Across the Universe

With little to report from the university scene other than a fundraiser being held for the school’s extracurricular clubs, Scarlett returned to the scene of the disaster where S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were still busy wrapping up the crime scene and taking care of the civilians who had been party to the matter at hand. Still, Scarlett felt uneasy about what their fate was and what legal agreements would have to be made for their silence. Yes, she felt in general that most normal people were safer knowing less about these sorts of things but what made S.H.I.E.L.D. think they had any authority on the matter? What defined people as normal civilians? Who drew the line in the sand and decided what information to share and what information to hide?

Scarlett considered saying something about her unease to Steve but he didn’t seem to be much in the mood for conversation. In fact, every time Steve looked at her he seemed embarrassed or lost in his thoughts. She was going to ask what the hell his issue was now but Scarlett had enough drama for the day so she let it be. It was likely he was still upset over the fight they’d hard earlier, even if it was something that Scarlett had partially staged. But Scarlett did want to voice her doubts about S.H.I.E.L.D. to someone. Usually it was Tony who would be her sounding board but who knew what his night had been like.

Maybe she’d give him some space until morning; let the fresh wound heal a bit. He’d seemed to want that more than anything after all was said and done even if Scarlett didn’t quite feel at fault for the fight that they’d had. Well, she did and she didn’t. It wasn’t her fault that MedCo was still chasing her around after all this time and he knew what he’d been getting into when he’d started following her from country to country that summer. That part of her life had never been much of a secret, not to Tony. Sure, she’d kept her history hidden from him and most of it she still did but not because she didn’t trust him. No, Scarlett just didn’t really talk about that kind of stuff very often.

Tony may have been the kind to reminisce about stupid things he’d done or share his every thought but Scarlett only said what she felt needed to be said and she didn’t always have the same charm that Tony did. In fact, she most definitely didn’t have the charm Tony had at all. She could charm people if she wanted to but that was only when she was being conniving. Scarlett was a con artist at heart and the more she came to terms with that the easier it became to deal with how out of place she felt in her new life.

Instead of making any polite conversation for once Scarlett did what she was told by Captain Rogers. She briefed him on what she’d seen except for her meeting with the stranger in the shadows as promised. Mitch would be back, Scarlett knew that. She’d mentioned something was keeping her from leaving and Scarlett aimed to find out what that was. But first, she aimed to take a shower and possibly have some ice cream. Ice cream had been calling her name all damn day.

Hell, she might even curl up with a good book or a stupid movie after all this drama. It wasn’t in her nature to be so damn domestic but her problems seemed to be rooted in domestication so she figured the solution was hidden within it somewhere as well.

The helicopter ride was surprisingly talkative. Steve discussed his theories on what the portal had actually been and Scarlett was surprised at just how insightful and intelligent Captain Rogers could be. He knew he couldn’t do a damn thing with the technology required to find the solution but he had some good ideas even without being familiar with such technology. Scarlett, if she hadn’t been so frustrated with the day, would’ve been impressed. They discussed the job, the events and Steve even asked if her shoulder was okay which she assured him it was even if it sent pain shooting through her chest every time she moved.

By the time Scarlett got home she was wiped out. This surprised and frustrated her simply because she’d had far worse days in the past and had managed to keep her energy level high enough to go out and cause trouble. Maybe she really was getting old. Her shoulder had worn her down considerably throughout the day, which seemed so unlike her. What was happening to her? She’d been tortured on multiple occasions, shot more times than she could count, and there had even been a bad night where she’d almost lost a finger! So why was this damn stab wound getting the best of her? Was it because she was letting it?

Scarlett could hear the shrink talking in the back of her mind, warning her that she was internalizing. It was a terrible idea to go see a psychiatrist. Now her conscience and subconscious had a voice of their own and it was a damn nag.

Once back at Stark Tower she was surprised to find that it was dark and seemed almost sorrowful. Tony had obviously gone out for the day and Scarlett thought maybe he’d needed to. Perhaps some time away from her was a good thing. Hopefully he was having fun. Maybe he’d realized he’d become too reliant on her that he needed another outlet. Either that or Rhodey was in town. Scarlett would be a little disappointed if Tony went to meet Rhodey for dinner without her. She’d grown very fond of James Rhodes and looked forward to their outings when he visited every month.

