Across the Universe

The silence was uncomfortable in the small enclosed office on the Upper East Side between the doctor and his patient. Scarlett sat with her legs crossed, leaning back against the cushions of a cozy leather couch staring at the man in front of her who sat waiting expectantly in an equally cozy arm chair. He’d long since abandoned the notion of using a pad and paper to record her thoughts since it appeared she had very few of them that she was willing to share. This had gone on for weeks and he had asked her on the second visit if she wanted to cancel their meetings altogether. She had insisted that her money was as good as anyone else’s and that she was still willing to come to the appointments if he was still willing to have her.

So the awkward meetings had continued once a week but no progress had been made and nothing had been said except for the occasional pleasantries two practical strangers would exchange. The doctor adjusted his thin framed glasses and cleared his throat. But Scarlett made no move to say anything and instead sat locked in her thoughts. Seeing a psychiatrist was something she had promised that she’d do after the falling out with her ex-boyfriend. Between that, the manipulative corporations dangling her like a puppet, falling in love with Tony Stark, the torture she’d been through, and the betrayal she’d faced it seemed like the right thing to do.

Scarlett had kept her secrets for so long that now sharing them with another human being, a stranger, felt next to impossible. Instead she sat on his couch week after week thinking of where to start and feeling completely overwhelmed by the enormity of screwed up things that had happened in the past year. If she got started on her whole life, well, then this guy would be well paid until the day he died.

On top of that Scarlett felt guilt for even being at the appointment. Tony thought she was off doing something silly like getting her hair or nails done, neither which were in Scarlett’s regular routine. Lying to Tony was something she had vowed to stop doing but admitting that she needed a shrink was not in her vocabulary quite yet. She would work up to it if she ever actually worked up to talking to the shrink.

“Miss Damien?” Percival Ganter, Percy for short, had been excited to take her on as a patient when he’d learned more about her from the press. When she’d first come in she’d been accompanied by lawyers who had made him sign privacy agreements in addition to the usual doctor-patient confidentiality that was implied upon her entering his office. Scarlett turned her gaze to her doctor whose sullen face and brown eyes were judging her without knowing anything about her. She was positive that by now he had garnered a number of things from her silence; the first being that she was obviously not so sure about sharing her private life with anyone. The second thing that seemed obvious to him was that she didn’t trust him.

“Scarlett,” she corrected politely. Scarlett had always been nothing but cordial during her visits. There had even been days where she’d shown up with muffins to break the tension but the meetings always ended the same; uncomfortable silence and nothing accomplished except Scarlett needing to beat the hell out of something to get the guilt out of her system.

“Scarlett,” Percy corrected with a smile as he had every time he’d started on this tangent. He wasn’t the kind of doctor who did what he did for the pay, even though that was a nice perk. He genuinely felt for Scarlett since she was obviously in some kind of distress. Each week he would try to get her to talk but he wondered now if it would be a fruitless endeavor until she finally gave up. Above all else, Percy did not want Scarlett to give up. “You’ve been coming here for six weeks now and you have failed to say almost anything of note. When we first met you explained that you were in a new and complex relationship which you had a hard time adjusting to and had recently move to America and were in the process of becoming a citizen here.”

“That’s true.” Scarlett confirmed. Her life from the outside looking in of the normal populace sounded incredibly boring.

“Other than that and learning a few odd habits about how you take your coffee and make pastries I know nothing about you. I think that it’s about time we get to why you’re really here and why you made me sign those papers.” Scarlett looked surprised by Percy’s sudden determination. It wasn’t that he hadn’t tried to get her to talk before, but this was the first time he had alluded to the fact that he knew her life was far more complex than she let on. This drew a smile from her lips even if her stomach was still aching with guilt.

She swore that this changing her life thing was going to give her a damn ulcer.

“To be honest, Doc, I don’t know how to start.” It was true, Scarlett had, on several occasions, spent ten minutes in her car in the parking garage around the corner coaching herself on how she planned to start the conversation in her next meeting with Percy. But when she’d sat down and really tried to figure out how to explain her history, she couldn’t muster a word. That was partially why she’d made the doctor sign the confidentiality agreement to begin with. If she ended up sharing her past with him then it was likely she was going to tell him about all the illegal things she’d done over the years and that would cause her nothing but trouble in the future if she didn’t take precautions to protect herself and most importantly to protect Tony.

“It’s not about where to start it’s about how.” Percy leaned forward, intrigued by this progress they had made. It still seemed like they were talking about nothing but the fact that Scarlett admitted she had a problem sharing was still admitting she had a problem. That was by far more progress than they had made thus far. “For example, you are obviously very worried about something at this particular moment. There is no beginning, just problems I can help you see in a new light and offer some insight to. Or even just an ear to listen. Often I’m just a soundboard. You are the only patient I have ever had who isn’t willing to talk about herself. Most patients I can’t get to be quiet.”

“Considering the hourly fee, that makes sense.” Scarlett joked as she often did when she was nervous. And it wasn’t that she was actually nervous… or was she? Scarlett wasn’t used to being nervous and yet she had been and anxious at that in the months past. These were both very unfamiliar things for her. Percy laughed and shook his head.

“That’s good. At least you’re trying to deal with your nerves now.”

“I don’t like that you know that about me.” Scarlett tapped her fingers against the couch and then shifted, resting her elbows on her knees.

“Well, this is going to be a very rough relationship if that’s the case.” Percy couldn’t help but smile. “So tell me, what is it that’s happened this past week that’s eating at your mind. Forget about everything else that originally drove you here and start there.”

“I need you to promise me something before we get into that, Doc.” Scarlett clasped her hands together and looked up at the doctor who seemed nothing short of excited to finally start talking to his patient.

