Sweater Weather (or Whatever)

“You fucking bitch.” Ryan covered his face as he said it, tossing his head back and forcing a laugh. “I should’ve put money on that or something.”

“Well, maybe you can move back to Vegas in the future,” William responded, causing his friend’s head to snap back in his direction, eyebrows raised. “I mean, it wasn’t. Like. I don’t know, man.”

Ryan nodded knowingly. (“How could he actually get it, though,” William thought). “Just, like. Is it that easy? He just kissed you?”

William shushed him quickly, leaning forward as he scanned the smoothie bar. No one had seemed to be paying them any attention, but still. “PleaseRyanIDon’tKnow – “

“Bill, relax,” Ryan cut in, extending his hand as if to pat William’s arm, but refrained. “It’s not that big a deal, you know. So, like. Did he stay over?”

William tried to keep himself from smiling. He felt the blood rush to his cheeks and cursed his light complexion. “No, we uh, we talked a little bit and he left. Just about the test. I went to bed after…What happened to you last night, anyway?”

“Well, thank you for asking,” Ryan said, smiling proudly as he spoke. “I’ll have you know I also got a little action last night and I did not return to my room until this morning.”

“Go on,” William said, his smile slanted. He had no problem discussing Ryan’s romantic endeavors – and besides, he was the only person William knew that could take pride in a Walk of Shame.

“Well, I told Gabe I wanted to make sure Brendon was okay, so I walked him back to his room, got him some water and sat with him until he felt better. Then I tucked him in, and when I went to leave – he asked me to stay. So, like, I did.”

William coughed on a small laugh, but Ryan’s face remained smug. “That’s it? You had a sleep over?”

“Did you hear me he asked me to sleep over,” Ryan shout-whispered, leaning across the table, eyes wide. “He was gone when I woke up – but he left me a note. I’m meeting him later. So, like. Yea.” Ryan nodded when he stopped talking, as if reassuring himself, and sipped his drink.

William laughed softly. That was the thing about Ryan – he could speak and act like a dick, but he got so much out of the little things. “Well, I hope you have a nice date. I’ve got to get to class. Let me know how it goes, alright?”

Ryan hummed in response, wishing William luck as he slipped out the door.

He walked quickly, trying to review the facts in his head. That kiss, though. It kept breaking his train of thought, to the point where William found himself physically shaking his head, as if to knock the memory out. I’ll worry about it later, he told himself, but still found himself stuck.

Because I think we’d be good. As like, whatever.

Maybe Ryan would have an answer. Either way, he was inaccessible at the moment.

William was immediately handed his exam as he stepped in the room. He took his seat quietly, unnerved that the front page was blank, the first essay question as a header. He flipped the exam on its back and began to plan out his response, relieved at how easily the information came to him.

Halfway through his essay, the door swung open wildly, Gabe striding in. He smiled widely at their professor, who went unfazed, and took the desk behind William as opposed to his normal seat.

“Wait for me in the lobby, alright?” Gabe whispered, surprisingly close to William’s ear. He nodded curtly, intent on getting his facts down while they were fresh in his mind and none too keen on getting called out for cheating. As he leaned forward, he heard Gabe sigh, dissatisfied.

William checked his phone again for the time; almost eleven at this point. Arms crossed, he walked in another small circle, the lobby emptying of kids leaving their classes. This is silly, he thought to himself, hand on his chest now. The test went fine, there’s no need to be nervous. Either way, it’s over.

When he finally saw Gabe striding towards him, wide smile and arms outstretched, William ignored the fact that his heart rate escaladed. He swallowed before he spoke: “Hi.”

“Hey!”

“You look awfully cheerful for someone who came late to an exam,” William teased, crossing his arms again.

“I’m done, man, you know I don’t care,” Gabe replied, adjusting the strap of his backpack. “Overslept. You kept me up last night.”

Again, William could picture the color changing in his cheeks, white to pink, and damned his heritage. “Yea, well. Uhm. Sorry.”

“Oh, don’t be,” Gabe continued, taking a step closer. When William refused eye contact, he cleared his throat. “Listen, I wanna talk to you.”

“Oh.”

“Yea, is that okay? I just wanted – “

“I can’t right now,” William cut in quickly, ignoring the change in Gabe’s expression. “I have to print something for a professor, and then I have to eat before my next class, and – “

“Well, lunch then?”

William shook his head. “I really can’t today, I just – …Tomorrow?”

Gabe looked up at William, pouting slightly. “Dinner, at least.”

He kept himself from sighing, trying to mentally plan his day in correspondence to Ryan’s; the only time he would see him would be in their writing class, and not much talking was going to go on then.

Still, Gabe had been there for him last night. And he seemed… eager.

“Dinner then,” William shrugged, smiling. Gabe beamed back, clapping his hands together.

“Alright. Call me when you’re hungry; I’ll make something easy. See you later, Bill.”

