Let's Waste Time

I climbed into my new piece of crap car and pulled my phone out of my pocket. I got the car mainly because Todd was selling it and because I was tired of taking the bus or begging Albert for rides every day. I dialed the number and turned the car on the road to head toward my apartment.

"Hey, this is Todd. Leave a message," his voicemail told me.

"Todd, you son of a bitch. Where the hell are you? We were supposed to marathon Star Wars tonight. You guys said you were meeting me at the shop. Call me, asshole."

A few minutes later, I parked outside my apartment building and dialed another number as I climbed the stairs.

"Hi, this is Doug," the voicemail answered.

"Doug! What the hell? Where the heck are you guys? We had a date!" I hung up and unlocked my apartment door. Then I shut it behind myself and called Albert last. It was his day off, but the three of them promised they'd meet me at work so we could carpool back to my place for our movie fest.

"This is Albert. Leave a message," the voicemail answered. He used a robot voice. Dork. I groaned, but I was moving away from anger and into fear.

"Okay, seriously, guys. I'm starting to get a little worried. Where are you? At least text me to let me know you're okay."

I waited another hour before I turned on the TV. Then, finally, I put the first movie on without them and hoped they were okay. I was hungry, but they were supposed to show up with pizza, so I didn't want to make anything just in case they were just running late. So I just sat there, pouting, as I worried about the three idiots.

Finally, a little while later, the doorbell rang. I bolted off the couch and went right to the door to look out of the peephole into the hallway. All three of them were standing there. And they probably heard me run to the door. Todd waved. I ripped the door open.

"Where the hell have you guys been? I was worried," I said.

"We were at a game," Albert explained.

"We had plans, you assface." They all stood there smiling as if they were pleased with themselves. "Did you get pizza? It smells like pizza." Their smiles grew. Someone leaned into view and smiled.

"That'd be me," Chris said. He was holding a pizza box and a six-pack.

"Oh—hey."

"Hey."

"I guess we'll be going now," Todd said, making a suggestive face. I would have slapped him if I wasn't so shocked to see Chris standing out front of my apartment.

"Bye, guys."

They headed down the hall saying, "She left about a million messages but now she doesn't even care."

"Shut up. They probably wanna bang."

Chris moved to stand in front of me. He was handsome. He had pizza. That's all I could focus on.

"You going to let me in or what?" he asked.

"Oh. Yeah. Of course. Sorry. I'm just a little shocked is all." I stepped out of the way so he could come in. Then I locked the door behind him and turned around. He let himself in and examined my new living arrangements. The apartment was smaller and more cramped, but it was still me.

"I heard you were having a Star Wars marathon tonight," he said, setting the pizza and beer on the coffee table. I followed him nervously.

"Yeah, the original trilogy. We were supposed to anyway."

"Do you mind if I join you?"

"You brought the pizza, so make yourself at home." We sat down on the couch, and I held my arms in my lap, struggling to find words. "So—um—what are you doing here?"

"Your friends tracked me down at practice. They actually broke through security and spent a few hours locked in a holding cell before I could get them out." I snorted.

"That doesn't surprise me." He smiled again.

"They said you were having a movie marathon tonight, and I should join in."

"And you—wanted to?"

"Of course. You know I love Star Wars." I laughed.

"Yeah, you're a big nerd."

"I tried to tell you." He reached forward to open the pizza box. We used napkins as plates.

"I tried to find you," I told him when he handed mine over. "I came to talk to you, but I guess you moved. I didn't know how else to get ahold of you."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. You left, and I didn't know how to find you either."

"So I heard you're in the big leagues now." He shrugged.

"Kind of. I mean—if they ever play me, that is. But it was just luck anyway. Our manager thought he was coming to his nephew's little league game. Got the wrong field and found us instead."

"That's amazing." He laughed.

"I'm trying to be modest, but yeah. It's amazing. I could have cried."

"I'm really proud of you." He smiled.

"So what about you? You have a new job?"

"Nothing nearly as exciting as joining Major League Baseball. I've just been working at the comic book shop. Of course, you probably knew that already."

"Yeah, Albert told me."

"I did get back in touch with my brother, though. So that's kind of exciting," I added.

"Really? That's great, Marley."

"We've been talking. It's been nice."

"You look—happier." I shrugged.

"I'm better definitely."

"Are you still—with Trent? I mean—they told me you aren't. I wouldn't have come if you were, but—I thought I'd ask anyway." He reached for a beer, and I watched him as he opened it.

"No. I haven't seen him since that day at the café. He called me a bunch of times, but I had my number changed, and then I moved. So he doesn't really know how to find me."

"How's that been working out for you?"

"Good. I'm not still in love with him if that's what you're asking. You were right. About—well, everything actually. I was still grieving my dad when I met him and felt like my family didn't love me, and I let myself get stupid because I thought he actually cared about me."

"That's not stupid, Marley. That's someone taking advantage of you. That says more about him than it does about you. But I'm glad you finally saw him the way I did. I hated seeing you in that situation. Even when you were just my friend. I just didn't know how to help you without making you upset."

