So Now, Run

I finished making our breakfast and began doling out our breakfast portions onto the plates while the guys continued to sleep on the kitchen island. I sat their plates down next to their untouched glasses of water and Aleve tablets. I walked around and gently shook the both of them awake so we could eat. They begrudgingly sat up and began to eat. It was a quiet breakfast; neither wanting to talk due to their massive hang-overs. I knew as soon as they finished eating, they would both probably head back to bed to sleep the rest of their hang-over off.

My assumptions were true. They no more finished their last bite of food before they were mumbling about going back to bed as they walked towards the stairs to retreat to their respective beds. Despite Trey having his own house, our parents always left his room as he left it in case of days like today. They had become more accepting with towards their drinking habits since they were now of age, and despite preferring them not to drink, they would rather house them drunk, then have them drive down the road inebriated.

Garrett and Trey slowly climbed the stairs, and once they were out of sight, I began putting away the leftover food and washed the dishes I had used. I had just finished drying and putting up the last of the dishes when I noticed I had a new text. Figuring it was Nick, I picked up my phone with a ridiculous grin on my face only for my smile to grow even bigger.

Pat: hey best fraaaaand. We needz to hang out today.

Me: But of course! Name the time and place. :)

Pat: Now. Pick me up from Corny’s.

Corny, Pat’s secret nickname for John. John would skin Pat alive if he knew Pat called him that. Nevertheless Pat still uses it, but only around me. Glad to have this one added annoyance on John.

Shit. I didn’t want to deal with John right now.

Me: Awesome. I’ll be there shortly. Give me a few minutes.

I need to mentally prepare myself for whatever shit storm may come as well as let Garrett and Trey know where I’m at. I wrote them a quick note telling them I was hanging out with Pat so they knew to contact either of us if I was needed.

Not wanting to risk either of my parents coming home early and seeing these notes, I crept silently into each of their rooms and placed their respective notes on top of their phones before exiting. I made my way back downstairs and quickly put my shoes back on before getting into my car. I sat in there momentarily internally debating on whether or not I should still go to pick up Pat or not. Before I convinced myself otherwise, I quickly put my keys in the ignition and started the car before making the dreaded drive to John and Halvo’s.

I parked on the side of the road as many of our friends from the night before were still here sleeping off their hangovers. I text Pat to let him know I was here.

Pat: sweeeeet. Come in through the garage. Don’t wanna wake up anyone sleeping by the door.

Shit. Now I’d definitely have to deal with John. John freaking lived in the garage. Perfect.

I walked over to the side door to the garage and knocked. Just my luck, John answered.

“To what do I owe the displeasure of seeing you at my door? I thought I got rid of you already this morning. Or did you forget to pick up another man whore to add to your collection?”

“Actually, I’m here to pick up Pat thank you, and I didn’t pick up any man whores. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, so Nick isn’t some guy on the side? I mean, you did always like band guys. I’d hate for your record to be tarnished. You do need more guys to screw over. Hell it’s a new year and what’s another one of my friends to completely mess up?”

“For your information, I haven’t dated anyone since Pat and I split after my graduation. Furthermore, what I do with Nick is none of your business. I have no intention of screwing anyone over.”

By this point I was through with his harassment, and pushed passed him into the garage to find Pat. I walk in and stop momentarily to take in the space John was currently abiding in.

“It’s not a dump. I know you’re so disappointed. Fortunately, unlike yourself, I know how to keep up my own place.”

“As if I cared about your stupid garage room, which by the way isn’t even a part of your own house. You’re just free-loading off your friends. I co-own my own apartment so quit talking shit about stuff you don’t know, especially when it comes to a room like this. Hell, you don’t even have any windows in here.”

“Hey! No one insults the Silk Lounge.”

“Oh my God. Please don’t tell me that’s what you call it. That’s so lame. For a creative, I expect so much more from you. Then again, I use the term ‘creative’ loosely, so don’t flatter yourself.”

“So what if it is? I thought you didn’t care about my ‘stupid garage room’.”

