Status: trying something new.
You & Me.
The storm is coming.
Scarlet.
I love you so much, sweetheart . The way he said it and how his voice cracked made me feel like I have a dad. A dad that cares about me so much and would never do anything to make me feel useless or stupid. But he made me feel like I'm the worst person alive and it made me angry. I was angry at him for leaving and I couldn't let it go. But the moment I heard his voice through that phone, seven years later, I got weak and I didn't have anything to say. I hated myself for crying, I hated myself for looking weak in front of John and I hated myself for letting it go.
My grip tightened as I held the steering wheel and kept driving. 12 more hours. 12 more hours until the moment that will either shatter me into pieces or make me happy.
“It's gonna be better, alright? You just need to understand that.” John's words echoed in my brain repeatedly. I've never seen John this passionate ever since I met him. The way he reacted to everything that happened comforted me. I thought he would comment on how stupid I looked crying like a baby or he would probably ignore me for the rest of the trip but he didn't do any of that and it caught me by surprise. I guess sometimes we need to go through something hard to get to know someone's real personality. At least that's what I thought..
Tears were swelling up in my eyes and I kept looking straight trying to forget my dad's phone call. It's been 2 hours since I talked to him but it felt like minutes ago. Don't cry, I kept reminding myself. Don't. I kept trying to breathe in and out slowly just to prevent myself from breaking down. I had to be stronger than this, because I know that hours from now I will be facing something harder. I'll meet my father for the first time in seven years and I had to gather up my strength and power because I was definitely not going to sob like a baby in front of him. I had to be stronger than this, I had to.
I looked at John who fell asleep moments after we exchanged places. I should've asked to drive earlier than this because it showed how tired he looked. I could see the outline of his face in the darkness as he breathed evenly. His hands folded loosely and his head leaned back, I was hoping he was comfortable with his position. For a moment my thoughts went to him and how caring he was when I got the phone call. Maybe I was being stupid but for the first time I could see how much of a good person he is deep inside. I knew that the John I first met was different from the John I faced a few hours ago.
“Thank you.” I whispered knowing that he wouldn't hear me. “For being good to me.” I needed to get that off my chest sooner or later and now was the time even though he couldn't hear a word I say, “I know that I'll need you a lot for these few days.” My voice was calm, I felt my entire body rest and I wasn't feeling angry anymore. Tears weren't forming in my eyes and I was gathering myself up to be stronger from now. I let out a heavy sigh as I stared out at the road in front of me. The sky was starting to look brighter and I realized that it was dawn, which meant that by tonight I will not be in this van but I will be standing in front of my father.
Things have started to feel real and even though I was trying to be strong a part of me was nervous as hell.
~~~~~~~~
John.
“I know that I'll need you a lot for these few days.” I felt my heart flutter the moment I heard her say that. I tried to stay still and keep my eyes closed. She thought I was asleep. Her words made my entire body shiver for some unknown reason. Maybe it's because I didn't know that she trusted me this much, until now. Or maybe because I thought she was that hard and stubborn girl who I met at the bar that day. The way I look at it right now, my thoughts are confused. It's much different now; much better.
I slowly opened my eyes and noticed that the sun was rising slowly on the horizon making my eyes squint.
“Good morning.” I said, my voice rough. Scarlet looked at me, a weak smile planted on her pale lips as she turned her head back to the road one more time. “I-I think I'll handle the driving now.” I said running a hand through my greasy hair trying not to sound nervous. “You look tired, you should nap a little.” I tried to smile at her but she had a poker face and I couldn't figure out what she was thinking or doing. She just nodded her head not speaking. I sighed in relief because I was starting to get tired of sitting here while doing nothing, it always gave me anxiety and I preferred driving. She stopped the van by the side of the road and we switched places. She was starting to make me feel worried, whenever I tried to start a conversation all she did was nod her head without saying a word. I put on my seatbelt and started driving and from the corner of my eyes I could see Scarlet writing something down on the book she got.
Glancing at my watch, it was already 6:00am. 10 more hours , I thought. In ten hours we'll be standing in front of Boston's Medical Center. In ten hours, Scarlet will go through one of the hardest moments of her life and I had to be there for her.
