Mad House

"We can't do this."

"Why not?"

"Because we just - we can't."

Valentine shot up in a cold sweat, nightgown sticking to her skin as she wiped her hair from her damp forehead. She couldn't stop thinking about Zayn and that broom closet and his hands and lips and how it felt to be with someone that wasn't Wesley. It felt nice, really, but it still felt off because he wasn't Wesley.

(He was better and that was the problem.)

Valentine had made it a point to avoid Zayn if she can help it - doesn't sit with him during group, avoids him in the courtyard, and makes a concentrated effort to go to the dispensary twenty minutes before or after he goes to make sure she doesn't run into him. She just couldn't deal with him, not right now, not with a crazy murderer on the loose. And she also had to worry about Harry.

He had been different ever since that stint in the shock therapy room. He was still Harry, still a liar and still smiles, but it's muted. Off.

Valentine glanced down at the board, then at Harry, sighing. Her eyes wandered around the room, as the patients quietly went about their daily routines. Things were weird. No one laughed, no one tried to pull pranks on the creepy doctor and the monsignor... and the monsignor had been hanging around a lot more than usual lately. They said that he was there to provide extra support for the grieving patients, but Valentine hadn't seen him go up to anyone once to ask them how they were feeling. The asylum had been, to put it very gently, walking on eggshells since Rachel supposedly killed herself. They were trying to say it was a suicide, but Valentine knew better. She didn't see it happen, but she knew Rachel didn't just jump off. She was pushed. Valentine just had to figure out a way to prove why, and by who. But that could wait. She was in the middle of playing chess with Harry, or at least trying to.

Instead of focusing on the old board sitting on the rickety table, Harry was staring in the direction of the small dispensary, which he has a perfect view of since they're in the corner and his back is to the wall. Valentine knows this without even turning around because this is what he's been doing for the last two days and he is quickly starting to grate on her nerves.

"Checkmate, Harry."

That was the perfect way to catch Harry's attention - he was a sore loser, and Valentine knew that acting like she had one when in fact they had only moved a few pieces around the board would surely break him out of his thoughts and get him to focus on the game instead of that nurse. Harry could deny it all he wanted to, and so could Millie - Valentine was such a good spy, quiet and innocuous and silent and stealthy (a skill she had perfected early in childhood) - but Valentine knew love when she saw it. Maybe it wasn't quite full fledged love, but there were feelings there. Valentine could just tell.

Now, if it were anyone else - if it were Millie with anyone else, Harry with anyone else - Valentine would happily support it and even go to great lengths to hide it from others. The problem was that Harry was, well, Harry, and Millie was, well... different - gentle and quiet and shy, and Val knew that Harry, if given the chance, would tear poor little Millie's heart limb from limb.

Harry didn't even look up.

"I said, checkmate."

"Oh, okay. Yeah. I guess you win this time," Harry said absentmindedly, gulping. "If you'll just, uh - I need to go see something." Harry stood up and wiped his hands on his uniform issue slacks.

"Harry!" Valentine turned her head to watch Harry walk across the rec room towards the dispensary, side stepping everyone who tried to talk to him. Valentine rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to the board. As she collects the pieces to put back into the communal box of board games, Zayn sat down across from her.

Valentine looked up and tried not to bolt out of the room as she left the table. It's not like she was avoiding him. She was just... not dealing with her feelings about him. Not that she had feelings. (But she did, she totally did and that was the issue.)

She ran into the monsignor in the hallway, almost bumping into him but stopping herself.

"Good morning," she stammered. Something was off about him was wrong. Off. It makes her uncomfortable.

"Ms. Scott. What a pleasant surprise." He smiled that slimy, slippery smile that made Valentine's skin crawl. "You'll be joining us this morning, I presume?"

"I'm sorry?" she asked, confused. Was there something going on?

"I'm taking some of the residents out today to the rollerina." Valentine frowned a little. "All of you are welcome, of course. You should come along. It'll be nice."

"Does the doctor know?"

"It was his idea," he smiled. "You can wear your civillian clothes, if you'd like, so I'd take advantage." Valentine nods and says she'll give it some thought. She went upstairs to her room, eying Rose with a smile. She was still dressed in her asylum garb, but she's still pretty, with her long black hair pulled back in a braid. She looked at Valentine, watching her as she dug through her drawers looking for clothes.