But in the end he was Tony’s friend. In fact, almost everyone was Tony’s friend and hung out with her because of him. Though, Natasha and Clint were her friends, at least she thought they were. Friend wasn’t exactly the word that she’d use for what went on between the three of them. Clint was obviously Natasha’s friend but if either of them were her friend Scarlett wasn’t sure. They were reliable business contacts; Scarlett wasn’t exactly the type for friends, or at least she hadn’t been in the past. She’d always been all business all the time and now that she was attempting a personal life she was realizing just how damn depressing it was to have isolated herself the way she had. It hadn’t mattered when she’d done it on purpose but now that she was attempting normalcy it was awful.

This S.H.I.E.L.D. thing wasn’t working out. She’d tried it, but it was too much taking orders from people she didn’t trust and she was never going to let that happen without a struggle. It was fine for a temporary situation but Scarlett needed something better, somewhere she could thrive. Scarlett needed to be in charge of something. She’d focus on her company in her free time. Refuge, the company Scarlett had set up to patent, develop, and manufacture her innovations, had been put on the back burner while her legal nonsense had gotten in the way. Plus, Tony’s well being had seemed more important than founding a corporation and Scarlett had spent most of her efforts focusing on that.

Scarlett rode the elevator up in silence, not even greeted by Jarvis. Suddenly she began to worry that the computer had been disabled. Maybe Tony was in trouble. She tried to remind herself that not everything was a terrorist plot, not everyone was out to get them, but her mind went there anyway. Usually the worst case scenario was the only scenario when it came to these things, at least for her. The few times where she had dismissed the worst case scenario she’d regretted it. Her last relationship flitted into the back of her mind.

“No harm in having a little fun. Isn’t that what I said back then?” She said to herself as she walked off the elevator, her subconscious recalling her exits, and emergency procedures she’d set up with Tony after the first week they’d moved in. “Certainly didn’t end well.” Scarlett walked down the hall to the far window that overlooked Manhattan. It was a cloudy night but the city lights weren’t going to be obscured by a few lousy clouds. New York really was a beautiful city.

So why did she feel so crumby? She lived in a beautiful penthouse in the center of one of the greatest cities on the globe and had managed to escape death on multiple occasions in the past year. Shouldn’t she be flying high? The guilt in her stomach reminded her to appreciate the things she had.

Being appreciative wouldn’t stop her from at least checking on Tony before she settled in with a pint of ice cream and a bad horror movie.

“Good evening, Miss Damien.” Jarvis’ voice greeted her inside of her penthouse and she sighed with relief. If Jarvis was still operational then there was little to worry about. But why hadn’t the computer greeted her when she’d first entered Stark Tower? Jarvis was almost always the first person to greet her when she walked into the building. She’d jokingly threatened to build him a girlfriend so he’d stop being so excited to see her.

“Jarvis, I was beginning to worry.”

“I was muted through the rest of the building, my apologies for worrying you.” The computer sounded as apologetic as it could and Scarlett smiled for the first time in what felt like hours.

“Muted? Did you say something to irritate your other half?”

“I’m afraid he doesn’t like the brutal honesty he programmed me with when it applies to him.”

“That sounds about right.” Scarlett couldn’t help but laugh. Jarvis had a way of talking that always made her feel better. He made her feel less alone. Scarlett had always liked being alone, at least until she’d come to New York. Sometimes she considered how much stronger emotionally the average person was than her. Dealing with this monotony day in and day out was a heroic act in and of itself. People often overlooked that.

“Are you alright, Miss Damien?” It felt as though Jarvis could see right through her, even though she knew better than that. Maybe Tony had asked him to check up on her. Or perhaps the computer had just been recalling her injury from the night before.

