Birthday Bash

Birthday Bash

"That's it, I can't take your bullshit anymore. It's over Sean Smith!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. When he realized what I had just said, his face quickly turned from angered to shocked.
"No Michelle, no," he refused, starting to show signs of remorse.
"Dun' end it like this. Please, I'm sorry. I love you."
"All I do is sit around here for months at a time, waiting for you to come home!" I screamed, flailing my arms to emphasize my point.
"And what are you doing?"
"Working."
"That's not all your doing Sean. Don't lie to me. We both know about the girls... drugs... partying... everything!"
"That's not true! I love you, an’ only you," he argued as he tried to save himself from his latest fall.
"Sean, you're sucha fuck up! You think that girls are disposable pleasures and not the desired pursuits that they are." I sighed, sick and tired of his whole entire lifestyle and having to be a part of it.
"Get out."
"Michelle…"
"I'm serious Sean. Get your stuff, get out of my house. I never want to see you around here again," I ordered in a quieter voice than before, a few tears starting to form in the corner of my eyes.
"Don' do this!" he pleaded and stroked the side of my face.
"Sean, go now or I'll call the police!" I threatened. He silently stood there, his body having no motion except for those deep brown eyes scanning my face for any hint that I was joking.
"Fine." he sighed and fled to our room to pack his stuff.
That was the last time I had seen Sean. It was over a month ago and I could still see that exact moment in my head as if it were yesterday.

It was the last time that I would ever be hurt by that man again.

He had cheated on me for the last time with a woman that he knew for only two hours. It sickened me how he could commit such a disgusting act knowing that I was at our house waiting for him to come home from an entire month of non stop touring.

Despite the fact that he had hurt me so much, I still missed him. He was the longest relationship I had ever had in my life. It had been years since I was single, and I'll tell you this much... I was not enjoying it at all.
Honestly, I think I could have gone my entire life without looking back on that relationship. Without ever seeing Sean Bellers-Smith, ever again, no matter how much it would hurt me for the first little while. I could have done it, I could have, but this week was my birthday, meaning it was my twin Val's birthday as well.
Matt and Val were holding a party at their house for the occasion. I already knew I'd see Sean there he was staying at their house until he could find a place of his own.
I wanted more than anything to try and not focus on Sean the night that I'd be there.

I went through so much trouble in finding another date to take to the party with me. His name was Gavin Butler and he was pretty darn cute. Mind you, I still thought that I looked better under Sean's arm.

Gavin would pick me up in an hour and a half. That was usually the amount of time it took me to get ready for a get together like this. Picking my clothes out took me a while but I finally decided upon wearing my favourite purple dress. Coincidentally enough it was Sean's favourite as well. My makeup was applied with care until I felt like it looked like absolute perfection. I looked great, felt even better and was ready to go.

I lounged around my clean kitchen as I waited for Gavin to come get me. I laughed at the thought that my kitchen was never this neat when Sean lived with me. There were always piles of dishes, Tupperware, containers or empty food packets. We never found time to clean it up, all our free time was spent with each other.

The quick chime of the door bell interrupted my thoughts as it echoed throughout the empty house. I grabbed my purse and ran to answer the door.
"Hiya Michelle, you look amazing." Gavin smiled after I opened the large wooden door. I looked him over before replying. He was wearing a brown suit, and looked nice but insecure at the same time. He was shy, I could tell.
The complete opposite of Sean; He never stopped talking and always looked a total wreck. That fact about him never bothered me though.
"Thank you Gav, you look good too." I complimented right back. He led me to his car that was parked in my driveway, a small green car. I was never fond of green cars. I thought the black ones were the cutest.

