I Know in My Heart It's Not You

“Are we there yet?”

“No. No. No. Taylor, you are not doing this again.”

It was a hot summer morning in July and thankfully the air conditioning in the bus was functioning properly because it would’ve only made the band sweat with irritation and they would’ve thrown Taylor off the bus due to him asking the dreaded road trip question. He had only asked it once that day, but Jeremy was giving him a warning already because nowadays that didn’t have to be asked a million times for them to hate it.

Paramore was on the road again. Their tour bus was driving through somewhere in the East and the band was in the back of the bus in their nice little lounge area, complete with a U-shaped black leather couch. Taylor was laying down and rested his head on Hayley’s lap while she gazed out the window, looking at the beautiful scenery that everyone else was missing. Jeremy was across from them browsing on his laptop while Josh and Zac were concentrated on playing video games and beating each other.

“Again?” Taylor repeated. “But this is the first time I’ve said it.”

“Maybe for this trip,” Jeremy rolled his eyes. “But you ask this every time we go on tour.”

“Well, I did you guys a favor,” Taylor said. “You would’ve asked me why I didn’t say it yet anyway.”

Hayley just looked at Jeremy and shrugged. “He’s got a point, Jerm. I was just about to bring that up.”

“Don’t encourage him.”

Josh paused the game he and his brother were playing and turned to Taylor. “And to answer your question: we all have absolutely no idea.”

“Seriously, every time you ask, we just give you the same answer,” Zac chuckled and got up. “Anyway, I’m going to get myself a soda. Anybody else want one?”

“Yeah, I’ll come with you,” Josh set his controller down and stood up. The two brothers then headed toward the front of the bus where the fridge was. Jeremy closed his laptop and followed suit, leaving Hayley and Taylor alone in the back.

Since the weather was so humid, getting a cold and refreshing can of soda did sound good at the moment and Taylor wanted to join the guys and get one as well. Too bad he was in a much too comfortable position, meaning he was more lazy than he was thirsty. He sighed and Hayley looked down at him.

“If it makes you feel better,” she smiled. “I also wanted to know if we were there yet.”

He smiled back at her. “You wouldn’t happen to have the answer, would you?”

“Sadly, no,” she laughed. “But I hope the answer’s ’yes’.”

The ride had felt way too long and she was getting impatient. In fact, she had been restless ever since the bus started moving and she couldn’t wait for them to reach their destination. Since nobody was providing an answer to what she and Taylor wanted to know, the window was the only way for her to find out. She would know once she saw a large outdoor amphitheater where many booths would be set up. Numerous buses would be parked near the venue and in a few hours, many people dressed in band tees, wearing shades and backpacks would gather around the amphitheater. All to see their favorite bands and enjoy the positive atmosphere. Paramore would finally be at the one event that always welcomed them with open arms.

Warped Tour. Hayley held Warped Tour so dear to her heart because of the impact it had on the band when they first did the tour in 2005. There were so many bands that they looked up to that they ended up meeting and playing with. So many fans that they got to talk to, some new bands they met, all the fun things they did when they weren’t performing. Despite moments where they were lugging their gear around just to get the stuff on the stage, the whole thing was such a great experience. They’ve relived this amazing experience for the past four years.

They were touring with No Doubt at the moment, but since they found out that they were going to pass by Cleveland on their day off, which also happened to be the same day Warped was going to be there, they immediately decided to pay a visit and do a surprise show. After so much drama that happened in the previous year, they were back on track, recorded a new album, and were enjoying each other’s company again. So far, 2009 was treating them good.

“What are you looking forward to?” Taylor asked.

“Everything,” Hayley replied. “I just can’t wait to see everyone’s faces when we come out on stage. This is probably the best thing we could ever do on a day off.”

“Haha, they’ll never know what hit ’em,” he smirked. “You also excited to see him?”

“Him?” she was puzzled. “Who are you talking about?”

“Wait, you didn’t hear?” Taylor lifted his head off her lap and sat up next to her. “Bring Me the Horizon’s on Warped Tour right now.”