“What is that?”

“Anonymity. None of this will show up in some paper you write, some book, some article. Anything I tell you in here is strictly between you and me. Even if someone threatened you, you wouldn’t tell them a damn thing. I need to know that before I can say another word.”

“I signed those papers…”

“And that was for legal reasons because you Americans are obsessed with suing each other.” Scarlett rolled her eyes.

“And what are you exactly if not American?”

“I’m…” Scarlett drifted off and considered what she was but her smile faded and she leaned back against the couch. She wasn’t anything. Scarlett didn’t belong anywhere. She’d grown up in England but hadn’t considered it home for many years. The only home she’d ever had was with Tony now in Manhattan and even then it had only been two months. According to the US government she was not yet a proper citizen. The motions were still being gone through, Pepper had seen to beginning proceedings as soon as she’d gotten the word that Scarlett had agreed to stay. “That’s not important.”

“Everyone’s something, it seems important to me.”

“That is another demon for another day. One I didn’t realize I had until you said it. Is this how these appointments are going to go? Are you going to cause me more problems than I come in with?”

“I didn’t cause that problem, Scarlett. I just helped you realize you had it.” Percy corrected and Scarlett smiled. Percy was quick witted and that was exactly what she needed. A doctor who couldn’t keep up with her was useless. “But I promise you that nothing you say will leave this office. I hope that I’m never threatened because of our time together but I will do everything in my power to keep your secrets.”

“I guess that’s good enough.” Scarlett mulled over her his words quietly before she opened her mouth to speak again. Maybe he was right. If she started from the beginning she’d be there for the rest of her life, but if she addressed what was really worrying her right at this moment it would be better than nothing. “My boyfriend isn’t sleeping.” She began at long last.

“And what is your boyfriend’s name?”

“Tony.” Scarlett cleared her throat. Eventually she would have to explain that her boyfriend was Tony Stark and also Iron Man, but that still sounded ridiculous when she said it out loud. Scarlett was grounded in skepticism despite the monster’s she’d seen crawl out from under the bed. She wouldn’t be surprised if Percy already knew that Tony was her boyfriend considering his press. “Tony isn’t sleeping. Sometimes he doesn’t sleep for days. Eventually he crashes and gets some sleep but it’s not often enough that happens. When we first got back to the States he slept but he’d wake up in a cold sweat or screaming at the top of his lungs.” Scarlett swallowed the lump in the back of her throat. She’d never talked about Tony’s issues out loud before and it felt strange.

“Are you sure that Tony isn’t you, Scarlett?” Percy looked at her thoughtfully over the rim of his glasses.

“Look, I’m not doing this double talk crap. I’m being honest and if you’re not going to take me seriously then this isn’t going to work and I’m going to have to leave.” Scarlett ran her fingers through her hair in frustration.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Do you know why Tony can’t sleep? Has he been through a recent trauma?” Percy realized at that moment that Scarlett wasn’t in denial. In fact, it was far from that. Scarlett seemed acutely aware of what her problems were it was just learning how to deal with them that she struggled with. He would never again question her honesty in his office.

“Yes, he did but we went through it together.” Scarlett sighed heavily and held up her hand. “Before you ask what it is, I’m not ready to talk about it.”

“Okay, continue.” Percy nodded. Scarlett was going to run the show between them for the time being and Percy had to let her. Eventually he’d teach her how to hand over the reins and listen to advice. But for now, she needed someone to hear what she had to say and perhaps tell her that she wasn’t crazy. Crazy wasn’t a word Percy liked to use very often. Troubled was a better way to put it. He didn’t think anyone was beyond help and he thought that sick was often mistaken for crazy. Percy was a doctor and he would help heal the sick even if they didn’t know why they were ailing.

“This trauma he went through was my fault. The reason he’s not sleeping has to do with me and he won’t even admit it. At least he won’t to me because he doesn’t want to worry me.” Scarlett scoffed. Tony thought he was excellent at secret keeping but it turned out he wasn’t really. He just thought he was good at it. Either that or Scarlett had the ability to see right through him. “I’ve been awake with him as often as I can but I’m exhausted.” Scarlett bit her lip nervously but stopped herself. It was a habit she’d been trying to break.

“What about you?” Percy began pointing at her from across the room. “Do you suffer from the same post traumatic stress?” Scarlett stared at him for a long time and then turned her gaze to the window that was only two stories above the busy streets of the city. Her stomach churned and she nodded her head to confirm that he was right. It was the first time she’d admitted to anyone that she’d really been suffering from anything. Even when she’d been struggling with it for months she kept telling herself it would pass or that she was still in shock.

But two months had passed without incident, outside of what Hawkeye and Black Widow had dragged her into and she still couldn’t get past the road block of what had happened to her over a year ago in Afghanistan. Her birthday had recently passed and it had occurred to her for the first time that she had spent her birthday inside that hell. She hadn’t mentioned it to Tony because she wasn’t yet ready to draw attention to it since she was sure he would want to celebrate.

“I’ve been having nightmares for much longer than Tony has.” Scarlett took a deep breath when she realized she’d been holding it. “I don’t wake up screaming or sick anymore, but when I close my eyes I see things and… these things are nightmares. Only they’re not, they’re real because I lived them. If that makes any sense.” Scarlett furrowed her brow and rubbed her temple. All of this trying to be honest while still being vague nonsense was giving her a headache.

“These nightmares, they don’t just happen when you sleep do they?” Percy suddenly grew worried. Most of his patients, when they said they weren’t sleeping, they were exaggerating. But it was possible Scarlett was being honest.