He was impossible sometimes. I heaved a heavy sigh. “Of course I don’t care about your shitty room. I’m just trying to find Pat so we can leave.”

“Well princess, the door is right there. Help yourself. You know how to walk out of doors right? The whole concept of leaving a place to go somewhere else? You’re good at that.”

I ignored his statement and walked out the door, flipping him off on my way out.

I opened the door leading from the garage into the house when I saw Pat’s head perk up, and look over to the door I was entering through. He had the most excited look on his face.

“It looks like it worked!!”

I look at him puzzled.

“You and John. He doesn’t hate you anymore.”

“What are you talking about? Of course he fucking hates me.”

“Wait. Really? Like you didn’t have some emotional friendship reunion or some shit?”

I could only stare at him dumbfounded. “Pat I have no idea what the hell you are talking about but no. John hates my guts just as much now as he did before. Why would that change by me coming through the garage?”

He burrowed his eyebrows in concentration and just shook his head, waving off the conversation.
“Honestly, I just figured John would say something to provoke you, which would ultimately lead to you saying what happened between us. Then, being the person he is, realizing what an ass he’d been to you and would try to make amends.”

I just chuckled. “Wow, John really nailed it when he called you the smartest dumb person he knew. Ha.”

“Hey now! No need to be cruel!” He laughed, knowing I was just teasing him.

“Yeah, well unfortunately your plan didn’t work. I mean, of course John provoked me, and I did say something that told what actually happened. However he was still an ass about it and changed subjects.”

He shrugged his shoulders and opened his arms up so I could give him a hug.

We hugged for a couple minutes before he abruptly ended the moment . “Okay, okay. Enough with the sappy stuff. I’m starving! Let’s go grab some food, then I’m taking you somewhere!”

I laughed and led him out to my car. This trip home is already turning into quite the reunion. I wonder what exactly Pat has planned for today. This is the second time today a guy has had some sort of mysterious plan for me.

I was about to open the driver door to get in when Pat pushed me aside and slid into the driver’s seat, forcing me to ride shotgun. I chuckle slightly and walk around the car to get in. I get in and situated before looking over to Pat, who was adjusting his seat and mirrors.

“So Patrick, what are the big plans for today?”

“If I told you what we were doing, it would lose all its fun! It’s a surprise! That’s why I’m driving.” He said this with such pride and the most adorable grin. I could tell whatever he had on the schedule for today was something he had put thought into and wanted to run smoothly. Far be it from me to interfere with that boy’s plans. He was a determined person that’s for sure. I decided to sit back and enjoy the ride, choosing not to interrogate him about what activities the day would contain.

We hadn’t been on the road long before he broke the silence.

“So, Charlie. Listen, like…I-I don’t wanna make things awkward or anything…”

Shit. Here it comes. This can go one of two ways…

“…Ok. What’s up Pat?” Praying that I didn’t sound like I was hesitant about what he was about to say or show my lack of confidence in handling whatever he was about to say.

“Well…look. Ok. I k-know w-we like, ended our relationship mu-mu-mutually when you gr-graduated. B-but, like, I have to k-know…i-if we weren’t on b-bad t-t-terms, why didn’t you t-t-t-talk to m-m-me? I th-thought we were f-f-friends…”

Oh no. I feel like shit again. Firstly, the look of hurt on his face was absolutely killing me. He’s always such a happy person, so seeing him this broken almost put me in a fit of tears. Secondly, Pat never stutters unless he’s over excited about something and his mouth can’t keep up with his brain, he’s angry, or he’s super nervous. Based on the circumstances, I’m going with the latter. Why would he be the nervous one though? It’s not like he’s the one that has to worry about whether his entire group of friends hate him for dropping all contact for the last four years.