Hayley’s look of confusion quickly turned into a look of excitement. Her eyes lit up and she smiled at the news. It had been a year since the band had last seen Bring Me the Horizon and the thought of seeing them again made her even more anxious to get there. Ever since meeting Oli on the streets of Franklin, the two bands had become great friends. After helping Hayley feel better when she was going through a lot, she invited him and his band to hang out for the “That’s What You Get” video. After all, their director told her to bring friends along and Oli had become her new friend. He thought it sounded fun and it killed some time before they had to head back for their show.

They had gotten to know each other during that video shoot. Oli told her about his life when he was growing up in Sheffield and how the band started. She learned that he had a brother named Tom and that he even had a clothing line called Drop Dead. Hayley then told him that she actually came from Mississippi and she went on to tell the story of how she met Josh and Zac among other things. They both finally got to listen to each other’s music and even though they were different genres, they enjoyed it. The 2008 Warped Tour was the last time they had seen each other and ever since, they’ve been keeping in contact with each other by texting and calling.

“They’re on Warped?” Hayley then punched Taylor’s arm. “How do you even know that? The guys are actually going to be in the same place as us and you didn’t even tell me?”

Taylor rubbed his arm and leaned back slightly to avoid being hit again. “Okay, ouch, you punch hard for someone so small. And I know because Lee told me when I was texting him and I thought you already knew since you’re on the phone with Oli nonstop. Don’t punch me, please.”

“Ugh, but he didn’t tell me that,” she ignored his protests and continued to punch him. “You should’ve told me anyway!”

“Whatever, fine. Ow. I’ll tell you next time. Ow. Okay, that’s enough-”

“You better!”

“Ow. I will! Ow. Can you stop- OW. Your punches actually hurt, Hayley!”

Just then, Josh came to save the day and walked in to find Hayley using the other guitarist’s arm as a punching bag while poor Taylor was trying all he could to shield himself from her fists. Josh just stood there, not sure if he should be amused or scared and cleared his throat to get their attenton. When they both noticed him, they stopped their playful (or not so playful in Taylor’s case) fighting and went back to sitting normally.

“I’m going to just choose not to comment on this,” Josh raised an eyebrow. Though his face remained neutral, they both could tell in his eyes that he wanted to laugh. “But I came in here because I’m letting you guys know that I have good news and bad news.”

“Can the bad news be any worse than Hayley abusing me?” Taylor held his arm that was probably going to bruise later on in the day.

Josh sighed. “Anyway…the bad news is that we’re almost out of soda. The good news is that we’re finally in Cleveland.”

The bad news made Hayley laugh while Taylor didn’t quite find that as funny as she did (“There better be at least one left for me!”), but they didn’t care about their beverage supply when they looked out the window and saw that they were no longer driving through grass fields. The bus was passing by buildings and when the Time Warner Cable Amphitheater came into view, it confirmed that they did in fact make it to Warped Tour.

“We’re finally here, Hayles,” Taylor put his arm her and grinned. “You ready for this?”

“Of course I am!“ she rejoiced. “This day is going to be awesome.”

Eventually, the bus came to a stop and had parked near other tour buses. Outside, many musicians were already taking their equipment out and walking around. Jeremy and Zac had gotten out of the bus first and Josh was right behind them. Taylor and Hayley, however, didn’t move. Hayley just glanced at him, wondering why he wasn’t heading out yet.

“If we’re going to go out there,” Taylor smirked again. “We need to make an entrance.”

She just giggled. “Got anything in mind?”

“Piggyback?”

“Why yes, I’d love that.”

Hayley jumped on Taylor’s back and he held her legs. Once they were settled and made sure that neither of them would end up falling, he began walking forward and made his way out of the bus to join everyone else.


He didn’t quite know why, but Oli had somehow made it a habit of walking around and checking the place out whenever they were in a new city. Maybe it was because he wasn’t one to sit still or because he was fascinated by America, but either way he liked seeing all the different areas.

Cleveland was the place he was exploring that day and he circled the amphitheater a few times as he held a bottle of water in his hand. The place was nice, he had to admit and he passed by all the booths that were in the process of being set up and he chatted with a few artists that were also walking around. It was another day at Warped, but he couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t as exciting as it had been the previous year. Sure, he loved being on stage and how they’ve drawn a bigger crowd and all the new bands. They were fun, really. But to him, there was something—better yet, someone—missing and in the back of his head, he knew who was missing. Hayley was missing.