“Sometimes I space out.” Scarlett shook her head from side to side and looked past him, trying to think of how frequently this had happened. “I’m in my head pretty often and it gets hard to get out of there sometimes even when I’m awake.” It used to be a blessing that Scarlett lived in her head. While she was on a mission or in a dangerous situation she could easily find her way out of it because she could think of an escape on the fly. Her brain had already been trying to figure out the next move. But now instead of planning her next move, she was reliving the hell locked in her memory to try and understand how it happened, why it happened, or how she could’ve changed things.

“How often does this happen? The spacing out? And for how long would you say?”

“It varies.” Scarlett considered the answer. She hadn’t given it too much thought, she figured it came with the territory of dealing with the horrors she’d witnessed. “Sometimes it’ll be minutes, sometimes longer. There are days where I’m fine the entire day and days where I can’t seem to find my roots in reality.” Percy didn’t respond but instead let her continue on. “In my head I know that none of its real but then I have to remind myself that it was real at one point. And then I get confused. Is it real? Is this real? What is me sleeping and what is me awake? What was the real disaster I’d been through and what is my imagination taking things a step beyond what they really were?”

“You’re having a problem differentiating between reality and fiction?” Percy looked surprised.

“No, no…” Scarlett shook her head adamantly. “This, this right here is real. Me getting a scone this morning, that was real. But did I really get shot two months ago? Or am I remembering it wrong?” Percy chose not to comment on the revelation that Scarlett had been wounded. He’d guessed that there was some malevolence and violence to her tale and decided not to acknowledge it until she was ready to. Her telling him anything was a step in the right direction. He was curious, of course, but that couldn’t be helped. It was more important that he helped Scarlett figure out how to trust him and then how to cope before he satisfied his curiosity. “I guess that is how you would phrase it yes. I am having a hard time differentiating between my past and reality. I’m more concerned that it’s going to go further than that.” Scarlett stopped talking at last and looked to the doctor. Did he think she was out of her mind? Or did he understand that she was simply struggling with finding a coping mechanism? The reality was that Scarlett would rather save Tony than save herself and that was a pretty big problem. She knew it was and yet she had no idea how to fix it.

“You need to start sleeping.” Percy at last spoke after giving her some thought. Scarlett sighed with relief and nodded her head.

“Well, that is easier said than done.” Scarlett rolled her eyes but couldn’t help but smile. This thing with her shrink was going to work out after all. She was beginning to lose hope that she’d ever get to talking or feel comfortable enough to share the horrid truths of her history.

“I am going to give you a light sedative to help with that.” Percy got up from where he sat and walked into the adjoining room, leaving the door open as he spoke. “It’s nothing big, nothing terribly addictive unless you down the whole bottle in too short a time. But it will help you fall asleep and stay asleep if you take it the way you should.”

“I’m not into drugs, Doc. I’ve seen medicine change people and often the end result is not worth the side effects.” Scarlett held up her hand again in objection as he came back with a small bottle of pills.

“Take them home with you. I don’t even need you to take them.” He took her hand and placed the bottle in it before closing her fingers around it. Scarlett turned the plastic container over in her palm and scrutinized them. Did she really need medicine just to do something as simple as sleep? It seemed pathetic in a way. But maybe that was part of what was wrong with her thinking. Scarlett knew already that she wasn’t going to take the medicine. If she could avoid it, Scarlett wouldn’t ever take medicine. After what she’d seen MedCo do to people she didn’t trust pills.

“I probably won’t take them.” Scarlett wasn’t going to waste the doctor’s time. He might as well keep the medicine and give it to someone who needed it.

“What you’re describing, this inability to distinguish your fantasies from the truth? That’s sleep deprivation. It starts out mentally and eventually will deteriorate you physically. Don’t take them if you must, but keep them with you. Someday you might be desperate enough to give it a try and realize it’s not the end of the world.” Percy smiled knowingly and Scarlett grimaced. She knew those pills would sit in her car, taunting her all day long for being too weak to get past her fears so she could sleep.

“Fine, I’ll bring them with me.” It was easier to take them than it was to argue so Scarlett decided she’d deal with the anxiety of hiding pills in her car all day long.

“Sleep is important. You and Tony need to find a way to get some rest. It’ll make you physically ill and impair cognition if it goes on too long.” Percy spoke knowingly.

“I know the importance of sleep, Doc, but it’s just not that simple. I won’t let Tony suffer by himself.” Scarlett stood up and smoothed out her shirt. Percy stood up as well. Scarlett rarely stayed for the entire hour of her session and it was no less true this day. He garnered that she was a busy woman given how often she left in a hurry. He wouldn’t pressure her to stay. Eventually she’d want to utilize all the time she paid for, it would simply take time for that to happen.

“When was the last time Tony slept?” Percy asked as she opened her mouth to say her goodbyes.

“Two days ago.” Scarlett answered, surprised to be interrupted.

“And you?”

“I don’t know. I slept for an hour or two that same night.” Scarlett shrugged her shoulders. She’d gotten a few hours sleep here and there but nothing substantial enough to shake off the exhaustion in her bones.

“Maybe you should look into meditation. On your next visit we’ll discuss it.” Percy smiled politely. Scarlett looked at him skeptically but then decided it was a harmless enough idea. If it would help her relax then she’d try it before she tried pills. “You’re heading out now, right? Even though we have a half an hour left to our session.”

“I seem to double book you, no offense. I have somewhere else I need to be.” Scarlett motioned toward the door.

“I think we’ve made great progress today, Scarlett.” Percy offered her his hand to shake.

“Don’t do that.” Scarlett shook his hand regardless of her words.

“Do what?”

