A Boy Above Brighter Words (One Year, 12 Months)

On February 5th, Alex officially moves in. It's only been two weeks but it feels like Alex has been a part of their lives forever, coming over most nights, bearing gifts in the form of more sprinkles and most memorably, tubes of glitter icing for their ice cream nights.

Still, as Zack helps Alex drag the parts of the cheap single bed he's found on Craigslist into his new bedroom, Jack's undeniably nervous. Him and Alex haven't really spent any alone time together, Jack usually keeping to himself when Alex comes over, afraid to test the waters, find out if Alex really doesn't care as much as he'd said.

When they do see each other, Alex always has a smile and cheerful greeting for him which Jack returns the best he can because Alex has a nice face, and it looks good with a smile on it and he doesn't want to make Alex annoyed with him. Jack tends to shorten peoples patience.

“Jack” Zack calls from the top of the stairs, “Do you wanna help Alex put some of his stuff away?”

“Uhm,” Jack's hands curl up where he's got them wedged in the pockets of his hoodie. “Okay Alex?”

Zack smiles at him, that endlessly fond expression visible, makes a weird gesture with his hands that brings Alex out of his room to stand beside him.

“You don't have to help if you don't want” Alex calls down, “But I have fuckton of CDs and stuff you're welcome to borrow if you help me out”

Jack's not one to turn down browsing through someone elses music collection, and surely Alex wouldn't have asked if he didn't actually want him to help. Right?

“O-okay” Jack agrees, making his way up the stairs and into Alex's room, navigating around the boxes and bits of cheap Ikea furniture everywhere.

“Jack” Alex says again, smiling at him and it makes Jack feel strangely warm inside.

“So I was hoping you could help me put all my CDs and DVDs away and yeah, you're welcome to borrow anything you like”

“How do I put them away?”

Alex looks confused, and Jack tries to elaborate. He knows how to put stuff on shelves obviously, what he wants to know is if Alex has a special order he wants them in.

“Like, the way”

“Oh,” Alex says cheerfully, expression clearing, “Alphabetical would be great, I tried doing it by genre one time but it was hopeless”

For a moment, Jack panics just the teeniest bit, because what if he can't read some of the CDs, because honestly, some band names are fucking weird but then he realises hey, it's only the first latter, and Jack knows the alphabet. He appreciates that Alex isn't going to try and baby him, even if he does talk a little fast sometimes.

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An hour later, and Jack's sliding the last CD into place, standing up to admire his handiwork, brushing the dust from his jeans, Alex will probably need to vacuum at some point.

Speaking of, Alex is nowhere to be seen, a mountain of clothes piled onto his now built bed, and more boxes stacked in a corner, but no Alex.

Jack heads downstairs, only to nearly run into Alex at the bottom, the other boy bouncing off his shoulder with a yelp of surprise.

“Sorry!” Jack squeaks

Alex laughs, “It's okay, I was just coming up to help, but I guess you're done?”

“I guess you're done” Jack repeats, mind on auto pilot and fuck, he knows that doesn't make proper sense. Alex either doesn't notice or doesn't care though, keeping smiling brightly at him.

“Wanna have celebratory moving in snacks? I brought skittles” Alex says, and that is a question Jack has no trouble answering.

“Hell yes”

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Living with Alex isn't all that different from living in pre-Alex times. Jack still gets shotgun in the car in the mornings, Alex squished in the back with Zack. Alex has his own car, but apparently finds it much more fun to travel with them, listen to Jack stumble his way through their journey.

“Did you speak to Mrs Rushman about getting that extension on your English assignment?” Rian asks, merging lanes on the highway.

“Yes”

There's silence for a little while, before Rian speaks again.

“And? Did you get it?”

“Yes”

Jack will freely admit he's trying not to fuck up in front of Alex by saying as few words as possible.

Rian lets out a deliberate sigh, and Jack looks away to avoid what he calls 'the Rian Dawson stare of disappointment'. He doesn't understand, Jack wants Alex to stay more than anything.

“How long an extension did you you get?”

Rian is of course, persistent.

“Two”

“Two what? Days, weeks, decades?” Zack tries to joke from the backseat, but Jack doesn't share in his amusement. He's got a note in his locker saying how long his extension is, but all he remembers is the two part.

“I don't know”

Rian shifts a hand from the steering wheel to squeeze Jack's knee.

“Remember to bring your note home, yeah?”

Jack just nods, and for the remainder of the trip they travel in silence, just the low hum of the morning news on the radio.

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The truth is, Jack hasn't started on his English assignment at all. It's a pretty simple book report, pick a book, read it, write about what the underlying story and theme and all that good stuff. It's not all that difficult. Except that for Jack, it is. He hasn't told Zack or Rian about it, hasn't wanted to make them give up their time to help him, especially with college still being new to them and all.

