You & Me.

Scarlet.

I stared out at the unknown faces that stood in front of me, sadness and pity filled their eyes. I slowly squeezed the sleeve of my black dress as I breathed in and cleared my throat. I could see Shay, forcing a smile to her lips and trying to assure me. I would do anything to get away from here, but I had to do it.

“My name is Scarlet.” I spoke, maybe too quickly, but it grabbed everyone's attention and they all waited for me to continue. “I'm gonna speak a few words in the memory of my father-” That was when my face entirely changed. Tears were threatening my eyes but I pushed them back. Not now, please. Not now.
“My father.. Jose- Joseph Young.”

“I'm not sure if I can get this into words but, my dad... He was the only person who'd tuck me into bed on a rainy night and tell me that it'll be alright. He was the one that took me on a trip to the Grand Canyon and said, 'Scarlet. Don't you ever forget where you come from.'” I looked down at my shoes, sniffed, and picked my head up again. “Maybe I didn't have any recent memories with him, but I know for a fact that every time I speak of my old memories with him, it would make me smile because I knew that my dad was my only hero. He made me realize things I've never known and he made sure I've learned everything he said about staying alive. He told me things I know that I'd never forget, because I look up to him as a father, a brother, a teacher and a best friend. So dad, I have one last thing to tell you.” The church was so quiet. Almost peaceful as I kept speaking. I hoped that I hadn't sound weak to anyone because I hated crying in public. I had to close my eyes and allow myself to breathe in before I continued.

“If I only had five minutes the day you passed away, I would have had time to tell you all the things I needed to say. I never got to tell you how much you mean to me,
Or that you were the best dad, better than any man I've ever met. The last time that I talked to you I wish I would have known. I would have said I love you, and kept you right next to me. If I only had five minutes, the morning you passed away, I'd give you one last hug so tight and see your great big smile.
I'd tell you that I don't think I could live without you, I'd kiss your cheek and take your hand and tell you it's okay. And tell you that I'll miss you, more than you'll ever know.” I didn't notice that my entire body was shaking until Shay quickly walked towards me and I covered my mouth with my hand forcing myself to stop crying but I couldn't. Everything in my life right now didn't make since. I didn't know who I was and I didn't know where I belong. The only hope I had was my dad and now I don't have him anymore. I don't even know where to go.

“Take it easy, it's okay. It's okay.” Shay was also crying and I could see how hard she tried to keep me safe. She wrapped an arm around my shoulder, making sure I won't fall over. Everything around me looked blurry and I couldn't breathe evenly.

“I- I don't want to be here. Take me home.” That was when I realized that I didn't even have a home. A sob left my lips and I felt Shay's hands rubbing my back, trying to comfort me. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't hide any tears away from anyone because it was painful to even try.

As I walked towards the door, I noticed that Shay stopped her tracks and she was staring at someone, the shock on her face looked obvious. I followed her eyes and where she was staring at; the moment I spotted the familiar face, I didn't know why but I had a glimpse of hopefulness in myself.

“Scarlet, dear.” He spoke, walking towards me and pulling me into a tight hug, making me feel his fatherly touch. I forced back the need to cry my eyes out in his arms, but I didn't want to make a scene. I just wanted him to keep me like this for a really, really long time. I wanted to stop everything around me just for a moment and forget it all. I squeezed my eyes shut and tears fell down my face.

“Mr. O'Callaghan.” I spoke, and he let go still holding my shoulders. I could see sadness in his eyes, and tears were forming. I sniffed, and he smiled at me weakly. His eyes were bloodshot making it obvious that he hadn't had any sleep in a long time. I didn't know why I was pleased to see him, but I was.. Maybe it was because at least he cared to show up, and he cared about me.

“I'm so sorry for your loss.” He looked into my eyes, “I promise you. I'm gonna keep you safe, okay? You're like the daughter that I've never had. I'm gonna make sure that you have everything you need. Your father.. Scarlet, he.. he was like a brother to me and I would trade anything in this world to see him again.” His eyes moved to the ground and he rubbed them with the back of his hand. I didn't know how much he cared about me until now. I could see how much my dad meant to him, and it gave me hope to keep going.

“I want to go home.” I spoke, both Shay and Mr. O'Callaghan looked up at me.

“Let's go home. You need some rest.” Shay whispered.