“I’m okay, Jarvis.” Scarlett kicked off her shoes and unzipped her jacket then walked over to the windows at the far end of her dining room, taking the step up from the kitchen between them. “How’s Tony? Is he okay? I almost went up there but he didn’t seem to want my attention today. When you didn’t greet me I was worried you’d been disabled and he needed help.”

“He went out much earlier, Miss Damien and hasn’t returned since.” Jarvis didn’t sound like he had much else to say on the matter at hand. He also hadn’t answered her question as to Tony’s state of being but it was possible that he didn’t rightly know. Scarlett sighed and wondered if she should keep asking about her beau but figured it was best to let it go for the night.

“Thanks, Jarvis.”

“Always a pleasure, Miss Damien.”

Scarlett had just begun to pull off her jacket when there was a knock on her door. She hesitated. It wasn’t a normal knock. At first it was a few swift bangs then one large thud. Then it was followed by a rhythmic tapping of someone beating against the door with both hands, presumably to some song.

“This day couldn’t get much weirder.” Scarlett shook the thought from her mind. As she walked toward the door she made feeble attempts to focus only on which sort of ice cream she would have instead of the three thousand other things in the back of her mind that were stressing her out. She peered through the peephole on the door and found Tony drumming on her door to some song in his head.

When she opened the door Tony nearly fell inside on the marble and barely caught himself. Scarlett took a step back in surprise and almost laughed at him. One look at the billionaire told her that he was completely, out of his mind, drunk. Once Tony had straightened himself up and made an attempt to smooth out his haphazardly worn jacket, he looked around in confusion. Had he accidentally come to her place instead of his? Why would he knock on his own door?

But one look at her and Tony grinned from ear to ear. Apparently he was exactly where he meant to be. Instead of greeting her he stumbled over to her and wrapped his arms around her and gave her a sloppy kiss that missed her lips and instead wound up leading into a trail of kisses over her chin and jaw. Scarlett leaned away from the drunken kisses and made a face of disgust. All she could smell was alcohol.

“Were you drinking… bourbon?” She was confused more than anything. Tony didn’t drink bourbon! “What are you an eighty year old man suddenly?” Tony laughed stupidly and instead of responding to her kissed her again, this time finding her lips. “God, you taste terrible.” She resisted and leaned away from him. Tony was generally fun when he was drunk, but he was far less fun if she wasn’t also drunk.

“Bourbon, vodka… beer.” Tony began to list the alcohol off on his hand and then wrinkled up his face in thought as he tried to recall yet another type of alcohol. “The one… it’s clear, not very good without… water? Umm… also a card game!”

“Gin.” Scarlett was somewhat concerned for her boyfriend as he snapped his fingers in delight as she figured it out.

“You’re so damn smart, come here…” Tony made another sloppy grab for her and an attempt to kiss and this time Scarlett laughed and stepped out of the way but instead held her right hand up to his shoulder to keep him from falling. He leaned against her hand and pouted at her. He didn’t seem nearly as concerned as he should be about falling face down onto marble floors.

“You’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk!”

“You’re so drunk.” Scarlett chuckled as she held him up and dodged yet another attempt at a kiss. At least he was a happy drunk. She’d seen him spiral into darkness before. It could’ve been worse, if nothing else. Scarlett patted herself on the back mentally for looking on the bright side. “Look you can’t even hold yourself up.” Tony instantly argued with her and stood back on his own though he swayed dangerously.

“I am not! What are we arguing about again? I can stand just fine, why would you argue with me about that?” Tony tried to think and then slowly began to tilt toward the right until finally he was forced to grab onto the nearby door that swung under his weight and nearly tossed him onto the floor. Wincing at the idea of what Tony’s head was going to smack against Scarlett quickly grabbed him to keep him from falling over but nearly fell over herself. “Okay so maybe I’m a little drunk.”

“A little. You smell like an arsonist.” Helping him carefully over to the couch, Scarlett urged him to sit. For a moment he sat content on her couch, stifling his laughter and pointing at her, mouthing that she was funny before losing his train of thought.

