

“At first I thought it was funny that she kept turning down your advances and putting you in your place when you called her nasty names and spied on her getting changed through the security cameras.” Pepper was rambling. Now that she’d begun her confession she couldn’t seem to stop. “But the things she would say about you, about Stark Industries. They may have been true once but you’d become such a good man by the time we found her!” Pepper sounded frustrated and was repeating what Tony already knew.

“You couldn’t blame her. MedCo had tricked her into thinking I was funding their operation, Pepper. She thought the guy who set her up had been killed and it was my fault. You’d do the same thing for me if the tables were turned.”

“Yes, but then she lied to you! She used you and broke into your files. You were so hurt.” Pepper elaborated, but her eyes were already misting up with tears. “How was I supposed to forgive her? You seemed to so quickly forget that she lied to you repeatedly. I’ll never forget how hurt you were.”

“You’re forgetting that I lied to her too.” Tony laughed. It was sweet that Pepper was always in defense of his actions but sometimes she didn’t see the whole picture. She’d spent so long overlooking his flaws to defend him in the press that sometimes she forgot they were many, even if he didn’t think so. Tony was always acutely aware of those supposed flaws and embraced them. It was part of his charm, being able to turn a negative attribute into a positive one. Turning her gaze away from his, Pepper stayed quiet for a long time. Apparently that hadn’t occurred to her. “She had something I wanted and more than the obvious.” Setting down his coffee cup on the counter, Tony sat on the barstool next to her. “I needed to know about the weapons MedCo had stolen from my company and how they got them. She didn’t have what I wanted but I proceeded to try and manipulate her anyway. I was just as guilty as she was.”

“I didn’t think about it that way.” Pepper let her head fall down against the countertop and groaned miserably. “You were so wounded! I’d never seen you get that way over any girl and…”

“You just wanted to protect me like you always do. I know it’s part of your job description but sometimes you take things a little too literally.” Tony chuckled, patting her on the back. “So tell me, how is it that misjudging Scarlett leaves you at fault for something?”

“I didn’t trust her.” Pepper lifted her head up, guilt heavy on her shoulders.

“Well, I knew that already.”

“You left last night and she was by herself in the lobby. Happy was already gone and she told me to stay in hiding so I wouldn’t be in the way. But there were so many of them and I was scared!” Sipping his coffee Tony elected to listen instead of comment. Pepper was having a hard time with her confession, whatever it was, so he’d give her the time to talk. Plus Scarlett had never mentioned what had really happened the night before other than the obvious so he was hoping to learn more about what had happened while he’d been gone. “I was only worried about her!”

“Really?” Tony smirked skeptically.

“Okay, maybe I’ve partially been waiting for her to run and leave you for the sharks.” Pepper finally confessed and maybe that’s why she was really feeling so guilty. She hadn’t stayed to help Scarlett, she’d stayed to keep an eye on her. “But there were so many of those guys and she was overwhelmed. When I was sure she wasn’t going to bolt on either of us I tried to help her. She kept telling me to stay out of the way but I didn’t. I didn’t realize why she would want me to stay out of the way if I could help. She thought I was incapable! At least that’s what I was assumed she thought.”

“What really happened, then?”

“They targeted me. I must have been annoying them when I was only trying to lend her a hand.” Pepper paled.

“Which is obviously what Scarlett was trying to avoid.”

“Look, you two are the super heroes here. I am not trained for this. She was distracted and I didn’t realize it was because of me.”

“You could be trained if you wanted to be.”

“I don’t want to. I’m perfectly content being your assistant. Well, except for when being your assistant involves all of this ridiculous danger and violence!” Pepper almost laughed but she was obviously too guilt ridden to enjoy much of anything. “She protected me, Tony. Even though we don’t get along and I have made it very clear that I don’t trust her at all… she protected me! That knife? It should’ve been in my back not her shoulder. That poor arm, I mean... it seems like ever since we found her it’s been a target.”

“What?” Tony wasn’t angry but he certainly wasn’t happy about this new discovery either. “She was stabbed protecting you?”