The drive over to Matt and Val was really quiet, a silence that was more awkward then anything I ever experienced in my life. He smiled at me every time we made eye contact but would quickly look away. He was shy and it wasn't that appealing to me.
Thankfully within minutes we were at Matt and Val's front door, waiting for them to answer. Loud music seeped through the cracks of the windows and the frame of the door. The party had started and that fact was almost impossible to miss.
"Michelle!" Val smiled as she threw her arms around me. Sometimes it just amazed me how different Val and I acted despite the fact we were identical twins.
"Hi Val, happy birthday!" I smiled back.
"You too! Who's your friend?" she asked curiously as she looked him over.
"This is Gavin, Gavin this is my sister Val." I introduced. Gavin nodded, acknowledging her presence but didn't speak a word, more of the shyness that I just couldn't stand.
"Come on in you guys."

I entered the house which surprisingly held a massive amount of people in it. Unbelievably loud music flowed through the air. Tons of people passed by me, some I didn't even recognize.
I could hear a lot of 'happy birthday Michelle's as I passed through the crowds of people, trying to find someone I was comfortable with hanging out with. The first I found was Zacky, who was swaying around recklessly to the blasting music.
"Zacky?"
"Michelle, oh my Michelle!" he greeted dramatically as he stumbled about.
"Zacky maybe you should think about slowing down on the drinking?" I suggested.
"No way man! Oh Michelle, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" he slurred as he threw his arms in the air. The poor guy, he was making such a fool of himself and I could already tell that he had drank enough so he wouldn't be able to remember a single thing the next morning.
"Thanks Zacky." I sighed as I scrunched my nose up at the odour coming from his body.
"Who's the guy?" he attempted to whisper but probably didn't realize that everyone within ten feet of us could hear him.
"This is Gav, he's my date." I replied. "Gavin, uh, this is Zacky."
Once again Gavin just nodded, not speaking a word.
"Michelle, he's lame. You should get back together with Sean!" Zacky slurred even more.
"He's a miserable fuck without you!"
"I'm going to go get a drink Zack." I changed the subject and turned to walk up to the bar. I don't even think Zacky took notice to my departure as he continued to sway around. I could already tell it was going to be a long night.

My mood brightened as I spotted Matt playing the bartender. He smiled as he noticed me approaching and waved.
"Happy birthday Michelle! Drinks on the house." he laughed and poured me a mixture of something.
"Matt, nobody else is paying anyways."
"Well, it sounded nice though didn't it?"
"I guess so." I shrugged as I looked around. I realized Gavin was sitting on the bar stool beside me, I had almost forgotten he was with me!
"Oh Matt, this is Gavin, my date."
"Hey Gavin! Welcome to the Sanders mansion! Want a drink?" Matt welcomed warmly, even adding a smile. Gavin just shook his head no. I don't even think he had spoken a word since we got there.
"Who's all here?" I asked Matt, knowing he would know.
"Well, Leana and Jimmy are over there." he said as he pointed at the couch. Sure enough they were sitting there, deep in conversation. It didn't take them long to realize Matt was pointing at them, causing them to wave. I waved back and smiled as Jimmy mouthed the words 'happy birthday'.
"All right. I've seen you, Zacky, Val... anyone else here?"
"Johnny's somewhere. I couldn't point him out though. Too short, I can't find him throughout the crowds of people!" Matt laughed at his own joke. "Sean's upstairs."
"Why is Sean upstairs?" I asked, curious of what the answer was.
"That bitch hasn't moved out of his room since he came to stay with us." Matt explained as he shook his head back and forth in pity.
"But Matt, how is that possible? It's been over a month." I gasped in disbelief.
"It's Synster fucking Smith. Anything's possible for him!" Matt laughed at his own joke once again but turned his face to serious after a few moments. "Michelle, I think you should go talk to him."
"But Matt..."
"No buts. I'm really worried about him." He sighed in a concerned tone.
"Okay, five minutes. That's it."
"Thank you, Michelle. Really." He smiled and patted me on the back as I stood up.