“N-no.. I... I wanna go home. To Arizona.” Shay's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she looked at me. I pulled her into a hug. “I'm sorry.. Shay.. I-I'm really sorry. I can't stay here any longer..” I cried into her shoulder. “You've been like a second mother to me and I promise, I won't forget about you at all.” I whispered, sniffing.

“I love you. Scarlet. I want you to remember that your dad would want you to be happy now. He... He wants to see you smile, okay?” She pulled away, grabbing my shoulders into her hands. “You're an inspiration to me, just always know that. I'm gonna miss you.” She pursed her lips together, trying to force a weak smile.

“I love you too, Shay.” I whispered, smiling. I turned my head to Mr. O'Callaghan and he nodded towards me. Looking around the church people were already leaving after the memorial. The only ones who were left was me, Shay and Mr. O'Callaghan. “Goodbye.” I spoke, as Mr. O'Callaghan kept a hand on my back, walking me outside. I kept my head turned back and looked at Shay, waving a hand at me, a graceful smile on her lips. I smiled back and kept looking at her until she went out of sight.

“Are you ready to leave?” Mr O'Callaghan asked as we walked outside, standing on the sidewalk.

“Yeah.. I-I just want to do one last thing..”

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John.

I pulled out the last piece of equipment from the truck, making my way inside the venue. We were going to play our first show after releasing our new acoustic EP. I wasn't precisely nervous. Hell, I wasn't even feeling anything at all towards tonight. My thoughts were always dragged away to her.. only her. How was she doing? Does she ever think of me as much as I think of her? Questions without any answers rushed into my mind for long hours. Sometimes I can't even hear what people are telling me, because my mind is always away from my body.

“Are you sure you're ready for tonight? Dude, we can cancel if you want to.” I didn't realize that Kennedy was sitting across from me in the empty venue. I was sitting with my guitar on the stage, my eyes locked into the ground, images of her were showing up in my head leaving me with too many thoughts. I raised my heavy eyes, looking at him. He looked worried and I hated it when the guys got worried about me, they'd constantly think that I need some rest and in fact I didn't need any rest. All I needed was something that can take her away from my thoughts. I wanted to forget her, I was trying to forget her.

“Yeah, man. Why would we cancel? I'm alright.” I said, trying to sound acceptable and make them stop worrying about me.

“I just want to make sure you're okay with this.” He spoke, scratching his neck.

“You guys need to fucking stop talking to me like I'm a different person.” I suddenly felt anger rush into my veins.

“Its because you are a different person John. Ever since you came back, you've changed and we're just worried about you man. I don't know what that girl did to you but she turned you into another person.” He looked me in the eye and even though I was furious, I couldn't answer him. Because he was right, and I wish if it was easy to go back to the person I was before. It would've been simpler now.

“I'm trying.” I said, my teeth gritted, “I'm honestly trying. I just... I can't do this anymore you know?” I ran a hand through my thick hair, frustration getting into me. My entire body went loose and I just wanted to stop existing. I wanted to leave this place and stay away from everyone and everything. Silence filled the empty venue and I couldn't even look at Kennedy, as I kept my eyes on the ground trying to prevent them from watering.

“Hey.. I-uh.. I'm sorry, man.” Kennedy walked towards me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I buried my head in my hands, breathing in deeply. “We're gonna figure this out, alright?” I slowly raised my head, and tried my best to fake a smile nodding my head.

“I hope so.” I whispered.

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Dear Scarlet,

It seems like I can't get you out of my head these days. It gets worse at night, though.. Much worse. I can't even think of a distraction because every time I try to think of something you pop back in my mind.. I hope you're doing alright, I hope you're looking into the positive side of every situation and I hope you're smiling more often. I never told you, but you have a beautiful smile and that's why you need to show it more.

I don't even know what I'm writing anymore, but tonight was our first acoustic show of the tour. I don't know why but I kept trying to spot you in the crowd, hoping that maybe just maybe you're here and you're back. I drank a lot, that I forgot the lyrics to my own song. My friends brought me back home and I do recall throwing up in the backseat. It's frustrating, Scarlet. The fact that I have no escape from this. I can't do anything about it because I know that I won't see you anymore. They told me that I need to forget you, but I don't know how. I really don't. The only thing that I do know is that I fell in love with you, and the moment that happens, there is no possible way to fall out of love. My head feels like I just got hit by a car, and I'm uncomfortable with my own skin. I keep staring out this hotel's window, imagining that you're next to my car trying to get your phone. I would do anything to bring you back in a heartbeat.

I hope you forgive me for whatever I did, Scarlet. I love you.

-John.