Alone Together

“They’ve barely said a word to each other.” Joe and Andy observed the group walking ahead of them, purposefully lingering behind for a better view. Rae and Patrick were being as cute as they usually were when out and about, linked hands swinging between them and cartoon hearts popping around their heads. Brendon and Taylor were just behind them, with the former quizzing the latter on any random thing that popped into his head. Behind them lagged Pete, poor awkward Pete, who didn’t seem to know what he should be doing in their little parade.

“We need to get them alone together,” Joe mused. He grinned and punched Andy in the arm. “Heh heh. Get it? Alone together?”

Andy rolled his eyes and pushed him away. “Very clever, Joe. Yes, that’s the song about Taylor. My goodness you are so hilarious.”

Joe huffed and crossed his arms. All day he had tried brainstorming how to corner Pete or Taylor and get them to spill what had happened before Taylor fled to New York. The curiosity was killing him, but nothing had worked. He had tried getting Taylor to talk when they were alone on the Ferris Wheel in the Toys R Us, but she had blushed and wisely distracted him by pointing to a display of Star Wars toys on the third floor. Pete had been less subtle in his refusal to speak. He instead chose to tell Joe to fuck off and stormed away.

It made Joe sad to see the distance between Pete and Taylor. When they used to all hang out before, the two would always share conspiratorial smiles when nothing was even said. It was happier then, and Joe couldn’t handle all the sad and weird tension. Whatever had happened, they needed to be forced together to duke it out and put it all behind them. After all, they were finally all together again. They should all be happy!

When the gang decided to return to Taylor’s apartment to regroup, Joe saw his chance. They all filed into the family room and Joe made a point of running in to the trash can as he passed. “Aw, man! I’m sorry, Tay!” he exclaimed, inwardly grinning as the contents of the bin started to scatter.

Taylor grimaced and she bent to gather up the trash. “That’s okay, Joe. I should run this out anyway. I’ll be right back.” She closed the front door behind her and Joe spun on Pete.

“You have to pee,” he said. Pete narrowed his eyes and pushed Joe away.

“Dude, what the hell?”

“You have to pee.”

“No. No, I don’t.”

“You have to pee.”

“God damn it, Joe! Now I actually need to!” Pete cursed and stormed away to the bathroom in a hurry, slamming the door behind him. Joe grinned and pulled Brendon off the couch.

“Come on, folks. We’re leaving.” He started ushering everyone towards the door, ignoring their protests. “Would you just trust me? Let’s hurry up and get out of here!”

By the time they had disappeared, catching on to his intentions, Taylor walked back in to an empty apartment, shocked to find no trace of her friends. With a great sigh she plopped down onto her couch, running her fingers through her hair. She lay down and snuggled into the pillow, realizing just how exhausted she was after a day with everyone. Suddenly the sound of the toilet flushing echoed through the apartment and Taylor sat up with a start, looking over the back of the couch with wide eyes as Pete walked back into the room.

Pete froze when he saw everyone else had gone. His breath caught in his throat as his eyes landed on Taylor, noticing how her hair was askew and messy, her lips red as she bit them in her nerves. He shivered as images of that night again flooded his memory—the look in Taylor’s eyes when they collided in the disheveled sheets, the way she bit her lip and groaned his name—

He quickly shook his head back to the present. “Where’d everyone go?” He strode into the family room, avoiding Taylor’s eyes. She sat up straight and pushed down her hair.

“I don’t know. I figured you all left. No one was here when I came back up.” Why wouldn’t he look at her? Why was it so awkward trying to talk to him when before it had been the easiest thing in the world?

He nodded and shoved his hands in his jacket’s pockets. “Well, I guess I better get going then.” He walked towards the door, reaching his hand out for the doorknob.

“Pete, please—wait.” She wasn’t sure what made her call out to him. Maybe it was her heart, shouting out when her tongue was frozen. But it made him hesitate, and she seized the opportunity. She hurried off the couch and approached him, reaching a shaking hand out to touch his arm. He recoiled as if she had burned him, but it got him to turn and face her.