He's not sure he's capable of reading and understanding a whole book. It sounds awful, but it's true, whenever he tries to read too much the words blur together and make no sense to him, just pages and pages of letters that mean nothing. Even with his special requirements, the report still has to be at least a page long, and the book an appropriate one for his age group.

The minute he pulls the note out of his bag though, hands it over to Rian, Jack knows the games up. He needs the help.

Thankfully, Rian doesn't make him feel too bad about it, just requests that Jack lets him know as soon as he has an assignment, because he always has time to help.

“So,” Zack says slowly, resting the note on the kitchen table. “Do you have any idea what book you what to do? Maybe something you've read before?”

Jack hasn't read a lot of books. He shrugs.

“To the bookshelf” Rian says, getting out of his chair and leading them down the hall to their slightly wobbly bookshelf, mostly crammed with magazines and sheet music, the occasional spill over DVD or game from their other shelves. None of them really own any books.

There’s a well-worn copy of Romeo and Juliet Zack had read in eighth grade and never returned, the third Game of Thrones book, which, if the TV show is anything to go by, is going to be way too complicated for Jack to even think about reading, a few ancient comic books, a dictionary and a bible which none of them own but they seem to have anyway.

The front door clicks, and Jack stiffens as Alex bounces through the door, backpack and laptop bag criss-crossed over his shoulders, mountain of folders in his hands.

He pauses when he sees them raises and eyebrow.

“What are you guys doing?” He says with a grin, dropping his folders on the coffee table with a loud thud, bags landing beside him on the floor as he comes over.

“Jack has a book report” Rian says easily and Jack wants to hit him, because Alex doesn't need to know he's incapable of doing his own homework.

“And we don't actually have any books” Zack adds.

Alex looks contemplative, tugging at the strings of his hoodie before he brightens.

“I think I brought some books with me” He says, and Jack just sighs inwardly, because Alex is a smart guy and probably has books that are going to be impossible to read.

Alex disappears upstairs and Jack glares at Rian as they wait. Alex is going to come down with like, the worlds most technical book. Jack just knows.

“I though you said some books, not an entire fucking library” Zack calls out sarcastically, interrupting Jack's angry stare and whoa, Alex may have understated 'some' books.

He's got a stack of them in his arms, piled all the way to his chin and the stack wobbles precariously as he comes down the stairs.

“Just because you can't read doesn't mean everyone else has to live in the dark ages” Alex calls cheerfully back, and everything kind of slams to a stop and Jack holds his breath, processing the words.

He knew it. He fucking knew it.

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Alex has no qualms about admitting that sometimes (A lot of the time), he speaks before he thinks. He's barely been moved into the Dawson-Merrick-Barakat household for a week and now he's managed to say something pretty damn awful and sure, it wasn't directed at Jack at all, just an off-handed comment but he can definitely see why it caused Jack's entire demeanour to just crumble, the other boy brushing roughly past him on the stairs, disappearing into his room and slamming the door behind him.

He's been in there for nearly two hours and is still refusing to open the door to any of them and Alex just feels horrible. He's said he's sorry about a million times through the flimsy wood but he doesn't know if Jack's even listening.

“I'm really sorry!” He repeats again, to Rian and Zack this time, the three of them now in the kitchen, sitting around the table while they wait for the water to boil so Zack can make 'soothing' chamomile tea. Alex really doesn't think tea is going to fix things.

“I know” Rian says, in a slightly weary tone, “But that doesn't change things all that much”

“You're not, you're not going to kick me out are you?”

Whilst Alex isn't entirely sure putting ones foot in ones mouth is grounds for being kicked out of the house, he knows Jack is an attractive, but delicate situation.

“We're not gonna do that” Zack chips in, “Obviously it's more up to Jack than anything but I think once he calms down a bit, he'll realise it was just a poor choice of words”

“An exceedingly poor choice” Rian adds, and Alex cringes once more.

“How do I tell him i'm sorry if he won't come out of his room?”

Zack pats him on the shoulder. “I'm pretty sure he's heard at least one of the thousand times you've said sorry, he'll come out eventually – he likes food too much to stay in there”

Rian snorts inelegantly into his mug.

“Just, when he does come out, try and be easy to understand yeah, it's harder for him when he's tired or upset”

Alex's guilt just compounds some more. He has to fix this.

He takes to sitting in the hallway outside Jack's bedroom door, splitting his time between staring blankly at the wood and scrolling through his phone, waiting.

His ass is numb and he's well and truly zoned out when he hears the click of a door and his head jerks up to catch Jack's gaze through the minuscule crack in the door and even with this tiny glimpse Jack just looks so sad that Alex feels more awful than ever.

“Jack” He says quietly, “I'm really, really sorry and I didn't mean for what I said to come out like it was about you and I know it sounded awful but you know that I like you and wouldn't say something like that because it's not true and I just wanted to help you get a book and I know have a lot of them and I didn't know what you might like so I brought all of them”

The words come out in a rush and even though a little voice in the back of his head is reminding him of Rian's words Alex can't stop them, has to tell Jack everything and all at once. He's always been a rambler.

