Girl That You Love

Patrick couldn’t sleep. He knew he should have been able to. It was nearly three a.m. and Emma was passed out in the bed next to him, in only her bra and underwear. They had literally returned from their engagement party, undressed and fell into bed. Within minutes, he could hear Emma’s breathing go steady and he knew that she was asleep. However, he was having a harder time. His mind kept going back to one singular moment during the party that he wanted to get out of his head but couldn’t.
He was trying to steal himself away from a heated conversation that Dirty and Pete were having about some girl that Dirty had apparently screwed around with in New York City a long time ago on one of their older tours. Dirty apparently had seen the girl in a coffee shop, and she didn’t recognize him, which made him a little peeved. Pete joked that he couldn’t fuck as well as he thought, and then Patrick had to defuse the mess. In the middle of it, he glanced over at Emma and saw her standing in the corner with Joel.

Patrick had a hard time agreeing to his invitation to their engagement party and wedding, but Emma had insisted that he did not feel the same way about her anymore, and he acted cordial toward Patrick every time he came into the magazine offices for one reason or the other. So, begrudgingly, he agreed.

However, now that the time had come and he saw them alone together, his mind started retreating into the dangerous hypotheticals. He wondered if Joel was lying to Emma and his plan was to somehow win her back and convince her to leave Patrick at the altar. He wondered if Emma was having second thoughts and was somehow using these opportunities to see the two men side by side. Patrick wondered if he was starting to go crazy all because of a girl. Usually that was Pete’s territory, not his, but then again, he had never loved anyone like Emma.

He watched as Joel placed a hand on Emma’s arm and leaned in close to her ear, whispering something. The reaction from Emma was not one that Patrick had seen coming. She looked shocked, but also, he thought he saw a flicker of desire. She turned away from Joel and muttered something, and he walked away, her eyes trained on something else in the room, what Patrick couldn’t tell, but he didn’t think it mattered.

Whatever Joel said to her, got to her and he didn’t like it. He could feel his insides turning green. “Hey guys, let me get this drink over to Emma,” he said, giving them both a nod goodbye. He headed over in her direction. He approached her, and she didn’t even seem to notice his presence. “Where is Joel going?” he said loudly, trying to break her from whatever thoughts were invading her mind.

She looked directly at him, and her eyes that once looked distant, quickly focused on him, and her mouth eased into a cheerful smile. “His girlfriend is sick and he was going home to take care of her. He just wanted to stop by to say hello,” she said, and Patrick then wondered if he was making up what he saw in her eyes because of the part of him that would always be irrational when it came to Emma.