“Well, Pat I’ll be honest with you. I really have no idea why I never kept in touch with you guys. You and Garrett especially. You two were, and hopefully still are, my best friends. Every day I was gone, it absolutely killed me that I never continued talking to you. You don’t know how many times I’d have your number dialed ready to hit ‘call’ when I’d lose my nerve and not call. I really don’t know why I refused to talk to anyone when I left for school. When my parents all but excommunicated me from the family, I was so hurt and pissed off that I just started packing then and there. I left without a second glance, and it wasn’t until after I got to school that I realized how lonely I actually was.
I didn’t have any of you guys there to help me move in or transition into college life. I didn’t have Jared acting as my step-in father, making sure I was well-provided for and sharing what little college experience he had. I didn’t have Garrett stepping in and acting as my always over-protective older brother, keeping any and all guys at arms’ length from me. I didn’t have John sneaking mini bottles of booze and a few joints throughout my boxes that I would find later as I unpacked, so I could take a little underage edge off my stress; despite knowing I wasn’t a big drinker or smoker. I didn’t have Kennedy to sit and talk with me to let me know that everything would indeed be alright and that the homesickness would eventually subside. And most importantly, I didn’t have you. I didn’t have my best friend, and once boyfriend, there by my side to take in this next milestone of my life with me. I didn’t get to share this moment with one of the most important people in my life. I pushed you, and everyone else, so far away from me in hopes that if I left that life behind me, maybe I wouldn’t be such a disappointment. Look how well that turned out.”

How I wasn’t bursting into tears by this point was beyond me. I couldn’t bring myself to look at Pat; an all too common trend as of late. What sucked is I knew exactly why I didn't keep in touch with them and why I left, but I sure as hell couldn't tell him. At least not yet. What I said was partially true, but not the full or main reason I left.

I could tell he was processing everything I just said because it took him a while to speak. After a couple minutes of deafening silence, I forced myself to look at him from the corner of my eye, just so I could see some reaction from him since he obviously wasn’t up for talking at the moment.

I couldn’t quite make out his expression. It was a cross between hurt, disappointment, understanding, frustration, and possibly regret? He kept his gaze on the road ahead of him, never once deviating his stare. I leaned my head against the passenger window and just sat myself lower into the seat. Maybe if I sank low enough I could escape this. Disappointing Pat Kirch was never something I ever wanted or dreamed of doing. Now I’ve managed to do it the last few times I’ve seen him. Perfect. Friendship of the Year Award goes to Charlie Nickelsen for being the suckiest friend alive.

***

I was only half paying attention to the scenery around us when I realized we were back in my neighborhood. Startled, I quickly sit up as Pat pulls into my driveway. He parks the car and turns it off before turning to me.

“I, uh, I think maybe we should hang out some other time. I uh, f-forgot. I’ve uh, got some band stuff I need to work on. Here’s your keys.”

He drops the keys in the center console and begins to get out of the car. I quickly grab my keys and get out of the car to stop him before he gets too far.

“Pat! Wait! How are you getting home? I can drive you.”

Without turning around, or stopping for that matter, he waves it off, and replies over his shouler, “It’s okay. I can walk from here. I live just around the block remember? Wait, you don’t. We moved since you left. Never mind.”

He resumed staring ahead and continued walking down the street as I stood in our driveway about to burst into tears.

I must have been standing at the end of our driveway for quite some time because I hear the front door open and hear Garrett’s voice behind me.

“Char? What’re you doing? I thought you and Pat were hanging out…”

I turned around, doing all I could to keep from crying, and shook my head no.

His face fell as he came running towards me and engulfed me in a hug as I began to cry into his shirt.

Well today sucks.

We stood outside for a few minutes before Gare led me back inside. He directed me over to the couch where we sat and he consoled me the best he could. Once I had calmed down enough to talk, he proceeded to ask about what happened.

“So Char, what’s going on? Why aren’t you hanging out with Pat?”

I lazily turn my head to face him. I see the confusion on his face, and I know when I tell him what I told Pat, I would finally be answering his question as to why I left. I don’t know if I can handle this conversation twice in one day. I take in a deep breath, and try to figure out how best to respond when my phone rings. I hold up a finger to signal that I’ll get back to it momentarily while I pull my phone out of my pocket. I look at the screen and was surprised to see Pat’s name flashing on the screen.