She could feel those familiar tears prickling, but she blinked them away. “I can’t bear to keep up this act of not talking or looking at each other anymore, Pete. It hurts too much.”

Pete scoffed a laugh. “Oh, it hurts, Tay? Fuck, I wish I knew what it was like for something to hurt.” He brushed past her and back into the apartment. He held up a finger. “Except oh wait, I think I can probably think of something.” His eyes were dark when he turned back to her, his fake smile long gone from his face. “Like how about the time I told a girl I loved her and she took off the next day without any warning and no way to even keep in touch with her? That’s fucking pain, Taylor. That more than hurt.”

Taylor’s cheeks flushed and she looked down at her feet. “Pete, I’m so sorry for that. You have to know just how much—“

Pete’s laugh was harsh. “Oh, I’m sure you were so sorry, Taylor. But not so sorry that you couldn’t call us once you got settled, or to let any of us know what you were up to. Not so sorry that you weren’t above abandoning all your friends in Chicago.” He shook his head and waved his hands around without purpose. “I’ve been a fucking wreck, Taylor!”

He walked up to her and their eyes locked; she could see the pain behind his that was screaming to be relieved. “Tell me it didn’t mean anything.” She shook her head and turned away, but Pete grabbed her shoulders and held her in place. “Taylor.” His voice was so cold it made her shiver. She forced her eyes to his. “Tell me you don’t love me.” It was such déjà vu. Taylor shook her head, staring into his eyes.

“I can’t.”

Pete let go of her and walked away, shoulders slumped in defeat. “Then none of this makes any sense.”

Taylor rarely allowed herself to grow to this enormity of fury, but for the second time, Pete brought it out in her. Her nostrils flared and she clenched her fists. “You want to hear about a wreck, Peter? Then sit down and I’ll tell you what a wreck is.” Pete’s eyes widened but his years of hurt were more powerful than his shock, and he stood his ground. Taylor glared, but continued.

“You think it felt good to see you and Ashlee together? Do you know how difficult it was for me to act happy all the time when in reality all I wanted to do was scream and cry?” Pete felt his heart sink when he noticed angry tears sliding down her cheeks. “How do you think it felt to know that you were going home to her after all the sweet things you said and did that made me fall in love with you? Knowing that she got to hear you say those words, knowing she got to be with you in a way that I never—“

Taylor blushed and paced away, returning to him with even more fury. “Do you know why my parents split, Peter? Because my mother had an affair. And I always wondered what that man must think, or how he must feel, to know he split up a family like that.” Her tears were streaming now. “I couldn’t be that person. And after that night…Pete, I couldn’t stay. I couldn’t be the reason you two broke up.”

He could feel his anger dissolving as he started to realize he had put her through more pain than she ever had to him. Her tears started to rack her body and she fell to the ground, convulsing with sobs. Still Pete couldn’t reach for her to comfort her. She wasn’t done yet.

“You sure made it obvious how heartbroken you were that I left, Pete. How soon after I left did Ashlee become pregnant? By my math not that long. And then you two were married. And all the while I had to smile and act like I wasn’t breaking inside.” She wrapped her arms around herself, burying her face into her sleeves. “And your baby…oh, Pete, when I first saw pictures of Bronx my heart just broke. He is such a beautiful boy, and I was so, so happy for you. I could see in all the tabloid pictures just how truly happy you were with your son.”

Her voice cracked and turned into a wail. “And it broke my heart to know that I wasn’t the woman who had given you that beautiful baby, that you had had him with someone else. And I knew that any love you felt for me would never compare to the love you must have for your son. So I couldn’t even try to reenter your life, Pete. I couldn’t do that to you. I couldn’t do that to Bronx.”

Pete watched her on the floor, feeling his face grow hot with shame. He knelt down next to her, hesitant to reach out and offer her comfort. He awkwardly ran his fingers through his hair. “I’m an asshole,” he finally muttered.