When he's done Jack just stares at him, and Alex waits with baited breath.

“I do not, don't know” Jack says haltingly, breath shaky. “understand.” and as Alex opens his mouth to try and make his rush of words clearer, Jack bursts into an awful wailing sob, opens the door and pushes past him, bolting down the stairs and fuck, can't he say anything right?

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Alex decides that it's probably best to leave Jack alone, or with Zack and Rian for a bit. He'd probably just make things worse right now, and he doesn't want that.

He lies on his bed, door left half-open and curls up under the covers and feels bad because he's not the one who should be upset over this at all. But Alex has never been good at dealing with upset people.
Eventually, Zack appears.

“We're having spaghetti” He says, sitting on the end of Alex's bed.

“He was crying” Alex says, “I tried to tell him I was sorry and made him cry instead”

Zack pats his ankles through the blankets.

“It'll be fine, come downstairs and have something to eat and we'll work things out, alright?”

Part of Alex doesn't ever want to leave his room again. But he does want to see Jack, even if he made him cry.

“Okay” He mumbles, pushing the covers back and crawling out of bed, slinking behind Zack as they head into the kitchen, where there's a veritable mountain of spaghetti resting on the table in a big purple bowl.

He makes eye contact with Jack, but the other boy just looks down at his plate, carries on eating.

Dinner is eerily silent. In the history of Alex living and visiting here, there's always been noise at the table, whether it's Jack arguing with Rian about the weather or Zack and Rian being cute adorable boyfriends or Alex himself getting all sports-technical with Zack, they talk like old women when they come together to eat.

And now they're not and it's fucking weird, and entirely his fault.

Him and Jack end up in the living room after they're done and Zack starts stacking up the plates and gives him a very pointed look, and when Jack sits down on the couch it's a scene so familiar from the first time they'd properly met, and the first time Alex had made a hideous conversational blunder.

Still, he does kind of have plan.

He steps awkwardly forward, opens his arms and tries to hug Jack, thinks that maybe he can convey his apology with actions rather than words.

“Don't touch me” Jack snaps, words clear and concise and Alex flinches, and retreats a few steps and raises his hands. Jack doesn't want affection. Okay.

Just how the hell is he supposed to make Jack understand?

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It takes him nearly a week, an entire five and three-quarter days to fix things with Jack and even then it's by accident.

Jack hasn't spoken a single word to him at all, treats Rian and Zack completely normally, and Rian assures him that Jack is aware that he's sorry and that it was just an unfortunate choice of words and that things will blow over soon enough but Alex has yet to experience any blowing.

He takes to the music room – more or less a glorified home office stuffed to the brim with Rian's drum kit, as well as guitars and for some reason, a large collection of pool floats. They don't even have a pool.

His guitar however, is more than willing to talk and he works his way through achingly repetitive chord patterns that are practically engraved into his fingers and then into some of his favourite songs, the notes echoing in the small space and Alex is halfway through a melody of his own creation, something soft and haunting and just slightly Spanish when the door cracks open and Jack's head pokes around the corner, curious.

Alex just nods, and keeps playing, picks up the rhythm of his song a little, watches Jack out of the corner of his eye.

He's pretty much expecting the other boy to leave but Jack doesn't, instead opening the door, coming in and closing it behind him, arms curled around his chest.

Alex has an epiphany then, that maybe he can convey his apology to Jack like this, through music and not words or actions. He tries to think of a song he knows that would do the trick but his mind blanks and the only one he can think of is I Miss You. Or Apologise, but he's got no idea how to put that into six strings.

So drops his head and starts to play and slowly, slowly Jack comes closer, closer until he's almost at Alex's feet and Alex has just hit the chorus and is really trying not to sing beyond mouthing the words to himself because this is important and Jack just kind of folds himself down gracefully, sits cross-legged in front of him and Alex looks up properly, watches Jack watch him.

Jack sits silently until he’s done, the last few notes floating away into the walls before he licks his lips and they're rough and bitten and Alex isn't sure what to expect.

“Rian” Jack says, “Lots of sorry i'm not mad”

Alex bites his tongue, something about Jack's expression telling him to just shut up and listen.

“I know it was a joke not for me” Jack continues, as something akin to hope springs in Alex's chest. And then, “Zack said something, something about a water bridge”

“Water under the bridge?” Alex says softly, and Jack actually smiles at him.

“Yeah, water under the bridge” He says and before Alex knows it Jack is leaning forward, long arms wrapping around his shoulders.

“I'm sorry” Alex says, because you know, he probably hasn't said it enough.

“Shut up” Jack replies, not letting go and yeah, anyone who says Jack doesn't make sense is an idiot.