I Know in My Heart It's Not You

Alone.

Hayley just wanted to be alone because she was overwhelmed by all of the chaotic and exhausting events that had happened in the past few months. Even though it was cold outside and the guys were probably worried about where she could be, she didn’t want to move from where she was sitting. She was on the sidewalk in downtown Franklin and her eyes closed as she let the cool wind blow against her face. It was relaxing to her and she took a few deep breaths to help calm herself even more.

Her eyes were still shut as she listened to the sounds of footsteps hitting the pavement and various voices of strangers chatting with each other on the streets. She finally opened her eyes and observed her surroundings, noticing that some people were staring at her. Probably wondering why this girl was sitting on a busy sidewalk all by herself. At seeing these people and seeing where she was, her relaxed state slowly faded away as she realized that she was still in this town when she wasn’t even supposed to be there in the first place.

She wasn’t supposed to be in her hometown, she wasn’t supposed to be filming some music video, and she wasn’t supposed to be on the streets biting her nails in fear that the fate of the band wasn’t going to last very long. She was supposed to be touring in Europe for all those fans that had waited for months to see Paramore perform. All those fans that scraped money to purchase their tickets and begged their parents to let them go. They worked extra hours at their part-time jobs to earn enough cash to buy at least one t-shirt from the merch booth and some of them had even planned to skip school and avoid some test they didn’t study for. All for a show that wasn’t even going to happen anymore.

She let her fans down.

At first, it was only just one show. Then it turned to two shows, and soon the rest of their European tour was canceled altogether and they simply told their fans that their reasons for doing this was to deal with “personal issues”. To say that was an understatement and she couldn’t help but blame herself for causing things to go downhill.

Just a year ago, she felt like the band was on top of the world. They had released their newest album and were gaining more fans, inspiring so many people. She was living her dream and the band was her second family. It was almost like they were unstoppable and that they would get through anything because they were doing what they’ve always wanted to do and life was great. Of course, nothing made her happier than the fact that she enjoyed all of this while in the arms of Josh Farro. Her best friend, her guitarist, and her boyfriend. Everything just seemed so perfect.

But good things never last. As the band became well known throughout the United States and other countries in the world, the media decided to focus more on Hayley and make the guys almost nonexistent. The first person to call this out was Josh and because he usually responds to things so emotionally and doesn’t think of how his words can get out of hand, Hayley didn’t respond so well either. Zac, Taylor, and Jeremy tried to mediate, but then they also ended up arguing and it went from bad to worse. It also wasn’t just the issues regarding the media. Josh and Hayley were no longer together and Hayley was actually the one who decided to end the relationship.

She thought it wasn’t healthy for her to be with him and she also didn’t want it to affect the band. Hayley and Josh haven’t been the same in months and it was obvious that their relationship was fractured at the moment, even if they agreed to stay friends for the sake of the band. Unfortunately for her, it ended up affecting the band anyway and things just started to fall apart. All because of her and she wished things didn’t end up the way they did. They weren’t as indestructible as they thought they were. It was more accurate to say that they were hanging by a thread and it had gotten to the point where everyone could agree with this.

Once news of their tour getting cancelled got out, rumors spread that the band was definitely going to break up and the scariest part was that she felt no urge at all to disagree with this statement or assure people that this wasn’t going to happen. It seemed to be going that direction, but she didn’t want to admit that out loud. A small part of her still wanted to believe that they were going to fix things.

Which is why she was sitting there on the cold concrete, pulling her knees to her chest and hugging them. It was only a week after they came back home from Europe and they were going to film a music video for their latest single, “That’s What You Get”. It was going to be low-key and their director had even told them to bring all their friends to make the shoot seem more down to Earth. However, that night Hayley wondered if this was really good for them or not. Was filming this video really going to change things or would it turn out to be their way of saying “goodbye” to their fans? Would it be their last video? With all these thoughts, she wanted to clear her head. That was why she got into her beloved car, Ms. Anne, and drove off without telling anyone where she was going.

