Alone Together

Taylor blushed and glanced over her shoulder, shaking her head when she turned back to Jane. “You’re lying,” she stated.

Jane snorted over her martini. “I so am not. That guy is totally checking you out. And not very subtly.”

Taylor laughed and they both looked at the man standing near the bar. His eyes drifted over Taylor’s frame for a moment and passed on to Jane. “Oh, now he’s looking at you!” Taylor giggled. “Why don’t you go talk to him?”

Jane frowned and shook her head, taking a quick sip of her drink. “Not my type,” she said simply. Taylor let her mouth fall agape.

“Not your type? Are you serious? Look at him!”

Jane did.

“He’s gorgeous! Why don’t you go talk to him?” Taylor demanded.

Jane shrugged sheepishly. “I told you, he’s not my type. I don’t really…go for guys.” Noticing Taylor’s confused stare, she explained, “I’m a lesbian.”

“Oh.”

Jane laughed. “Yep. Not very flamboyant in it though.” Her eyes darkened. “That’s not why I invited you along tonight, you know.”

Taylor shook her head. “I didn’t think it was.”

Jane smiled. “You’re a swell liar. Anyway, I really just thought it’d be good for you to hand out with someone who isn’t Fall Out Boy. And Milo usually comes but…he started getting irritated when more girls approached me than him.”

Taylor laughed uncomfortably. “Yeah, I can’t imagine that making any guy too happy.” She forced another laugh and glanced around the bar, raising her drink to her lips for a careful sip. Jane narrowed her eyes and gave her the once over.

“Taylor, when was the last time you had sex?”

A poor passerby fell victim to having Taylor’s drink sprayed in his face in her shock, and she mumbled profuse apologies as he stormed away. She dabbed her lips with a napkin and spun to look at Jane. “I’m sorry, what?” she choked.

Jane grinned. “I asked when you last got laid, my dear. I would guess a while?” Taylor’s blush spoke louder than any words she could choke out. Jane slapped a hand on the table. “Well, no wonder you’re so hung up on Pete! A hot piece of man just dangling around you all the time when you haven’t seen a penis in years? If I were straight, that would drive me crazy, too! We’ve just gotta get you laid, Tay. I betcha you’d feel so much better after.” Jane downed the rest of her drink and glanced at the guy at the bar. “I’ll be your wing woman. Let me go get him for you.”

“No! No, Jane, please don’t,” Taylor begged, holding out a hand to stop the drummer before she got too far. Jane gave her a questioning look, raising her eyebrows. Taylor bit her lip and stirred her drink with her straw nervously. “I don’t…want that,” she said simply. Jane opened her mouth to protest but Taylor stopped her. “Look, Jane, if I wanted to just hook up with some guy, I would. I could. But that isn’t who I am. Call me a romantic but I believe in only having sex with someone you really care about.”

“You know Pete’s having sex with Ashlee.” The words stung, and they hit closer to home than Taylor cared to admit. Jane watched her expression passively, sad for her torment but also very realistic. “Taylor, you have a lot of people that care about you. And those people want you to be happy. And I don’t think whatever you have going with Pete right now is making you happy. You see that, right?”

Taylor set down her drink and stood up, brushing off her jeans. “Pete is my best friend,” she said simply. “I want him to be happy. And if being with Ashlee makes him happy, then that’s just how it is. I have no right to want anything else for him or myself, because we’re friends.” She slid on her jacket, surprised she wasn’t shaking. “I know what you all think about me and Pete, but there isn’t a me and Pete. Seriously. And the sooner you all see that we have no intention of there being one, I think it would be a lot easier on all of us.” The reality of her words hit her and she felt her throat starting to constrict. “I’ll see you around, Jane,” she mumbled, excusing herself and running out.

Jane sighed and looked down at her drink, swirling it around in her cup. When she looked back up the man from the bar had made his way over, mouth open and ready with a compliment. “Fuck off, dude. I’m gay,” she snapped, putting down her drink and following after Taylor.

--

Ever since The Garter Incident, as it came to be known, Ashlee had latched herself onto Pete even more than before. She was now an attendee of all get-togethers, making a point of being sickly sweet to everyone except Taylor, who it was obvious she was still most displeased with. This led to Taylor excusing herself from any event that Pete would be at, coming up with numerous lame excuses so she could avoid having to watch Ashlee attack Pete with her lips every time Taylor rounded a corner. The other guys weren’t happy with the situation, and it wasn’t long before a tension began to brew between them now that Ashlee was always forcing herself into band practice as well.

