A Heart Full of Emptiness

The last 4 months had flown by , Before I knew it I was 9 months pregnant, with my baby bump showing quite big. everything had been going well in my pregnancy. Cris and I had both agreed to wait for the birth before we find out the gender. Cris had been brilliant at keeping Irina off of my mind; that bitch almost never crossed my mind. Cristiano and I were getting stronger and stronger with him doing so many romantic gestures, that I knew that I could trust him. I had fallen hopelessly in-love with Cristiano that I almost depended on him; not that that's a bad thing. The baby was expected to be born any day soon, and I was worried as the day came closer and closer. I was starting to doubt my parental skills, infact I was really doubting them. I didn't want to screw up something so perfect. Cristiano was out for the day, and so Sara and Pilar were on duty to look after me. Yes, Cristiano refused to have me alone, so if he ever had to leave he'd have other people keeping an eye on me! They had already thrown me a baby shower, and so I had plenty of parental equipment shown all around the house.

"Pilar, please. I don't want to watch Kim Kardashians!" I moaned as she switched the T/V channel over. I groaned because she knew that I found that program really boring.
"Wells that's just too bad." Sara argued, with Pilar nodding her head in agreement. I looked over at Pilar in disbelief.
"Pilar, since when did you start watching Kim Kardashians?" I asked shocked. Pilar looked over at me with his eyebrows raised.
"Um, since Sara introduced me to it! Now it's 2 against 1 so deal with it!" Pilar reasoned, as I now raised my eyebrows.
"Um, excuse me, but it's 2 against 2." I quarreled, pointing down towards my swollen stomach. "And one of those 2 happens to be a 9 months pregnant. Ow." I started, feeling a sharp pain hit me in the stomach, as a pool of water started forming.
"Crap. You're giving birth!" Sara screamed, running to my side. "We need to get you to the hospital." She continued, taking my hand and leading me towards the car, with Pilar hot on our trail. I winced again at the pain. Pilar must have noticed as she started soothing my arm. That's when it all hit me. A massive shock wave went crashing through my body. I was about to give birth. I was going to bring my bump into this world. No matter how much I wanted to protect my baby from the harsh reality I couldn't. I felt the colour draining from my face.
"You need to call Cristiano." I told Sara who nodded her head and took her phone out of her handbag.

It was a quick drive to the hospital, luckily. When we got there I was placed in a wheelchair and sent straight into a room. I flinched at the shooting pain that ran through me. My midwife rested me down on a bed, smiling at me comfortingly. Sara and Pilar sat besides my bed, luckily I was in a private room. I would have had a panic if I had to give birth in front of a stranger. I looked over at Pilar with fear in my eyes. "It's ok. I promise it's ok." Pilar soothed as I nodded my head, but not really believing her words. I needed Cristiano. I needed him by my side telling me that everything would be ok.
"Where's Cristiano?" I asked Sara, just as Cristiano came rushing through the door.
"I'm right here darling." He answered, rushing to my side, taking my hand and kissing it. I looked at him with big eyes, that had distress flickering through them.
Cris smiled at me, "it's ok, infact it's better that ok, it's perfect." He promised, kissing my forehead. I squeezed his hand, in content. Suddenly I crushed Cris's hand in pain as a contraction hit me.
"Ow, ow, ow. I can't do this. It hurts too much." I complained, letting Cris's hand go as the pain ended.
"Sweety, I know that your in pain but you need to do it. If not for me then do it for our child." Cristiano spoke calmly. I closed my eyes feeling another contraction hitting me. The face that I pulled was probably the most unpleasant face on the planet, however I didn't care because I was in too much pain to care.
"Oww." I yelled as another contraction sent surging a pain through me. My breathing became heavy as my palms, that were clenched into fists, became sweaty.
"It's ok Tasha. You're doing great." Cristiano calmed gently.
"Oh shut Cristiano." I snapped, causing Cristiano to chuckle at my sudden character change. Where was this anger coming from? The midwife came through the door with a sickly smile planted on her face, oh please, not now! I don't think that I can deal with any happiness at the moment.
"How's it going?" She asked sweetly. I cut her a cold glare, as her smile faded, causing Cris, Sara and Pilar to snicker amongst themselves.
"How do you think I'm doing? I'm dying here!" I moaned bitterly.
"Ok, would you like some painkillers then?" The midwife asked quietly, scared of provoking my inner monster.
"Thank you, but-"
"Yes please." Cristiano cut in. I turned my head towards him with a questioning look plastered on my face. "I'm sorry but you're going to need it." He reasoned, then whispering under his breath "desperately!" I narrowed my eyes at him before turning my attention back to the midwife.
"Ok then, please could I have some pain killers?" I asked and she nodded her head before walking out of the room. I flopped my head down on the pillow and sighed.
"I can't do this Cris. I'm sorry but I just can't." I groaned, as Cris took my hand in his.
"Yes you can. I know that you can." Cristiano said in a relaxing tone. I nodded my head softly. I was going to do this for Cristiano and our family. I had to do this.
"Cris, just to let you know, anything that I say in the next few hours don't mean anything. I love you, that's all that matters. I love you." I warned Cris, worried of what I might spill out of my mouth later on.