She didn’t even know how long she had been sitting there, but she wanted to at least sit there for a few more hours and ignore how late it was getting. She didn’t need the media following her and making her feel like she was some sort of attention whore. The guys didn’t have to be there to try and cheer her up. Nobody had to be there. For that moment, right there on the sidewalk, all she wanted was to be alone and enjoy the silence as she temporarily pushed all her worries away and allowed herself to relax once more.

“You alright?”

Yet again, Hayley’s relaxation was cut short when she heard a voice from behind her. She turned her head to see a guy in his twenties standing there with his hands in the pockets of his jacket. He had dark brown chin-length hair and she noticed on his neck a tattoo of a rose. Actually, he had more than just a rose and she saw that most of his neck was covered in intricate artwork, leading her to guess that he probably had more that she couldn’t see. His eyes appeared to be hazel and seeing that these eyes met hers, it was obvious that she was the one he had spoken to and even though she didn’t quite know who this person was, they did seem familiar to her.

Remembering he had asked a question, she shrugged. “I’m fine. Why?”

“You don’t seem fine to me,” he said. “You seem a bit sad, actually.”

Hearing his British accent, it became evident that he wasn’t from around there and it only made her even more curious about who he could possibly be. Where had she seen him before? Though that didn’t bother her as much as the fact that it was apparently obvious that she was upset about something because this stranger managed to call bullshit on her lie.

Hayley just scoffed. “Well, sad doesn’t even begin to explain how I really feel right now.”

The guy stepped forward and sat down beside her, to which she averted her eyes and instead gazed at the street ahead of her. She sighed, trying to indicate that she wasn’t in the best of moods to talk to some random person about her personal issues. After all, the whole purpose of her being there was to be alone, but this guy didn’t seem to take a hint.

He rested his chin on his hand. “What could Hayley Williams of Paramore possibly be sad about?”

She faced him, her eyes widening at the mention of her name. As if things weren’t already distressing enough, she found out she was sitting with some guy who actually knew who she was. Is that why he seemed familiar? Either he was some fan or they had met before and neither of those possibilities weren’t as exciting at the moment. She already felt like she was disappointing so many fans and if he was someone she had met before, she would be ridden with guilt for not recognizing them.

“How do you know who I am?” she asked.

“I’ve heard of you before,” he smirked. “A lot of people hear about Paramore, especially if you’re someone like me who’s also in a band. We all somehow hear about each other.”

“You’re in a band?” Hayley leaned closer. “You do look familiar and I’ve been trying to figure out why. Who are you?”

“Oh, sorry for not telling you earlier,“ he extended a hand. “I’m Oliver Sykes, but you can just call me Oli.”

Her eyes then lit up at the familiar name. That was why she thought she had seen him before because she did know who he was. She mentally slapped herself for not recognizing him sooner and finally shook his hand.

“I know you,” she told him. “You’re in that band, Bring Me the Horizon. I’m so sorry for not realizing who you were right away.”

Oli just gave her a slight smile. “It’s okay. Honestly, it’s nice that you know who I am because that pretty much proved my point that all bands somehow hear about each other.”

To her surprise, Hayley actually ended up laughing at his words and even smiled. It was probably the first time she had smiled in a while and she missed the feeling. For that split second, she nearly forgot that she was unhappy. But once she was reminded of all the troubles leading up to that week, her smile faded and she was back to being the sad little girl.

“I guess I couldn’t cheer you up for long,” Oli frowned. “Mind if I ask what’s wrong?”

If he had asked her that earlier, Hayley would have immediately said no and politely tell him to go away. That was only because she didn’t want anybody to bother her and this guy happened to be the person to interrupt her brief period of serenity. Except he seemed nice and had even gotten her to smile. He sounded genuinely concerned for her and that really caught her attention, considering they had just met. There was something about him that made her feel like she could open up.

She got up from the sidewalk and looked down at him. “Can we take a walk?”

He nodded, got up, and they started moving. They walked in silence for a few minutes before Hayley took a deep breath and finally spoke up.