He glanced over at her half naked body, illuminated by the moonlight peeking in from her curtains. She was an angel that lived in his world full of demons. He wanted to give everything to her, he wanted to keep her safe from the pain and suffering that came with his career; and there was a lot of it. For every person building him up, there were three tearing him down. Pete always had a hard time dealing with it, relying heavily on meds and psychiatrists. Patrick liked to think his mind was strong enough to push it all off his shoulders – even though he had let his vulnerable side show a few times in the past – but with Emma, he was psyche was weak. If someone wanted to hurt her, he would lash out, and he was sure it wouldn’t be in a good way. He remembered a couple of weeks back when their publicist, Wendy, had approached them when they were in Australia doing a couple of shows.

~~~

“Patrick, not sure if you have seen this yet, but I wanted to give you a heads up,” she said, coming into the back stage green room area, where the guys were hanging out before the show started. Pete was on his iPhone trying to beat the what seemed like 1 millionth level of Candy Crush, Joe and Andy were laughing at some Vines and Patrick was scrolling through his browser, looking up some cool new sites they could check out near them. He loved learning a little bit about all of the places that they toured at because it made him feel like a well-rounded more knowledgeable person. Maybe it was because he was always trying to prove to everyone that even though he didn’t ever go to college, it didn’t mean he wasn’t intelligent.

“What’s up Wendy?” He said, closing his laptop and looking up at her. The other guys all eyed her with interest as well.

Wendy handed him her iPad. “Does Emma know about this stuff?”

Patrick looked at the Twitter feed in front of him. Someone had created a Twitter handle just to bash Emma, and the person had almost 4,000 followers. Patrick frowned as he scrolled through the profile, seeing tweets that talked about how Emma was a fame whore, too ugly for Patrick and a terrible writer. He couldn’t believe that people actually had the time and energy to publicly hate his fiancé like that. Well, his head remarked, you actually can believe it because people write that shit about you.

“Um, if she does, she hasn’t mentioned it to me,” Patrick had said, looking up at Wendy with concern in his eyes.

“Well, it might be good that she doesn’t know. Some of these can get pretty ugly,”

“Let me see,” Pete said, grabbing the iPad from Patrick’s hands. “Oh wow, even I haven’t heard some of these, and people have said some shitty stuff about me.”

“We still do,” Joe said, walking over to them and playfully shoving Pete as he sat down next to him.

“Ooh, look at this one,” Andy commented, pointing to one further down the page. “Emma forever ruins the chance of Pete and Patrick getting 2gether. Stop denying the love! #Peterick.”

Patrick rolled his eyes and looked at Pete. “Seriously?”

Pete smiled. “You know it’s killing me to see you with another woman, I love you so much man,” he replied, leaning over and kissing Patrick’s cheek. Patrick scrunched up his nose. “Don’t worry, some marriages aren’t forever, my little snuggle muffin. We will be together one day.” He pinched Patrick’s cheek.

“Dude, stop that’s bad mojo!” Patrick exclaimed, smiling a little at Pete’s remark. What Pete was doing was the right thing to do though: he needed to make light of all of this. “I hope Emma doesn’t find this stuff though. I feel that she may be having second thoughts about everything and this kind of stuff would just amplify that, you know?”

“You’re right it would, she may actually have to brawl it out with me for your affections,” Pete said, rolling up his sleeves playing like he was about to fight someone.

“Emma isn’t have second thoughts, Patrick,” Andy retorted, glancing sideways at Pete. “Or fighting Pete for you,” Pete stuck out his lower lip in a pout. “Are you still worried about her still being upset about you being gone a lot?” Patrick nodded. “Don’t be man, it’s Emma.”

“Yeah, that’s what you guys keep saying,” Patrick mumbled.

Pete knocked his shoulder against Patrick’s. “And it hasn’t sunk in yet? Patrick, you’re head is not that dense. What, are you getting cold feet or something?”

Patrick looked over at Pete, then at Joe and Andy. “No, of course not. I want to marry Emma…. Though I am afraid I’ll mess it up.”

“Dude, marriage isn’t perfect,” Joe said.

“He’s so fucking right, Patrick,” Pete added.

Patrick sighed and looked at Wendy. “Can you monitor that stuff for me. Let me know if anything gets out of hand, like if they start talking about hurting her or anything.”

“Jesus Patrick, they are 15 year old girls, not Dexter!” Joe exclaimed.

“Have you met some of the 15 year old girls these days? I’d be more scared of them than Michael C. Hall with a butcher knife,” Pete retorted. Joe muttered something under his breath, stood up and walked back over to his original seat and Andy followed suit.

~~~

He wasn’t sure if Emma knew about all the hateful things being said to her beyond what she saw on the newsstands. That stuff was gravy compared to the stuff that people could post anonymously on the Internet. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply, shifting his body into a more comfortable position.

“Bbbbyy,” he heard Emma mumbled.

He looked over at her. “What’s wrong, Em?” he whispered, inching closer to her.

“I’m cold,” she replied, rubbing her eyes and curling up into a ball.

Patrick sat up and pulled the covers over her body. “Is that better?” he asked her.

She opened her eyes just a tiny bit, the edges of her mouth turning down slightly. “No, I need you too.”
He smiled and pulled her body close up against his and she rested her head against his chest. “Better now?” she nodded and he could feel her start to fall back asleep. He closed his eyes as well and could feel himself drifting off finally.

The next day, he was accompanying Pete and Andy back to the airport and decided to ask them about their take on the whole Joel situation.

“So you think you saw something in her eyes that said something like, ‘Joel, fuck me, I need you right now?’” Pete asked him bluntly. Patrick blushed, but nodded. “Dude, I think you were tipsy.”

“Yeah didn’t you guys have sex in Dario’s office last night?” Andy asked him, and when he saw Patrick’s surprised face, he added, “I mean, what? I didn’t hear that…”

“Thanks ass, now Patrick knows I told you,” Pete said, pushing Andy.

“No, now I know you told probably almost everyone at that party,” Patrick said. “Is that why when you dedicated Bruno’s song “Gorilla” to me, everyone kind of stared at me and Emma funny?” Pete nodded. “Wow, awesome man.”