Before William could even protest the prospect of going to Gabe’s house, he was gone, having patted his shoulder and speed-walked away.

By six-thirty, he was standing on the porch of one of many dilapidated homes. Gabe’s house was fourth to last on a block of row homes, all which faced another set with the same façade. William bounced on his heels, shaking out his hands and trying to bring himself to knock. (“Just, like. Don’t be a pussy,” Ryan had said to him earlier, as if ‘being a pussy’ was easily defined in his circumstance.) He exhaled, tilted his head back, and knocked with confidence, his energy draining quickly.

It took Gabe no more than five full seconds to answer the door, smiling once his eyes register William’s face. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

They stood in the doorway a moment, William unsure how rude it would be to invite himself in. Gabe slid out of the way, extending his arm to show off the living room. “Welcome.”

William stepped in gingerly, not stopping too far in the entrance way before taking a look around. The house was surprisingly nice – pink walls left from the previous owners, he was sure, an open living room, dining room visible from the doorway. A few more steps, and William would be at the stairs. “Your house is a little misleading, yknow.”

“You think?” Gabe questions honestly, closing the door and making his way towards the kitchen. “It’s new-ish. They just refurbished it – last year I think it was? Anyway, food’s almost done – make yourself at home, alright?”

William nodded, although he knew Gabe couldn’t see him. He sat upright on the couch, not daring to lean back, and drummed his fingers across his knee. There was no need to be nervous, although William tried to prepare himself for…

What was he doing here again?

“Alright, we’re set,” Gabe called from the kitchen. William stood quickly, standing in the doorway of the dining room.

He felt a new kind of heat in his chest as he looked at the small table, set for two. “Are uhm, your room mates here or whatever?”

“Oh, no, they’re all out tonight,” Gabe replied as he set two plates down; hot pockets. “I really hope you aren’t allergic to anything weird – I just got the pepperoni kind. There’s more, if you’re still hungry, I just didn’t want to risk mucking up a meal, yknow?”

Gabe sat, gesturing for William to do the same. Diving into his food, Gabe seemed completely care-free; why was William’s chest still tight? He took a sip of the water Gabe had set out for him, eyeing his host.

Once realizing he was being stared at, Gabe put his food down. “You want to skip the bullshit, right?”

“Yea, if that’s, yknow, alright,” William said with a weak laugh, trying his best not to come off as impolite. He watched as Gabe leaned back in his chair and minded his legs as Gabe stretched his out underneath the table.

“Alright, no bullshit. You gotta promise the same, alright?” as Gabe began, William nodded, beginning to pull at a loose string in a rip of his jeans. “Look, I just… I’m sorry about last night. I was a little drunk, and I wanted to help you out. You’re a good guy, and once Ryan got talking, I started to feel bad, and I wanted to help you. Now, I’m not gonna say anything,” he added once William started pursing his lips, “but I just wanted to be straight with you. Okay? So, I’m sorry if I crossed any lines or anything. You’re a good guy, and I really want to be friends, so are we cool?”

William refused to look at Gabe now, despite feeling his eyes on him. He clenched his hand, not out of anger or even embarrassment, but because he could feel his breath running in and out of him lungs, took noticed to the thump –thump-thumps his heart made. He nodded numbly, taking a sip of his drink because his throat had dried out so suddenly.

“Yea, man,” he finally said when he realized Gabe had nothing more to say. “It’s cool. Don’t worry about it, it was nothing.”

At this, the corner of Gabe’s mouth turns up, and he leans into William from across the table. “It was nothing. Right.”

William nods again, drumming his fingers under the table. This is good news, he told himself, now I don’t have to let Ryan be right. Still, his chest felt heavy. And Gabe was still smiling at him.

“Bill. I want you to look at me and tell me it was nothing,” Gabe said coolly, and William looked down at his hands, a laugh jumping from his throat.

It was impossible.

“It was nothing,” he murmured, still looking away. He heard Gabe slide his chair closer, folding his hands on the table. William didn’t look at him until he said his name again, softly this time. When their eyes met, he lost his footing completely. “I liked it.”

Gabe’s face broke then, and William felt stupid for letting the words slip, even worse when Gabe chuckled. He pictured himself throwing his chair back, gliding out of the house and forgetting the whole ordeal, but he was stuck. Wincing, he closed his eyes, shaking his head.

“That’s what I was hoping you’d say,” Gabe finally broke the silence, leaning back in his chair, lifting his plate to his face as he ate. “You food’s gonna get cold, Bilvy.”

“So, uhm, d-do you,” William stuttered, searching the table cloth for his wording. “D-o you like watching me bumble?”

“Oh, I think it’s endearing,” Gabe replied, taking a moment to wipe his hands on a napkin. “Hey, don’t feel bad. I mean, you gotta understand; I couldn’t tell you my intentions were legit if you were gonna freak out, yknow?”

Confused, William’s eyebrows knitted together. Legit? “Not sure I follow.”