Looking back at Warped Tour the year before, all he could remember was all the fun he had spending time with her. The both of them would always run around the venue, playing pranks on other bands and playing around when they weren’t performing. Paramore’s set was earlier in the day, so Bring Me the Horizon would be on the side of the stage to watch them. Later on, it would be Bring Me the Horizon’s set and every time Oli looked to the right of the stage, she and the rest of her band would be there.

He’d always mess with her when she was singing, mostly making faces at her to get her to laugh during her set. Yet that didn’t phase her and she’d just flash him that wide grin of hers, showing off the little gap in her teeth before looking back at the crowd. During his set, she would mess with him by headbanging and dancing, which came close to distracting him at times, but never completely successful. Though inside, he was laughing and afterwards they’d meet back at his bus where he would tell her how silly she looked while she teased him about his funny faces.

It occurred to him that he spent time with her more than anybody else and because Paramore wasn’t on the 2009 lineup, Oli noticed how different it was without her. That wasn’t to say he didn’t like the tour, just that he sort of wished she was there since it had been months since they’ve met up. Obviously, that was expected to happen when it came to forming a close friendship with a girl who lived halfway around the world from him coupled with the fact that they were in well-known bands that traveled all over the place. Their “long-distance friendship” was pretty impressive.

After what seemed like the fiftieth time he went around the venue, he heard Lee’s voice in the distance. “Hey, Oli!”

He turned around to face Lee, who was coming toward him and waved. “Hey. What’s up?”

“We’ve been looking all over for you,” Lee told him, his voice sounding urgent. “We need you to come back to the bus right now.”

“What do you need me for?” Oli asked.

“There’s a new band that just got here,” Lee informed him. “And let’s just say they are talking an awful lot of shit to us.”

Oli frowned and rolled his eyes. “Well, that’s not new. You want me to go back why, exactly?”

“Because they’re not just talking shit,” Lee explained. “They started a fight and are trying to wreck our bus and equipment!”

“What the fuck?” Oli tightened his fist. “What are we standing here for? Come on, let’s head over there!”

He dropped the water bottle and immediately started running back to the bus, not even bothering to let Lee catch up to him. Before he knew it, he made it back, only to stare in confusion at the sight in front of him.

Like Lee said, another band had arrived, but they most definitely weren’t new nor were they even attempting to ruin the equipment. There was zero conflict going on and it became clear that while this band was interacting with his band, the way they were interacting consisted of all of them conversing and laughing. They were even hugging each other.

When he got a better view of their faces, Oli rubbed his eyes to make sure if his vision was correct. He recognized who this band was, but wasn’t quite ready to believe what he was seeing. In the midst of the small group of people, one particular face caught his eye. They were talking to Matt, excitement visibly on their face as their green eyes lit up each time they laughed. All the while, their long fiery orange hair was blowing in the summer breeze.

Oli’s eyes went wide and he didn’t budge. As he looked at this person, he felt a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Soon enough, he was grinning widely and there was only one thought that crossed his mind once he was aware of everything.

Lee, you fucking liar.

He ignored Lee, who couldn’t stop laughing next to him, and finally took a few steps forward to get closer to where everyone was. With the smile still on his face, he spoke loud and clear so he could acknowledge that he was there.

“I know that orange hair anywhere.”

Everyone stopped to look at Oli and welcomed his presence with smiles. Though the one person he was specifically addressing had a bigger smile than everyone else. As if their eyes weren’t already lit enough, they were practically shining when they saw him.

“Having a reunion without me, Hayley?” he stopped walking and held his arms out wide. That gesture gave her the cue to run toward him.

“Oli!” she threw her arms around him, to which he hugged her tightly and spun her around. it suddenly hit him that he was equally excited.

He stopped spinning her, yet the both of them didn’t let go. “I can’t believe you’re here. I thought you were touring with No Doubt.”

“We are, but we have the day off today and we’re taking advantage of it by playing here,” she said. “I didn’t even know you guys were here because someone didn’t tell me.”

“It’s not my fault you didn’t bother to ask!” Taylor pointed out.