“Let me get you some water.” Scarlett wasn’t sure what had happened to Tony during his day out doing whatever it was he had done, but it had left him in a good mood. This side of Tony was much more pleasant than the one that had basically told her to get lost that morning when he’d had some sort of mental breakdown in the middle of a serious conversation.

“Nope!” Tony got up once again and immediately chased after Scarlett with surprising accuracy for someone as drunk as he seemed to be. He couldn’t get how happy he was out of his mind! It wasn’t because he was drunk.

Okay, so it was partially because he was drunk, but it was what had happened while he’d been drinking right before he’d left the club as drunk as a skunk that had left him, well, love drunk. Before she could get to the refrigerator Tony caught up with her, grabbed her right arm and gingerly pulled her closer and into his arms, wrapping one around her waist and the other sliding down her arm to find her hand. Reluctantly Scarlett placed her free hand on his arm and sighed, looking to him knowingly.

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“I’m not looking at you in any particular way.”

“You think I’m not thinking.”

“You’re redundant. This is just how my face looks.”

“You’re… well you’re…” Tony stuttered for a moment and then smiled, beginning to lead her back and forth around her kitchen. Reluctantly she moved with him, though her brow was furrowed in worry the whole time. “You’re …really pretty.” He abandoned any attempts at a comeback and instead laughed in delight.

“I don’t think that’s quite the insult you think it is.” Scarlett chuckled a little and then stopped him from pulling them further away from the kitchen, resting her hand on his chest after pulling it from his grasp. “Let me get you some water.”

“But we’re dancing!”

“There’s no music, Stark. And it’s been a long day.”

“God this is starting to sound like old times! Do you… do you remember…” Tony reaffirmed his grasp around her waist and picked her hand up off of his chest before kissing her fingers. “Our first date?”

“You mean that night we went out and you were really sweet,” Scarlett finally relented just a little bit. It didn’t matter how bad the day had been up to this point, Tony was making her smile. He nodded his head. “Very romantic.”

“That’s the one. I told you, I’m a gentleman. You didn’t listen if I recall.”

“And then someone attacked the restaurant, set it on fire, and stabbed me in the shoulder.” Scarlett stopped swaying with him in her kitchen and looked to him seriously. “Then you blamed it on me because I shouldn’t be in the public eye with my history. All after harassing me for months to go out with you in the public eye. That first date, you mean? Am I getting it all right?” Scarlett wasn’t going to let the fight go. There was no way that she was going to roll over and play dead in another relationship. This was either going to work with Tony or it wasn’t going to work, but there weren’t going to be any more blatant lies if she could help it. Then again, she was lying about so many things for the past twenty years Scarlett was beginning to forget what the truth really was.

“That was not our first date.” Tony didn’t seem at all swayed by her pointing out the argument from the night before. Sure, it scared him, what had happened and he most certainly hadn’t forgotten. And if he hadn’t been drunk he was sure it would’ve turned into yet another fight and he would’ve gotten defensive over the matter. But he was drunk and he was obviously focused on something other than their argument.

“Then I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Scarlett scoffed, amazed at how he’d brushed off something that was so important to him earlier that day. “Look Tony, dancing is not the best idea. You’re drunk and you can’t stand up straight.”

“You know, dancing with me is a once in a lifetime opportunity.” Tony spoke quickly and condescendingly. Scarlett thought the words sounded familiar and wondered if he was taunting her or not. Why did she get the sudden feeling of déjà vu?

“Yeah, tell that to the thousands of girls who danced with you before you met me and then try to convince me of it again.”

“Ouch, I haven’t heard that before.” Tony mocked, not phased by her insult, in fact he was smiling from ear to ear. Some things never changed. “Come on, dance with me! Just one dance!”

“There is no music playing, Stark.”

“Why are you calling me that?”

“Old habits and all that.”

“Aw, you’re still mad at me aren’t you?” Tony pouted and leaned close to kiss her cheek but she leaned away with a laugh. The scent of alcohol followed him wherever he went and it was enough to make Scarlett sick to her stomach.

“No, I’m tired! I don’t want to dance right now. It’s been a long day and unlike one of us, I haven’t had anything to drink.”