"Are you going?" Valentine asked, glancing at her. "You should come. I hear Lou might going. Maybe. Probably. Actually, I don't know. But still, come, okay?" Rose simply looks at Valentine and she sighs. "Just come! I don't want to leave you here alone."

Eventually, Rose relented and got out of bed with a small smile, flipping her braid over her shoulder as she follows Valentine down the hall. Some of the other residents were in the lobby already, buzzing excitedly. There were also two nurses, two nuns, and the ever annoying shadow, the doctor. Harry was there, but he was lurking near Millie again, who is fidgety and avoiding eye contact with everyone. That's odd.

Zayn was there too, blue hat on his head as he stands with Lou, Niall, and Adeline. Niall waved happily at her, white shirt bunched up at the elbow. Valentine felt nervous, pulling at her stockings and pulling down her dress hem.

"How do I look?"

Rose didn't have a chance to answer - not that she would anyway - because Dr. James stands in front of the group as the bus beeps loudly outside.

"Listen up! We're going to the roller rink. We're going to have a nice clean fun day, okay? No one's picking fights, no one's hurting anyone or themselves. The nurses and nuns, as well as the priest, will be your chaperones. If any of you try anything stupid - and I know one of you will - they'll stick you right in the hole. Don't go anywhere we can't see you. We'll be there from 11 to 1, and we're having lunch here. For everyone else staying here, do not give the nurses and Mother Superior a hard time. I hope I'm making myself clear to all you sad bastards. Let's go."

On the bus, Valentine would normally sit with Zayn - she loved being around him - but she loved being around him too much. What about Wesley? What would he say if he saw her shacking up with some guy that she didn't even know that well? But Zayn was so much more than Wesley. He was funny and smart and charming and handsome and perfect and - no! He wasn't Wesley, and she knew he'd becoming back any minute for her. She just knew it.

So instead she sat with Adeline behind Delaney and Millie. Adeline kept looking back at Niall, and Niall kept laughing every time they made eye contact. Harry stared at the back of Millie's head the whole bus ride, and Valentine tried doing everything she could to not look at Zayn. She couldn't.

The roller rink was on the other side of Seattle, so it was about an hour or so away from the hospital. It was a pretty drive - her first time out in the real world in the last four years. She wanted to open the windows of the old white, rusty bus, but couldn't because they were stuck with dirt and grime. Valentine settled for staring at the cars, people - how everyone went about with their normal lives and were completely ignorant to the dangerous people in their midst.

When they get there, the monsignor reminds everyone gently about their schedule, about how telling them they were from that private academy to get their skates, and to have fun! Valentine supressed the eye roll and sighed, striding purposefully into the building. Rose got her own skates and a pair for Valentine, and passes them to her silently.

"You skate?" Rose doesn't answer, and instead gets up and skates wobbily for a few seconds before gaining her balance. She looks graceful, Valentine notes as she ties her laces. The bench creaks next to her and she sighed, glancing down at her lap. It still strikes her to see the floral pattern on her lap, bracelets on her wrists, and feel the pink ribbon in her hair. It's weird, but nice. Made her feel human for once.

"You look nice," Zayn says. "Clean up real, real good, Val."

She looks at him and sighs, then stands up and skates away, bumping into Harry. She can feel Zayn looking at her as Harry steadied her.

"Be careful," Harry said flatly, sighing. "You could hurt yourself."

"Harry? Harry seriously! What's going on?" Harry glanced at Millie and sighed, skating slowly. Bertha, one of the older nurses, whistled at them.

"Hey! Leave enough space for the Holy Ghost between the two of you!" she said angrily with a glare as Harry and Val seperated a little.

"I'm fine," he mumbled. "I'm just tired." Valentine frowned, scwoling at him. "Look, really Val. I'm going to be fine."

"I'm just worried about you. You're not yourself lately." Val sighed and nudged him gently with her arm. "Is it a girl?"

"What? No," he denied quickly. "It's just - nothing. It's nothing. Is Louis calling me? I think he's calling me. I'll catch up with you later."

Valentine's shoulders slumped as she watched him skate away shakily, leaning against the wall. A Buddy Holly song started to play as everyone giggled and started dancing. She swayed slowly as she skated, eying Millie leaning against the consession stand, a phone against one ear and a finger plugging the other to block the noise. She pays no mind to it as she watches everyone else dance.