“The progress thing. Say goodbye. I don’t need a gold star sticker telling me I did a good job. In fact, I’d prefer not to hear it.” Scarlett wasn’t sure why it bothered her to hear that progress was being made. Maybe it was because she didn’t feel like she was making progress. The only thing she’d accomplished was spilling her guts about her dreams, sounding like a crazy person, and obtaining pills she didn’t want to take in the first place. At least she’d talked.

“Fine.” Percy smiled and nodded his head. “I’ll see you next week.”

“I promise not to double book you next time.” Scarlett was relieved and started out the door, pulling her phone out to check the time and make sure she hadn’t missed any important messages.

“Scarlett?”

“Hmm?” Scarlett stopped in the doorway and turned to face him.

“Even if you don’t think it is, this was progress. It might not feel like it but you did good today.”

“Didn’t I just tell you not to do that?” Scarlett laughed and shook her head. Before Percy could respond to her she walked out the door and down the hall. There were more important things she had to do that morning. She’d purposely double booked the psychiatrist each week in case she needed a reason to bail. More importantly she needed the distraction of having something else to do after a failed meeting. Despite Percy insisting they’d made progress Scarlett continued to feel ridiculous in the elevator, on the walk down the street, and back in her car.

As predicted the pills stared at her from the passenger seat of her car as she drove through the busy streets of Manhattan toward SHIELD headquarters. She’d arranged to meet with Phil Coulson for the first time to speak with him about their annoying interruptions into her life and the possibility of making it all go away by agreeing to help them.

When Scarlett parked in front of the plain looking office building near the water in Manhattan, she couldn’t help but stare. It didn’t look out of the ordinary, no newer than any of the other buildings in Manhattan. But inside she knew there were secrets and technology that most normal people wouldn’t imagine possible. Scarlett would be interested in seeing what they’d come up with but wasn’t sure it would be any more impressive than Jarvis. In fact, Scarlett had told Jarvis on numerous occasions that he was the only computer for her. All other computers would pale in comparison. She was sure of that even as she readied herself to walk into the lion’s den.

The pills were looking at her again and she was sure she’d think about them throughout her meeting so she shoved them into her glove compartment in hopes of forgetting about them. Afterward she straightened the leather jacket she’d donned for the occasion and got out of her car. Tightening her jacket around her she fought against the wind and walked beneath the shadow of the towering SHIELD building. If she didn’t know SHIELD had their Manhattan mainstay there then she never would’ve guessed it.

But that was how SHIELD operated. They were out in the open without drawing any attention to themselves. She had heard they had mobile bases as well, but had made Coulson agree that any meetings they had were on the ground in an environment she could control. Coulson had dangled the idea of having the meeting on some kind of jet in front of her but Scarlett wasn’t fond of the idea even if she had been mildly curious.

Scarlett pushed open the glass office doors, walked through a large empty waiting room and past another set of doors. Inside the rooms were bustling with agents at their desks seated in front of high tech computers either speaking to each other or someone on the other end of a phone line. The walls were clean and lined with security features.

It reminded Scarlett of Stark Industries but to the extreme. Each of the agents at their desks were dressed in special SHIELD garb and Scarlett couldn’t help but roll her eyes. They couldn’t pay her enough to wear one of those things.

“This doesn’t scream secret government organization at all.” Scarlett rested her hand on her hip and looked around the room curiously. From a hallway to the right a man of average height with a slight receding hairline but a boyish face much too young for his age approached. He stepped down the three steps from the hall and walked immediately toward Scarlett.

“Scarlett Damien it is an honor to meet you.” He extended his hand to shake immediately and stopped only a few steps in front of her. She looked down at his hand and shook her head no. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to be polite, but SHIELD was notoriously sneaky. They wanted her prints on file and they wanted her DNA. She was wearing leather gloves for the time being but she wasn’t risking the chance that he had technology that could see through that.

“I’ll shake your hand when I trust you. Phil Coulson, I presume?” She pointed to the badge on his jacket pocket that clearly stated his identity.

“My reputation precedes me then, does it?”

“Tony has mentioned that you’re a strange little man mad with power.” Scarlett made no attempts to hide a smirk and Phil laughed.

“That sounds like Stark. Right this way, Miss Damien, I don’t want to waste your time.”

“Really? Because you and your people have been doing that pretty frequently. I thought that you were really into wasting my time.” Scarlett ran her tongue over her bottom lip nervously. The wound had healed but there was still a dark mark where it had once been.

“I see why Stark likes you.” Coulson laughed and turned about face, walking back up the steps and through the open hallways of SHIELD. There were several glass windows that offered insight into the goings on inside each room. Laboratories, holographic screens, weapons tests, meetings were going on left and right. It was too much to take in so Scarlett instead focused on her possible exits. Sometimes acting like the mercenary she no longer was comforted her in tense situations. “Right this way.” Coulson waited for a door to open after he waved his keycard in front of it. Scarlett walked past him into the comfortable office that overlooked the ocean.

“Well, look at you. You must be something special to deserve that view.” Scarlett shoved her hands in her coat pockets as Coulson walked into the room and sat on the edge of his desk.

“You called this meeting Miss Damien. Obviously you have a problem with the way me and my men operate that you wish to address.” Coulson had this permanent look of smug supremacy on his face. It wasn’t offensive in the least but added to his personality and charm. Scarlett didn’t understand why Tony wasn’t very fond of him.

“Oh, I do.” Scarlett laughed and continued before he attempted to explain himself. “But I understand why you’re doing it. If I had real complaints I would be speaking with Nick Fury, not you.”

“I figured you would be.” Coulson nodded, folding his hands politely as he observed what he hoped would be his new charge. It had taken all of his restraint not to personally attempt to get her on his team. He had only avoided doing so because Nick Fury had strictly forbidden his interference in the matter. Scarlett didn’t trust SHIELD and they had to tread lightly. When one of his agents, Michelangela Pierce, had become personally invested in Scarlett’s case a few months prior he’d dug up all the information he could find on her and that had led him to Natasha Romanoff’s personal relationship with her. This had very much worried and intrigued him.