I love you so much, sweetheart . The way he said it and how his voice cracked made me feel like I have a dad. A dad that cares about me so much and would never do anything to make me feel useless or stupid. But he made me feel like I'm the worst person alive and it made me angry. I was angry at him for leaving and I couldn't let it go. But the moment I heard his voice through that phone, seven years later, I got weak and I didn't have anything to say. I hated myself for crying, I hated myself for looking weak in front of John and I hated myself for letting it go.
My grip tightened as I held the steering wheel and kept driving. 12 more hours. 12 more hours until the moment that will either shatter me into pieces or make me happy.
“It's gonna be better, alright? You just need to understand that.” John's words echoed in my brain repeatedly. I've never seen John this passionate ever since I met him. The way he reacted to everything that happened comforted me. I thought he would comment on how stupid I looked crying like a baby or he would probably ignore me for the rest of the trip but he didn't do any of that and it caught me by surprise. I guess sometimes we need to go through something hard to get to know someone's real personality. At least that's what I thought..
Tears were swelling up in my eyes and I kept looking straight trying to forget my dad's phone call. It's been 2 hours since I talked to him but it felt like minutes ago. Don't cry, I kept reminding myself. Don't. I kept trying to breathe in and out slowly just to prevent myself from breaking down. I had to be stronger than this, because I know that hours from now I will be facing something harder. I'll meet my father for the first time in seven years and I had to gather up my strength and power because I was definitely not going to sob like a baby in front of him. I had to be stronger than this, I had to.
I looked at John who fell asleep moments after we exchanged places. I should've asked to drive earlier than this because it showed how tired he looked. I could see the outline of his face in the darkness as he breathed evenly. His hands folded loosely and his head leaned back, I was hoping he was comfortable with his position. For a moment my thoughts went to him and how caring he was when I got the phone call. Maybe I was being stupid but for the first time I could see how much of a good person he is deep inside. I knew that the John I first met was different from the John I faced a few hours ago.
“Thank you.” I whispered knowing that he wouldn't hear me. “For being good to me.” I needed to get that off my chest sooner or later and now was the time even though he couldn't hear a word I say, “I know that I'll need you a lot for these few days.” My voice was calm, I felt my entire body rest and I wasn't feeling angry anymore. Tears weren't forming in my eyes and I was gathering myself up to be stronger from now. I let out a heavy sigh as I stared out at the road in front of me. The sky was starting to look brighter and I realized that it was dawn, which meant that by tonight I will not be in this van but I will be standing in front of my father.
Things have started to feel real and even though I was trying to be strong a part of me was nervous as hell.
~~~~~~~~
John.
“I know that I'll need you a lot for these few days.” I felt my heart flutter the moment I heard her say that. I tried to stay still and keep my eyes closed. She thought I was asleep. Her words made my entire body shiver for some unknown reason. Maybe it's because I didn't know that she trusted me this much, until now. Or maybe because I thought she was that hard and stubborn girl who I met at the bar that day. The way I look at it right now, my thoughts are confused. It's much different now; much better.
I slowly opened my eyes and noticed that the sun was rising slowly on the horizon making my eyes squint.
“Good morning.” I said, my voice rough. Scarlet looked at me, a weak smile planted on her pale lips as she turned her head back to the road one more time. “I-I think I'll handle the driving now.” I said running a hand through my greasy hair trying not to sound nervous. “You look tired, you should nap a little.” I tried to smile at her but she had a poker face and I couldn't figure out what she was thinking or doing. She just nodded her head not speaking. I sighed in relief because I was starting to get tired of sitting here while doing nothing, it always gave me anxiety and I preferred driving. She stopped the van by the side of the road and we switched places. She was starting to make me feel worried, whenever I tried to start a conversation all she did was nod her head without saying a word. I put on my seatbelt and started driving and from the corner of my eyes I could see Scarlet writing something down on the book she got.
Glancing at my watch, it was already 6:00am. 10 more hours , I thought. In ten hours we'll be standing in front of Boston's Medical Center. In ten hours, Scarlet will go through one of the hardest moments of her life and I had to be there for her.
♠ ♠ ♠
Thoughts?