“Not one of my more subtle moments, I’ll admit,” Pete said. “But anyway, back to this Joel thing. So you think he still has a thing for Emma?”

Patrick nodded. “Yeah, I mean his girlfriend wasn’t there last night, and there was just something about the way Emma acted about it all that struck me as, well, out of place.”

“Well, I didn’t think he was over her before, but he at least realized that he could never be a viable threat to you so gave up,” Pete replied. “But you have to understand Patrick, Emma is like Ativan. You want to stop taking her, but you just can’t because she makes you feel too good. She numbs your senses.”

“So you’re saying my fiancé is a really good anti-depressant drug?”

“How do you feel when you’re with her?”

“Like I’m perpetually happy and could stay that way forever.”

“Sounds like Ativan to me,” Pete replied.

Andy turned around in his seat and looked at them. “Patrick, Emma is a smart, attractive woman. Any guy would be into her.” He glanced at Pete. “Except for us,” he added quickly. “None of us have EVER thought about having sex with your fiancé.”

Patrick eyed them both suspiciously. “Um, thanks for clearing that up for me… something tells me that you guys are lying about that last part though.”

Andy blushed and turned around in his seat. Patrick didn’t think Andy could get embarrassed. Pete then leaned over and whispered in Patrick’s ear, “One time like six years ago, Andy apparently had a wet dream about Emma.”

“I heard that, Pete!” Andy said, not turning around.

Patrick couldn’t help but laugh. “Um, it’s okay Andy, I forgive you?”

“Trust me, it was weird for me,” Andy replied. “I couldn’t look at her straight for three weeks afterward. Pete’s thought about Emma too though!”

Patrick turned and looked at his best friend, surprised. “Seriously?”

Pete rolled his eyes. “Yeah like a long time ago, before I ever met Ashlee. I thought she was hot all right? It’s not like I acted on it. You’re my brother, I wouldn’t do that to you.”

Patrick sighed. “Why do I feel like Emma doesn’t have this problem?”

“Oh man, she does, and she has it like five times worse than you do. Joel is nothing compared to the love of fans,” Pete replied.

“Yeah, but it’s not like I’d date any of them.”

“Does it matter? It’s not like Emma is going to date Joel. If she was, don’t you think she would have by now? I mean you were out of the picture for three plus years and NOTHING happened. So stop worrying about it man. You can occupy your mind with a lot more interesting things.”

“Like getting better at the trumpet,” Andy teased.

“Yeah,” Pete said, grinning widely. “Like getting better at the trumpet…”

The SUV pulled up to the front of the airport. “Okay, get out, I’m sick of looking at you two,” he laughed, pushing Pete toward his door.

After he said his goodbyes to his two friends and band mates, he headed back to Emma’s apartment. By the time he got back, she was awake and had already went for a run and had some pastries and coffee from the coffee shop waiting on her kitchen table.

“Hey babe,” she said, walking over to him and giving him a kiss. He could taste her sweat on her upper lip, and he knew that she had probably just returned from her run. He pushed back a few of the stray hairs that were stuck her damp face.

“Must’ve been quite a run,” He commented.

She laughed, took his hand and led him over to the coffee and pastries. “That’s all the alcohol leaving my system. Ugh. I definitely had a bit too much last night.” As he sat down at the table, she handed him one of the paper cups with the label “black” on it. “There is your no sugar, no cream, no fun at all coffee.”
He chuckled and took a sip. “And here’s my super awesome pumpkin spiced latte.”

Patrick took a sip of his coffee and grabbed one of the pastries that she had bought. “Thank you for getting this stuff. I wasn’t even thinking about food until I was halfway up your steps and heard my stomach growling.”

“No problem, all I could think about was eating… and this latte… it’s the alcohol,” she shook her head.

“Hey Emma?”

“Yeah?” she took a bite of her blueberry muffin and sighed with happiness. “So good.”

He smiled. “It looks good. Um, so have you ever thought about what your life would have been like if we, um, had never met?”

Emma stopped mid chew and swallowed hard. “Why are you asking me that?” she said, eyeing him warily.

Patrick realized what conclusions she was jumping to and quickly said, “No! it’s not like that. I’m just asking a hypothetical, for conversation’s sake. Not like, I don’t want to… I love you Emma, don’t worry, nothing’s changed.”

She stared at him for a few more seconds as if trying to figure out if he was lying or not before answering. “Um, okay, then yeah, I have thought about it and it would have sucked… major balls…”

He cracked a smile. “Oh yeah, why’s that?”