“I want the craziness to stop. I’m tired of things being beyond my control. For an organization that seems to pride itself on control you sure cause a lot of chaos.”

“I’m afraid that we are rather intent on having you on our side, Miss Damien. I’m not the only one. Several of my employees are hell bent on making you a SHIELD agent.” Coulson meant that in the most flattering way possible.

“I know. But if I do this then it’s going to be on my terms. So tell me, Agent Coulson, because I’m sure you’ve already got it all mapped out, what is it you want me to do for you and SHIELD?” Scarlett leaned against the glass of the window and faced Coulson, waiting for him to list his demands. He watched her thoughtfully and then bowed his head graciously.

“Why don’t you tell me what you had in mind?” Coulson walked around his desk and sat behind it. “You misunderstand our intentions, Miss Damien. We want to help you not hinder you. We think that with our help you can do great good in this world. We are willing to work with you to make it happen.”

“I am perfectly capable of doing good in this world without SHIELD help.” Scarlett rolled her eyes.

“Really? Were you doing good on your own in South Africa? How about those few nights in Sao Paulo a couple years back? Or maybe you’re referring to that rough weekend in Japan?” Phil pressed a few buttons on his desk and brought up several articles from newspapers with examples from the various places he’d brought up. What was specifically in those articles, neither one of them was willing to bring up.

“You have no proof that I didn’t.” Scarlett hadn’t had anyone put her past work in front of her face before so blatantly. “You did your research, I’m touched.” She turned to face the window again, looking out at the ocean. The waves were rough that day thanks to the wind. The ferries in the distance heading toward Pier Eleven were bouncing around haphazardly.

“We have been very interested in you for a long time, Miss Damien. This was an opportunity we never thought we’d be afforded.”

“You were preparing to find a way to arrest me.” Scarlett shrugged knowingly and folded her arms across her chest. “You know that as well as I do. I’m not a fool. I know what happens to people like me when we cross people like you.”

“We had to explore the option that someday you were going to get in over your head. We prepared for every foreseeable outcome. Yes, that included your arrest but it also included your vindication as well as your death.” Coulson stated simply, wiping away the holographic articles from view.

“If I agree to do this then it’s only because I’m letting it happen.” Scarlett said after a moment spent in silence. Tony was going to be so mad at her for doing exactly what he didn’t want her to, but she had let him know that she planned to join SHIELD. He was likely hoping she’d forget and lose her nerve. But her nerve was something Scarlett very rarely lost.

“I can’t agree to your terms if I don’t know them.”

“Patience, Coulson.”

“I have plenty of that.” He nodded. It was true, due to the nature of Phil Coulson’s job, which was recruiting and guiding people of special abilities, he had a particular gift of patience. If he could deal with stubborn Tony Stark who wanted help less than he wanted a root canal, then he could deal with Scarlett working up to what was on her mind.

“I’d have to be a field agent.” Scarlett began, tossing the idea around in her mind as she had done on many occasions. “Not to say that I won’t work in a lab if you ask me to, but I’m not good at being cooped up. If you know as much as I think you do then you realize why. I get destructive when I’m kept inside for too long.”

“We know that all too well. Before you went off the grid you had a job in Senegal. That didn’t end well for you.” Coulson’s knowledge of her history was expensive and Scarlett was both impressed and slightly annoyed. She was beginning to see why he rubbed Tony the wrong way. People who knew things they shouldn’t made her uncomfortable.

“It didn’t end well for the other guys either.” Scarlett muttered under her breath. That had been where she met Scott, the same job. But she’d grown bored and had started seeking another more adventurous outlet. It was how she learned to fight, how she had learned she was good at it, and how she’d become a mercenary in the first place. “That being said, I want this to be like it was when I was working alone. If you have a job you contact me and I’ll consider whether or not I’ll pursue the lead. If I choose not to there are no penalties. You find someone else to do it and leave me be.”

“Is that going to happen often? We need to know you’re reliable.”

“Unless it’s something I find morally reprehensible or I have a previous engagement I probably won’t say no.” Scarlett smirked resolutely. “I need the excitement in my life. Clint told me that I missed the thrill of the fight the last time he dragged me in on his mission. He was right.”

“You did very well that night, by the way. Thanks to you we’ve got samples of the drugs they’re selling on the streets. We can find where they’re manufactured…”

“I don’t care.” Scarlett turned away and interrupted Coulson who looked impressed. “I do my job and I move on. I try not to get emotionally invested so don’t send me on anything that you expect is going to involve me relating to some victim. That’s not my thing.”

“I can agree to that.” Coulson got up from his seat and walked cautiously next to where she stood staring out at the window. Even a stranger could tell that Scarlett was troubled in some way or another, but he knew just as well that asking what the matter was would yield no results.

“When I write down my job title there will not be the word SHIELD anywhere in it. I will be considered a consultant and that’s it. No one needs to call me an operative or an agent. That’s ridiculous. I’m Scarlett Damien and I’m doing you a damn favor by working for you, got it?” It may have sounded pompous but Scarlett was already in over her head with the rest of her life. Her deal with SHIELD had to be calculated and in her control.

“I take it that means no special codenames or uniform.” Coulson laughed under his breath. “Agent Barton has a list a mile long of suggestions for your codename.”

“Oh god, he’s doing that to you too?” Scarlett turned to look at Coulson for just a moment before turning back to the window. “You got it right though. No codename and no costume. I dress how I want, I use the tools I want to use, and I go by Scarlett or Damien.”

