The Irony is That This Cell Phone Has Gone Through Dante's Inferno and Back and Still Looks Better Than You

It was a chasm of immeasurable length and depth. It was a rushing rapid that no man would dare to try and conquer unless they had a death wish, James thought.

It was also two blue mats with several feet of grass between them.

“This is such a bad idea.” Natalia shielded her eyes from the sun, her mouth twisted into a scowl.

“Jump the River is classic! It’s always a good idea,” James exclaimed exasperatedly, crouching and moving the nearest mat back five inches.

“No, it’s definitely a bad idea,” Will said. He pressed an ice pack to a bruised knee he won trying to jump the chasm and failing miserably while doing so, his leg catching on the other and sending him into the ground. His bottom lip jutted out in a pout.

“No one cares, Will!” James sang out, standing up and dusting off his hands, dodging Will’s shoe, which had suddenly developed the ability to fly.

“I think we should stop playing, James,” Sonnie piped up. She held her head in her hands, sitting on the bricks lining the small garden in his front yard. She and her sister gained a mouthful of grass when they attempted to make the jump. It was only James and Natalia left in the game, now.

“Sore losers.” Personally, James didn’t know why not everyone played Jump the River. It was the best game in the history of games. Even better than hide and seek.

Yeah, that’s right. Read it and weep. Better than hide and seek.

“We’ve played like six rounds already!”

“Afraid you’re gonna lose, sweetheart?” He smirked, knowing exactly how much that would rile her up.

“I’m sorry? Who won the last three rounds?” Natalia bit her lip to prevent the grin forming on her face.

James rolled his eyes. “And who won the three rounds before that?”

“Just do it already!” Carly called out, laughter in her voice. “My mom bought pudding cups! Do you understand? Pudding cups.”

“You ready for this?” James called out, running a hand through his hair and getting ready to take off like a track runner. He was speed. There was nothing in the world that could keep him from making it to the mat on the other side.

Except maybe gravity.

So he took off, the air pushing his hair back as he cut through it, and leapt off the end of the mat.

James landed just short of the other mat, his feet half a centimeter away. He scowled, knowing that his only chance of winning now was if his sweetheart face planted. Not that he wanted her to, of course, he was only mildly hoping that she would. Maybe a sudden gust of wind would knock her unbalanced and tragically keep her from beating him.

“You ready for this?” Natalia mocked, before setting her face into a serious expression.

Hair flying behind her, she ran as fast as she could and dove forward.

James felt the defeat in the pit of his stomach before he truly realized what was happening.

She was halfway across the gap when her hands touched down on the grass and immediately forced her back up, sending her flying onto the mat.

Natalia landed flat on her back with victory cry, echoed by Sonnie and Carly, her own personal cheerleaders.

“That’s cheating!” He called out, grasping for straws.

“Never did you say my hands couldn’t touch the ground, James.”

“I thought it was understood!”

“Loop hole!”

“Pudding cups.”