You & Me.

Scarlet.

My eyes opened to the sun illuminating from the light curtains. I let out a sigh turning my body facing John, he slept peacefully as I saw his chest rising in and out slowly. I smiled noticing that his hand was still wrapped around my shoulder, making his body lay uncomfortably in the bed. But I knew that he was trying to keep me safe and that's what I admired about him. I slowly pull his hand away from my shoulder and stood up from the bed, making my way to the bathroom. I had to go see my dad, last night felt like I was away from him and living alone all over again. I hated that feeling, and I needed to make sure he was okay. The image of him rushed into my mind again from the last time I saw him; he begged me to leave and get some rest, making me feel worried even more than I already was. I washed my face, rubbing my tired eyes and glanced at myself in the mirror. Dark circles formed under my eyes, my skin was getting paler and my lids felt heavy all the time. I knew that I caused this to myself because I'm in the constancy of feeling worried and anxious about him all the time. I shook my head, pushing my thoughts away and left the bathroom, slipping into my shoes lightly and trying to not make a sound. I looked at John one more time, smiling and walked out of the room.

“Shay?” I called out in the house, walking into the kitchen. From what I saw; nobody was in the house. I called out her name once again in hopes to hear a reply but I was only assured by the silence that she was either already at the hospital or taking Ben to the nursery. “What should I do now?” I kept pacing around the living room thinking of a way to find a ride to the hospital. I had to call a taxi or something because I needed to see him.

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I walked into the familiar halls, trying to find my way to his room. I spotted Shay from a distance, her back leaned against the wall and her entire face looked exhausted. My steps were quicker now and I could feel my heart race.

“Scarlet, they don't know wha-” Shay spoke the second her eyes met mine, her back moved from the wall as she made her way towards me, grabbing my shoulders lightly.

“Tell me what's going on. Please.” I knew that my voice was shaking as I spoke, looking at the room. No one was there, and I knew that something bad came up. I suddenly felt heat form in my chest, and everything around me felt unreal.

“Scarlet. I need you to calm down. Take a seat, let me explain.” She said, her own eyes watering as she slowly let me sit.

“Is- Is he okay? Please.. Tell me he's okay.” I tried to breathe in and out.

“The surgery.... It was last night.” She spoke looking at her lap. My heart sunk into my stomach, I didn't notice that I was crying until Shay tried to calm me down.

“It was-- successful, right? R-right?” I waited for an answer, and all I wanted to hear was a simple 'yes'. She looked away, her eyes moving to the ground. “Who allowed them to do the surgery?! That's fucking unfair! I-I'm his daughter and I deserve to know that.” I cried, my voice louder. I pursed my lips, preventing my tears from falling.

“It was.... John.” Her eyes never met mine when she spoke, and all I could feel was my head throbbing at the shock. It just couldn't be true. Why would he do that? I trust him, and I knew that she wasn't saying the truth.

“Y-You're lying.” I stuttered, looking into her eyes. “You are. He won't do that. John won't ever think of doing that. He would've told me.” I was angry, and I just wanted to know the truth.

“Scarlet- He.. he didn't have a choice. That's what your dad wanted.” She pulled my shoulders one more time looking into my eyes, “Your father didn't even tell me. His condition is getting worse and we don't know if he'll live or not. Please.. Just-- let us wait.” Her brown eyes filled with tears, I could see how much she loved him. Her eyes told me how she'd be a mess without him. She was speaking the truth, I needed to stop being pathetic. I needed to be on my dad's side and help him stay alive. Nothing else mattered other than that.

“Can- can we see him?” I spoke after a moment of silence. My voice clearer, and my tears gone. Shay nodded hear head, smiling weakly. Appreciative, for not making out a scene. We both walked into the elevator, making our way to his new room. Shay said it was more developed and had more machines to help him breathe right. We can't stay with him in the same room for a long time because it can be harmful to him. Fighting my tears away, I clenched my fist, breathing in. I was still in shock that John didn't trust me enough to tell me about my dad, I was angry at him; but mostly I was angry at myself. I was angry at myself for believing John, and thinking that there was some kind of good side of him. I was busy lying to myself to see the truth. I hated it, and I hated him so much.

“Are you ready?” Shay whispered, and I could see her opening the door for me. I breathed in, nodding. “You only have five minutes.” The nurse with the red hair spoke to me, she slowly walked out of his room. I could see a sad look on her face, as she made her steps away from us.

