Caught in the Middle

The bus was quiet after the show, as I had managed to pack up the remaining merch quicker than the boys were able to finish their meet and greet and once the pretence of friendship was over for the fans, Garrett and John's irritable moods silenced the rest of the boys.

I kept myself holed up in my bunk, ignoring the boys getting into their own beds and I tossed and turned as I heard Pat's light snores coming from his bunk until I finally fell asleep around 3am.

However, my sleep was short-lived as the bus jerked and I felt us stopping. I couldn't hear any of the other boys stirring, but a few minutes later I could hear the person in the bunk below moving around, hearing John rustle around in his bag for his packet of smokes and lighter.

He slipped out of his bunk and after a few minutes I quietly snuck out of my bunk to join him outside. He was sitting against the bus with a smoke in his hand, wearing only a pair of cotton boxer shorts, his hair a dishevelled mess.

He looked over at me as I stepped off the bus and continued to take a drag of the cigarette dangling from his fingertips. I sat down next to him, leaning my head against the bus as the early morning sun warmed my face.

John nudged my arm and I turned to see him offering the half-smoked cigarette to me. I normally only smoked at parties, not being able to afford or feel the need to smoke any other time, but after the day I'd had yesterday, I graciously took it from him and inhaled deeply as he took another one from the packet and lit it for himself.

"You okay?" he finally broke the silence as I inhaled the smoke again. I exhaled a sigh, leaning my head back against the bus and closing my eyes.

"I don't know. After yesterday, I'm starting to think that coming on this tour at this time was a bad idea," I said softly.

"Listen, Jessy, I'm sorry about snapping at you yesterday. Garrett being in a bad mood put me in a bad mood and I shouldn't have taken it out on you. I'm sorry."

"What are you apologising for? I'm the one that put Garrett in a bad mood, you had every right to yell at me."

"I still feel bad about it, so shut up and accept my apology," John joked, taking a drag of his smoke. I chuckled and playfully pushed his shoulder.

"Fine, you're forgiven for being an ass. But you have to forgive me for being a cow as well," I joked back.

"I guess you're forgiven," John laughed, finishing off his cigarette and stubbing it out on the pavement. I took one last drag and stubbed mine out as well and John stood up, holding his hand out to pull me up as well.

When we walked back on the bus, Kennedy and Pat were awake and as they noticed John and I come back on the bus, their conversation went quiet.

"We're gonna wake everyone else up and go get some coffee and food, do you guys wanna join us?" Kennedy asked.

John and I looked at each other and I nodded my head. "I need to apologise to Garrett for yesterday, but I don't know when to talk to him."

"We'll give you some time before breakfast to talk to him, I think he's still kinda upset from yesterday," Kennedy told me. I nodded and went to get some clothes to shower and change into. Once I had gotten out of the bathroom, the rest of the guys were waiting for me so we could leave, Garrett still not looking at me.

We walked to a diner down the road and just as the rest of the boys walked in, I pulled on Garrett's arm.

"Garrett, can I talk to you before we go in?" I asked him. He turned to me with a scowl.

"After yesterday, I don't think I owe you any time at all. You're just gonna yell at me again and frankly, I don't wanna hear it."

"Garrett, I wanna apologise for yesterday, can you stay long enough to hear my apology?"

His face softened a bit as he turned away from the door to face me fully. I could see Kennedy watching us through the window.

"I'm sorry for bitching at you yesterday, I shouldn't have started any shit with you. I'm just frustrated with how we are now. I just want us to go back to how we were before all of this fake-dating stuff happened, can't we just do that?" I asked him.

He paused for a second and then looked down. "I don't think we can, Jessy. Something happened during that time and the way you ended it hurt me, like you didn't even want me anymore."

"Garrett, you're one of my best friends, of course I'm going to want you. But you knew that we were pretending, why did it have to end like this?" I gestured between us.

"Regardless of what type of relationship you're doing it to, it's always going to hurt when someone pushes you away for someone else. It's like you made me second-best to John, after making me first while we pretended to date, and that's what hurt the most. So I accept your apology for yesterday, but I just don't think I'll be able to go back to being your friend yet, because I know that I'm just going to be second-best and that's all I'll ever be."

"Garrett, please don't get angry-"

"I'm not angry, I'm just saving myself from getting hurt again. Come on, they're waiting for us to order inside."

Garrett held the door open for me as I bit my lip to stop myself from crying. Garrett was one of my best friends and hearing him say that he didn't want to be my friend hurt more than him ignoring me like he had been.

I spent the whole of breakfast thinking back to our conversation and picking at my waffles while the boys all laughed together. I didn't talk to anyone as we all walked back to the bus, the boys too caught up in conversation to notice.

It wasn't until I was setting up the merch that had been sent to the venue that I was approached by Kennedy, who was looking concerned.

"Jessy, are you okay?" he asked me. I put down the shirt I had in my hands and looked at him.

"Yeah I guess so, why?"

"You've been quiet all day, you didn't tell me how your talk with Garrett went."

I sighed, sitting on my seat. "I don't know, Kennedy. The talk just made me confused and now I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

Kennedy pushed me off my seat, sitting down and patting his lap. "Come on, come sit on Uncle Kenny's lap and tell him what happened."

I scrunched up my nose, but sat on his lap anyway. "Please never refer to yourself as 'Uncle Kenny' again, that's disgusting."

Kennedy rolled his eyes. "Shut up and talk."