“Come on, just the one dance. Humor me.”

“If you’re going to insist then I definitely need alcohol for this.” Scarlett snuck out of his arms and walked around the island toward the wine rack she had at the far end of the kitchen.

“I’m beginning to think you’re an alcoholic!” Tony chased her around and took the bottle of wine out of her hand and set it down on the island.

“Says the man who got drunk on gin and bourbon, two liquors he never drinks because they taste terrible.” Scarlett laughed and reached around him in an attempt to grab the wine bottle.

“Dance with me, then you can drink. I’ll drink with you!”

“Why does this sound familiar?” Scarlett laughed and rested her head down on the island in defeat, still reaching for the bottle that Tony had confiscated. He set the bottle back down in the wine rack and then before Scarlett could argue with him or walk past him he grabbed her arm and twisted her around from where she rested against the island. Unfortunately he almost fell over and they both had to lean against the kitchen island once again to keep from falling onto the floor.

For a long few minutes they sat leaning against the countertop laughing in each other’s arms. Scarlett felt a tug on her hair as she rested her head down again on the counter and before she knew it her curls were falling over her face and obstructing her view. Tony had always hated when she’d pulled her hair back.

“I made you laugh. You used to hate when I did that.” Tony pushed her hair away from her face so he could see her. “You hated when you found me charming.”

“I still do sometimes. Like now.” Scarlett pulled away from his touch and stood up straight, swatting her messy hair from her face.

“Jarvis, put on my favorite Dino song.” Tony pointed toward the ceiling. Seconds later a familiar tune came playing over the speakers built into the ceiling of each room. Scarlett knew exactly where the song had come from but there was something wrong with it. Why did it hurt to hear this song? Maybe she really was that mad at him. “Come here.” Tony grabbed her wrist and pulled her back into his arms, leading her away from the island in her kitchen and down the step into her dining room. “Remember this?”

“Tony…” Scarlett hesitated. She wasn’t much in the mood for dancing or playing but she certainly remembered.

“Do you think I’ll remember how you looked when you smile?” He whispered in her ear, spinning her around to the music with surprising skill for someone so inebriated. When Scarlett had first woken up in his basement after he’d saved her in Africa months ago he’d taken her to dinner. They’d danced just like this. Tony had sung the words to her just like this and she had cursed every moment of his allure. It was that moment that she had known she was going to lose the battle against him no matter what she did. How could she possibly ever hurt this man? Even when she’d sworn she’d hated him and had gotten close to him to exact revenge, she had never been able to truly believe she would.

Of course, she’d been in denial for a very long time before she’d finally given into the tug between them, but it had still been a struggle for her. Did he really think that was their first date? Hadn’t they decided it hadn’t counted? Did he even know what he was talking about anymore?

“Can I get a drink yet? We should both be drunk for this if you want it to be historically accurate. It’s only fair.” Scarlett stumbled as Tony spun her around again. She winced as she was forced to catch them both. The gesture was sweet but he was too far gone to follow through with making anything romantic.

“I drank enough for us both!” Tony proclaimed, steadying himself and none too gracefully at that.

“Is that so?” Scarlett could see that on her own, she didn’t need him to point it out for her. “I couldn’t tell.” Sarcasm was apparently lost on him at this point.

“Sure did. Drank all damn day. Since you left!” Tony pulled her close again after he’d regained his balance and hummed along to the Dean Martin song playing over head. “Gambled too. Did you know you can gamble here? I thought New York had all sorts of crazy laws against that stuff. It’s all recently changed…”

“You gambled?” Scarlett laughed in disbelief. “Didn’t you have things to do today? I thought Pepper had a list of stuff to catch up on.”

“I sent her home. It’s Saturday.”

“It’s Sunday now.” Scarlett wondered what had really happened while she’d been out. How had Tony gone from captain paranoid to out of his head drunk?

“Are you getting technical with me? Are you trying to turn me on?”

“No.”