“Look, I don’t know how much you know about my band,” she began. “But if you know a lot, then you should know that we’ve recently cancelled our latest tour.”

Oli just shook his head at this information. “I didn’t know that. Why did you cancel it?”

“Because of me,” Hayley said. “For the past few months, things have gotten tense. The media’s been only focusing on me without realizing that we’re a whole band and the guys have been upset about this. Not only that, but I also ended a relationship with my boyfriend who’s also in the band and that just added even more fuel to the flame. We’ve all been having arguments, things aren’t the same, and it’s gotten so bad that we couldn’t even play shows anymore. So our big tour in Europe was cancelled and instead of being there, we’re all back here at home. We’re here to shoot some music video that just might be our last. I don’t even know if we’ll be able to film together because of all the mess I made. I’m so-”

During her whole rant, she didn’t even realize that she had raised her voice and had started pacing back and forth instead of walking forward. She became aware of this when Oli stood in front of her and placed both of his hands on her shoulders, causing her to stop rambling.

“Relax,” he said. “Just…breathe for a moment. Alright?”

She did what he told her and relaxed her shoulders. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get so emotional there. You probably think I’m crazy.”

“No, you’re not crazy,“ he assured her. “You’re just really stressed out. To me, it sounds like you’re being way too hard on yourself. It’s not all your fault.”

“What do mean it’s not all my fault?” she asked. “None of this would’ve happened if it weren’t for me.”

“None of this would’ve happened if it wasn’t for the media,“ he retorted. “Did you want all the attention?”

“No.”

“Are you trying to stop that from happening?”

“Yes.”

“And this boyfriend of yours. Why did you break up with him?”

“It wasn’t working out and it just wasn’t good for the band.”

Finally, Oli let go of her and they walked further down the sidewalk. “You’re thinking that you caused all of this when in reality, you’re blaming yourself for things that aren’t in your control. It’s not your fault that the media’s shitty and as for the guy, he’s just dealing with the break up in his own way. You gotta stop beating yourself up and start believing in your band. You’ll be fine.”

What he was saying actually made sense the more Hayley thought about it. She couldn’t control how the public portrayed her and even though Josh was still upset over the break up, she couldn’t expect him to act like it was okay. Hayley realized she was thinking too much about the negative to even give the positive a chance. She had already concluded that the music video would end in failure when it hadn’t even happen yet. Instead of expecting failure, she shouldn’t give up.

“You’re right,” she agreed. “I love the guys and I care for them a lot. Even if things haven’t been the best, I still want us to stay together. I gotta stop moping around and start believing that things will get better.”

She looked at Oli and her lips curled into a smile. Before he knew it, she pulled him into a hug, standing on the tip of her toes as she wrapped her arms around him. Oli was taken aback by this gesture, but he eventually grinned as well and reciprocated the hug. It wasn’t even an awkward hug and he actually thought it was nice.

“Thank you,” she said. “I guess I really just needed someone to help set me straight.”

“Looks like I just happened to be at the right place,” Oli said, still smiling at her.

“What are you doing here anyway?” Hayley asked as she released her hold of him. “I mean, it’s kind of random that you’re here, of all places.”

“I’m on tour right now,” he answered. “We’re playing a show tomorrow night. Thought I’d go exploring.”

“At least you’re on tour,” she shrugged again, though she said this with a hint of humor in her voice.

“Hey, you’ll be back on tour before you know it,” he told her.

She didn’t doubt his words. “Yeah. I will.”

Just then her phone rang and she took it out of her pocket to see who was calling. The caller ID read “Josh” and she guessed they all finally realized that she was gone. Knowing that it wasn’t good to make them worry, she answered the call. “Hello?”

“Hayley, where are you?” Josh asked. “We came to your house, only to find that you weren’t home. Your mom didn’t know where you went, so what’s up? Where’d you go? Are you okay?”

“Oh, I’m okay,” Hayley replied. “I just took a drive downtown for a bit. I’m heading back soon, though.”

