Sequel: The Masked Feelings
Status: I will try to update as often as possible, it will be updated at least weekly.

A Heart Full of Emptiness

Chapter 10: Wasting Chances

I grabbed my phone from the bedside table. '05:53' the time read. I hadn't slept at all and was so tired, yet failed to sleep. How could I possibly sleep when there was a constant voice in the back of my head telling me that everything was fake. I didn't want to believe it, but of course I had my doubts about Cris, how could I possibly not? After all that's happened I would be crazy to trust him, even crazier to fall back in love with him... I got up from bed and headed down to the pool, it would be cold seeing that it's not heated and it was a cold night, but that's what I needed. Something sharp to finally wake me from this nightmare, and start planning a solution to my troubles. Swimming helps me to calm down and relax. I always enjoyed swimming, and was pretty good at it. As I twisted through the water, feeling my hands curve their way through the ripples.

After an hour of swimming I was frozen. I sprinted towards the house... not a good idea, the feeling of the harsh wind smashing against my cold wet skin was like salt and ice. Not a good combination! I got to the bathroom and took a shower to try to warm me up and rinse the chlorine away. I stepped out of the shower about 15 minutes later and got changed into a casual Biker Jeans and a cream printed T-Shirt. I walked out of the shower and towards the kitchen to make some toast. As I strolled into the kitchen I saw Cris sitting at the table texting someone; is he ever not on his phone? "You want any toast?" I asked politely as I walked towards the bread bin to take out a slice of toast and lay it into the toaster. I turned around at him, to hear his answer.
He rolled his eyes and eventually let out, "No," but in a very bitter tone. I stepped away from the sofa and sat down opposite Cris. "We need to talk." I began as he raised his head up towards me. "you said that 'you needed me', that' you would prove yourself to me. A second chance... That's all that you needed.' You're wasting it Cris. You're letting me fall through your clasp and soon enough I'll be gone if we continue down this road." I stated bluntly as he looked at me. No reaction. No anger. No disappointment. Just emptiness.
He sighed loudly and got up to leave. "I need my space, ok? Just because I can't be with you 24/7 doesn't mean that I don't love you." Cris replied walking towards the door. I followed after him.
"Cris. I want to be with you, but you're pushing me out of the picture... again. I can't help but feel like history's repeating itself, and if it comes to it then I just might have to leave you. I'm tired of coming 2nd best." I argued as he stepped closer to the door. I could feel the anger building inside the both of us. He grabbed the door and opened it. "Don't just walk out on this Cristiano. You leave and we're over." I quarreled, as he looked at me coldly and shut the door in my face. Just like that, he was gone.

"Pilar I don't know what to do. He just left; Aren't I supposed to show some dignity by standing by my word?" I asked Pilar, after explaining my fight with Cristiano to her/
"Do you want to stick to your word?" She asked me as I sat down and thought about it. I loved Cris, the time that we spent together was special... But not at the moment. He treats me like a stranger and it kills me.
"I don't know. I love the Cris that I know, not this pathetic excuse that I'm with at the moment." I replied. She sighed at me as she sat down at the sofa next to me.
"If you really want to be with him, then there's something that you should know... When Sara and Iker broke off the engagement... Sara had a one night stand with him... When you and Cris had just moved to Madrid. She didn't know you then, and she regrets it to this very day. I just thought that you should know." Pilar confessed as I looked down at my hands, feeling tears escape my eyes. Why did everything seem to backfire back at me? This was the old Cristiano right? Who am I kidding? He hasn't changed one bit. "What are you going to do?" Pilar asked me as I looked straight ahead with sore eyes. The mascara was stinging brutally in my eyes but that didn't even begin to compare to the throbbing pain that occurred in my heart.
"I'm not going down this road again. I'm not strong enough to survive it again." I answered, before hugging Pilar and walking towards the door.

As I got in my car 'moment I knew' played on the radio, and I couldn't help but find it incredibly ironic how it matched how I felt before I broke up with Cris the first time. I remember my birthday party, how I dressed up in a fancy dress and wore a fake smile. Cris promised that he'd show, which was the only thing getting me through the evening. Like I said. I hate parties. He never showed, and everyone was looking at me with sorrowful eyes, asking me about Cris. All that I could think about was how he never showed and how I had to make up some excuse as to why I was crying so much on my own birthday. Wasted tears. Now that I think about it he was probably spending time with Irina. I know that I have forgiven him. But that doesn't mean that I don't question his loyalty. I reached the house and walked into the front room. I chucked Cris's things into bag, things that he left from the night. I know that I was giving up on him far too easily, but he walked away. I'm not so over his betrayal as I thought that I was. Yes, I was jumping out of this relationship as soon as I possibly could. But could anyone really blame me? Trust is like a mirror. Once it's broken it's broken. You can try to fix it, but there will always be that crack in it. Always.
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