Fingers wrapped around her left hand gently. Valentine looked over, only to see Zayn. He smiled fondly and started to sway along to the song,winking at her as they started to skate together. She tried not to smile, cheeks turning pink as he starts singing along to the song.

"Okay, okay fine," she relented, sighing as her shoulder slump. "I'm sorry I've been... sort of not really maybe totally avoiding you?" It all came out bunched up and she sighed. "It's just - you've got to understand that... I still - I don't know how I feel about you."

"Well why do you need to figure it all out right now? Why can't we just... I don't know. Be?"

"Wesley always had the answers to everything," she said softly, glancing up at him. "He was so smart."

"Wesley?"

"He's just someone I knew... once. And then he left. But I - I know he's coming back for me. I know he is, because he loved me and we're going to be happy and - and I just... what's it going to look like if he comes back?"

"If he loved you he wouldn't have left in the first place, don't you think?" Zayn tilted his head and looked at Val. "Am I wrong?"

"You don't know him like I do," Valentine mumured angrily, scowling. "You don't."

"Valentine - "

"No!" she protests, wrenching her hand away. "I know that we had our... whatever, but I can't. Welsey's coming for me, and you can't ruin that for me. I won't let you."

"Val!" She skates away quickly, narrowly dodging Niall and Adeline on the wall. Liam and Louis were talking as they skated slowly, much to Valentine's chagrin. She rolled her eyes, barreling past them.

"Where's the fire, sunshine?" Louis asked. Valentine just looked at him with her signature glare. Where was Harry when she needed to vent? She skated awkwardly on the carpet towards the bench where she had left her shoes. She kicked off the skates, fuming as she pulled her shoes on.

How could he say that about Wesley? He didn't know him - not at all. Why did he say that? She walks towards the concession stand, where Milie is still on the phone. Harry wouldn't be far. She walked towards the nurse, who had her back turned to the rink itself and couldn't see her coming. Harry was behind her, looking hesitant. Valentine stopped short, turning into the hallway that would lead to the restrooms, head peeking out as she stared at them.

Millie was crying, wiping her face with a handkerchief as she leans against the wall. Harry reached out his hand to put on her shoulder but shrunk back when she hiccuped, shaking her head. Harry stepped back, unsure.

"What do you mean? You can't - " Millie sobbed, nodding her head. "Okay. I'll be home soon. We can talk then." She wiped her face quickly, flipping her hair over her shoulder. She looked surprised when she saw Harry standing there, blinking quickly.

"Oh. I'm sorry, did you, uh - " She checked her watch. "You still have about another hour left. Why do you go find your friends? I'm sure Valentine and Niall are looking for you."

"I just - I saw you crying," Harry said numbly. "I - I - are you okay?"

"Harry, I'm fine." A nun started yelling at two kids who were dancing too close together and Millie turned her head, sighing. "Go, okay? Have some fun."

"But you were crying, and - "

"I wasn't - I was - my allergies were acting up. It's dusty in here."

"That's what Valentine says when she's crying too," Harry offered, smiling a little but not much. "What's wrong?"

"You're too young to understand." She placed a hand consolingly on his shoulder, giving him a watery smile. "It's just... it's complicated, Harry. I'm sorry. We can't keep meeting like this, though. Do you know what this looks like?"

"I don't care about any of that. I just care about y-" Millie put her hand over his mouth, wide-eyed.

"Stop it. This can't happen, Harry Styles. Do you understand?" He nodded and she took her hand off. "Good." She smiled a little. "Go. Buy a pretzel or something. Just don't tell anybody about any of this, okay?"

"What's so interesting?" Valentine jumped, startled. It was the monsignor, with that same stupid smile.

"Oh, nothing," she said, looking down at her feet. "I uh - I have to go to the restroom now. Excuse me - " He grabbed her arm, gentle but still enough force to be scary. She looked up, breathing heavily. He leaned down to her ear, laughing.

"That's such a pretty dress. It does you justice." He let her go and she bolted, heart thudding quickly in her chest as she leant over the toilet in the nearest empty stall, dry heaving violently, body in a cold sweat.

This was Wesley's favorite too.