I Had My Heart Set on You

The blue plus sign stared back at Mia- taunting her. She had been staring at it for three days and she still couldn't hardly believe it. But the thing sitting under it- the black and white sonogram shattered Mia's very reality.

One accident.
One careless moment would change her entire life.

"Oh for Christs sake Mia Francesca," her mother seethed wadding up Mia's favorite pink cardigan, tossing into one of the moving boxes without a single ounce of care, "stop staring. You can't undo this mistake."

"Mom!" Mia cried at the cold woman, earning a glare.

If she ever needed her mother act act like, well, a mother- it was now.

"What do you want from me, Mia?" her face was like stone- emotionless, arms crossed over her flat chest, her gaze flickered. "I gave you the money-"

"And I gave it back!" Mia cried a little louder this time, adamantly stomping her foot in an attempt to make her point. Madeline's face never wavered, her scowl still thick, eyes dark and angry.

"Well that was your decision." she hissed at her near hysterical daughter as she grabbed a picture off Mia's nightstand.

"You're right!" Mia screamed back, making an evil grin crawl its way across Madeline's face. "I told you from the beginning I absolutely refuse- an abortion was never even an option for me. I won't do it, no amount of money will change my mind! It's not just my life-" Mia hesitated, her hands touching at her stomach until she caught her mothers nasty glare. "it's theirs too..."

Mia had been sitting in Miss. Steel's room preparing to take her calculus final when the date on the black board caught her eye -Wednesday, June 2nd, 1999- she had been so busy preparing for finals and graduation that she hadn't realized the last week of May had come and gone. It took a moment of calculating before it hit her like a wrecking ball. She was late, like...late, late.

Over two weeks late.

It was like every cliche movie scene when Mia's mother found her huddled on the bathroom floor, her eyes darting back and forth between a pregnancy test and a kitchen egg timer. The pregnancy tests hadn't even had time to give a result before her mother uttered the word abortion. But from the moment Mia set foot in the drug store, she knew it wasn't even an option.

At least, not for her.

"Well I think you've made a huge mistake-"

"If I cared what you thought, I'd be laying in the recovery room."

"I didn't raise you to be like that-" her words were like venom- cold, relentless, empty, and yet they managed to sting.

"Like what? Caring?"

"Selfish. You aren't thinking of anyone but yourself. As always it's all about Mia. You have no regards for me or the things I've done for you. I've put the world on a silver platter for you and Reese, and what do you do? Ruin it. You throw your lives away on some common day, worthless, no good, pricks that dare to call themselves men. It's pathetic, you're pathetic-"

A single blackened mascara tear rolled down her cheek, her voice so soft it was almost a whisper. "No wonder Reese left home."

But Madeline's face said it all.
Blank. Emotionless.

And yet, she still managed a spiteful smile- silently taunting Mia, because she won.
She finally got what she wanted.

Madeline crossed her arms over her chest, her face stuck in a snarl. "I had such high hopes for you-"

"Well I'm sorry." Mia whispered. "We can't all be perfect."

Madeline picked up a framed picture of Mia and Zack before rolling her eyes, her hand dropping as her fingers let go- letting the picture drop into the nearest box.

Mia cringed as she heard the unmistakable (muffled) sound of glass shattering. She glared up at her mother, her grin rivaling that of a Cheshire Cat.

"Finish packing. We need to get you out of here before that good-for-nothing scumbag finds out what a mess you've made and tries to trap you here." she let out a thick, manipulative chuckle, "The poor bastard would probably try to marry you." but suddenly Madelin's face fell, "I was wrong-"

"What?" Mia retorted.

"It could get worse. You could marry that bastard and have his children."

Mia managed to hold herself together until the door slammed shut.

But as reality stared back at her, the heartbeats she had heard for the very first time earlier this morning still ringing in her ears, she crumbled to the floor- one hand balling at the fabric of her sweatshirt as she wiped at her tired eyes, the other running softly over her stomach.