"I'm not proud of it, but—I'm over it. Ready to move on and do better with my life." He smiled.

"You'll be okay." I nodded.

"Yeah," I agreed. He opened another beer and handed it over. We ate and drank in silence while I worked up the courage to talk to him. "So um—what are you really doing here?"

"I missed you," he admitted. But he didn't take his eyes off the screen. "I um—I was with Heidi for a long time, but I don't think we ever really cared about each other. I think it was just easy, you know? It was different with you. So I still think about you a lot. I was hoping we'd run into each other again eventually. I was actually pleased to find out that three nerds broke into a private practice and almost got arrested. It's a good thing they let me know instead of just calling the police." I laughed.

"You really missed me?" He looked at me with his eyebrows raised.

"Of course I have. I haven't stopped thinking about you."

"Did you mean everything you said that day? At the café? When you said you were in love with me?" He took another sip of his beer and then put it down.

"I meant every word." He picked at the label and focused on it like he was nervous.

"I'm sorry I disappeared on you. I have a tendency to shut people out when I'm trying to work through things. I just wanted to figure myself out. I was with both of you for all the wrong reasons. I wanted to make sure we had a more stable foundation if we ever tried again. And I was in a really dark place. So I thought I needed to work on myself a bit first."

"I know. I was never angry at you for it. I always knew it was never a matter of choosing one man over another. It was always about making you choose yourself. I didn't want to win anything. I just wanted you to take control of your life. Do something good for yourself. Even if I couldn't be one of those good things."

"Yeah."

"So you got a new job. You have a car and a new place. You got back in touch with your brother. You're single. How are you doing?" He turned back to me, and I smiled.

"Better. I mean—I still have low points, and I'm kind of lonely. But—I don't think I hate myself anymore. I've come to terms with everything. I made mistakes. Everyone does. But I realized that I deserved better. Not just from Trent but from my family too. So I've learned. I'm in a better place mentally. There's only one thing that's really missing now." I was staring at my jeans, picking at the ripped hole in my knee.

"What's that?"

I looked back at him. He was so cute with his kind blue eyes and his growing facial hair. I was so stupid for thinking I could stop myself from falling in love with him. He was just a lovable person. Easy to love. He was kind and sweet, and patient. Everything I needed. Long before I realized he was also what I wanted and deserved. The perfect Hufflepuff to my Slytherin.

"You haven't figured it out yet?" I asked. He smiled.

"Maybe I just want to hear you say it." He nudged me with his shoulder, and I laughed.

"The only thing missing is you," I admitted. He nodded and took another sip of his beer.

"Good answer."

He set his drink down and turned back to the movie. I didn't know what else to do or say. I guess I got out what I wanted to say. The rest was up to him. He leaned back against the couch and stretched his arms out on either side.

"So um—are you free tomorrow night?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yeah, tomorrow is my day off."

"So, if I were to ask you on a date, would you say yes?" I turned my head to look at him again. I nodded.

"I think so. Yeah."

"You just think?"

"You didn't really ask, did you?" He laughed.

"Would you like to go on a date with me? A real one?"

"Definitely."

"Okay, cool. I'd wait for our regular Tuesday thing, but they're trying to get me into more actual games, so we're actually heading to San Diego the day after tomorrow. I can pick you up at six?"

"Sounds good." I leaned back against the cushions. His arm came down over my shoulder. He pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head.

"Can I tell you something honestly? No strings attached?" he asked.

"Sure."

"I really fucking missed you." I smiled and put my hand on his chest. We hadn't even gone on our first date yet, but I missed him so much. I wasn't going to pass up the opportunity to snuggle him.

"That came with a lot of strings attached."

"I know. I was lying about that part."

"I'm glad. I really missed you too."

"I didn't get over you, you know?" I smiled and hugged him tighter.

"I didn't get over you either."

"That's good. Because this would have been really awkward." I laughed.

Life was kind of an asshole sometimes. But maybe that was the point. That was what made me open my eyes and sort things out. Chris hadn't come into my life to be a clusterfuck or complicate things. Instead, he'd come into my life and opened my eyes to the truth about who I'd given my heart to. Who I was. And because of the clusterfuck we'd made, I was able to learn a lot about myself. I learned to grow.

Life could be an asshole, but it was also kind of rewarding. It brought Chris back to me. It felt right. Like all the pieces had finally fallen into place. I didn't know where our relationship would lead. I didn't know if we'd love each other forever. Or even at all. But I knew we were off to a good start. We could set different rules. We could be exclusive and honest and go into this knowing what we wanted from each other. And I wouldn't have to worry about girlfriends or boyfriends or whether or not he was doing this just for sex or for me.

He moved his hand to cup my face and guided me up toward him. Then he took my lips with his and kissed me long and deep. My breathing went ragged. I sat up a little straighter. I dug my fingers into his shirt. And when he let me go, he traced my cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"Can I tell you something?" he asked as he gently pulled my glasses off.

"Strings or no strings?" I wondered.

"A whole lot of strings." He smiled.

"Then please tell me."

"I've always been a sucker for green eyes."