Luckily they still had Rae, who never failed to make smart ass comments at Ashlee’s expense behind her back, leading the three guys to chuckle while their bass player looked lost standing over next to his girlfriend. Pete was starting to feel absolutely smothered by Ashlee, and yet didn’t know how to ask her to back off. All he could do was wait for it to be time for her to return to LA for a time for her own business ventures, but it seemed like she kept delaying her departure.

She didn’t leave until August, two months after The Garter Incident, and it was obvious those two months hadn’t done much to satisfy her that it was okay to leave. “We’re going to Skype every night, right?” she insisted, wrapping her arms around Pete as her driver pulled up. Pete held his breath and tried to stop his eyes from rolling, offering her a nod. She pulled him down for a kiss, and Pete briefly pecked her lips, stepping back before she could accost him more. He waved as she drove away, happy at last for a moment alone. But he didn’t want to be alone.

Taylor hadn’t been returning his calls whenever he had managed to find a moment away from Ashlee. He had tried texting her, checking in, but her answers were always short and not very welcoming. He decided to give it a shot anyway, and dialed the number while he collapsed onto his couch. It rang three times, and then her soft voice caressed his ears. “Taylor,” he sighed in relief.

“Pete? What do you need?”

He rolled onto his stomach, feeling like a teenage girl on the phone with her crush. “I was actually wondering if you wanted to hang out. I haven’t seen you in a while and—“

“Oh, I don’t know, Pete.” Her voice was strained. “I’m not sure if that would be best—“

“Ashlee just left,” he interrupted. “And I know she’s why you wouldn’t talk to me these past two months. Please, Tay, I miss you. Movie night?”

Her sigh sounded like all the sadness in the world. “Okay,” she conceded. “I’ll get the popcorn ready. But you better bring the M&Ms.”

--

It was obvious Pete was trying very hard to make Taylor feel comfortable and chummy again. When she answered her door he stood there holding up a case of Angry Orchard and a few bags of M&Ms, one regular and one with only the blue ones, since that was Taylor’s favorite. She couldn’t help but laugh at him as he waddled into her apartment, trying not to drop everything. “Looks like a fun movie night,” she remarked. “What do you want to watch?”

Pete gently set the beer and chocolate onto her counter and glanced towards the TV. “I honestly hadn’t actually thought about that,” he admitted, scratching his head.

“Too excited to get out of the house?”

“Too excited to see you, actually.”

Taylor looked away from his chocolate eyes and walked over to the TV, choosing to not address his comment. She kneeled on the floor to look at her movie collection. “This one’s pretty good. Why don’t you start the popcorn while I get it set up?”

Pete busied himself in the kitchen, pulling up his hood to cover his red ears as he popped the lids off their drinks and tossed a popcorn bag into the microwave. After dumping some M&Ms into the bowl when the popcorn was fluffy, he brought everything into the living room, sitting on the couch and dropping everything off onto the coffee table. Taylor joined him, sitting as far away as she could without being too obvious.

They were uncomfortably quiet for the first half of their movie. Pete kept stealing glances at her, but Taylor had her eyes glued to the screen in determination. Finally, when they both were on their second beer, Pete turned to face her. “Tay—“

“Ssh, this part’s good.”

He huffed and scooted closer to her, ignoring how rigid her body immediately became in response. “Taylor,” he said again, more firmly this time, and she finally turned to look at him for the first time that night. “I’m sorry.” The words held such depth. Sorry for Ashlee treating you like shit, sorry for not being able to see you for two months, sorry for The Garter Incident, sorry for—

“Sorry for what, Peter?” she asked wearily, shifting in her seat to face him more head on. He didn’t answer immediately, looking at her softly with more vulnerability in his eyes than Taylor had ever seen him wear before. Slowly, he reached out a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, letting his fingers trail down and caress her cheek gently, scratching back behind her ear and running through her hair. Taylor shivered, involuntarily scooting closer.