One thing I disliked about Matt and Val's house was the incredibly long staircase. I thought over words I would say in my head as I walked up them, passing random people along the way.
Shortly after, I was standing in front of his door, contemplating whether I should knock or just let myself in.
I knocked and bit down on my lower lip as I waited for him to answer. After moments I realized that he wasn't going to so I pressed my ear against the door, listening for any sign of life going on in there.
I impatiently knocked again but soon after let myself in.
"Sean?" I called out throughout the disastrous room. It was easy to tell that he had been living in there, it was a complete mess. Beer cans, pizza boxes, among only fuck knows what else littered the floor. The room was completely dark with the exception of a stream of light flowing from under the crack of the bathroom door.
"Sean?" I called out once again, wishing he'd reply sometime soon. Yet again, there was nothing.

My stomach lurched as I sensed something wrong. My eyes quickly scanned every inch of the room, wanting any sign of him. I nearly jumped out of my skin when the pile of blankets on the bed moved about, signalling that he was under them.
"Sean!" I snapped as I pulled the covers back. His head popped into sight and he was sleeping. I stood there with my hands on my hips, trying to decide if I should wake him up or just go back downstairs and say 'well at least I tried!'

I looked over the man who lay before me. He was so innocent looking as he slept but at the same time he appeared miserable. His short blond hair was quite matted and greasy, it wasn't hard to figure out he hadn't showered in a while or kept up any hygiene at all. His lips were chapped, his skin still colourful with ink and his eyebrow stud flashing in the tiny bit of light. I ran my hand over his back, almost wincing at being able to touch and feel his skin again.
"Sean." I sighed for the fourth time.
This time he rolled over with a grunt. His eyelids fluttered open as he looked around, looking for whoever was waking him up. He fixed his gaze on me and lay there for a second, almost as if he were trying to figure out if it was really me standing before him or if his eyes were deceiving him.
"Michelle?"
"Sean, you're a wreck."
"Michelle, what are you doin’ here?"
"It's my birthday remember?"
"How could I forget."
"Yeah well, Matt and Val are holding our party downstairs... Why aren't you down there?"
"I'm miserable. My will to live has completely vanished." he complained as he lifted the blankets back over his head, trying to hide that he was beginning to cry.
"Sean, I've been with you for years. Do you think I can't tell that you're crying?" I laughed.
"Michelle, how can you be so cruel?" he snapped from underneath the covers.
"Sorry." I quickly apologized as I sat on the side of the bed, not really knowing what to say next.
"You need to get out of bed."
"No, no, no." he sighed as he uncovered his head and sat up.
"I don' need that. I need you. I absolutely need you. Without you I'm lower than dirt. You make me... me. I've done a lot of thinkin’ over the past few weeks Michelle, an’ I realize that I fuck up a lot, probably too much. But I can fix that. If you help me, I can fix that."

I sat there for a bit, examining him. I knew he meant every word. And God, I missed him more than anything. Who was I kidding? Even if he was a complete wreck sitting before me, he was the most beautiful thing I had seen in my life. Tears streamed down his face and emotion poured out of his eyes. Those brown eyes pierced right through me.
"I love you Michelle." he whimpered and lay back down.
"I love you too Sean." I broke down and scrambled to be beside him. I threw my arms around his shoulders and rocked him back and forth. The most precious thing in my life right there in my arms. He rested his head on my stomach with his arms around me as well, us both sobbing together over the past month's time lost. Nothing could be heard except for the booming music below us and our sobs between breaths.

This is how you can tell if you love someone and I mean truly love them.

When you're in silence and complete happiness at the same time with someone. The silence is so thick you could cut it with a knife yet it is not one bit awkward. When you don't even need words to know what one another are thinking. When the silence doesn't mean anything to you because you're just happy being in that one guy's arms. That's how, you can tell, if you are truly in love.

The silence was ended with Sean's muffled laughter against my stomach.
"It's amazin’." he smiled as he stroked my side.
"What?"
"When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright."
I smiled as I kissed the top of his head, just holding him tighter then I ever had before. This time, I would never let him slip out of my reach again.