But I Love Him

In my head i've been making up for these weird scenarios that could never ever happen and it's hard for me to admit to myself that I could be possible for having these things appear in my mind... It's got to the point now where I don't even know what to say.
I avoid certain people, more now than ever before, and I think you know who I'm talking about from months upon months now he's been acting so strange and logically I can't think why. This is why I created these scenarios. Harry and Ron have seemed to picked up on things that Draco has done that stray his normal character for example lately he has been shouting at and shutting down pansy every time she even opens her mouth when I'm there. But it appears that I'm the only person who is confused, logically I don't know why he's changed. I know what Harry would say he's using you to get information about me blah blah blah but he's not using me he's barely said anything to me apart from what he can't change. Basically he is a creep he's out to confuse me that's what he's doing that's why he's been nice to me and not shouting at and verbally abusing me he is playing the long game. I'm not stupid he can't take me for a mug. Strangely I do hope that he's just playing the long day to mentally torture me because of the different scenarios I've thought scare me more. I can overcome his little mind games but I can't overcome my own. Recently I've been thinking about just leaving and going to a different magical school because I can't give up magic magic is who I am no matter of blood status. The lessons seem to just drag on nowadays I drift in my own mind, daydreaming if you will, which isn't like me at all and frankly I don't like it.

I also go for walks now, by myself, by the lake. It's quiet and peaceful and I can just be lost in myself without anyone shouting Hermione or miss granger please focus. Before I used to go there to read now I sit and I watch the water, it has a calming effect which helps calm my erratic thoughts, my impossible thoughts.

We will be having to return home soon so hopefully I can get more thinking done because I can't afford to not pay attention to the subjects I take, like Draco I feel my personality has changed. Instead of being the normal me I've become more thoughtful and quiet however I feel that it has gone unnoticed by my friends... Well Ginny can tell but she doesn't say anything maybe because she thinks if she tells Harry he will react badly and over the top. Until that time I'd like to be calm and on my own I know the boys don't miss me that much, what they miss is someone doing their homework for them. This thought makes me smile to myself which believe me is a rare thing lately.
I do like the water in the lake because it is so beautiful...until you think of what lives inside the lake.