Status: finished, until i decide to write an epilogue. i still may.
Folded Paper.
Allister Roberts.
Sensual and subtle days together were beginning to become routine of Allister's life. It was the most internal excitement Allister had had in quite some time, as she was uncovering emotions and feelings that Allister swore were lost with his old lover's departure. And though Hudson was helping to shed light into his eyes, her unknowing efforts did not help the continuous sorrow that he obtained.
For her, he tried not to let it show. For her, he did his best to appear as if she was connecting all the puzzle pieces and holding them together without any fault. Oh, the things he did for her.
Today, he wasn't particularly feeling it. He didn't feel like seeing the way Hudson's eyes light up every time he kissed her collarbone. He didn't feel like tasting her breath when she kissed him. Today, even the thought of such was all too much for him.
The day before, everything seemed so much more opaque when they were sharing a bottle of alcohol and watching comedy films in the latter of the afternoon. He was sure he loved her. Today, he was still sure of it, but he was faltering. He could feel it through every bone in his body, every fiber of hair, and every bit of skin wrapped around his bones. Today just wasn't his day.
It was ten thirty in the morning and there were steady knocks sounding on the door. It was Hudson; who knew by the sensitivity of her fist meeting the surface of the door. It took every part of him to lift himself out of bed and answer door. She was wearing one of his shirts. In fact, she was wearing one of his favorite shirts and he wondered if he gave it to her the day before in his drunken state. He probably did.
Hudson had a coffee and a bar of chocolate in her hands and Allister just knew that it was a sign that there was something she wanted to talk about. ("I'm big on compensation.") With this fact, he closed the door behind her and they sat down on the sofa together. She was sitting fairly close to Hudson, to the point where their thighs kissed each other, and he fought the urge to display his want of personal space.
She was the first to speak. "Good Morning, Allister." She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. Allister kissed her back halfheartedly before returning the greeting. "Did you not sleep well or something?" Allister guessed that the bags under his eyes were inevidentally noticeable.
"Something like that. Sleeping felt more like a chore than an act of enjoyment last night. Maybe it was the alcohol." For her, he put his discomfort aside and played it cool. "What's your reason for enriching me with sugars today?"
Allister smiled, one hundred percent authentic this time, at the way Hudson's lips parted into a smile, showing her teeth. "I—" But her smile was gone as quickly as it appeared and he could tell that this was something that she already predicted the outcome of. "Have you considered the proposal of going steady?"
He felt his heart break a little. He wanted to avoid answering her, but he knew he had to. "Hudson, dear, I . . . I'd be lying if I said I've never considered it. It would be such an honor to be known as your significant other, for you are an everblooming flower that never fails to make me wish I had never corrupted your internal beauty. Going steady . . . " Allister let his voice drop and suddenly he felt contrite, struggling for the proper words to say. "I am not deserving of that honor. As of now, I have already managed to get you to fall for me and to limit you to only me if you were ever deemed to change your mind would only be cruel of me."
Hudson laughed, as if she was ridiculing herself. "Is that your indirect way of rejecting me?" It sounded more rhetorical than anything, so Allister stayed quiet. Hudson blinked and for a painstakingly duration, she was quiet, too. "Are you ashamed of me?"
This made Allister choke for words. "I—Hudson, no. I'm not ashamed of—" He stopped before he made a full of himself. "I'm not ashamed of you. Yes, that was an indirect rejection of dating you, but I am not ashamed of you. If anything, I'm ashamed of myself. I continously push myself until I break and I am more than close to breaking. Hudson, I'm not ashamed of you. I love you."
"Then why? Why reject me? Together, we can be happy. Let me help you."
"Not everyone can be helped, Hudson. That's something that you need to realize. There are those of us that want to be dead because what we really want is to live and there are those of us that have no other solution. Take it however you want, Hudson, but I'm not dating you. I'm not doing that to you. It's easier to deal with someone and their demons when your every fiber isn't committed to them." Allister took the compensation from her hands and set it on the table. "I love you, Hudson, and I'm sorry that you have fallen in love with me."
