Caught in the Middle

The summer breeze blew through my hair and into the confined space of John's car as we drove along the streets of Phoenix. The feeling was somewhat nostalgic as I knew it wouldn't be long until I was headed to Chicago for college and I'd have to say goodbye to the sun and to my friends.
The silence in the car was sad, yet comfortable, as I reminisced over the parties I'd attended while in high school while I was guessing that John was doing the same thing. It was even more sad as this would be the last party I attended before going to college, while John and the boys would be staying here as none of them had any interest in going to college.

"So, your last high school party at Kennedy's, how does it feel Jessy?" John asked me.

"It feels weird knowing that while I'm gone you guys are going to keep going to parties and having fun without me," I pouted. John smirked at me.

"Just imagine how much better your college parties are going to be, makes me wish I was going to college."

"Y'know, you could have gone to college, it's not like you didn't get the grades for it..." I trailed off.

"Jessy, I'm not gonna have time for college once the band takes off, you know that," John began to argue. I just rolled my eyes. John had it stuck in his head that his band was going to get signed next year and tour all over the world but everyone knew that it was a far-fetched dream and he'd regret not going to college once the band had dissolved.

John pulled up at Kennedy's before the argument could be taken any further and the light and carefree mood from the car ride had dissipated. John got out of the car wordlessly, a scowl on his face, and I caught his wrist before he could disappear from me completely.

"Hey, look I'm sorry about bringing the college thing up again," I apologised. The look on his face softened.

"I know, I just don't like it when people doubt the band and what we're gonna do. This is what we want and we're gonna work hard towards it." John's parents weren't happy about him not going to college to pursue the band, and neither were the parents of all the other guys in the band. They all thought that it was a waste of time because the chances of the band getting anywhere was slim to none.

"Forget about college and the band and everything tonight, let's just have fun and enjoy my last high school party," I suggested and a smile lit up John's face as he pulled me into his side, butterflies starting up in my stomach at his close contact. It was barely a secret that I had feelings for John and that he had feelings for me, however we never acted on them purely because we chanced ruining our friendship. It was disappointing, but I still wanted John in my life and if I had to sacrifice my happiness for our friendship then it was a sacrifice I was willing to make.

We walked in the door of Kennedy's place to find him already taking shots with Garrett, chasing them down with a bottle of beer.

"Well, look who decided to show up, finally," Kennedy drawled, "Thought you weren't gonna come to my lame high school party now that you're going to college."

"What makes you think I'd pass up the chance to get drunk with my best friends regardless of how lame their parties might be," I teased him.

"Come on, you guys need some shots before everyone else gets here," Kennedy laughed.

We all tipped back a couple of shots of vodka and opened up some bottles of beers just as more people arrived. Within an hour, the sky had darkened and the party was in full swing. Every time the bottle of beer in my hand was empty, it was immediately replaced by a new, full one. After the fifth beer and third shot, I couldn't remember who was replacing them but I wasn't complaining.

It was about 11pm when someone began to suggest body shots, and obviously Kennedy was the first one to volunteer.

"C'mon Jessy, it's your last chance to have some fun with us before you're off doing body shots with college guys," he slurred.

John's eyes clouded over. "She's not going to be doing body shots with college guys, she's more mature than that, right Jessy?"

By the time John had finished his sentence, I had already poured the shot for Kennedy and grabbed a lemon quarter, waiting for Kennedy to pour the salt on my neck.

I gently bit down on the lemon wedge and placed the shot in my cleavage, pushing my boobs together so it wouldn't fall. Kennedy sprinkled the salt on my neck and licked it off slowly, a roar going up through the small crowd that had now gathered to watch this drunken event. John, however, was standing with his arms crossed and staring, no, glaring at Kennedy as he now pushed his face down towards my cleavage and pulled the shot glass up with his teeth, swallowing the clear liquid before bringing his mouth up to mine and biting down on the lemon, making some of the sour liquid seep into my own mouth, his lips touching mine for the briefest moment.

The whole crowd, except John, cheered as Kennedy pulled away and received hi-fives from several other guys standing around.

"Alright, who's next?" I asked the crowd.

"Jessy, you're not doing body shots with anyone else, that's enough," John said angrily.

"You're not the boss of me," I slurred, crossing my arms, "Besides, that's just because you're too pussy to do one with me, isn't that right?"

"No," John started, but the crowd began to egg him on with the taunts of 'pussy' being thrown around. As his friends began to push him around, a smirk grew on his face and he pushed them back. "Alright fine, just one." The crowd cheered again as I poured his shot with a shaky hand and he stepped forward, looking completely unsure of himself now.

I placed the lemon wedge in my mouth again, slightly more in my mouth than Kennedy's was, and prepared the shot in my cleavage as John sprinkled salt on my already dampened neck. I could feel his shaky breath on my neck as he neared closer to me and I closed my eyes as his tongue hit my neck, licking at the salt and sending goosebumps down my entire side. He pulled the shot out and swallowed it in one swift move and bit down on the lemon in my mouth, pulling it out and spitting it away from him as he reattached his mouth to mine, the taste of salt, tequila and lemon lingering on his tongue. Everyone around us cheered as John continued kissing me in plain view of everyone in the room.

It felt like hours had passed but was really only minutes when John pulled himself away from me quite forcefully.

"What the hell am I doing?" he muttered to himself, shaking his head and running his hand through his hair. He turned to disappear into the crowd.

"John, wait," I called after him. He turned and looked back at me.

"I'm sorry Jessy, this was a mistake. I'm drunk and I don't know what I'm doing," he apologised.

"John it's okay, I wanted it too," I said softly, but he shook his head again.

"No, Jessy, this wasn't supposed to happen. I can't ruin our friendship like this. Just forget it happened okay?"

All of a sudden I became angry. "Well it did happen John, and I can't just fucking forget it. You can consider our friendship already ruined now, asshole."

I pushed myself off the table and stormed out onto the balcony before he could see the tears falling from my eyes.

The warm air felt welcome on my skin and I was so busy trying to calm myself down that I didn't hear Garrett step out onto the balcony and put his arm around my shoulder.

"You okay back there?" he asked me. I wiped the tears from my eyes as I shook my head.

"I don't think we're going to be able to fix this, Garrett," I whimpered. He pulled me into a hug as I let some of the tears I'd been holding in escape.

"C'mon, let me take you home," he said to me.

"But you've been drinking," I protested.

"I haven't had anything since that shot and the beer we had before the party started, I've been drinking water all night."

Garrett lead me back inside so I could get my bag and he could get his keys and wallet and tell Kennedy we were leaving. I didn't see John at all and I was thankful.

* * * * *

The next morning I woke up to several missed calls and text messages from John, as well as a text from Kennedy asking if I was okay. I ignored the ones from John and sent Kennedy a reply, saying everything was fine and I just wasn't feeling well. I used my free time during the day to continue packing for college, aside from a phone call from Garrett just after lunch, just checking in on how I was going. I screened all calls from John and ignored all his text messages for the rest of the day.

Between then and the day I left for Chicago, I had been so caught up in packing and finalising my college arrangements that I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to any of the boys, aside from Garrett who came around the day before to bid me farewell. As the last of my things were packed into the trailer, I looked around the street and took in my surroundings as I said one last goodbye to the sun, the heat, my family and my friends before I cut off all ties from my childhood forever and began a new chapter in my life while burning the last one.