Status: trying something new.

You & Me.

Teach me how to feel.

Scarlet.

My body felt fragile. Like with only one touch, I can break into pieces. The pain was too much to handle. I spent nights on that hospital bed begging them for something to ease the pain. It hurt. It hurt so much and I didn't know if I could take it anymore. I could feel the sound of my heart beating in my head.

I sat on the bathtub, taking off my robe softly. It was my first night out of the hospital and John took me to his apartment.

“I'll take good care of you darlin.” he'd say and I force a smile.

I felt sad because he didn't deserve any of this at all. I hated myself and I knew that I was only ruining his life.

I hugged my knees to my chest. I felt nothing as I stared closely at the wall. All I could hear was the water touching my body, but I was numb. The tears threatened my eyes again and I slowly felt them slipping down my cheeks. I ruined his life and he was still standing right beside me. I made him feel so much pain but he never complained. I wished if we could be happy for once, at least. This is not what I want to be.

“Scarlet?! Are you alright in there?” I heard John speak through the door but I stayed quiet. I haven't spoken a word ever since I left that hospital bed. I had nothing to say. Everything was speaking for itself. My body was quietly shattering into pieces and it all felt numb. “Scarlet!?” He called out again. I held my breath feeling the hot tears streaming down my face. I bit my lower lip, and kept staring at that wall as if it was the most interesting thing I've ever seen.

“I'm coming in.” He said and as he walked into the bathroom, I could see the sadness forming in his eyes. I was nothing but trouble and I knew that.

“Holy shit, you're shivering.” He touched my skin, softly. I noticed how he was starting to panic as he turned the tab to the hot water. I felt the warm water touch my body, and I let loose. I couldn't bring up myself to meet his eyes. I felt too... shameful and sad. I felt like I was bringing bad luck into his life. I kept staring at the ground and he started helping me. He grabbed the soap and ran it through my body, softly. Washing away what felt like dirt all over me. He kept looking at me, as if wanting me to say anything. I wanted to talk, I wanted to hold him but I couldn't.

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I laid on his bed with my pajamas on, my hair still wet. I stared into the empty ceiling, thinking of the fall. How my body threw itself right into the water with no fear and no hesitation. I felt bad.. That night I felt bad that I was out having fun and being happy. I didn't know why.

“Here, take this pain killer. Let me know if you feel like the headache is back again, okay?” I nodded my head as he handed me a glass of water and the pill. I kept the glass by the table and wrapped myself into the blanket. I knew that he was staring at me. But I couldn't.. I couldn't have the heart to even look at him.

“You haven't said a word ever since we left the hospital. What's wrong?” He stroked my hair softly, cupping my cheeks.

I didn't say a word. I stayed quiet with my eyes on my lap, and I felt his stare.

“Scarlet.. Look at me.” He kept his thumb on my chin, raising it gently. My eyes met his and I felt like electricity was passing right through my body. “I don't want to know why you did it. I don't want to know anything. What matters is that you're right here with me. I don't want anything to change, I want us to be together.” His eyes sparkled and I felt as if all the stars in the sky were right there. My heart fluttered to his words, and the tears pooled into my eyes. I let out a sob and I shook my head.

“No, John.. Thi-this is different.” I spoke, rubbing my tears with the back of my hand.

“Scarlet, we've been through so much and you know that. You know it. We can get through this together.” I looked into his glowing eyes and I could see desire. His hands found their way to mine, and he held them tightly. His bedroom was dark, and the lights were dim. I remembered the night we first kissed, how his lips found their way to mine with no hesitation. How I woke up and he was right by my side. I remember how happy I felt, as if nothing in this world mattered but us.

As I looked into his eyes, I saw it all. I had a future with him, a new life, a new book. We can gather ourself out of the dark, I can bury the mess I made behind me forever and I can finally be happy. With him, nothing felt impossible, and I know that I will somehow make it up. For all the pain I let him go through.

“Can't you see it, Scarlet? I love you. I want to be able to say that you're mine forever, and I know that no matter what happens we can still go through everything.” He whispered, his face inches away from mine. I felt my problems and all my worries disappear, the more he got closer to me. His tender kiss trailed down from my forehead, to my cheeks, to the corner of my lips and I finally allowed my lips to crash against his. Whatever was going on in my mind didn't matter at all with his body against mine. All I could think of was how I truly am the luckiest to have someone like him. My hands wrapped around his neck and I let my actions speak rather than my words.
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This chapter sucks the most out of the whole story in my opinion but guess what!? Next chapter will hopefully be the last so comment/subscribe and let me read all about your thoughts becaue it means a lot to me! <3