Forever and a Year

Alex sighed as he stared at the paper in front of him that was nearly blank except for the “To my dearest Jack” scrawled on the top left. That’s all he has to show for the past 2 hours. He unlocked his phone and saw Jack smiling up at him, without a care in the world. His beautiful, happy, Jack. Alex felt the tears start forming. His therapist said this would help start the healing process, but all it is doing is making him feel worse and worse.

He thought back to the first time he saw the younger boy back in 8th grade, jumping around yelling nonsense. How even as a complete stranger Jack was able to put a smile on Alex’s face. Quickly after that day they become practically inseparable, you would never see one without the other. He remembers their first sleepover. It was the weekend of Alex’s birthday and they spent all night playing N64 and eating junk food. It was simple but one of best nights of their lives. They had plenty of firsts after that night. Like the first time they went to a show together and the first time they got in trouble together at school. The ones that stick out the most to Alex was the first time he realized he liked Jack way more than a best friend should, their first romantic kiss, and their first “I love you”’s.

That was all he needed to start putting his thoughts and feelings down.

“Hey babe, Doctor Sands said that writing to you might help me so here we go. I’m currently sitting at our diner, you know which one I’m talking about. The one we went to on our first date and then every anniversary afterwards. It’s lonely without you.

As I sit here and as I think about how much I love and miss you.
About how much I love your eyes, the most beautiful brown eyes I’ve ever gotten to stare into.
About how much I love your hair, it didn’t matter to me if you ever styled it or not it was always perfect for me.
About how much I love your voice, and it pains me that I’ll never hear it in person again.
About how much I love your smile, i know you would never believe me but god damn you could brighten my darkest days with a simple smile.
About how much I love your body, it was like it was created to fit perfectly with mine.
About how much I love your mind, and how you would remember the tiniest details.
About how much I love your laugh, it was my favorite sound on this planet.
and lastly About how much I love your heart because without our hearts we wouldn’t have fallen in love and I wouldn’t have been so fucking happy for so fucking long.

Jack Bassam Barakat, I love every centimeter of you, inside and out. From the top of your head to the very tips of your toes. I’m so damn in love with you and nothing will ever change that. Not even your death. I promise you once the time comes we will be reunited and once we will nothing will be able to separate us.

Forever and a year yours,
Alex”

By the time Alex has finished writing, he was crying the hardest he has since he got the call from the hospital informing him that Jack was hit by a drunk driver and he didn’t make it.

It took him a good 20 minutes to calm down enough to drive to the cemetery. It took him twice as long to build up the courage to get out of the car and see Jack. This is the first time he’s been the grave since his burial almost a month ago. This will finally make it true that Jack isn’t going to come home soon.

Alex took a deep breath, and climbed out of the car and started the short walk to Jack’s tomb.It took him less than 2 minutes to get there It wasn’t long after the tears had started up again,.

He crouched down so he was eye level with Jack and ran his fingers over the engraved words that read “Jack Bassam Barakat. June 18th 1988 - May 13th 2013. Beloved by all.”

“Hey love, sorry it took me so long to come and see you, I tried to believe that you weren’t gone for as long as I could. I promise I will visit you more often after this. But right now I have something to give you.” He laid the letter next to some flowers left by someone else. “I promise I’ll see you again. I love you so much and I will forever and a year.”