I sighed again. "We talked and I apologised for snapping yesterday and he accepted my apology."

Kennedy looked at me expectantly. "And?"

"And I asked him why we couldn't go back to what we were before. He said that when I went after John it made him feel second-best to John and he said that he couldn't be my friend again for a while because he didn't want to get hurt again. So I'm confused as to how he could ever feel like he's second-best, he's one of my best friends."

"Jessy, you two got so close while John and Rachel were dating, and as soon as they broke up you ran to John's side and left Garrett behind. I can kind of see where he's coming from."

I frowned. "Kenny, you're my best friend, you're supposed to make me feel better, not worse."

"I'm not taking any sides. You're my best friend, but so is Garrett, and I know both of you. Garrett is stubborn as hell, but he'll always come around later. You're the same. You don't want to let go of your high school love for John, but I know you'll warm up to Garrett."

I pulled back from Kennedy. "Wait, what?"

"Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go and get ready for my show." Kennedy stood up from the seat and began walking away.

"Kennedy, wait!"

"I'll see you afterwards Jessy!"

I spent the whole show wondering what Kennedy meant and I tossed and turned in my bunk that night, finally falling asleep around 3am.

* * * * *

"I want you John, I'll always want you."

"I want you too, Jessy. More than you'll ever know."

John leaned in close to me, pressing his lips softly against mine while cradling my cheek with one hand. I twisted my hand around the nape of his neck, tangling his hair in my fingers as I pulled him closer to me and deepened the kiss.

His hands moved down my side, skimming the bottom of my shirt and finding their way to my bare waist. Both of my arms locked around his neck as the kiss grew more passionate and heated.

Someone behind John cleared their throat and we pulled away, flushed faces and swollen lips, to find a figure with long, blonde hair standing with her arms crossed.

John's eyes widened. "Rachel, what are you doing here?"

"I decided that I made a mistake, and I want you back."

John looked back at me and I stared at him.

"John, you can't honestly be considering it. She lied to you and cheated on you with our best friend!" I exclaimed.

"I know, but I've been with her so long that I feel like I should give her another chance. I'm sorry Jessy, but it's always been Rachel."

John released my body from his grip and I grabbed his hand as he turned away from he. He gave me a sad smile and released my hand as he walked to where Rachel was standing and hugged her close.

Tears filled my eyes as I turned to Garrett, who had appeared by my side.

"Garrett, how could he do this to me? I thought we had something," I whimpered, tears beginning to fall from my eyes.

Garrett just looked at me, not sympathetic at all. "Now you know how it feels to always be second-best to someone."

"I'm sorry for treating you like that, I really am."

"I accept your apology Jessy, but we still can't be friends. Not until I know that you really need me and that I'm not always the second-best option in your life."

Garrett turned and started walking away from me, leaving me standing by myself.

I woke up panting in a cold sweat. I checked my phone and saw it was nearly 5am. We were still driving so I knew that we had no plans of stopping for food or coffee soon.

I flipped my blankets off and kicked my legs about, feeling hot and restless. There was a cough from the bunk below me and then a whisper.

"Jessy?"

"Yeah?"

"You okay?"

"I can't fucking sleep," I whined, to which John chuckled.

"I know, I've heard every single time you've turned up there since lights were out."

"Sorry."

"S'okay. You wanna try and sleep in my bunk?"

I hesitated, weighing up my options. I could either lay awake by myself for a few hours until we stopped, or I could lay awake with John who would entertain me.

"Yes."

I grabbed my phone as I heard him shuffle to the side of his bed and I opened his curtain to see him giving me a half-smile, his hair sticking up everywhere and his eyes sleepy.

I climbed into his bunk and snuggled into him as he wrapped his lanky arms around my shoulders. I felt relaxed in his embrace and my eyes grew heavy as I fell into a sleep more peaceful than the previous.

* * * * *

"Where the fuck is Jessy?" I heard someone shout, waking me from my deep sleep. The bus was still so I guessed that we had been stopped for a while.

"Kennedy, calm down, she's gotta be around here somewhere. We've only been stopped an hour, she probably just went to go get coffee or something," Tim mumbled, probably still half-asleep.

"I've just been for coffee and she was nowhere to be found. Garrett, what the hell did you say to her yesterday?" Kennedy growled. I was more alert now.

"Jesus Ken, calm down, it was nothing bad. What's it to you?" Garrett retorted.

"Well she was real torn up over whatever you said to her, what if she's gone home because of that? What if she's just taken off again and we don't hear from her for another seven years?"

I swallowed the knot in my throat at his words, not wanting to make him more angry when he found where I was. John didn't care about that though and he groaned as Kennedy's voice woke him up as well.

"Ken, keep it down out there," he groaned, his eyes still closed.

"John get the fuck out of bed and help me find Jessy," Kennedy spat at him.

John's eyes were opened now and he rolled them. "I don't have to look real far," he said sarcastically.

It was quiet for a moment until John's curtain was flung open and the full force of the sun's brightness hit me in the eyes. I squinted and shielded them with my hand, letting out a whine.

"Kenny, go away, I wanna sleep."

Kennedy let out a sigh of relief. "Jessy, I thought you'd gone back to Phoenix, or somewhere else."

"I couldn't sleep so John let me stay in his bunk and I fell asleep, I wouldn't leave like that again Kenny," I said softly, letting him know I was serious.

"You scared the shit out of me."

"Sorry."

Kennedy gave me a half smile. "Come on, let's go get some coffee."