Home of the Free, the Sick, and Depraved
Silence
-Jess's POV-
I foolishly checked my email to see I had yet another email from my brother.
'Hey, Bitch. How are you? Oh wait, haha, I don't care. I wrote you a poem, actually.
Jessica Montgomery...
A girl who smells like shit.
A girl who thinks she's loved.
A girl who needs to be shoved.
My bitchy sister...
She's not what everyone thinks.
She's an ugly beast.
She's liked the least.
The broken condom...
She was an accident.
She was supposed to die in a rubber.
So no one could love her.
Hope you liked it. Mom and Dad found it great. Hey, they even said they're gonna call you soon.
You should die. -Mark'
My brother sure had a way of being able to make me cry, but I fought back the tears this time. Stay strong, Jess.
I logged onto tumblr and saw a number hovering over my ask box.
'Robby doesn't love you. He just feels bad for you.'
'You're a fat bitch and no one likes you.'
'Die, whore.'
Today could not possibly get any worse; tears were rolling down my face, tumblr hate, my brother won't stop emailing me.
"Hello?" I answered the phone.
"Oh, she hasn't killed herself yet, Jim," speaker phone with my parents. Yep, day officially worse.
"Hi, Mom and Dad."
"Are you still slitting your wrists?" way to be blunt, Mom.
"Uhm..."
"You're still going to a therapist, right? Oh wait, no we don't care."
"Thank you, Mom. Thank you so much," I hissed.
"By the way, you're father and I renewed our vows and had a great celebration over it. Such a shame you didn't come."
"An invitation would've helped, but I wouldn't have gone anyway."
"We didn't want you there."
"Mom, why are you calling me?"
"Cause I know you live a sad life all by yourself because no one loves you. How many cats do you have, fifteen?"
"Fuck it," I'm telling them, "I'm engaged now and I have seen this whole country and half the world, by the way. I am never home because I'm always touring with a band as their merch girl. I lie and tell people that I sit tour out and stay with you guys because I miss you but I don't. I don't even know why I pretend you guys care anymore. I was the mistake, the broken condom, should've been swallowed. I get it! You guys hate me!"
"Honey, our daughter turned into a band slut. Touring with guys all year..." Mom spoke to Dad.
"We raised you better than that, Jessica."
"No you didn't. You didn't fuckin' raise me. You had me at day care and school as long as they'd allow and a babysitter the rest of the time. Mark got all the attention while I was thrown to the curb."
"Watch your language, young lady."
"Maybe if you actually raised me, I'd listen to you. But you didn't, did you? No. So you have no right to boss me around. Good bye," I angrily hung up and sobbed into my pillow.
"Jess, you have merch-" Cody, the tour manager, cut himself off.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I sniffed as I wiped my eyes.
"You're such a bad liar. What's going on?" I shook my head.
"Fine. I'll see if someone can cover for you," he left and I continued my sobbing into the now damp pillow.
I went into the bathroom and grabbed the razor taped under my blush, hidden so no one would know what I have done.
"One for being a disgrace," I cried as I slid the blade across my wrist.
"Another for being worthless."
"Jessica!" I heard Robby's voice ring with concern as a pair of feet ran in the bus.
"Where are you?" I didn't want to answer but my sob had another idea.
"Open this door," he banged on the bathroom door.
"Nothing's stopping you from coming in," I had forgotten to lock it. At this point, I didn't care if he saw me.
"Jessi- oh my god," his eyes went wide.
Quickly, he grabbed the hand towel from the counter and applied pressure to the couple of incisions I just made. I continued sobbing while he stroked my hair.
"How long have you been doing this?" I whispered.
"Since I was twelve."
"Why?"
"My f-family," I sobbed into his chest.
"Jess-"
"No! No one is to call me that anymore! I will go by Silence now. I'm not Jessica, I killed her long ago."
"Okay, Silence, why didn't you tell me?"
"Cause I already know that you just pity me."
"Baby, I love you. I don't want anything to happen to you. Please, talk to me whenever you are feeling this way; I want to help," he kissed my wrist and helped me off of the ground.
After Robby washed my wrist off, he led me back to my bunk.
"I want you to stay here tonight. I'll be back as soon as we finish performing," he kissed my forehead and evaded the bus.