“Okay,” he said. “We’ll be here waiting.”

“Bye, Josh.”

“Bye.”

She hung up and then looked up at Oli. “I have to go. The band’s waiting for me back at my place.”

“So soon?” Oli tried to hide his disappointment.

“Yeah,” she gave him an apologetic look. “But I’ll be sure to keep in touch with you. Here, I’ll give you my number.”

He gave her his phone so she could add her number in his contacts while he did the same to her phone. Once they exchanged numbers, she gave him another hug.

“Once again, thank you,” she smiled again.

Oli just nodded. “No problem. I hope things get better for your band.”

After what seemed like a while, she reluctantly let go of him and began walking back the way she came. He watched her and brought a hand up to wave. Seeing this, Hayley also waved and called out, “Good luck at your show tomorrow.”

“Good luck filming your music video,” he said back.

“Take care.”

With that, she turned around and headed toward her car. Smiling to herself, she got into the vehicle and drove off. It was amazing how her entire mood had changed all because of a small conversation with this one guy who happened to approach her. She headed home with Oli on her mind, wondering if she’ll ever see him again.


When Hayley arrived home, the guys were all in the living room and sitting on the couch. Her mother was also with them and when she came inside, they all got up and told her how relieved they were to see that she was alright.

“You scared us, Hayles,” Taylor pulled her into a hug.

Jeremy was next to give her a hug. “Seriously, don’t leave late at night without telling us.”

“I’m really sorry, guys,” Hayley wrapped her arms around Jeremy and looked at everyone around her, guilty that she made them all freak out. “I didn’t think you would all be worried.”

“Of course we were worried,” Zac said.

Even Josh gave Hayley a hug. “We may have been going through a lot of crap lately, but that doesn’t mean we don’t care about you.”

“I know,” she said. “I care about all of you, too. It’s been a rough couple of weeks, but I really believe we can get through this.”

“I’m also sorry for how I’ve been acting,” Josh apologized. “We shouldn’t be pointing fingers just because of how stupid the media’s been.”

Zac put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Hey, it’s apart of being a band. There’s five different personalities, so you can’t expect everything to be perfect. We’ve had a few fights, but I agree with Hayley. We’ll get through this.”

“We’re a family,” Taylor put his arms around Jeremy and Zac. “We stick together.”

“No matter what,” said Jeremy.

They all smiled widely and got in a group hug. The guys pretty much surrounded Hayley and she was feeling the happiest she had ever been that entire month. The band wasn’t perfect and they were going through a rough time, but it was apparent that things were definitely going to look up for them.

Later that night after the guys had left, Hayley sat on her bed and looked up at the ceiling. She couldn’t help but have Oli in her thoughts again. If it weren’t him, she didn’t think the night would have ended as well as it did. If he never talked to her, she would’ve still been hopeless about her situation and that would’ve caused even more damage to everyone. Hayley lay on her bed, making sure to remember to tell Oli that things worked out.

She felt her eyelids grow heavy and finally closed them, only to hear her phone ringing again. Not wanting to open her eyes, she answered the phone without looking at the caller ID. It was probably one of the guys again.

“Don’t you think it’s too late to be calling?” she joked.

“I guess I’m still going by the UK’s time zone.”

Her eyes snapped open and she sat up at hearing the familiar British accent on the other end. She no longer felt so tired anymore now that Oli had called her. “You’re in the US now. Gotta get used to this time zone.”

“Were you sleeping?” he asked.

“No, I wasn’t,“ she said. “So what are you calling for?”

“I just wanted to ask you something,” he responded.

“Okay, what is it?”

The other end was silent for a few minutes and Hayley patiently sat there, waiting to see what this guy wanted to ask. She looked at her screen to make sure he was still on the line and his voice eventually came back.

“Do you need anybody for your music video?”

At first she was confused, but her grin returned when she realized what he actually meant. She didn’t even hesitate to give him her answer.

“As a matter of fact, I do.”