“No special tools? We have some excellent technology we can offer you.”

“That’s fine. I meant that if I have anything I want to use then I will use it. I have a few weapons of my own that I’ve been developing in my spare time.” Scarlett had a Tesla inspired glove that she’d developed several months ago. She had used it to save her life on multiple occasions. It had been destroyed in Moscow but she’d since rebuilt it and enhanced it to her benefit. On top of that she’d devised a second weapon, one that would provide proper defense and would offer her close combat assistance.

“We can agree to that.”

“One more thing.” Scarlett held up her index finger. “You will not, in any way, use my history against me. In fact, if I make this deal it’s completely stricken from the record. No more bringing up articles about what I did in Argentina or China. I will not have SHIELD using my past against me to get what they want. If you don’t do this I will not work for you. Nick Fury threatened me once with inevitable imprisonment and if that happens, I swear there will be hell to pay. You’ve already made it clear you don’t want me as an enemy, so let’s keep it that way.”

“He didn’t threaten you. He made you acutely aware of how close to it you already were.”

“Oh, I’m much further than you think I am.” Scarlett scoffed. “This is for Tony. I will not have him sit through a scandal about my history in the paper. I will not have you ruin our relationship because you want me to do something for you and are trying to twist my arm. My life? Starts here. Everything up to this moment is gone. You got it?” Scarlett turned to face Coulson, staring him down. “I want it in writing.”

“Okay.” Coulson nodded but sighed heavily. They had expected this from her so they had been more than prepared to get rid of her files. “You’re making us throw away every bargaining chip we have against you but if you’re agreeing to work with us then I see no need for them.”

“You do realize if you don’t do it then I will know.” Scarlett looked at him seriously. Coulson shook his head affirmatively.

“We want this deal to work out more than you are aware. This was what we would’ve offered you along with immunity from any past charges.”

“I’ll take that too then.” Scarlett scoffed, though she wasn’t sure she’d need it. Her past life had been one of ultimate secrecy. The only way that anyone would get enough dirt on her to arrest her would be to have her to incriminate herself and she didn’t see that happening anytime soon.

“Fair enough.” Coulson looked back out the window to the crashing waves in the wind. “I have one more thing I’d like you to agree to if that’s alright.”

“Go for it.”

“You mentioned that you would be listed as a consultant.”

“I did.”

“In that case we would like you to do some occasional consulting on cases. Every so often we might need your insight and nothing more on a particular topic.” Coulson offered out his hand to shake again, waiting for her to take it.

“You have a deal.” No longer afraid of having him get her information on file, Scarlett shook his hand and solidified their verbal contract. “Draw up the paperwork and I’ll sign off after I give it to my lawyer and look it over to make sure every detail I’ve mentioned is listed.”

“You are nothing but thorough Miss Damien. I’ll have our legal department draw up the documents and fax them to your attorney. In the meantime would you like to meet a few of the agents you’ll be working with? Including your handler?” Coulson walked away from the window and was surprised when Scarlett didn’t follow him. She nodded and slowly walked away from the view of the ocean that had been strangely calming. For some reason the wind and the waves struck her as odd. Why? She had no idea. Scarlett followed Coulson while he meandered further into the building where things became even more fantastic. It was clear that SHIELD was no laughing matter and took what they did very seriously. “Get familiar with this area. This is where people like you come to get their missions and do their work. You’ll have a private space of your own here to work, perform interrogations, experiment, whatever you like. If there’s anything you need all you have to do is ask.”

“Oh, I get my own office? Well lucky me.” Scarlett muttered, taking in as much of the building as she could. Luckily she was excellent with directions and wouldn’t need to be told where to go twice. It was a skill she’d developed after years of breaking into places and getting lost. She was able to remember little landmarks so she would never get confused, or at least not easily.

At the far end of the hall there was a long desk surrounded by computer screens. Leaning across it from behind the desk side was a woman with fringe bangs and straight black hair except for one stark white streak on her right side. It seemed somehow unnatural, as though it hadn’t been done on purpose. Her right eye was brown and one was blue, Scarlett could see it even as she looked at the girl on the other side of the desk. They were piercing. The second woman who had her arms folded on top of the desk from the other side was one Scarlett had recognized.

Michelangela, or Mickey, Pierce was practically sitting on top of the desk to look at what was being shown to her by the girl with two different colored eyes. Scarlett had met Mickey on multiple occasions, the first being when she’d shown up at Tony’s mansion with some paperwork. She’d later discovered that the older man who had died while trying to help her and Tony escape an onslaught of MedCo robots and operatives had been her fiancé. After that Mickey had been assigned to pursue Scarlett and bring her in when she’d went after MedCo in Africa.

It hadn’t gone very well for Mickey and Scarlett hoped this wouldn’t cause any animosity between the two of them. She’d stolen some of Mickey’s important paperwork and had likely gotten her into trouble. But much to her surprise Mickey smiled when she saw her. She was tall with brown hair that framed her face and curious but troubled golden eyes. The color of her eyes struck Scarlett as unnatural, but she’d seen weirder things so she brushed it off. Scarlett could vaguely recall that Mickey had been involved in some legal matters that involved her fiancé’s ex-wife. This would account for the bags under her eyes.

“Pierce?” Coulson called to Mickey who immediately jumped off of the woman’s desk and dropped what was in her hand, which had appeared to be a book of some kind. Scarlett was almost sure she’d caught a glimpse of a man and a woman in a torrid pose and could’ve guessed it was some kind of harlequin novel.

“Yes, Coulson?” Mickey walked away from the desk, throwing the woman an apologetic glance before stopping in front of her boss. “Miss Damien, it’s good to see you again.”