I foolishly checked my email to see I had yet another email from my brother.
'Hey, Bitch. How are you? Oh wait, haha, I don't care. I wrote you a poem, actually.
Jessica Montgomery...
A girl who smells like shit.
A girl who thinks she's loved.
A girl who needs to be shoved.
My bitchy sister...
She's not what everyone thinks.
She's an ugly beast.
She's liked the least.
The broken condom...
She was an accident.
She was supposed to die in a rubber.
So no one could love her.
Hope you liked it. Mom and Dad found it great. Hey, they even said they're gonna call you soon.
You should die. -Mark'
My brother sure had a way of being able to make me cry, but I fought back the tears this time. Stay strong, Jess.
I logged onto tumblr and saw a number hovering over my ask box.
'Robby doesn't love you. He just feels bad for you.'
'You're a fat bitch and no one likes you.'
'Die, whore.'
Today could not possibly get any worse; tears were rolling down my face, tumblr hate, my brother won't stop emailing me.
"Hello?" I answered the phone.
"Oh, she hasn't killed herself yet, Jim," speaker phone with my parents. Yep, day officially worse.
"Hi, Mom and Dad."
"Are you still slitting your wrists?" way to be blunt, Mom.
"Uhm..."
"You're still going to a therapist, right? Oh wait, no we don't care."
"Thank you, Mom. Thank you so much," I hissed.
"By the way, you're father and I renewed our vows and had a great celebration over it. Such a shame you didn't come."
"An invitation would've helped, but I wouldn't have gone anyway."
"We didn't want you there."
"Mom, why are you calling me?"
"Cause I know you live a sad life all by yourself because no one loves you. How many cats do you have, fifteen?"
"Fuck it," I'm telling them, "I'm engaged now and I have seen this whole country and half the world, by the way. I am never home because I'm always touring with a band as their merch girl. I lie and tell people that I sit tour out and stay with you guys because I miss you but I don't. I don't even know why I pretend you guys care anymore. I was the mistake, the broken condom, should've been swallowed. I get it! You guys hate me!"
"Honey, our daughter turned into a band slut. Touring with guys all year..." Mom spoke to Dad.
"We raised you better than that, Jessica."
"No you didn't. You didn't fuckin' raise me. You had me at day care and school as long as they'd allow and a babysitter the rest of the time. Mark got all the attention while I was thrown to the curb."
"Watch your language, young lady."
"Maybe if you actually raised me, I'd listen to you. But you didn't, did you? No. So you have no right to boss me around. Good bye," I angrily hung up and sobbed into my pillow.
"Jess, you have merch-" Cody, the tour manager, cut himself off.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing," I sniffed as I wiped my eyes.
"You're such a bad liar. What's going on?" I shook my head.
"Fine. I'll see if someone can cover for you," he left and I continued my sobbing into the now damp pillow.
I went into the bathroom and grabbed the razor taped under my blush, hidden so no one would know what I have done.
"One for being a disgrace," I cried as I slid the blade across my wrist.
"Another for being worthless."
"Jessica!" I heard Robby's voice ring with concern as a pair of feet ran in the bus.
"Where are you?" I didn't want to answer but my sob had another idea.
"Open this door," he banged on the bathroom door.
"Nothing's stopping you from coming in," I had forgotten to lock it. At this point, I didn't care if he saw me.
"Jessi- oh my god," his eyes went wide.
Quickly, he grabbed the hand towel from the counter and applied pressure to the couple of incisions I just made. I continued sobbing while he stroked my hair.
"How long have you been doing this?" I whispered.
"Since I was twelve."
"Why?"
"My f-family," I sobbed into his chest.
"Jess-"
"No! No one is to call me that anymore! I will go by Silence now. I'm not Jessica, I killed her long ago."
"Okay, Silence, why didn't you tell me?"
"Cause I already know that you just pity me."
"Baby, I love you. I don't want anything to happen to you. Please, talk to me whenever you are feeling this way; I want to help," he kissed my wrist and helped me off of the ground.
After Robby washed my wrist off, he led me back to my bunk.
"I want you to stay here tonight. I'll be back as soon as we finish performing," he kissed my forehead and evaded the bus.