“I thought for sure she would tell you! Or that she would blame me.” Pepper ignored Tony’s outcry and continued. “But she didn’t say anything about it! Like it wasn’t a big deal! She saved my life and got stabbed in the shoulder but didn’t say a single word. I didn’t even thank her! I panicked. I panicked and then you two were fighting…” Drifting off Pepper leaned her head back and felt as though a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Finally she’d told Tony what she’d been getting at since she’d come back into his home that afternoon. “It’s my fault she’s in such pain downstairs. You should’ve seen the look on the doctor’s face when he took off the gauze. He was so mad at us. Scarlett talked him out of going to the hospital but he had to call for people to come and assist him! It’s a whole ordeal now… and she doesn’t blame me? I don’t get it, Tony. She doesn’t like me. I don’t like her! Why would she put herself in harm’s way for me?”

“Because you’re important to me.” Tony knew that was the reason that Scarlett and Pepper were cordial to each other in the first place. “It’s the same reason you help her with much of anything. You know she’s important to me. But she knows that you’re important to me too. Hell, you are the only person who has stuck by me through thick and thin all these years. She knows that. I don’t even know my social security number Pepper. If I lost you I would be screwed. Plus I kind of like this friendship-work thing we have going on. It suits me.”

“I didn’t think of that either.” Pepper whimpered, resting her chin on the counter and looking incredibly forlorn. “I’m sorry, Tony. This is all my fault.”

“It’s not your fault, Pepper. It’s the men who came after her who are to blame. She never would’ve gotten hurt if it weren’t for them.” They sat in silence for a few minutes after Tony spoke. He knew that Scarlett would’ve gotten hurt one way or another. Maybe it wouldn’t have been as severe if Pepper had listened to Scarlett’s advice, but he knew Scarlett wouldn’t see it that way. She had done what she’d had to do in a desperate situation to keep everyone around her safe. Tony would’ve done the same thing to protect either one of them. Or anyone really. He’d been told he wasn’t the type to play the hero, but sometimes he thought people got the wrong impression of him. Yes, Tony was always looking out for number one but he was also incredibly reckless. He often put his own physical well being as his last concern. “If anything I should be the one who’s feeling guilty.”

“What did you do?” Lifting her head Pepper immediately threw him an accusatory glance.

“What happened to being apologetic? You just flip it like a light switch, don’t you?”

“What did you do?” Pepper scowled and repeated. Scarlett had seemed off that morning and for as guilty as Pepper felt she hadn’t really done anything to put anyone in harm’s way. Everything she’d done had been unintentional! Tony on the other hand was known for creating problems and burning bridges. Scarlett was a tough chick. Pepper had seen her handle pain that she couldn’t even imagine dealing with without medicine! No, Scarlett’s attitude that morning had to have been caused by something else.

“We had a fight.” Now that he’d gotten some sleep and was in his right mind he could feel the gravity of what he’d done. Unfortunately he was still just as perplexed as to how he was going to repair the damage.

“Well you were fighting before I left so I knew that.”

“I was exhausted and freaked out because of all the blood. She was being stubborn and stupid about it.” It was Tony’s turn to rest his head in his hands on the counter. “I may have said some things I shouldn’t have said.”

“Tony, what did you say?”

“I may have told her it was her fault.” Tony sighed heavily and looked anywhere but at Pepper who was staring at him with her mouth agape.

“That explains a few things.” Pepper whispered and turned her gaze away. How could Tony do that to her? She wasn’t incredibly surprised that it was something he had said in the heat of the moment but Scarlett had obviously taken it to heart. When she’d helped Scarlett downstairs that morning and made attempts to clean up the terrible bloody mess that had been made through the gauze on her shoulder Scarlett had seemed distant. Pepper had thought that it was because Scarlett might be mad about her getting in the way the night before but now she knew better.

“What? What does it explain? Did she say something? Is she mad at me? Did she call me a dick bag? Because that seems to be her favorite insult right now.”

“No, she didn’t say anything about it.” Pepper held up her hand to stop Tony dead in his tracks. His face fell and he made no attempts to hide it.

“Not a word?”

