Never on My Lips

“Baby, are you okay?”

Janie’s doe-like eyes couldn’t say more about how she could read me. She knew something was up, and even though I’d rather not tell her about my blast from the past, I didn’t want to keep secrets from her. But, in hindsight, she didn’t need to know about it if it was going to stress her out like I knew it would. She was the type to overthink things, and this would just be begging to be sprinkled with hyperboles.

No. I can’t risk it.

“I think those migraines my mom gets are hereditary.” I gave her a shy smile.

“Do you want some Asprin? I have a bottle in the bathroom—“

“It’s not too bad; don’t worry about it.” I looked back down to my book.

Brendon hadn’t bothered me all day. In fact, I hardly saw him after my first class. Our high school isn’t exactly the largest, and I was bound to see him eventually—at least twice a day, but I didn’t. He was, again, nowhere to be seen. It seemed as if he had perfected the art of vanishing into thin air.

Regardless of his lack of appearance, I couldn’t shake the look he gave me. It would be self-centered to assume he came back to Summerlin for the sake of winning me over, so the thought was just outrageous. I had exhausted all other scenarios though.

Two years he was gone. Two years! Two years without a word, he just up and left everyone, even people he’d known from middle school. I can distinctly remember people talking about how the school’s heartthrob Ryan Ross was missing his geeky best friend, the one who never talked except when spoken to. It was just all too weird.

“Well, I think I’m done for the night.” Janie stretched out her arms over her head with a fatigue-laced yawn. She leaned over and pecked me on the nose with a cheeky grin. “Guess who I saw today?”

“Who?”

“That guy Ryan. Remember him? All the girls, me included, were in love with him freshman year.”

I rolled my eyes. “How can I not remember. Even my homeroom teacher was super nice to him.”

“It wasn’t just him though.” She twitched her lips to the side. “That boy Ryan always hung out with fall semester—the nerdy one. He had those librarian glasses and the goofy hair that fell in front of his face.”

I knew all too well where this was going.

“Brendon Urie! That’s his name. I saw him today, too. He looks so much different now…”

“Oh?” I could only pretend not to know what she was talking about.

“He looks a lot better now. Heck, he had half the girls doing double takes when he walked down the hallway. I guess that move did wonders for him.”

“Where was he?”

“No one knows.” Janie shrugged. “But, yeah, that’s all that happened to me today.”

“Did he talk to you?”

“Who? Brendon?”

I nodded.

“No,” Janie scratched her head. “He didn’t talk to anyone really. I think I saw him talk to Ryan outside because they carpooled, but that was it. I know a lot of girls tried to talk to him, but he wouldn’t budge. He literally ignored them as far as I could see.”

There was no way I could tell her about Brendon’s proposition from freshman year. And if she considered the concept of me leaving her for him—that was just screaming for trouble. But what could I do? Seeing Brendon was guaranteed at least once a day, and then you have to factor the possibility of partner projects, study groups, the awkward eye contact, and even worse, if he tries to talk to Janie.

The thought alone made me shudder.

On the other hand, Janie wasn’t the only one who overthought things. There’s always the possibility that Brendon won’t try to contact me at all, and then all this anxiety would have been for nothing.

Oh, well. It’s better to assume the worst.

**

Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday are filler days. These are the days where nothing really interesting happens, the days in between the worst time to be awake and the best time to stay up late. On these days, I really don’t expect much to happen.

I’m an idiot.

On my morning soak of information, a tapping came to my passenger side window.

Brendon Urie knocked with a blank face. I lowered the window without really thinking it through. What was the worst that could happen?

“Can we talk?”

His voice was much deeper now, almost intoxicatingly deep. It was smooth, too. Puberty had done the boy well, almost too well. It wasn’t until now that I could see how much he’d grown up. His mop-like hair was gone, replaced by a very stylish cut where the sides were short and the top was considerably longer. He’d even used product to slick it off to the side. He didn’t even wear glasses anymore.

What got me was what he was wearing. I’d never known Brendon to be the adventurous type, but then again, a lot can happen to someone in two years.

Brendon sported a light-washed denim button-up, and it exposed all the right parts of his body. Just from where I was sitting I got glimpses of his toned chest and the little bit of sweat that came from the Nevada heat that dribbled down the side of his neck, tracing his veins one by one. The biggest thing though would have to have been his tattoos. He had his sleeves rolled up to the elbows, showing off the half sleeve on his forearm. I couldn’t even keep myself from staring.

I cleared my throat. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

“I mean, later.” He rested his arms on the roof of my car, dipping his head down to make eye contact with me. “Can we talk later?”

“What did you have in mind?”

He hummed in thought. “Coffee at the corner place—that one with the small fountain in front at 4:30. I’ll see you there?”

I nodded instinctively without even contemplating what he’d said, and before I knew it, Brendon Urie was walking away from my car.

He didn’t speak to me in first period, and everything went back to normal.