A Heart Full of Emptiness

I watched Cristiano's expression closely, looking for any signs of emotion, but nothing would show. He looked straight through me, and into my soul. "We need to talk." He began coldly as he grabbed my hand and yanked me into an empty room down the hallway. Cris slammed the door shut as I rubbed my arm softly, his grip was far too tight for my liking. My skin showed his crimson touch on my lightly tanned arms. "Ancelotti doesn't know anything about my feelings towards you." Cris reasoned all too harshly as I felt anger fill me, what are his fricking feelings? He's way too complicated. He runs hot and cold way too often with me. Most douche's are asses to you always, but Cris makes you like him and then is an absolute jerk. I'm pissed of at him... remember; he told everyone about my attack, I reminded myself.
I bought my eyes to the ground, avoiding Cris's chocolate orbs at all costs, I give into them way too easily. "Why did you tell everyone about my attack?" I asked with hurt filling the words, despite my efforts to hold it back. I heard him sigh, as I furrowed my brows waiting for a response.
"It doesn't matter why, it's out there that's all that matters." Cristiano explained as I lifted up my head and felt my eyes turn glossy.
"It doesn't matter huh? I told you to keep it a secret, and then you tell everyone. Do you have any idea how embarrassing that night is for me? I couldn't fight for myself and I wanted to keep it away from the everyone and now the entire world knows Cris. Everyone sends me looks of pity. I hate it, I want to forget about that night, not have constant reminders of how weak I was." I hissed back, trying to not raise my voice too loud or everyone would be able to hear me. Cristiano's head was lifted from the ground sharply as I finished my sentence. He looked confused which I completely didn't understand. I told him the truth in privacy and he broke his word, when he promised that he wouldn't mention a word to anyone.
"I'd been talking to Sergio lately and he said that you hadn't left the house in a week and that he was worried about you. I then over-heard you talking to him on the phone, when I realized that you hadn't told anyone else about that night. It kills me to think about you hiding away from the world because of someone who hurt you. You're the victim here and I won't allow you to dig yourself a dark whole Tasha, I won't stand by and watch you kill yourself."I felt kind of touched that Cris had just hinted that he still had feelings for me, but it was still frustrating because it's just too little too late. I had spaced out for second, but had just returned back to myself as I saw Cris moving towards me, edging closer. I took at step back, as he moved with me. I knew where this was going...
"Cris..." I whispered trying to wake him from his trance, however he continued as I walked into a wall, crap. His arms imprisoned me inside of them. He smirked as he leaned towards me closer and closer. He shifted his lips towards mine as I felt the urge to kiss him, but I twisted my head just in time so he could only kiss my cheek. I heard him moan, annoyed that he didn't get what he wanted. I know Cris though, he persists to the worlds end, unfortunately for me.
"Why did you do that?" He asked as he took a step back allowing me too relax. I looked at the ground as I felt something crying out to me to let him in, why I don't know but I abided.
"It takes everything in me not to call you Cris. Every time I don't... I almost do." I said realizing that I was reciting some song lyrics without even realizing it. Cris raised his eyebrows at me.
"So why didn't you kiss me?" He asked, with a subtle hint of bitterness lying in the question. I stole a deep breath as I keep my eyes on the ground, with my fingers merging with themselves.
"Because I don't want to fall back in that trap. You have a loving girlfriend back at home who loves you more than anything. Who adores every single thing about you; that was me. She's in the exact same position that I was in and to be honest I feel sorry for her about that. Nothing about you has changed, nothing. Why would I want to fall back for you just to have my heart stolen from me again?" I asked before storming out to go find Sergio, and to leave Cris standing there silenced. I was right about everything I said and it made me happy that stole his matches before he burned me out again.

I met with Sergio, and he picked up on the feeling of disappointment running through me. I wanted him to have changed so that I could be with him again without regretting it. That's when it hit me, what was holding me back from moving on from Cris. Me. I don't want to move on from him, I want to be with him, I don't want to be with anyone else. "What did Ancelotti say to you?" Sergio asked with his eyes still on the road.
"Nothing, he just had miss understanding." I replied coldly thinking about how lowly he had judged me. Sergio turned his head to me and raised his eyebrows, suggesting that he didn't buy my story. "It's all about nothing. Nothing." I replied staring out of the window. It wasn't nothing, but I'm certainly not ready to admit that to anyone yet. Yes, I'm still in-love with a heart stealing, man whoring, heart breaking man. How twisted is that.