All Hope Is Gone
Lonely
Why are you crying Pernell? You're a stupid piece of crap, an asshole, we all know that you fucked up, that you destroy every chances that you ever had to be happy. That you ruined your life because you wanted to be a popular hockey player.
But why are you sad that it's over? You should be happy that it happened in the first place. You should be overwhelmed with joy that he stuck by you for over six years after what you put him into over and over again.
You're not seriously thinking about blaming your hurt on him, right? He gave up everything for you, something that you never did for him in return. When you first met him in 2005 while you were playing for the Belleville Blues, you didn't think that it would hurt so much to see him walk away from you. But after all the hurt that you put him through, you realize that you can't smile because you were happy that it happened. Because you hurt him so much that you just know that he couldn't be happy that much with you, he just loved you too much to walk away.
But he found the courage to walk away now, he did. And everything that made you happy is now over. You understand? over. Forever.
But isn't that what you wanted? If it wasn't, why would you keep choosing your hockey career over him? Why would you keep treating him like shit and harrass him, when you were anywhere else than in the safety of your bedroom? Why did you keep choosing money and good hockey deals over him if you loved him as much as you say?
If you didn't love him enough to pick hockey deals before your own happiness with him, why can't you just be happy that it's finally over? Why are you sad that he turned his back on you and left you? Don't you realize how many times you turned your back on him and left him before? You left him, two weeks after you asked him to marry you, because you got a huge deal with the Canadians. You didn't even care about the tears rolling down his face at that point, or the burning in your heart. You only carred about how popular you would be. Well you achieved this now, you're one of the most popular players of the habs. You got everything that you ever wanted but it still doesn't feel right. Why don't you feel blessed that it even happened to you? Why can't you be happy that back in the days, where you weren't a total asshole, he loved you more than everything? But even when you were at your worst, even when you would hurt him more than hell would, he stayed with you. He always would have. Did you even mind kicking him out because you wanted a hockey career? Now you mind, because you realize how alone you are without him and how miserable it actually is without him to crack a joke and make you smile. How sad you are without him singing you to sleep, not that he ever was a good singer. He wouldn't had been a hockey player if he was that good in singing, but how would you live if you didn't meet him because you both were on the same team? You would be as miserable as you are now.
Do you remember that day that you went away for two weeks and he was alone at your house? all alone because he had to give up hockey because you were tired of him being gone all the time. But you being gone, didn't you realize how much it killed him? Anyway, that night, he covered your house with roses, and he had everything planned to show you how much he loves you but you didn't care. You said that you needed to go out and party, not to be stuck at home with a fag that shows you affection. That night, while you were sticking your dick in and out of some girl's, he was sticking in and out a razor blade in his arm.
And at that time, you were so happy with yourself, with how you managed to get amazing sex with him but still be one of the best hockey player of your team and how you literally had the best of both worlds.
But now that you're a sucessful hockley player you just had your best season so far. But alone in your bed at night with no one to hug you close to themselves and calm you with their not so on key voice. But that sounds like angels to you. And with no one to chase your nightmares away, but I guess that he couldn't chase those nightmares away because they are all about him not being with you anymore. They reflect the reality that you have to face each day. The reality that incase of making you happy like you thought that it would, is killing you.
You now have everything that you always convinced yourself that you needed but it never came to your mind that you would need someone in your life and that that certain someone wouldn't be a girl. But also, you never thought that loosing that certain someone could hurt so much.
You should be out and celebrating your nomination for the Norris Trophy, but you're at home, so cold and lonely. But before, when he was still here, you would never decline a chance to go party and escape his loveliness, but now, it's the only thing you wish you had.
They say that you realize how much it meant to you after you lost it, well you realize it now, they were true, so fuckin true. You were selfish and inconcient. But now you're just trying to be happy that you had a chance to have him to yourself during all of those years. You're trying to tell yourself that having him give up everything for you make you the hapiest man alive, it just doesn't, because he isn't here anymore.
You never realized that your smile was due to the fact that he was by your side.