“Well,” Gabe said, leaning forward again, “it’s like this. I notice you when classes start, and I’m too nervous to say anything – because a lot of guys tend to freak out when another guy approaches him. And then I get this idea to ask you to study, and gauge you – not like, you give off any vibes, just y’know, make sure I’m not blinded. Then Ryan comes over, and he just opens this door for me – now I was drunk, and I am sorry, but I wasn’t about to pass up that chance. Everything I said was true – and I remember all of it. But I didn’t want to take advantage of you or anything, so I wanted to make sure it didn’t mean anything to you and – well – it did.”

Gabe shrugged, smiling as he drank from his glass. William bit his lip, only mildly perplexed. “Was it obvious before I – “

“Bill, you kissed me too, yknow,” Gabe said, his tone changing. “I needed to know I wasn’t being taken advantage too. You seemed pretty shaky, and I don’t like being fucked with.”

“I’m not trying to fuck with you, Gabe,” William said, voice only slightly shaky. “Look, I just. Uhm, this is. I’m not – “

“I know,” Gabe interrupted, as if not wanted to watch William squirm any more. “Ryan and I talked a lot. He’s a good friend, Bill, you should be grateful.”

William nodded solemnly, allowing himself a small smile. “You said you thought we’d be good… What did you mean?”

Gabe blinked back, frowning slightly. “Listen, we don’t have to get into that right now. I just, wanted to check on you, yknow? Just, eat your food. I’m glad we’re sorted.”

William ate, mostly listening to Gabe talk, responding appropriately and letting himself acknowledge the knot in his stomach that “being sorted” left him with.

William threw himself onto his bed and sighed contently. He felt sick – love sick or that self-loathing sickness or nauseated from laughing too hard after eating almost-cooked hot pockets – but he didn’t mind, didn’t pay attention to that uneasy feeling creeping around the edge of his thoughts. He checked his phone, realizing that he’s gone to Gabe’s four and a half hours prior. That, and he had three missed calls.

The first was his mother, and that was to be expected. He hadn’t called home in a few weeks at this point, hadn’t bothered to tell them about the short break, although he knew his mother had figured it out. He considered calling her back, but wasn’t in the mood to explain himself just yet.

Second was from Adam, and there was no telling what that was about. He felt it easier just to go down the hall to check on him, and since he’d only called once, it couldn’t have been of great importance, so he decided to hold off on that as well.

The third was Ryan, whose voicemail just said: “I’m coming over. So, like. Leave the door open or something. Okay.”

Luckily, William had only missed the last call by a few minutes and didn’t have to wait long for the knock.

Ryan stood with his hands in his pockets and gave William a tight-lipped smile when he opened the door. “Hey. So. Are you busy?”

William shook his head and stepped aside, allowing Ryan to come in. He plopped down on the floor this time, and William didn’t question it, just closed the door and switched off the big light in exchange for his desk light.

“So. How was dinner?” Ryan asked, knees to his chest and foot tapping. William sat cross-legged across from Ryan and tried to hide his face.

“It was… interesting. But we’ll get to that later. How was – “

“No,” Ryan said forcefully, pushing the hair from his face. “I really want to know. Tell me, please?”

Once William had made it through the story, Ryan was smiling, his legs unfolded. Both their anxieties seemed to melt away, if only for a little while. “We watched this really bad horror flick called The Thing and, Jesus, Ryan.” William laughed at the memory, Ryan sighing in response. “He said you talked a lot about me.”

Ryan’s smile fell and he shrugged. “I don’t exactly remember the walk home, Bill. I remember telling him we had to go, and that I was going to check on you. Then I remember walking to Bren’s room, and all that shit, so. I don’t think I said anything too shitty.”

“No, I wasn’t worried, I just – “

“Okay, then. Cool.”

Ryan made a face, and William was tempted to retort when he remembered what Gabe said, about Ryan being such a good friend. He thought for a moment, watching as Ryan began to tug a string loose from the carpet. “Did you meet up with him?”

Eyes still downcast, Ryan frowned, shrugging. “I don’t know who you mean.”

“Brendon, did you meet up? Y’know, your sleep over buddy – “

“I know who you mean, Christ,” Ryan huffed, eyes meeting William’s fiercely. William’s mouth opened slightly, and Ryan exhaled sharply. “He said to meet him at the Union at nine, and I got there like, half an hour early to like, work on that stupid writing assignment, and he never fucking showed up. I tried to call him around ten and he wouldn’t pick up; I saw him walk by not too long ago, with that Spencer kid. And, yea. So, like. That was my night.”

William waited as Ryan raked his fingers through his hair, sighing again and looking at a corner of the ceiling. He shook his head. William said, “I’m sorry.”

“Yea, well, don’t be.” Ryan scoffed as he spoke. “It wasn’t anything, I knew that. I don’t need that shit anyway, so good riddance.”

“Yea,” William muttered as he contemplated his own evening, “good riddance.”