So Now, Run

Needless to say, lunch didn’t go over as smoothly as I was anticipating. Pat never came back in, but stayed out in the van. John eventually came back in, and begrudgingly sat across from Garrett, sitting him just to the right of Trey who was across from me. Closer contact to me than I assume he was wanting. He was emitting nothing short of death threats from the glares he kept casting my way. I take it that Pat was still coping over our break-up; as was I, but I believe the guys are blaming it on me instead of it being more mutual. Who knows. I mean, neither of us really wanted to break up, but seeing the circumstances as they were, we knew it would be stressful on both of us if we were to try the long distance thing while I was in class and he was touring and recording. I just didn’t anticipate that meaning we would drop all contact though. I know communication works both ways, I could’ve just as easily contacted him, but honestly, it was so hard to keep in touch with anybody. Truth be told, I didn’t keep up with anyone from home unless they were at school with me taking the same classes; which let me tell you, wasn’t that many people.

I became the pariah of the lunch table as all conversation was intentionally directed away from me and the fact that I was sitting there. At least John made sure of that. Trey could see what was going on, and would try to include me, but John was acting so butt-hurt about me being here that he made sure to turn all conversations away from me. You would think he was the one that had been in the relationship. Then again, he’s at least sitting in here, and Pat is sitting out in the van. I look behind me, and can see him in the passenger seat of the van messing around on his phone. I looked around the table and established I wouldn’t be missed. I nudged Trey under the table with my foot to grab his attention. He looked over at me, and I nodded my head towards the van. Trey looked around to see the van was what I was signaling at. He nodded with approval and an assuring smile. I smiled in response and got up from the table, throwing away my stuff before exiting the restaurant.

I slowly made my way over to the van, never taking my eyes off Pat in hopes he wouldn’t run off again. I made it to the van door and he still hadn’t looked up once from his phone. I hesitantly knock on his window to get his attention. He jumps a few inches into the air, while attempting to catch his breath. He finally looks over and sees me staring at him through the window. I heard the door locks click. I deserve that.

I sighed in defeat and began to turn and walk away when to my surprise I hear the van door opening and shutting behind me. I turn around and see Pat hesitating to walk towards me.

“Charlie, is it really you?”

No I’m a mirage. No. Stop. I need to reign in my sass. Now’s not the time.

“It really is. I’m not home for long though. I know you hate me.”

He laughed a bit. “Why would you think that? I could never hate you!”

“Then why the hell did you storm out of Chipolte like that? I thought for sure it was because you were so mad at me being back after not talking for four years. Well, that and the death glares John kept giving me as well as the other guys. More so John though.”

“Nah, I’m not mad. Caught off guard? Hell yes. I wasn’t mad at all, but I thought I was seeing things. My best friend comes home and doesn’t tell me after not speaking to her for the last four years? Hell yes I’m surprised! I had to leave so I could get a grip on reality. I thought I was seeing things. Especially since Garrett didn’t say anything about you being here.”

“Really? He told me when I texted him about our plans that you guys said that I better still be there…However, I’m actually trying to stay as off the radar as possible.”

“Strange. Gare only talked about Trey being here. Oh well. Haha. So are you coming to the party tonight?”

“Yeah, against my better wishes, but yes. Trey, but especially Garrett wouldn’t quit harassing me about it. He kept going on about how happy you guys would be to see me. Though after the awkward lunch I just encountered, I don’t see that as being the case anymore.”

“The guys will come around. Trust me. John’s just pissed because he thinks you broke my heart. I mean, you did, but we mutually agreed to break things off for both of our sakes. He doesn’t see it that way though. He just sees you as a heartless bitch with no feelings for anyone but yourself.”

“Gee, I feel so much better.”

He playfully punches my shoulder. “Hey you know John. When he sees something one way, it takes a lot for him to change his mind about it. Especially when he knows he’s wrong. He’s hard headed that way. Don’t let that get ya down though. Jared and Ken I bet are just trying to wrap their minds around the fact that you’re actually back. Tonight everything will be back to normal. Minus John. It’ll take some time with him.”

“Him I’m not so worried about. It’s not exactly like he and I were best friends to begin with. It’s you I’ve been worried about. I feel terrible about not keeping in touch with you, with anybody for that matter. When my parents all but disowned me, I shut everyone out. Especially those I cared most about. I’m sorry.” I couldn’t look at him. He didn’t deserve the hell I put him through, despite it being on mutual terms. Hell, I was still struggling with it, more than I thought I was. I thought that I had completely moved on. Especially now with Nick in the picture. Apparently not as much as I thought.
He tilts my chin up, forcing me to make eye contact with him. “Hey, it’s okay! I swear I’m fine! I’m just glad my best friend finally decided to come home! I have so much to tell you! But I’ll wait until tonight. You know we’ll be hanging out a lot.”

We both laughed at that. It’s true. That’s part of how Pat and I became so close. Our friends threw parties so much, and neither of us were really into the drinking scene, unless it was our fruity vodka drinks, so we ended up just sitting on the stairs or standing against the walls and observing our friends acting like idiots. We were each other’s’ sober relief. We referred to each other as our “non-drinking buddy” when it came to these parties. With his statement about catching up tonight, I knew our friendship was alright, and maybe coming home wasn’t such a bad idea.