“Is she being sarcastic?” Scarlett whispered to Coulson. Mickey looked taken aback. She had genuinely meant it was nice to see Scarlett again. Did that mean Scarlett hadn’t wanted to see her? Mickey was immediately over thinking the response.

“Mickey I need you to show Miss Damien around. I have another meeting in a moment so I won’t have time. Is that a problem, Scarlett?”

“Not a problem at all.” Scarlett nodded her head and smiled apologetically at Mickey who seemed relieved by the gesture. Without another word Coulson walked away from the two. “So, show me around.”

“Yes, right, of course.” Mickey nodded stupidly, feeling still overwhelmed and taken off guard. She started down a hallway to the right. “This is where the tech guys generally work. We designated an office down here for you when you first came back from your time in Moscow.” Mickey turned her attention back to Scarlett over her shoulder to make sure she was following. The last thing she needed was for the woman to sneak off and hack into their files or steal their information on her watch. Scarlett had gotten her into enough trouble in the past, even if it had only been for self preservation.

“Since then? You guys were so sure I was coming to work for you, then?”

“There was an office pool after Fury met with you.” Mickey shrugged her shoulders and couldn’t help but smile. “Not everyone was so sure but Coulson was hopeful. You’ve been creating quite the buzz around here in recent months.”

“Oh,” Scarlett seemed impressed. “Which side of the bet were you on?”

“I thought you were going to tell us to buzz off.” Mickey stopped near a white door and waited for the camera to recognize her face. There was a soft beeping from the camera before the door slid open. “I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Really? I thought for sure you’d be irritated. I didn’t make your life any easier back then.” Scarlett walked through the door before Mickey could instruct her to. The room was void of anything other than a desk, a lab set up, and a clear board to work on pressed against the wall. It was the basic necessities for any agent. “You know that wasn’t personal, right? It was business.”

“I know.” Mickey smiled. “Is that why you thought I was being sarcastic back there?”

“Yes.” Scarlett answered simply. “So this is it, hmm?”

“It doesn’t look like much but the walls become a screen if you need them to be. Holographic technology is at the ready and any advancements you want to make will be welcomed. It’s not safe for weapons testing yet, you’ll have to speak with Fitz-Simmons for that but again, we weren’t sure you were really coming to work for us so this is the bare bones. Coulson wanted to give you what we gave Tony, but Fury wouldn’t allow it. We simply didn’t want to waste the funding if you weren’t going to comply.”

“My guess is that there was a prison cell just as readily available for me.” Scarlett scoffed and turned away from the room. It was something she’d have to spend a day developing but for the time being it was nice just to know where it was.

“I wish I could say you were wrong.” Mickey didn’t always agree with the way SHIELD operated but there were some things she had accepted she could not change about her life. Knowing that sometimes good people suffered unjust consequences was one of them.

“Who’s Fitz-Simmons? Where do I meet him?”

“Them.” Mickey corrected. Scarlett looked at her skeptically her imagination already running wild. “Agent Fitz and Agent Simmons. They’re very close and always work together so we shortened it to make it easier. Fitz is a tech prodigy and Simmons is a whiz with the life sciences. You are going to hate them.” Mickey laughed but followed Scarlett out of the room upon realizing she’d headed back into the hallway.

“Why is that?”

“Well, you’ll have to meet them to realize why. But you might not need to for awhile. They’re pretty busy and my guess is you will be too. With any luck you won’t have to visit them anytime soon.” Mickey blocked Scarlett’s path down the hallway so she couldn’t continue without her.

“I suppose that’s a good thing then. So are you my handler then?” Scarlett cleared her throat. Mickey looked surprised and almost amused by the idea.

“What? No! No…” Mickey laughed and shook her head adamantly. Scarlett stared at her expectantly, waiting for more. She wasn’t sure why it was so funny to think that Mickey would be handling her cases.

“Then who is? Coulson said you’d introduce me to my handler. Or that he would and then he disappeared to do god knows what.” Scarlett gestured down the hallway past Mickey. “He only introduced me to you and we’ve already met so… it was a natural assumption.” Smirking, Scarlett hoped to encourage Mickey out of her obvious nerves. She’d seen the woman at her worst and hoped she could keep pushing Mickey. For some reason, Scarlett had a soft spot for her. Maybe it was because she felt responsible for her fiancé’s death or maybe it was because she had manipulated her on several occasions for her personal gain. Scarlett felt she owed it as a favor to Mickey to help her out when she could.

“Oh right, right. I’m sorry.” Mickey winced and turned around and headed back down the hallway where they’d come from originally.

“Don’t be. You didn’t do anything wrong.” Scarlett shrugged, taking off her leather jacket and draping it over her arm. The building was much warmer than the fall October weather outside.

“Right, sorry.” Mickey started then sighed. “I mean… never mind.” She shook her head in dismay and then started back toward the desk where Scarlett had first found her. “Hey, Jinx!”

“Mickey!” The girl with two different colored eyes looked alert and friendly upon seeing her friend returning to her. And the two were very obviously friends. Now that Scarlett was closer to the desk she could see the book that had been left behind by Mickey and it was indeed a harlequin romance novel. A woman in a tattered past century gown was caught in a fishnet and nearby a gruff but handsome looking man with his shirt hanging open in the wind was pulling on the net to bring her closer. The text along the top read ‘The Fishmonger’s Captive: Romance on an Epic Scale’. Scarlett averted her eyes and did her best not to show her amusement. That had to be the worst title of a smut novel she’d ever seen. “What did Coulson want?”

“Work stuff.” Mickey nodded behind her to where Scarlett stood. The woman known as Jinx picked up the book again and paid Scarlett no mind.

