Stay Right Where You Are.

*Alan's P.O.V*

"So, uh, anyway." Sammy smiles widely, reaching over to interlock her fingers with Beryl's. "What were you saying?"

"I felt like killing myself." I say, in a flat tone. But both of them had still heard me, and I heard the dark-haired girl fight back a gasp.

"W-why?" Sam asks, just the tone in her voice making me look up from the floor.

"He was gone," I say quietly, biting my lip. "I had nothing to live for. He was the only reason I had gotten out of bed each morning. He, was my only ray of hope."

"D-did he save you?" My best friend asks, a scared sound to her voice now. Although, I couldn't exactly figure out why.

"N-no. Well, not e-exactly. He did his v-very best, and it still w-wasn't g-g-good enough." I say, feeling the tense in my chest as my eyes began to well up with tears.

"Alan, no." Sammy says softly, giving me a small smile. "You're getting better."

"How?" I ask, talking more to myself than her. "I'm a nightmare."

"But at the same time, you're Austin's dream come true."

I had to smile at that. I wasn't entirely heartless, and let's be serious. Even the mention of his name made me smile. He was all mine now, and I didn't plan on letting him go again.

"Are you sure about that?" I ask, feeling uncertain. I looked down at my hands. They were wrapped around each other, gripping tightly. And I can't help but wish that one of them was Austin's. And he was sitting next to me, whispering into my ear and making me feel wanted again. I missed him badly, and it had only been twenty minutes. What was I supposed to do if he had to leave again? I'd kill myself. At least I could promise myself that.

"Yes, I'm sure Alan." She smiles, and looks over to Beryl. "Are you two hungry?"

"Yes!" Beryl beams, loudly dragging out the 's'.

Then Sammy looks to me. No, no, no. She gives me an expectant look, and I mumble out a quiet, "Yes."

Number One rule of having an eating disorder: Never let anyone know that you have one.

I wasn't worrying. Shit, all I had to do was go into the bathroom and throw it back up. Simple logic. I could handle this.

"Is frozen pizza okay?" She sighs, pulling some hair out of her face. "I know its kinda gross, but I've been sort of broke lately and-"

"Babe." Beryl cuts her off. "Frozen pizza is perfect. Right, Alan?" She looks at me expectantly, with a huge smile on her face.

"Pizza is great, Sam." I force a smile. No matter what, I'm going to regret eating it. Maybe I could just say that I wasn't hungry? Fuck, that wouldn't work, you told her that you were. Whatever, Alan, just fucking eat it. Then throw it up. I tried my very best not to smile. I succeed, for once.

"Alright, I'll be right back." Sam presses a kiss to her girlfriend's temple before scurrying off to the kitchen. Then Beryl turns to me.

"I can't believe I've never met you before." She says softly, smiling at me like she was actually happy to see me. Jesus Christ, she didn't need to lie right to my face. Otherwise she seemed like a lovely girl.

"M-me too." I say, trying to control my quivering hands. "How l-long have you t-two been going out?"

"One year, seven months and five days." She recites, making me grin about how much she cared for my best friend. "Sam told me you have a couple problems..."

"Only a c-couple?" I chuckle darkly, pulling my knees up to meet my chest. "It seems t-that you've been m-misinformed."

"Have I?" She asks, raising her eyebrows and cocking her head to the right in confusion.

"You have." I answer quietly. "My whole life is a problem." I've lost my nervous stutter. Was I calming down? I hoped so. Not too calm though, I needed to have a decent energy level in case an emergency came up.

"Alan," Beryl says worriedly, looking to me with fear in her eyes. "No you aren't. From what I've heard, you're the most amazing guy on the planet. You saved my girlfriend's life, after all! She wouldn't be here without you!"

"But now she has you to take care of her."

She opens her mouth to say something back, but she's cut off when Sam waltzes back into the room.

"I just put it in the oven!" She declares, sitting back down in her rightful spot next to Beryl. "What'd I miss?"

"Nothing." Beryl and I both say in unison. I look at her with an incredulous look and she only shrugs. Did she not want to tell Sammy? I was relieved for that.

"Uh, alright weirdos." She says, giving us an odd look.

"So how was the kitchen?" Beryl questions, all smiles again.

"It was just great," Sam says, a smirk appearing on her lips. "I missed you though." She quick leans over and kisses Beryl's forehead, causing the shorter girl to giggle and blush.

It made me jealous. I wanted Austin here. I wanted him to kiss my forehead and make me happy. I wanted him to be happy. He deserves the world, and it bummed me out that I'd never be able to give him even half as much.

"Watch any good movies lately?" Sam's voice breaks through my thoughts.