He pulled me to him in the biggest embrace I’d had yet since my arrival back last night. I didn’t realize how much I had missed this guy. He truly was my best friend outside of Garrett. But even my friendship with my practical twin brother had its limits. Pat understood me on a level neither of my brothers did. I can’t put my finger on it, but something about mine and Pat’s personalities were too much alike that we just understood each other without having to explain anything. We just knew. He knew he could come to me to talk about anything and I knew I could go to him whenever I needed to. We had this strangely matched friendship that became something so much more.

Sometimes I really wish I had tried to work things out with him, despite the different paths our lives ended up taking. He is definitely worth the stress doing a long distance relationship would have had on my life. Besides my brothers, if not just as much, he is the most important person in my life. I’m not sure if I’ll ever forgive myself for cutting out the three most important guys in my life, but I won’t let it happen again. I have to work things out with Pat. I have no idea where he’s at in terms of relationships or even if he has a girlfriend. However, I’m not going to lie, if he mentioned anything about wanting to work it out and try again, Nick in or out of the picture, it would definitely be something I would put under great consideration. Out of all the decisions I’ve ever made in my life, deciding to mutually break it off with Pat was hands down the worst decision I ever made. I don’t regret my decision to continue my schooling, but I do regret not trying to work through the different paths our lives were taking four years ago.

Tonight would be the night that Pat and I got back on good terms. His friendship is first and foremost the most important thing to me right now. If anything else comes of it, then I’m willing to give it a try, but right now I need us to be good friends again.

At this point, I could care less if Nick showed up tonight or not. At this point, I kind of hope he doesn’t so Pat and I could be sober buddies tonight.

***

I was staring at my reflection in the mirror. Giving myself another once-over to make sure I looked alright. I was so nervous about seeing Pat again tonight, the possibility of seeing Nick, as well as seeing everyone’s response to me coming back home. I was in the process of smoothing out my outfit when I heard a slight chuckle coming from my right at the doorway. It was Trey.

“Seriously Char, you look great. Quit fretting so much! Let’s go!”

I rolled my eyes, smiled, and grabbed my purse off my bed as I followed him out the door. We had to drive in Garrett’s car since Trey’s was in the shop at the moment, and Trey sat in the backseat so I wouldn’t have to deal with lifting the passenger seat to climb in the back. I was thankful, but was questioning my outfit choice on our drive over to Halvo and John’s. I was a bit more dressed up than I typically would be for a party. I kept tugging at the hem of my red 50s style full skirt. I wore that with a white sleeveless button down blouse and had my hair down with a bit of a retro bump to pull the sides of my hair out of my face. Even though it was a fairly casual outfit, I still felt a bit odd since I don’t wear skirts that often. However, I didn’t want to wear my usual skinny jeans and vintage tee to a party; especially when making a reunion appearance.

We pulled up to the house, and Garrett shut off the car. In the silence of the car, I could already hear the booming of the music coming from inside the house and could see some of our friends milling about outside the house. I didn’t realize I had zoned out until I felt Trey kicking the back of my seat to let him out. I reluctantly got out of the car. Garrett was there right outside my door waiting for me. He could sense my nerves and wrapped a protective arm around my shoulder as he led us inside. We were greeted by huge yells of celebration and then a lot of confused expressions upon them noticing my presence. As my friends of old came forward to greet me, I noticed John unmoving against one of the far walls, nursing a beer, and glaring at me. He needs to take that stick that’s shoved so far up his ass and get over his attitude problem with me or he’s going to make everyone miserable.

I was in the process of being attacked by hugs and “I can’t believe you’re back!” comments when I felt someone gently take my arm and pull me away from the massive crowd. I was relieved to see Pat as my rescuer.

“It appeared as if you were getting mobbed by the masses. Thought I’d save you the trouble of prying off our drunken friends. Most of them are already three sheets into the wind.”

I laughed lightly at his observation. “When are they not?”

He nodded in agreement and nodded with his head outside. I followed him to the back porch where more of our friends were, but they were too wrapped up in pushing each other in the pool and grabbing more beers from the cooler. We sat in a couple of pool chairs away from the massive herd of people and picked up conversation as if we had never stopped talking. I must admit, when I started college, I tried to keep up with the guys’ career, but it became too emotionally difficult to do so when I wasn’t speaking to any of them. I was so proud of how far they’d come. Pat was telling me all about how they had just released their fourth album earlier that year and had recorded live to tape. I missed talking like this to the guys. I missed the days of joking around and hearing them talk about their dreams of making it big. He told me of how they split with their label and how they were now independent and this album was their first fully independent release. I was so proud of them all. I didn’t realize I had missed so much in these last four years. It saddened me to think I was so wrapped up in my own selfishness to even consider keeping up with the five guys that meant the world to me. I was so happy to hear all the great things they were accomplishing and that their fan base was seeming to grow exponentially since going independent. After he finished filling me in on the amazing details of what they had been up to since I left, he got up to grab some drinks; water for us both of course.

I was lounging in the chair, taking in the scenery and transporting myself to my high school days. Not much had changed. The same people came. The same series of events happened; most of them would get drunk, try to push each other in the pool, climb on the roof to jump in the pool, narrowly avoid killing themselves, and would laugh it off as if nothing happened, only to wake up the next morning not remembering what the hell happened and why their arm was sore. Some things never changed. I was thoroughly immersed in memory lane when a voice from behind me startled me.

“When I said I’d be looking for you, I wasn’t expecting it to be so soon.”