You try over and over again to be happy that all of this with him happened, but as you're laying alone in your bed, you realize that not even the Norris Trophy that you won means a thing to you when he isn't right beside you.
But why are you sad that it's over? You should be happy that it happened in the first place. You should be overwhelmed with joy that he stuck by you for over six years after what you put him into over and over again.
You're not seriously thinking about blaming your hurt on him, right? He gave up everything for you, something that you never did for him in return. When you first met him in 2005 while you were playing for the Belleville Blues, you didn't think that it would hurt so much to see him walk away from you. But after all the hurt that you put him through, you realize that you can't smile because you were happy that it happened. Because you hurt him so much that you just know that he couldn't be happy that much with you, he just loved you too much to walk away.
But he found the courage to walk away now, he did. And everything that made you happy is now over. You understand? over. Forever.
But isn't that what you wanted? If it wasn't, why would you keep choosing your hockey career over him? Why would you keep treating him like shit and harrass him, when you were anywhere else than in the safety of your bedroom? Why did you keep choosing money and good hockey deals over him if you loved him as much as you say?
If you didn't love him enough to pick hockey deals before your own happiness with him, why can't you just be happy that it's finally over? Why are you sad that he turned his back on you and left you? Don't you realize how many times you turned your back on him and left him before? You left him, two weeks after you asked him to marry you, because you got a huge deal with the Canadians. You didn't even care about the tears rolling down his face at that point, or the burning in your heart. You only carred about how popular you would be. Well you achieved this now, you're one of the most popular players of the habs. You got everything that you ever wanted but it still doesn't feel right. Why don't you feel blessed that it even happened to you? Why can't you be happy that back in the days, where you weren't a total asshole, he loved you more than everything? But even when you were at your worst, even when you would hurt him more than hell would, he stayed with you. He always would have. Did you even mind kicking him out because you wanted a hockey career? Now you mind, because you realize how alone you are without him and how miserable it actually is without him to crack a joke and make you smile. How sad you are without him singing you to sleep, not that he ever was a good singer. He wouldn't had been a hockey player if he was that good in singing, but how would you live if you didn't meet him because you both were on the same team? You would be as miserable as you are now.
Do you remember that day that you went away for two weeks and he was alone at your house? all alone because he had to give up hockey because you were tired of him being gone all the time. But you being gone, didn't you realize how much it killed him? Anyway, that night, he covered your house with roses, and he had everything planned to show you how much he loves you but you didn't care. You said that you needed to go out and party, not to be stuck at home with a fag that shows you affection. That night, while you were sticking your dick in and out of some girl's, he was sticking in and out a razor blade in his arm.
And at that time, you were so happy with yourself, with how you managed to get amazing sex with him but still be one of the best hockey player of your team and how you literally had the best of both worlds.
But now that you're a sucessful hockley player you just had your best season so far. But alone in your bed at night with no one to hug you close to themselves and calm you with their not so on key voice. But that sounds like angels to you. And with no one to chase your nightmares away, but I guess that he couldn't chase those nightmares away because they are all about him not being with you anymore. They reflect the reality that you have to face each day. The reality that incase of making you happy like you thought that it would, is killing you.
You now have everything that you always convinced yourself that you needed but it never came to your mind that you would need someone in your life and that that certain someone wouldn't be a girl. But also, you never thought that loosing that certain someone could hurt so much.
You should be out and celebrating your nomination for the Norris Trophy, but you're at home, so cold and lonely. But before, when he was still here, you would never decline a chance to go party and escape his loveliness, but now, it's the only thing you wish you had.
They say that you realize how much it meant to you after you lost it, well you realize it now, they were true, so fuckin true. You were selfish and inconcient. But now you're just trying to be happy that you had a chance to have him to yourself during all of those years. You're trying to tell yourself that having him give up everything for you make you the hapiest man alive, it just doesn't, because he isn't here anymore.
You never realized that your smile was due to the fact that he was by your side.
You try over and over again to be happy that all of this with him happened, but as you're laying alone in your bed, you realize that not even the Norris Trophy that you won means a thing to you when he isn't right beside you.