“Okay.” I whispered, walking inside.

The room was bigger than the one he used to stay at. It was colder, making me feel goosebumps running up and down my body. I wrapped my hands around my chest, slowly approaching his bed. He was unconscious, and his face looked paler than ever. With the heart monitor beeping, I took a seat next him, holding his hand.

“Remember that time mom got mad at me because I failed my Maths test and didn't tell her?” I said, my voice low. I looked at him as I continued, hoping that he somehow heard me. “I remember how you kept trying to tell her that it was okay.. I was so angry at mom that I slept over at Kayla's for two days.” I let out a small chuckle, feeling my eyes watering. I never spoke about my past with anyone ever since my dad left. The memories that I've had with everyone when I had my parents felt like another life. It felt like I wasn't that person anymore, and I hated that feeling. “But this dad... this..... this isn't something to hide from me. I.. I don't want to blame you, but.... you should've told me. I could've been stronger than this.” I rubbed my cheeks with the back of my hands. “Look at you now. Y-You're dying and there's nothing I can do.” I stared at him for a moment, and all at once, I let my tears fall as a sob escaped my lips. I couldn't hide it anymore. “Please. Stay alive. For us.” I heard someone cry behind me. Turning around, Shay was standing by the door all this time. One hand on her mouth and the other on her stomach, as she let her tears fall. I picked myself up and pulled her into a hug, crying. Maybe I haven't felt my mom's touch in a long time but now... It felt like my mother was right here, with me.

“He's... He's gonna be okay.” I said, letting go. “We have to be stronger than this right?”

She nodded her head, and I forced a smile. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, walking out of dad's room. I seated her on the bench, assuring her and trying to comfort her with my words.

“What happened? Is everything okay?” His voice made my body tense. I picked my head up, looking at him. Anger filled my eyes and I hoped that he'd notice that. His hair was ruffled, his eyes still tired and his face getting paler. I stood up.

“Why are you still pretending like you don't have any clue of what's going on?” I looked at him in the eye and I could see worry. “Isn't it enough that you lied about my dad's surgery and didn't tell any of us?”

“I thought I can trust you. I thought that you wouldn't pull me down like this. But who am I kidding?” His eyes moved to the ground shamefully. “I don't even know you, John. I was just lying to myself this whole time. I don't want you to be here anymore. You did whatever you did and no one wants you to stay.” I felt a lump forming in my throat as I tried to swallow, but it didn't work. My eyes burned into his one more time making him shrink with every look. I didn't know what I was doing but all I knew was that I hated him. I hated him so much. Even though I could feel my tears forming in my eyes I tried to ignore them as hard as I could. I wasn't weak. I never was weak.

“Scarlet.” He sighed, and the memory of his words came back to me from last night. How he said my full name for the first time, in the same sentence as 'I love you'. The way his hands wrapped around my back securely and kissed me with such passion that I couldn't even let go for breath. His voice reminded me of the way he told me he loved me, how his eyes had this sparkle inside of them; about to explode. But I convinced myself that he was lying. I wouldn't believe him if he said anything anymore.

“I said, leave.” I spoke through gritted teeth, my jaw clenched as I tried my hardest not to let myself go. “Please.” I didn't want my voice to show any signs of weakness but I failed the moment I told him to leave. My eyes moved to anywhere but his eyes; trying my best not to look at him. The more I looked, the harder it was for me. He stepped forward instead, but I only pushed myself away from him and that was when he realized that no matter how hard he tried nothing would work. He looked at me one more time, and I could see him from the corner of my eyes.

“I'm sorry.” His voice was hoarse, and low. Turning his head back and walking away. I let myself breakdown and tears were falling thoroughly down my face. I wasn't crying because I became weak, I was crying because I was angry at him. John, who became an extension of me, whose shadow sprung beside me every single time I needed him. How could he do that? How could he simply hide that from me? I trusted him and I was fooling myself thinking that he trusted me.

A hand wrapped around my shoulders and I turned my head looking at Shay whose turn was to comfort me now. I wasn't even hearing what she said because all I could think of was John. Only him. Every single part of him filled my mind and I couldn't let it go. But I had not choice.. I had to tell myself the truth. The truth hurt, and it always will but there wasn't any other thing that could solve this problem. I wasn't ready to put myself through so much, just to get over him. All I had to do was forget John, and rub him out of my life.