“Look I know it seems kinda corny but it gets really romantic around page fifty. It lives up to the bad scale pun. I think it’s our next book! You picked the last one, trust me on this.” Mickey winced and shook her head no, hoping she could stop her before revealing too much about their obvious affinity for harlequin novels. “What’s with your face?” Jinx followed her gaze and then stopped to stare at Scarlett. She tilted her head to the side curiously and glared at Scarlett for much longer than necessary. Scarlett felt suddenly very uncomfortable and under scrutiny. None of the girls spoke for a long time. Mickey was still making an uncomfortable face as if waiting for the ball to drop. Scarlett wasn’t sure why Jinx had suddenly turned off. Jinx simply stared at her for a long time.

Jinx suddenly reached for a magazine that was off to the side and slid it beneath her file folder before standing up. Scarlett could’ve sworn she saw pictures of her and Tony on the cover of it. It didn’t surprise her. They were often in the gossip rags because of the nature of Tony’s celebrity and their torrid history even in just the past few months. Tony had once revealed to the papers that they were having a steamy affair and it had since spiraled out of control. Papers had reported left and right about Tony Stark and his mystery girlfriend. Scarlett had long since stopped being bothered by it. It was, however, funny that Jinx seemed to have a copy of it to hide. Romance novels, gossip magazines; Scarlett’s coworkers were turning out to be rather quirky.

But that was soon forgotten as Jinx walked around the side of her desk and grabbed Scarlett’s hands with a very serious look plastered on her features. Her dual colored eyes made it creepier than it should’ve been.

“Mickey, I think I broke her.” Scarlett whispered awkwardly when Jinx continued to stare almost sympathetically. Mickey tried not to laugh, obviously used to this sort of behavior from her friend.

“She’s not broken. Give it a minute.”

“There is terrible violence in your future.” Jinx whispered apologetically, her eyes instantly showing sympathy for her prediction.

“Is she serious?” Scarlett curled her lip in confusion. She looked back to Jinx and shook her head. “I assure you, whatever you see was in my past. I probably still reek of violence.” An attempt to pull her hands away from Jinx was only met with her grabbing them a bit tighter.

“Oh no.” Jinx shook her head negatively. “I’m afraid not. You see, I can read people. It’s a gift.” From seemingly nowhere, Jinx revealed a deck of cards that reminded Scarlett of the tarot but they looked homemade and had far different symbols upon them.

“Where the hell were you keeping those?” Scarlett made no attempts to hide her confusion.

“Scarlett Damien, this is your handler, Julianna Bennett. She’s better known as Jinx and perhaps you can see why. I assure, she means well.” Mickey instructed her and Scarlett again looked confused and a little disheartened. She hadn’t expected SHIELD to employ people who were in the practice of things such as reading palms and telling fortunes.

“You can’t be serious.” Before Scarlett could further object, Jinx withdrew a small coin from her pocket and placed it in Scarlett’s hand.

“Here, a good luck charm. I have more behind my desk… Give me a second.” Jinx let go of Scarlett and started behind her desk in search of the charms. “If I give you enough perhaps we can ward off the bad luck.”

“Wait, like a rabbit’s foot?” Scarlett was more baffled than ever. Was this some kind of joke? Was Coulson not taking her signing up to work with them seriously? She guessed that Jinx must have had some kind of special “gift” in order to be allowed to continue working with SHIELD. Still, Scarlett struggled to wrap her mind around the idea of it.

“What? No!” Jinx wrinkled up her nose and shook her head adamantly. “Those are not lucky, they’re inhumane.”

“Jinx, maybe you should calm down…” Mickey could see Scarlett’s irritation and hoped to defuse the situation before it got further out of control. Scarlett took a deep breath and resigned to accept her new coworkers for what they were. If Jinx was superstitious it didn’t bother her, but Scarlett wasn’t so there would have to be a line drawn. Placing the coin back down on the desk, Scarlett slid it toward Jinx.

“Look, Julianna… I assure you that my past life was riddled with violence. Twenty years of violence and it was pretty nasty. If you are picking up anything then it has to be that. Your good luck charms? They’re wasted on me. I don’t believe in luck. If I did, I’d be long dead.” Scarlett grinned confidently and Mickey sighed with relief. For a brief moment she was sure that Scarlett was going to lose her temper. She was hoping that the situation would resolve itself smoothly. With Scarlett seemed to come chaos, at least in Mickey’s experience. She wondered if there was some truth to Jinx’s predictions.

“No, it’s not that.” Jinx shook her head and started laying cards out in front of her. “This violence is in your future. You reek of disaster, you stink of blood.”

“Wow,” Scarlett let her mouth hang open in disbelief. “I guess this perfume is a no from now on.”

“The mark of death is upon you.” Jinx placed her fingers on top of the card closest to her and looked upset. Mickey placed her hand over Jinx’s and pushed the card away, hoping to get the woman to calm down.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Julianna.” Scarlett decided arguing against what Jinx saw would be fruitless. She wouldn’t take it seriously or give it a second thought once they parted ways.

“You can call me Jinx.” Even with a smile, she looked haunting with her multicolored eyes. And behind those eyes, Scarlett could see nothing but worry and suspicion of what was to come.

“Well, you’ve certainly earned that name.” Scarlett was beginning to regret the decision she’d made to work with SHIELD. She thought back to the bottle of sleeping pills sitting in her car, judging her. Now Jinx was judging her, telling her she was going to die. Maybe she shouldn’t have gotten out of bed that morning. Between the doctors, the stress of worrying about Tony, and now apparently stinking of blood, Scarlett didn’t think her day could get much worse. But as she reflected on what had happened, she realized it wasn’t so bad. She’d definitely had worse days than that.

In fact, it was just another ordinary Monday in the life of Scarlett Damien.