And suddenly, he felt better. For her, he felt good enough to restore the smile upon her face. He would have her smiling again, surrendered underneath him if was the last thing he did that day. For her, he'd push his demons aside and let them be one even if it was only for a moment.
For her, he tried not to let it show. For her, he did his best to appear as if she was connecting all the puzzle pieces and holding them together without any fault. Oh, the things he did for her.
Today, he wasn't particularly feeling it. He didn't feel like seeing the way Hudson's eyes light up every time he kissed her collarbone. He didn't feel like tasting her breath when she kissed him. Today, even the thought of such was all too much for him.
The day before, everything seemed so much more opaque when they were sharing a bottle of alcohol and watching comedy films in the latter of the afternoon. He was sure he loved her. Today, he was still sure of it, but he was faltering. He could feel it through every bone in his body, every fiber of hair, and every bit of skin wrapped around his bones. Today just wasn't his day.
It was ten thirty in the morning and there were steady knocks sounding on the door. It was Hudson; who knew by the sensitivity of her fist meeting the surface of the door. It took every part of him to lift himself out of bed and answer door. She was wearing one of his shirts. In fact, she was wearing one of his favorite shirts and he wondered if he gave it to her the day before in his drunken state. He probably did.
Hudson had a coffee and a bar of chocolate in her hands and Allister just knew that it was a sign that there was something she wanted to talk about. ("I'm big on compensation.") With this fact, he closed the door behind her and they sat down on the sofa together. She was sitting fairly close to Hudson, to the point where their thighs kissed each other, and he fought the urge to display his want of personal space.
She was the first to speak. "Good Morning, Allister." She leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. Allister kissed her back halfheartedly before returning the greeting. "Did you not sleep well or something?" Allister guessed that the bags under his eyes were inevidentally noticeable.
"Something like that. Sleeping felt more like a chore than an act of enjoyment last night. Maybe it was the alcohol." For her, he put his discomfort aside and played it cool. "What's your reason for enriching me with sugars today?"
Allister smiled, one hundred percent authentic this time, at the way Hudson's lips parted into a smile, showing her teeth. "I—" But her smile was gone as quickly as it appeared and he could tell that this was something that she already predicted the outcome of. "Have you considered the proposal of going steady?"
He felt his heart break a little. He wanted to avoid answering her, but he knew he had to. "Hudson, dear, I . . . I'd be lying if I said I've never considered it. It would be such an honor to be known as your significant other, for you are an everblooming flower that never fails to make me wish I had never corrupted your internal beauty. Going steady . . . " Allister let his voice drop and suddenly he felt contrite, struggling for the proper words to say. "I am not deserving of that honor. As of now, I have already managed to get you to fall for me and to limit you to only me if you were ever deemed to change your mind would only be cruel of me."
Hudson laughed, as if she was ridiculing herself. "Is that your indirect way of rejecting me?" It sounded more rhetorical than anything, so Allister stayed quiet. Hudson blinked and for a painstakingly duration, she was quiet, too. "Are you ashamed of me?"
This made Allister choke for words. "I—Hudson, no. I'm not ashamed of—" He stopped before he made a full of himself. "I'm not ashamed of you. Yes, that was an indirect rejection of dating you, but I am not ashamed of you. If anything, I'm ashamed of myself. I continously push myself until I break and I am more than close to breaking. Hudson, I'm not ashamed of you. I love you."
"Then why? Why reject me? Together, we can be happy. Let me help you."
"Not everyone can be helped, Hudson. That's something that you need to realize. There are those of us that want to be dead because what we really want is to live and there are those of us that have no other solution. Take it however you want, Hudson, but I'm not dating you. I'm not doing that to you. It's easier to deal with someone and their demons when your every fiber isn't committed to them." Allister took the compensation from her hands and set it on the table. "I love you, Hudson, and I'm sorry that you have fallen in love with me."
And suddenly, he felt better. For her, he felt good enough to restore the smile upon her face. He would have her smiling again, surrendered underneath him if was the last thing he did that day. For her, he'd push his demons aside and let them be one even if it was only for a moment.