“Hey Gare, can we put a pause on this conversation? Pat’s actually calling me right now.”

His eyes got wide. “Hell yeah! Go answer the phone. Get whatever is going on sorted out. I’ll be upstairs if you need me.” He then got up and patted me on the shoulder as he made his way out of the living room and upstairs. I sigh and slide my finger across the screen to answer his call.

“Charlie?”

“Yes.”

He let out a huge breath of relief. “Look, I’m really sorry about earlier. I’m not sure what came over me. I just…I don’t know. I’m still trying to take this all in. I know what you told me had to have been difficult to say, and I shouldn’t have just stormed off like that, but I needed to clear my head and sort out my thoughts. I just…I want to repair our relationship. I know it’ll take some time to get back to the way things used to be since we’ve missed the last four years together, but I’m willing to work with you and try.”

What. Was he saying what I think he’s saying? I stay silent momentarily to see if he was going to elaborate.

It was silent on his end for a few moments. “Uh, Char? Are you still there?”

“Oh. Yeah, I just…wanted to make sure I heard what you said correctly…”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean like…did you mean what you said about wanting to get our relationship back to the way it was?”

“With every fiber of my being.”

“So are we talking just friendship here or…?”

“Listen to me Char, I don’t know if you noticed, but I never stopped having feelings for you. If friendship is all you’re interested in, then okay. We’ll solely work on getting our friendship re-established. If you’re still interested in us, then we’ll start with getting our friendship back then see where that takes us. All I know is that I can’t go another four years without you.”

I was utterly speechless.

“Char, just…ugh. Come outside.”

“Wait. What?”

“Just come outside to your front porch please.”

With a quirked eyebrow, I make my way towards the front door and open it to see Pat sitting on the porch swing to the left of the door, holding some sort of flower. When I stepped outside, he hung up his phone and stood up. I stood there as he slowly made his way towards me.

He held out the flower to me and said, “This is a Peruvian lily. It symbolizes my friendship and devotion to you, whether it only stays as friendship or beyond. I want you to know that despite our lack of communication over the last four years, I never stopped caring about you and I’m willing to work through this and regain our friendship.”

I was speechless. All I could do was engulf him in a huge hug as he hugged me back. It felt great to “officially” be on good terms with Pat. Granted, I was torn on whether or not I wanted our friendship to remain just that. I still cared so much about him, but then there’s Nick. I can’t forget about him either. Which—shit. I was going out with him tonight. Realizing this I quickly pulled back from Pat and heard a car go in to overdrive as it sped down the road. Confused, I looked towards the road and saw a bouquet of roses lying on the grass by the road as an unrecognizable car drove down the street.

“Char? Are you okay? What’s wrong?”

I looked from the discarded roses on the lawn, slowly back to his face, seeing the worry and confusion etched across his features. Not knowing exactly how to respond, he slowly turns his head to the lawn where he sees the bouquet of roses on the ground. I think he suddenly realized what was going on.

“Shit Char. That was Nick wasn’t it? You have a date with him don’t you? I bet I just ruined that, shit I’m so sorry.”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You didn’t know.”

He half smiled. He hugged me again briefly. “Well, I actually need to head back this time. It’s almost dinner time and you know how my mom gets if I’m not home in time for family dinner…”

“Haha yeah. She gets pretty intense about that. She’s one person who I’d hate to be on the receiving end of her wrath.”

“Trust me from experience, it’s every bit of a hell that you’d think it’d be. It sucks. Anyway, I’ll see ya later Charlie. Have fun on your date tonight.”

He then walked down the porch steps and made his way down the street towards his house.
Once again, my life was a mess. Would I ever catch a break? I watched Pat walk down the street until I couldn’t see his figure anymore. I sighed and made my way back inside, debating on whether or not I should fill Garrett in on what just took place or not. Back in high school Garrett was totally cool with me dating Pat, hell he encouraged it and was actually one of the key people that got us to realize that we liked each other. Now however, I wasn’t so sure.