“You know, I spent all day drinking and dancing, I gambled. There were beautiful women. I mean… beautiful. Gorgeous, you could’ve sworn they were photoshopped. There were these twins and… man.” Tony exhaled and practically whistled under his breath. Scarlett’s smile faded as she realized what must have happened. Why was he telling her this? Was he trying to worsen the fight they already have? Maybe he was trying to sabotage their relationship. “They were all over me too. You know how women get with me, can barely keep their clothes on. Thank god for laws about public indecency. Or curse them, depends on how you look at it.” Scarlett stopped him from making her sway as the song changed overhead to another familiar Dean Martin tune.

“If you were having so much fun then why did you come here? It sounds like you were right where you wanted to be.” Scarlett was surprised by how hurt she felt. She’d known what she was getting into with Tony. The odds were against them from the beginning. Between her being a walking land mine and him being the very definition of promiscuous for most of his life, there was no way they were going to last in the long run. So why did it hurt so much when she found out that those stacked odds had proven correct? Only a flicker of annoyance flashed across her face as she considered it. Tony was drunk. It wouldn’t matter how hurt she was now if he didn’t remember it in the morning.

“I came here to see you.”

“If you think that you’re going to come here and get off after a bunch of other women have groped all over you then you don’t know me very well. You can forget it. After the day I’ve had, I’m not in the mood to begin with.” Scarlett managed to keep her voice from elevating. “Why are you wasting your time here? You obviously had other options.”

“Because I hated every damn second of it.” Tony spat, looking as haggard as he had that morning when he’d come to check on her. Finally she could see past the happy drunk exterior to the man she’d left that morning so reluctantly. His eyes were sunken in and skin pale. “Those women were hanging all over me. For no reason other than that I’m loaded and famous! I thought it was fun at first and I was wrong. It was disgusting!” Tony practically shouted, stumbling in place.

Scarlett didn’t make an effort to walk away and instead stared at him. If he had something to say she would let him say it. Had he really walked away from what had been placed in front of him on a silver platter? Didn’t she say she trusted him? Was this a betrayal of her trust? She couldn’t tell if it was or not. Her head was spinning and she felt sick to her stomach. What happened to spending the night curled up with ice cream and a movie? Scarlett certainly didn’t look photoshopped. She was pretty, but she was also scarred and tough. Scarlett was the sort of woman who intimidated with her allure not the other way around.

“I never thought I could be so damn lonely when I was surrounded by people eating out of my hand. When did it start feeling like that? I thought that was everything I’d wanted back then. I thought maybe I could live like that again.” Tony probably wouldn’t have listened if she’d tried to talk to him anyway. “Was it always like that? I can’t remember.”

“I don’t know.” Scarlett spoke, barely audible. He stepped away from her and stumbled forward, running his fingers through his already messy hair.

“I felt guilty when they came near me. I kept thought I saw you out of the corner of my eye. Or wondered where you ran off to. I guess I missed you and wished you had been there.” Tony slammed his hand on the counter and Scarlett winced. “I kept wondering where these women had bought their clothes so I could try to trick you into wearing them! Remember when I did that at that masquerade? I couldn’t focus! It took me all night but I realized how much better I would’ve felt if I had you next to me. But you weren’t there. I kept talking about you. No one took me seriously. Everyone thinks I’m going to fail. Am I going to fail?”

“Why are you telling me this?” Scarlett didn’t understand. He could’ve gone the rest of their days together without admitting to any infidelity and she never would’ve known any better. Were these things she was supposed to hear or was he speaking without thinking? Would he regret telling her these things in the morning?

“These twins, god they were all over me. Inviting me to do… things that would make even me blush and you know me, I pretty much have no limits.” Tony was rambling, he apparently hadn’t even heard his girlfriend’s objections. She didn’t want to hear it. What if he’d cheated on her? What was she supposed to do? Was she supposed to stay by his side after all was said and done and wait for him to do it over and over again? Was she supposed to be one of those women that knew what her boyfriend was up to but was under the delusion that he came back to her because he loved her? Was she a fool for thinking love was more than a delusion created by endorphins? “I didn’t realize I could turn that kind of an offer down until I actually did it.”