“No, but she wasn’t her usual self.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, you could find out for yourself. I bet she could use a hand to hold while they’re digging that piece of metal out of her shoulder. It’d be better than me giving you the play by play.”

“What? Piece of metal? There’s a piece of metal in her shoulder?” Tony’s face went pale. What else wasn’t she telling him?

“Yeah, the knife broke during the fight.” Pepper scowled. “I didn’t know about it until this morning either. I told you, the doctor was really upset with us. There was muscle damage and nerve stuff I didn’t quite listen to because I was trying to control my gag reflex.”

“God damnit! I knew we should’ve seen someone for this last night!” Tony got up from his seat and marched across the room though he had no real intentions of going anywhere. Sitting still wasn’t easy when there was so much on his mind. Hell, it wasn’t something he was good at to begin with.

“And yet all you did was blame her for how it happened. How many times have you harassed her to go with you to some big party and she’s turned you down?” Pepper was in disbelief that Tony would do something so stupid. Even for him this was pretty low. “I’ve heard you say some pretty dumb things to her Tony but really… can’t you see how bad she feels about that already?”

“What do you know about it? You thought she was waiting for her perfect opportunity to take my money or my technology and bail.”

“Yes, I thought that she was using you for awhile but this was fairly obvious, Tony. Why do you think she stayed up with you each night that you couldn’t sleep? Hmm? She feels guilty. Like something she did is responsible for your suffering.”

“Oh, come on, that’s not what’s going on.” Tony stopped his pacing and turned to look at Pepper. Now that she’d said it he knew it was exactly what was happening. Scarlett felt responsible for his insomnia. That’s why she’d taken it upon herself to care for him. She felt guilty for what had happened across the ocean when he’d discovered the horrible truth about what her ex-boyfriend had done, for what MedCo had done. She blamed herself for going after them.

“What exactly did you say to her?” Pepper followed him across the room. When he didn’t respond she stood in front of him and crossed her arms. “Tony?”

“I don’t remember the exact words.” He pouted and tried to recall what he’d said in the heat of the moment. “Something like she has no business being out in the public eye when she’s still a wanted woman. That she was out of her mind thinking that she could do such a thing and is reckless for trying…”

“God, Tony.” Pepper frowned.

“Don’t look at me like that! It’s not… it’s not wrong! I probably shouldn’t have said it like that.”

“Excuse me?” Pepper practically squeaked as she spoke.

“I’m right! She shouldn’t be out there until MedCo is off her case. Until Scott is dead or in an asylum somewhere being shot full of lithium every day.” Tony ran his fingers through his hair again.

“So, it’s her fault that MedCo is following her in the first place?”

“She did sign a contract with them, Pepper.” Even Tony winced as he spoke.

“You’re a pig, Tony.” It took Pepper several moments to wrap her mind around what Tony was saying.

“Of course I’m a pig. It’s practically on my business card! You know that! She’s known it since before we met!” Tony grunted in frustration. “Why is it suddenly a surprise that I can say stupid hurtful things? You women sometimes! You know the truth about what I am and then you’re surprised when it bites you in the ass!”

“What, because you can’t hold your tongue she’s expected to let it slide? And how could you say that to her, Tony? You know that last night was for you and you had a blast… for the most part.”

“Right up until the moment she was bleeding all over my couch!”

“Is that what it really comes down to, Tony? The rest of the night doesn’t count anymore? Maybe you should be a little more angry at MedCo and Scott instead of at her.”

“Don’t put words in my mouth, Potts.” Tony narrowed his eyes at her but quickly softened and smoothed out his black shirt. “I’m not defending what I said. But it’s the god’s honest truth. Something has to be done about MedCo and about Scott. I know we never filled you in on all the little stuff but they’re going to keep hunting her down until she’s dead. I can’t let that happen. I didn’t mean to blame her for it. I was only stating facts.”

“So, she’s just supposed to stay cooped up until then? What about you and all your enemies Tony? What about the companies who are angry that you stopped selling weapons? What about the men Stane worked with, the gangs? What about the men who held you in Afghanistan? What about Senator Stern? And Justin Hammer? The list goes on and on.” She opened her mouth to continue but stopped when Tony held up his hand to silence her.