She smiled, back, biting her lip. He loved when she did that even though it was distracting. “Well, I probably would have ended up forgoing my dream of becoming a music journalist and went to law school like my mom and dad wanted. And I would have been bored with my life. And you wouldn’t have been in it and that would’ve sucked. How can I get through my day without at least fifty references to Star Wars?”

“Do not mock the ways of the Force padawan,” Patrick replied in his best Obi Wan Kenobi voice.

“Yeah, you know what, on second thought…” she got up to leave the table, and Patrick grabbed her hand and pulled her into his lap.

“Oh no you don’t,” he said, wrapping his arms around her waist. “You’re stuck with it now.”

She giggled. “I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.” She sighed as he kissed her neck lightly. “I can’t believe we went for three years without this.”

“Me either. It’s a wonder I was able to function at all,” he replied. He moved her fleece away from her neck and lightly kissed the soft, salty skin of her collarbone.

“What about you?” she asked him in between sighs.

“What about me?”

“Do you think about what your life would have been like if you hadn’t met me?”

Patrick’s lips paused on her skin. “I used to,” he replied in a low voice.

“What do you mean used to?” She turned herself around on his lap, so that she was now facing him full on, her legs straddling him on either side.

“Well, when we weren’t together, and I was really lonely, I would try to imagine that you were never in my life. It was like a coping mechanism, I guess. It was easier for me to imagine you not there at all than to deal with the fact that I pushed you away.” He glanced down at his lap.

“Oh,” she said quietly. “So what happened in that alternate universe where I didn’t exist?”

“Well, the thing is, nothing much actually changed, at least where the band was concerned. But, I didn’t seem as happy in this alternate universe. I was out partying with Pete and Dirty, getting wasted and being conned into taking some girl back to a hotel with me because Pete took her friend to his. But this alternate me wasn’t happy either. He was just drifting through life without experiencing it. He had fun sure, playing pranks with the guys, writing music, but there was always something missing.” He absently pulled on the zipper of her fleece. “In the end, it was a terrible game to play. It just made me more depressed and made me miss you more…. So I stopped thinking about what would have been and thought about how to move on without you.”

He felt Emma’s hands clasp either side of his face and brought his lips up to hers. He felt like she was trying to kiss away all of the pain that the memory had conjured up, and he didn’t want her to stop trying. Suddenly, his phone started ringing in his pocket. “Crap,” he muttered, grabbing his phone. “Hello?”

“Mr. Stump? It’s Lana Harrison, your realtor.”

Patrick glanced at Emma and she straightened up quickly and jumped off of him. “Lana, hi, how are the negotiations going?” He found himself reverting into a business mode that he rarely had to see himself in unless he was talking to his financial advisor or Bob, the band’s manager.

“Actually, that’s what I was calling about. I sat down with the owners and they are willing to accept your offer on the home.”

Emma was looking at him expectantly and he gave her a thumbs up. Emma’s eyes widened and she started silently cheering and jumping up and down.

“That’s awesome, Lana! Really good news!”

“Yes, so, I wanted to figure out a time when we can get all of the paperwork done up. What was your move-in time frame again?”

“Well, we were thinking around the first of December, if possible,” he said, looking to Emma for confirmation.

“That will work. I can expedite the process on their end if necessary. So, why don’t we get a meeting set up to handle the paperwork and financial necessities.”

As he and Lana discussed meeting times and other information, Emma had decided to finish her muffin and coffee and then stood up. Patrick watched her as she slowly pulled her zip-up fleece off and then her tank top. Patrick blinked and stared at her in only her shorts and sports bra. She grabbed the waist of her shorts and looked up at him, a twinkle of playfulness in her eyes.

“Mr. Stump?” Lana called out into the phone.”

Patrick coughed uncomfortably. “Um, yes, I’m still here.”

Emma then pulled her sports bra off and let her hair loose from its ponytail. She then winked at him, turned and walked toward the bathroom, and he watched her swing her bikini clad hips. It seemed that she wasn’t yet done in trying to make him feel better.

“So does that work, Mr. Stump?”

“Uh, um, yes, it does Lana. We’ll be in then. I, uh, have to go, something just came up,” he said, not lost on the double entendre he just said. He hung up the phone and jumped out of his chair, hurrying over to the bathroom, following the trail of Emma’s clothes.