Her chest wound tight, the inevitable sting of tears warmed her face as her heart began to race. Evey breath seemed to sit like a thick haze in her chest- making each one harder than the last.

All the disappointment, all the shame, all the guilt ate away at her.

Her body began to shake as violent, choked sobs overtook her.

It was there, alone on the floor of her bedroom that she wept.

She wept for her babies, the unborn creatures that called her body home, the tiny beings that would depend on her for their very survival, the tiny little things that needed her for life. She cried because every part of them depended on her very heartbeat.

And she wept for Zack and the love she would surely lose.

She cried because he was her first love.

She cried because she knew she could never stop loving him, no matter how hard she tried.

She cried because she knew she would never get to say goodbye and he deserved so much better than that.

But most of all, she cried because she knew she would never experience that love ever again, and she wasn't sure she could live in a world without Zack.

Better yet, she wasn't sure she wanted to live in a world without him.

But she knew she didn't have a choice.

Mia was taping up the last box when the phone on the nightstand started ringing. Mia bit at her bottom lip, her hand reaching for the phone.

The name on the caller i.d. taunting her.



Mia swallowed at the knot in her throat and her body shaking, ready to answer.

"Mia Francesca, if you answer that phone, so help me God-"

Madeline had been sending Zack's calls straight to voicemail all day, she had even gone so far as unplugging Mia's personal line.

"I've been avoiding him all day!" she finally stomped in protest. "If I don't answer again, he may show up!"

She knew when Madeline started rolling her bottom lip, she was debating the validity of what Mia had just said, and she knew her mother wouldn't dare take the chance of him actually showing up.

"You have five minutes. Any longer and I unplug, got it?"

Mia let out a sigh of relief before lunging at the phone, answering.

"Zack-" she breathed into the receiver.

"Jesus Mia, I've been trying to get you all day-"

"I know, I know-" she groaned falling back into the bed. "Mom's been on one of her rampages all day. I swear she needs to get laid-"

Zack let out that easy laugh, that one that made everything bad just melt away, the one that made her forget, even if it was just for a second.

"Hey, so tomorrow-" he started, she could practically hear the smile in his voice. "Don't make plans, I wanna do something special."

"To what do I owe this surprise?" She asked, but she couldn't help but feel guilty as she wrapped up another picture frame in the bubble wrap, placing it into the last box.

"can't I just do something nice for the girl I love?"

"I suppose..." She finally mumbled.

But like clockwork, her mother appeared in the doorway pointing at her watch before slicing her hand across her neck in a dramatic fashion.

"Hey, Zack-"

"Yeah baby?" Mia swallowed hard as her eyes began to burn with tears.

"I have to go."

"Everything okay?"

Mia closed her eyes, a single tear beading down her pale cheek. "Yeah, yeah. I'm just tired."

"Okay, get some rest. Big day tomorrow-"

"Yeah, hey Zack?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you...so much." Madeleine's glare seemed to catch fire with every word.

"I love you too Mia Winters. More than you'll ever know. Have I ever told you you're the girl of my dreams?"

Mia choked out a whisper, "Every day..."

Madeline stomped across the floor, yanking the phone from Mia's delicate hands. "Good night, Zachary!" And she pressed the red button, tossing the phone into the bed.

Mia felt a surge of hate run through her veins, "you're such a miserable twat, do you know that?"

But with a poker face, Madeline folded her arms over her chest, "get your things, the car's out front to take you to the airport and they won't wait."

Mia felt her chest tighten, her glare burning through the woman who dared to call herself a mother. "I hate you."

Those three words would usually cut through a parent. But not Madeline. No, she got a rise out of them as she finally dared to smile.

"Go ahead, hate me. But you'll thank me later."

Mia grabbed her bags before finally looking at Madeline. "I highly doubt that."

And as Mia got into the back of the black town car, she couldn't help but watch as the beach town disappeared in the rear view knowing that her life would never be the same.