“That’s different. I’m expected to be in the limelight.”

“It still paints a giant target on your back.”

“I know.” Tony nodded but once again his inability with words and emotions was getting in the way. Hell, he could talk the panties off a nun but when it came to romance and those he actually cared about his words failed and he felt lost. “I only want to protect what’s important to me, Pepper. It’s not about her capability or what she can and can’t do. It’s about me. It’s about losing her.”

“You can’t keep her safe in a little box, Tony. You have to let her live. She’s good for you. Not many women could keep up with you on a physical and mental level and she manages. Brilliantly. Without her these last few months you never would’ve kept meetings or honestly kept sane.”

“I know that.” Tony nodded resolutely. “I really do.”

“Does she?”

“I-I don’t know.” Shrugging, he walked toward the elevator. “What do I do, Pepper? How do I fix this?”

“Something tells me it’s time for you to buy your first apology gift.” Pepper laughed, leaning against the counter, though there was nothing but sympathy in her eyes.

“An apology gift? Really?”

“You know, when a guy really screws up and isn’t good at saying I’m sorry? Jewelry helps. It’s a proven fact.”

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea.” Tony knew what an apology gift was. He’d bought more apology gifts than he was sure most men did in their entire lifetime. But he didn’t want his relationship with Scarlett to be like that. Apology gifts had no meaning and he knew that Scarlett was aware of that. He didn’t want her to think that he was trying to buy her forgiveness.

“Jewelry is always a good idea, Tony.”

“Not when you’re the kind of guy who throws money away like it’s nothing.” He muttered under his breath. Pepper stared at him in shock. That was the first time she’d ever heard him admit that he was frivolous with his cash. “Don’t act like you thought I didn’t know that. I know what I do.”

“You could apologize to her.” Pepper suggested but Tony, as expected, gave her a look that showed his views on that were not exactly ideal. “Look, jewelry will help and it’s a step in the right direction. Or flowers. Or candy. Anything to let her know that you realize you were being an ass. Women read between the lines better than you think we do.”

“You aren’t helping very much.”

“Neither are you. Fix your own problems then.”

“Just get rid of the couches, okay? Get someone in here to clean up the blood. Replace the couch with something nice. I’ll have Jarvis give you some ideas of what I’m looking for.” Tony wondered if he should at least go downstairs to check on Scarlett. It was probably the right thing to do. But he was scared of what would happen if he did. How could he have hurt Scarlett the way he had the night before? He’d said stupid things and hurt her in the past but this was different. If she asked him about it he was probably only going to make it worse. Even Pepper had lashed out at him when he’d attempted to explain his train of thought.

If she was still sad then what was he going to do? How would he handle it? The night before he hadn’t done a very good job of helping her, at least he thought he hadn’t. But he couldn’t help but want to know how she was fairing. The doctors that had come to take a look at her probably had a few choice words for him after the state her shoulder was in.

Scarlett was a professional when it came to handling pain. He’d never forget when he’d had a doctor come to his home to take a look at an infected wound on her leg from a chemical burn in South Africa. Apparently the entire wound had gotten so infected that the skin had to be pulled away. Because of the nature of the chemical they hadn’t given her a drug in case it had some kind of interaction.

She wouldn’t let anyone sit with her while the doctor had looked at that wound. Tony had expected her to cry or scream in pain throughout the process but they hadn’t heard a peep. Even the doctor had expressed his confusion. It made Tony wonder if she would prefer to be alone so she could concentrate on handling the pain she felt. But it also made him wonder what she had gone through in the past to learn how to deal with pain. He was well aware of the torture she’d undergone in Afghanistan, but the sort of focus she’d exhibited had to have come from years of practice. Tony couldn’t even let a paper cut go half the time, how could she not whine about it at least a little?

“Okay, Tony, you can do this.” He coached himself as he got into the elevator. “…after you get dressed.” He walked back into the living room and toward the staircase. There was blood on his pajamas. It wouldn’t exactly make a good impression for him to show up in a room full of doctors covered in blood. They might get the wrong idea. At least that’s what he told himself as he went to shower and change.