You & Me.

John.

“I don't even know you, John. I was just lying to myself this whole time. I don't want you to be here anymore. You did whatever you did and no one wants you to stay.”

Her words irrupted like a volcano in my mind, and it kept replaying over and over again as I walked out of the hospital. I leaned my head against the wall, angry at myself. I shouldn't have hid anything from anyone. Scarlet was right. I meant nothing to them, and he was her only family. I had no idea what to do but all I could think of was Scarlet, and the way she spoke to me. Her entire face was red and everything around me meant nothing when she stood in front of me. I thought that we've had enough of those worthless fights and stupid insults, but I was wrong. This wasn't just a worthless fight or a stupid insult. This was something that had someone's life, and someone's secret. I was entrusted by Joseph to not speak about him at all, and I did exactly what I was told. But I didn't think of the consequences, and now I'm getting what I deserve. Pushing myself from the wall, I made my steps towards the van until a voice grabbed my attention.

“John, right?” I squinted my eyes, trying to recognize the person who was standing in front of me.

“Yeah?” I answered, still unsure of who she was.

“I'm.. um, I'm Joseph's nurse.” She spoke and I immediately remembered who she was. The girl with the red hair... Haley, was her name. Or at least that's what I recalled. “I just wanted to inform you that... uh... we don't think he can do it anymore...” She bowed her head down looking at the floor. “The only thing that's keeping him breathing are the machines around him. Without them... he'd be gone..”

“I'm sorry. I-- I really don't think you should be telling me this.. His wife and daughter are inside-- They should know that. Not me.” I rubbed the back of my head. “I'm sorry.” I turned around, walking away.

“But- Wait!” She yelled and ran to me. “I uh, I really wan- I mean I think that you deserve to at least see him.” She looked at me, with pity in her eyes. That was when I knew what was going on. I knew that he can't stay alive anymore, and they have to remove the machines from his body. I felt a tingle rush through my veins. This was all my fault. If it wasn't for me, Scarlet would have at least got the chance to talk to him properly. She would've been stronger and she would've tried to take it all inside slowly.

“I---- I don't think I should be here, I just... Can you, just tell them everything? Don't uh, please don't hide anything from his family.” I glanced at the building behind the nurse for one last time, my eyes filled with guilt. You shouldn't have done that, John.. I kept repeating the same sentence in my head again, again and again. I turned my head walking away towards the van. Scarlet's face never left my image as I got inside the van and tried to pull the ignition. I didn't notice that my eyes were watering until I leaned my forehead against the stirring wheel, losing my control to everything.

I've always hated breaking down, even if I was alone I still felt weak and helpless. My fingers dug into my hair, frustration filling every hole in my body.



“Why are you always rude?” I asked.

“Because I simply hate getting attached to people quickly. I want to be someone they just see as they walk by the street and say hi. That's all I want, because I know that getting attached to someone is like getting attached to this series of black holes that lead you to ending up alone.”

She was right about me. I was just like everyone else, and it was my mistake that I got her attached to me quickly, it was my mistake that I left her all alone and it was my mistake that she's inside that hospital in hopes waiting for her dad to get better without me with her. I was supposed to protect her, and help her get through everything but instead I did the exact opposite. I guess that's why I needed to leave as soon as possible and leave her all alone. Maybe that was for the best for the both of us. I glanced at the passenger seat, and it felt so wrong that it was empty. Scarlet was supposed to be sitting there, either making fun of me or blasting the audio and singing along. I felt empty, and for the first time I hated the silence. Rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand, I spotted the book Scarlet was reading. I moved my fingers softly through it, opening the first page.

Dear John,

You're strangely different than anyone I've ever met. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over again.

-Scarlet.

Reading it in her voice, my heart ached as I closed my eyes leaning my head against the seat. I've never hated myself like this before. I wish if I could've fixed things, and I wish that I was with her right now.

I breathed in, pulling my phone from my pocket and calling the familiar phone number.

“Hello?” I heard a reply.

“Tim, hey. It's me.” I answered, pulling the ignition and this time, I drove away.

“John? What the hell man? Where have you been?”

“That doesn't matter.. Uh, I think I'm... I think I'm ready to go on tour.”

“For real man!? That's fucking brilliant! Holy shit, guys.” I heard him shush everyone, “You guys, John is coming home and he says it's time to go on tour.” Shouts and laughs were heard when Tim announced what I just said. I forced a chuckle, as I held my grip on the stirring wheel with one hand and the other held the phone.

“Hey listen I--I've gotta long ride, man. I'll uh, I'll see you soon.” I spoke, as he said goodbye and hung up. That was it.

I ended our journey right here in Boston, with her. I told myself that I'm gonna leave her memory here, and get back to a fresh, new start. What hurt the most was the fact that she played a huge part on who I am at the moment. But that didn't matter now because, all I knew is that I'll have to get her out of my mind. Even if it took forever and even if I would go through hell. I stared at the book that lay on the passenger seat with the corner of my eyes, and I knew that this was the only thing that's left of her with me. I didn't know what I was going to do in the future, and for the first time ever I felt like I left the most important thing behind me and ran away from it.