“So you didn’t take them up on it then? Why not?” Scarlett had spent ninety percent of this day having to pretend she wasn’t in pain. So what was the damn difference from this life in comparison to the life she used to live? How was being on the supposed good side of the law helping her in any way to have a better life? She wouldn’t have been in this position in the first place if she had never made an attempt to turn over a new lease on life! Being the good guy sucked. It sucked.

“I couldn’t do it. You don’t understand, Scarlett. They were… smokin’ hot twins and they were ready to do whatever I wanted. A wild night with Tony Stark! And even while they were practically undressing me and talking me into it I turned them down.”

“Because of me?”

“No, not just because of you.” Tony held up his hands in objection. Despite his clouded mind he realized what kind of damage he was potentially doing by telling her this. But he was proud of himself! Shouldn’t she be proud too? Would he still be proud of himself when the fog of alcohol cleared? “I didn’t want them. No part of me wanted them!”

“So, hold on. Give me a second to wrap my mind around this.” Scarlett stepped away from the counter, her stomach feeling rather sick. She would give anything to be back in Pennsylvania arguing with Captain Stick-Up-His-Ass than to be here dealing with this relationship nonsense. It wasn’t her style, was it? Relationships were filled with petty little complexes and frustrations that she barely warranted were worth her time.

“What?” Tony was getting dizzy. It’d been too long since Rhodey left him at the door and he’d had a drink. Maybe he should’ve taken the water she offered him because now the alcohol was getting to him.

“You had to almost cheat on me to realize you shouldn’t cheat on me?” Scarlett laid it out in front of her, still doing her best not to look hurt. But why should she hide it? Why should she try to spare Tony from knowing the damage he was doing? The odds were he wouldn’t remember it in the morning anyway.

“Yeah! I mean… no. I knew I shouldn’t do it before opportunity arose.”

“And yet you went out with every intention of having women hang all over you.” Scarlett wasn’t accusing him of anything, she was merely stating facts. Dean Martin still played overhead and it bothered her now that it kept playing. The song wasn’t right. This night wasn’t right. Nothing about this stupid Saturday had been right.

“That’s not what I thought… I wasn’t trying…”

“We have one fight, Tony. One. One serious fight and you freeze up. You blow me off after we make progress and tell me to go to work. And when I do you retreat back into old habits? Is this going to happen every time we fight? Because it can’t.” Tony was losing his balance and retreated to the back of the couch so he could have something to lean against. He didn’t know what to say because there were no words in his defense. He wasn’t the victim. And as hard as Scarlett tried to hide it Tony could see that he’d hurt her. Tony felt suddenly like he had weights on each shoulder and slid further against the couch under them.

His stomach was no longer on his side. Throwing up seemed inevitable.

“You keep asking me to move in with you. Almost every day you ask me. Sometimes more than once. Don’t you see that it scares me? I don’t even get why you freaked out today. I told you I trusted you. Was that too much? Am I supposed to not trust you?” Scarlett scoffed and shook her head. “How can you expect me to live with you when this is what happens when we fight? We’re going to fight, Tony! We’re going to fight a lot and it’s not going to always be as simple as getting our frustrations out and moving on! I can’t live with you until you’ve realized that! So how could you expect me to say yes? After something like this especially.”

“I don’t know.” Tony wasn’t sure. The words were in his head but they were all jumbled up! She must have seen how hard it was for him to admit the truth but why did he think it would erase the hurt it caused? Just because it was something he had wound up proud of in the end didn’t mean he hadn’t done anything wrong. Scarlett was right but Tony wasn’t in the right mind to figure it out. His head was swimming. All he wanted to do was to throw up. It had been years since he’d gotten drunk enough to vomit, but he was getting there and fast. “The world is right when we’re together. That’s all I know.”

Instead of saying anything Scarlett turned her gaze away. She wasn’t sure how to feel. This wasn’t a conversation she could have with Tony while he was drunk. She knew he was at least right about that. Things were usually right when they were together.