Oli looked up at the guys and let go of Hayley. “Hey, Taylor.”

“Nice to see you again,” Taylor gave him a quick hug.

Josh then walked up to Oli. “Long time no see.”

“Seriously,“ Oli chuckled. “Has it really been a year since we’ve all seen each other?”

“Yep, it has,” Zac nodded and turned to Matt. “So how have you guys been?”

“We’ve been good,” Matt replied. “Just been enjoying Warped for, what, three weeks now? Yeah, it’s been fun so far. What about you?”

“We’ve been doing good also,” Josh said. “Been touring with No Doubt and a few other artists since May. We’re heading to Indiana tomorrow.”

“Looks like we won’t be able to hang out for long,” Oli sighed as he looked back at Hayley.

“Aw, don’t think like that,” Hayley patted his shoulder. “It’s only the morning. We still got the whole day. What time is your guys’ set?”

“It’s at 12:30,“ said Lee. “We’ll be on the Hurley Stage.”

“And you know we’ll be there to watch you guys,” she grinned. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“I’ll make sure to catch you headbanging,” Oli joked. “Okay, we’ve got a few hours to kill. Why don’t we all hang out?”

“I’d like that,” Hayley agreed. “We’ve got some catching up to do.”


An hour or so had passed and Oli was back to circling the amphitheater. Only this time, Hayley was also walking with him and the two had been giving each other an update on their lives. Even with technology giving them the gift of cell phones, there was only so much they could say through calls.

“Did I ever tell you I like your new album?”

“I think so. I can’t remember.”

“Well, I like it.”

The area was filled with people, all the booths were set up, and bands had already started playing. After an hour of being cramped with everyone on Bring Me the Horizon’s bus, Oli and Hayley had decided they needed some air and left the group to see how things were outside. Though they didn’t want to be noticed by people just yet, especially since not many knew that Paramore was going to be there. They did their best to keep a good distance away from the venue to avoid the crowd and it appeared to be working because nobody ran up to them.

“What’s your favorite song from it?” he asked.

Hayley stopped for a moment to think. “I’d have to say ’Suicide Season’ is my favorite. I know people probably tell you this a lot, but I loved it. The lyrics, the melody, your voice. There was so much emotion in that song and it was all beautiful and sad at the same time.“

“So you like that song, huh?” Oli looked away from her, thinking back at when he first started writing the lyrics of that track and the events that inspired those words to come out. “That’s a very personal song to me.”

“What’s the story behind it?” she inquired. She noticed that he was frowning, which made her feel that she shouldn’t be too nosy. “If it’s a touchy subject, you don’t have to say anything…”

“No, it’s okay,” Oli shook his head. They were good enough friends for him to tell her this and even when they met, she was actually comfortable enough to open up to him about what she was going through. Both of them were fine with telling each other personal stuff in the past and this was no different. Hayley was one of the people he could really talk to; even over the phone.

“I wrote that song for a friend,” he said. “His dad died and after that happened, he was never the same. He was distant and became cold, resentful even. It’s like once his dad died, so did a part of him and I wished I could do anything to make him feel okay again. He was like a completely different person and as days passed, he got even angrier and…and we don’t even talk anymore.”

The meaning of the song made much more sense after hearing Oli’s story and Hayley’s only response to this was to comfort him with a hug. When it came to her hugs, he couldn’t help but wrap his arms around her as well.

“I’m sorry about your friend,” she empathized. “I lost a friend once, too.”

“Sorry for making things depressing,” Oli said. “I’m glad to at least have you as friend.”

She looked up at him and smiled. “I’m glad you’re my friend, too. Now that’s enough being sad. Here, I’ll cheer you up.”

Hayley grabbed his arm and started leading him back to the buses. Oli’s smile returned at seeing how she instantly became happy again. Another thing he remembered when it came to touring with her was that she always made it impossible to stay upset.

“What are you gonna do?”

“You’ll see.”

He didn’t say anything after that and only laughed as she brought him onto Paramore’s bus, wondering what exactly she had in store for him in there. Whatever it was going to be, he wasn’t going to deny that it would brighten his mood.

She was Hayley Williams, after all.