Taylor choked out a laugh and shook her head, looking up at him with puffy eyes. “Oh, Peter.” She sniffled and scooted closer to him, tugging him into an odd hug. She buried her face in his shoulder, sighing when she felt his hands graze against her back and neck in a light embrace. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her, desperate to feel the pressure of his body against hers to know that this was real.

“Oh, Peter, of course I love you.”

The words made his heart pound painfully in his chest. He had waited years to hear those words, had believed in them without ever hearing them uttered. But to know for certain that they were real, that he had her love, was more joy than Pete knew he deserved. He held Taylor tighter, raining kisses on her addictive hair. “Oh, Taylor, I’ve always loved you.”

He felt her smile against his shoulder and she pulled away, staring up into his face with a radiant smile. He grinned back, but then his eyebrows furrowed in a frown. “I’m really sorry, Tay. We both fucked up. But I’ll admit that I’m the bigger fuck up.”

Taylor shushed him by putting a finger to his lips. “Let’s just agree we both were wrong in how we handled things.” Pete laughed and nodded. Even after everything Taylor still wouldn’t let him say any harsh words against himself. She suddenly looked nervous and brought her finger down, biting her lip as she observed his shirt. “You’re not…with anyone now, are you?” she asked.

He smiled softly and shook his head. He ran his fingers through her hair. “No, I’m not.” Taylor blushed and nodded, picking at a stray thread on his shirt. He laughed and with two fingers brought her face up to his. “Taylor…”

Her eyes were wide and fluttered closed when his nose brushed hers. His lips were softer than her memory remembered, and when they pressed against hers she gasped into his mouth. He grinned and deepened the kiss, tugging on her hair to bring her closer, the other hand reaching around and pressing against her lower back to hold her in place against him. Their breathing started to escalate, and when she felt Pete’s hands slide down her body, Taylor forced herself to pull away.

“Pete,” she gasped, gripping his shoulders to steady herself. He stared back at her through lowered lids, his pupils dilated. Her lips stretched into a smile and she reached up to run her fingers through his hair, making some sense of the mess it had become. “Pete, we shouldn’t…”

He caught his breath and nodded, resting his forehead against hers with a sigh. “I know, Tay, I know. I don’t want to rush anything. It’s just, you can’t imagine how happy I am right now. I just get carried away.”

She giggled and nuzzled her nose against his. “I might have some idea,” she whispered. He grinned and pulled her close for another sweet kiss, brushing her hair back as he cradled her head. The sun started to set, and soon the pair found themselves lounging on the couch. Pete gazed down at Taylor where she lay beneath him with a small smile, tracing his fingers over her face as she nestled into his caresses. With the fading sun beams came whispers of sweet nothings and soft kisses which held all the feeling of four years behind their touch.

“I wrote you songs, you know,” Pete muttered as the moon beams began to crown in the sky. “Just like I promised.” Taylor smiled and kissed his fingertips, pressing his hand to her cheek.

“Which ones?”

“Oh, a few. Mostly it would just be a few lines in a song here and there. Me and You was all for you though.” He blushed. “I just thought about how amazing it was to wake up next to you that day, and how I wished I could have done that every day. Miss Missing You, Alone Together…”

“The one you played when you saw me in the crowd.”

“Yeah.”

Taylor blinked back tears and looked down. “I wish I could have reentered a little better than I did. Rae didn’t give me much of a choice, and when I saw you up there, I thought I was going to die. I don’t even know how you were able to still do such an amazing performance even after I messed you up.”

Pete chuckled and nuzzled his face into her hair. “Girl, you fucked me up so bad,” he laughed. “I was ready to jump off that stage and deal with you right then and there. But then I just got sappy and thought about how I wanted you to hear your song, and I’d be damned if it was anything less than what you deserved.”

Taylor wrapped her arms tenderly around him as he laid his head on her chest. “I loved it,” she whispered. Pete grinned and sat up, placing his hands on either side of her to hold his weight.

“I love you,” he whispered back, rubbing his nose against hers affectionately. She grinned into his kiss. At some point they made their way into her room, cradled against each other in an innocent embrace as they fell asleep.