Tony hated when she looked that sad. Even though he was sure she didn’t think she looked as miserable as she did, he could tell that he’d hurt her. He’d never meant to hurt her. He’d only wanted to hurt himself. Maybe he’d been testing himself, even, to see if everything he was doing was what he really wanted. And yet, he had hurt her anyway. What if she gave up on him before he’d figured it out? Those women had said that he wasn’t a one woman kind of man. Were they right? They couldn’t be right. He didn’t want them to be. Wasn’t that important?

Tony didn’t know what to say. Hell, even in his wisest moments he didn’t know what to say. Instead he walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her in the least coordinated hug he’d ever given. He nearly knocked them both over in the process but managed to prevent that by holding onto the island behind her. He buried his face against her neck and closed his eyes, hoping beyond hope she wouldn’t push him away. She couldn’t let him become the man that people threatened he would become.

Guilt churned in Scarlett’s stomach again. She didn’t have anything else to say, she didn’t see the point. When he was sober again she was sure they’d both have much more to say on the matter, but talking to Tony while he was drunk was almost pointless. Now he seemed filled with sorrow. She was reminded of those nights when he couldn’t sleep and he had come over to her penthouse practically begging to stay in her bed so that he wouldn’t be alone. Well, not begging, Tony had this way of getting what he wanted without really asking for it. Scarlett had known what he was up to each time and had welcomed him each time.

He’d come to her tonight to tell her how proud he was of himself for not cheating on her. Should she have celebrated his near infidelity? Maybe. Maybe if things hadn’t been the way they were the night before. Still, Scarlett wasn’t going to let him wallow in misery.

“Don’t feel good.” Tony muttered as he lifted his head from her shoulder.

“I know.” Whispering, Scarlett gently wrapped her arms around him and held him close to her. Tony was going through something, he had been for months. He didn’t trust her enough to tell her what it was but she would be there for him nonetheless. Even if it tore her apart, Tony was the only thing she had in her life that mattered. The doubt, the self loathing, the frustration, she’d felt through the day where she’d missed her old life she knew she could never go back. There had to be a happy medium where she could be the woman she was mixed with the woman who loved Tony. It would take awhile to find it but it would be worth it for him.

That was if he wanted her at all by the end of things. She wasn’t sure how it would play out but she wasn’t very good at quitting. He was worth fighting for. Without another word Scarlett led Tony to her bedroom. He had passed the high of drunk and was finally crashing into a fog. He’d be lucky if he got through the night without spending it on her bathroom floor.

For now Scarlett helped him get his shoes off and undressed. Afterward she tucked him in beneath her covers and laid next to him on top of the same ones. She watched him as he laid beneath the covers in the dark, the bags under his eyes as apparent as ever. Even though he’d finally slept the night before he looked as exhausted as ever. One night of sleep wouldn’t make up for the weeks he’d missed. Maybe she could comfort him into resting that night too.

Even after everything Scarlett would take care of him. There would be plenty of time to be mad when he was sober.

“Do you remember our first date?” Scarlett whispered as Tony stared at her with half lidded eyes. If that was their first date it was certainly a better memory than the one from the night before. Sure, he’d gotten hurt that night and it had ended in a colossal fight. They’d practically been enemies and they hadn’t even kissed before then. It was one of the worst nights of Scarlett’s life. But one of the best as well.

“You danced with me.” Tony perked up just enough, his honey brown eyes sparkling with the memory. He treasured that memory, apparently that was something he’d never told her.

“It wasn’t Dean Martin.” She smiled weakly, feeling suddenly defeated. Her most vulnerable moments seemed to be next to this man but maybe he didn’t see them. “It was Bing Crosby.”

“I know.” Brushing his fingers through her long curly hair, Tony closed his eyes at long last. “I wasn’t sure you remembered.”

“I could never forget.” Scarlett felt Tony at last growing heavy next to her. Slowly, once she was sure he was finally finding sleep she moved his hand away from her hair and tucked it beneath the covers with the rest of him. Even in his sleep, Tony Stark looked troubled.

Nothing worth having was ever easy, Scarlett tried to convince herself. Somehow she knew there was no way she was going to sleep that night.