"Uh, no." I reply, running my hands quickly up and down my thighs once. "I've been cooped up in my apartment for two years, I don't even know what's out."

"They made a few good horror movies, if you'd like to watch one." Beryl smiles. God, she seemed like the perfect girlfriend. I'd strive to be like her, for Austin.

"I don't think I have enough time," I mumble, digging through my pocket, searching for my phone. Once I find it, I pull it out and check the time. Five forty-seven. "Austin said he'd be here at six o'clock sharp."

"Aw," Sammy pouts. "I know you love him and all, but you need to spend time with other people."

"I do spend time with other people." I point out. "There's Justin, Tino and Shay."

"You rely on Justin too much, Alan."

"Not anymore I don't," I whisper, regretting it the second it fell from my lips.

"W-why?" She asks, dumbstruck.

I then proceeded to tell her everything that happened, leaving out the part where I was throwing up. I only told her that I had been smoking in the bathroom.

It had been silent for a good four minutes now, Beryl and I nervously looking at each other every so often. Sammy, however, was glaring angrily at the floor, and looking like smoke was going to start coming out of her ears.

"I'm going to fucking kill him." She says harshly, looking up at me. I didn't know what to say, so I remained speechless. I wanted to kill him too.

"So uh, Alan," Beryl diverts my attention. "Smoking is a pretty gross habit."

"Disgusting." I agree quietly.

"Why do you do it?" She asks, what I'm assuming, just out of curiosity. She wasn't trying to bring me down.

"At first, I thought if I smoked enough cigarettes a day maybe I would get lung cancer and die," I begin, ignoring her once again surprised expression. "But that would take years. I wanted to die soon. I tried to shake the habit, but it stuck. Magically, I've cut down to about four a day."

"Where do you even smoke them?" Sammy asks, finally calm enough to speak. "I mean, you're with Austin twenty-four seven. You'd think that he would notice."

"Yeah," I shrug, not really knowing the answer either. "I just sort of slip away. Usually I just have to use some stupid excuse and I have a good five minutes to myself."

"Hmm," Beryl says, deep in thought. "Why don't you just tell him?"

"I don't want to get another lecture about how 'he wants me here as long as possible', or how 'that'll kill you, and if you die, I'm right behind you.'" I sigh, bringing my hands up to carefully rub some of the stress out of my temples.

"You two are too cute for your own fucking good." Sammy is now beaming brightly, seemingly happy after I had told her a few facts about our relationship.

Then there was a knock at the door.

"Yay!" I squeal unintentionally, feeling my cheeks heat up moments after, but I rush to the door anyway. I swing it open and there stands the love of my life.

"Hey, kitten." He smiles warmly, the light coming from the streetlights flickering in his eyes. "How was-"

Before he can even finish his sentence, I've thrown myself into his arms, wrapping them tightly around him.

"I missed you a lot." I murmur, burying my face in the crook of his neck.

"It was only an hour," Austin chuckles, but wraps his arms around me too. He presses what seems like a million kisses to the top of my head and only stops when he heard Sam coming.

I regretfully pull myself from his neck and stand in front of him. His arms immediately snake around my front, locking his fingers together right on top of my bellybutton. It made me feel so safe. I placed my hands on top of his, and simply laid them there.

"Hi Samantha." Austin smiles, and honestly, Sam had to smile back. No one can resist his smile, even if they hate him with a burning passion.

"Hello Austin," She smiles back, just as wide, and then positively grins at the sight of his hands wrapped so protectively around me. "I don't think you've ever met Beryl. Babe, can you come here for a sec?"

Beryl walks in, and Austin gives her the same smile he have Sam. And just like I know she would, she smiled right back.

"I'm Austin," He says, and to my relief he sounds content. He tries to move his hand so he can shake hands with her, but I won't allow it. I tighten my grip on him and press myself further into him. "I would have shaken your hand, but the little ginger princess here isn't having it."

Beryl giggles, and Sam slings her arm around her shoulders. "Well, I'm Beryl." The dark haired girl says, leaning into her girlfriend.

"Nice to meet you." Austin says, sounding genuine as ever.

"I wanna go home." I whine loudly, winking at the girls before looking up at Austin. I bat my eyelashes. "My feet hurt..."

He only grins and rolls his eyes before picking me up bridal style with ease. "I'll see you ladies later, but the princess is needed at his castle."

"Alright, alright." Sammy smiles, fighting back a few giggles. "It was nice seeing you again, Austin. Don't you dare forget to text me Alan!"

"I promise I won't." I state, blowing her a kiss before Austin is walking us down the driveway and over to Tino's car.