“This,” he whispered, and she felt his fingers dig into her hair as he pulled her face closer until their noses brushed, lips millimeters apart, hesitating, giving her the choice. His eyelids were fluttering closed, and he tenderly rubbed his nose against hers, almost begging. She shuddered and heavily considered succumbing and falling forward, but the look on Ashlee’s face when Pete had put the garter on her flashed behind her eyelids. She sighed and turned her face, chilled when she felt his lips on her cheek.

“Pete,” she whispered, pleading, as she pulled away and looked at him sadly. He shook his head and refused to pull away, leaning closer and burying his face in her hair, his hand moving down her back and pulling her towards him into an embrace. She decided it was best not to comment on the dampness she felt on her shoulder, and she appreciated the fact that he didn’t make any remark on the river that was now steadily flowing down his, either. They sat like that, lost in their hug, their sharp breathing the only sound carrying over the movie still dutifully playing on the television.

“I’m just so sorry, Tay,” Pete sniffed, nuzzling into her neck. “I never meant…I didn’t think…” He took a deep breath and pulled back to look deep into her eyes. “I wish this were different.”

Taylor smiled sadly, the same sad smile that haunted his dreams, and leaned her forehead against his with sad eyes. “I know. Me too.” There was nothing more they could say with the ghost of Ashlee lingering in the corner of the room. The credits of the movie rolled down the screen and Taylor glanced at it from the corner of her eye, noticing the late hour of the night as well. She disentangled herself from Pete’s embrace and started cleaning up their bowls and beer bottles. Pete watched her from his spot on the couch, allowing himself to be entranced by her smallest movements.

When she had finished, she awkwardly brushed her hands on her pajama bottoms before wrapping her arms around herself. “You should probably go,” she mumbled.

Pete looked like a lost soul as he shot up from the couch. “Taylor,” he cried, reaching her in a few long strides. He gripped her hands and held them to his chest. “I don’t want to go,” he whispered.

She shook her head. “I don’t want you to go, either. But that doesn’t change the fact that you should.” She slipped out of his arms and walked into her bedroom, unsurprised that he had followed her. They sat on opposite sides of the bed before stretching out, facing each other and trying to memorize everything about the other’s face.

Pete’s hands had developed a fascination with her hair, and once again his fingers were running through the red tangles, bringing her to a contented sigh. “Your hair is so beautiful,” he mumbled. He shifted himself onto one arm, the other hand still twirling around a lock of his obsession. “It’s like a sunset, a sunrise. I want it to be the last thing I see before I go to sleep and the first thing I see when I wake up.”

Taylor blinked back tears and Pete’s fingers brushed her hair away from her face. “I can’t handle your smile,” he admitted, making her choke out a laugh. He grinned and continued. “It’s just too pure. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you fake a smile, even though you have plenty of chances to. You’re the most genuine person I know, and every time you smile my heart just feels warm and I want to be a better person.”

His fingers traced her cheekbones, dipping into the dimples that lit up her face through her tears, and traced the outline of her lips. “You have no idea how badly I want to kiss you,” he said, his voice rough and sending chills through both of them.

“I have some idea,” she whispered onto his fingers, ignoring the blush that she felt in her cheeks. Pete smiled and laid his hand on the bed between them, grinning when she reached and entwined their fingers together. “But you know it can’t happen.”

He shushed her. “Don’t spoil the moment. We’re having a cute little thing going on right now.”

She giggled and nuzzled into her pillow. “You’re such a child.” He giggled and pulled her blanket over them, clasping her hands tightly in case she decided to let go. She didn’t plan to. At least not tonight.

They fell asleep like that, hand clasped and close, and sometime during the night their positions shifted. Taylor woke up in the middle of the night in alarm at feeling a hand on her stomach and breath on her neck, but she relaxed when she realized that it was Pete’s chest she was pressed against, his arm wrapped tenderly around her torso. His gentle snoring made her hair vibrate and he nuzzled into her when she shifted, tugging her closer. She suppressed a smile and settled back into him, gently placing her arm over his and cuddling into his embrace. It was the most intimate and innocent moment she had shared with a man, and she pushed her tears and her worries away as she allowed herself this one night of weakness wrapped in his arms.

In the morning, they would part ways. But tonight, he thought she was beautiful, and the pressure of him next to her comforted her like a dog comforted during a thunder storm. Tonight could be theirs, and whatever their unspoken words meant, they both knew it meant little to the situation they were in. Different worlds often find it difficult to collide, and so theirs just orbited painfully close, just for tonight.