In Heaven

I was typing away at my laptop, hoping to finish my paper for English before the weekend hit. Sighing in frustration, I tapped at the keyboard in an attempt to think of something else to include. One page short....

A knock came at the door. Puzzled, I got up from my bed and went to answer it. Usually, I looked through the peep hole because that was the characteristic of my paranoid self. However, I didn't this time. I opened the door to reveal a man standing in front of me.

It took a moment to process the familiar face and build. A figure I had not seen in almost a decade. He was wearing the red coat with his name embroidered on it, a gift from family friends that my mother had returned to them last year. At first I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me as they widened.

He smiled. “Surprise!” and he did that little cock of his head that I remembered he did when he was in a good mood. I was stunned into silence. Mouth opening and closing as I tried to form words. Tears welled in my eyes at the unbelievability. What was happening? He looked at me, worry clear in his eyes. “You okay, kiddo?”

It was his deep voice that spilled from his lips. The salt-and-pepper hair and blue eyes we shared. Finally, I could produce words. “D-Dad?”

“Who else would it be?” he asked. “Sweetie, are you okay?”

Without words, I collided into him, wrapping my arms around him with all the strength I could. Tears streamed down my face as my body shook uncontrollably. “I've missed you...so much...” I gasped out.

He chuckled. “I missed you too...What's this all about? Are you that homesick?”

I pulled away, wiping furiously at my eyes. “But you're...”

“Hey, don't cry,” he said. “You want to go eat?”

“S-sure...”

“Where? Perkins?”

Perkins was my favorite restaurant; it had become that in the past year since I'd been in college. “Yeah, okay...”

I was unsure how to function. This must be a dream, I thought. There's no way he would stand in front of me like this. Ever. But it all felt so real...

We went to Perkins as he promised. The whole ride there and as we sat across from him, my eyes never left his face. He looked the exact same as he did before he had gotten sick. He kept glancing at me. “You look like you've seen a ghost.”

“Are you...still smoking?”

He looked up at me, surprised. “Of course not. I quit a while ago. You thought I started again?”

“I-I was just making sure,” I said. My whole form was trembling.

“Don't look so upset. Did you not want me to come?”

“No!” I answered quickly. “I'm just...surprised. How's Mom?”

“She's fine. She wanted to come, but she couldn't get off this weekend.”

My mom had a job? “Well, that sucks. What...what are we doing after we eat?”

Dad shrugged. “We can go for a walk. The gardens here look nice.”

“They are. Elena and I went for a walk through them the other day.”

“Elena's the little one, right?”

His question startled me. As if he had been part of my life for the past nine years. “Yes, she is.”

He nodded in approval as he sipped at his coffee. “She seems nice. So does Heidi.”

“Yeah, they're really wonderful friends,” I said.

“So you still obsessed with those Asian men?”

I smiled and nodded. “Yeah, I am. You've heard their stuff?”

“Yeah...you make me listen to them every time you're home.” We both laughed, though I had no memory of such a thing. “They're not bad though. I've heard worse.” I smiled.

Our conversation continued like that for a long while, nearing three hours we sat there and exchanged shit like we would have always done. I lost myself in the moment, feeling like I was talking to an old friend I hadn't see for years. That's what it felt like. He spoke like he had never...left. He knew everything about me, like I had told him myself.

After our late lunch, we went to McCrory Gardens and walked. The whole expanse of flowers, trees, and grass was in its late stages. It was still peaceful and very few people were out because there wasn't much to look at this late in the year. Leaves scattered in front of us as we strode side by side down the path that wound around an old willow.

“I remember when Grandma and Grandpa had a smaller willow in their yard,” I said. “Grandma called it her 'phoenix tree'.”

Dad nodded in reflection. “They miss you.”

The statement made my steps falter. “Do they?”

“Very much.”

The words almost sent tears to my eyes, but I swallowed them and tried to stay happy. “I miss them too,” was all I said.

The sky began to darken and I cursed the short days. We continued to talk; I couldn't get enough of his voice. I had almost forgotten it. Mom always said he had a sexy voice—half the reason she fell in love with him. We discussed mostly about me: school, interests, anything he could think of to bring up we talked about.

My phone buzzed and I reluctantly grabbed it from my pocket when Dad told me to grab it. It was a text from Elena that I ignored; I'd talk to her later. I went to snap the phone shut when the date caught my eye.

November 27

I stared at it before looking at my Dad. He was watching the path ahead of us. A new pain ripped at my heart and I tried desperately to keep it in check. We walked on in the dark, Dad still asking me simple questions. I answered as best as I could. Dread was creeping into my bones.

We got back to the parking lot and I checked my phone.

11:45pm

“Wow, its really late,” I said.

“Sorry about that,” Dad said. “I just wanted to spend some more time with you.”

I nodded. “Yeah, this was fun. Where are you staying tonight?”

An emotion passed over his face that I couldn't read. “I'm leaving tonight,” he said.

“Oh,” was all I said. “When are you coming back?”

“Kylee...” His voice broke. “I'm not coming back.”

I knew it. Tears immediately formed in my eyes and fell. “No...” I shuddered. “No, you can't leave me again!”

“I have to.”

“No!” I shouted, unable to see past the tears that were setting free. “Don't do this to me!” He walked to his car and I lurched after him. I wrapped my arms around his waist. “No, no, no!” I wailed. “Please, stay!”

He continued to walk to the car, dragging me along as he opened the driver's door and bent awkwardly to turn the key on. But he didn't get in. “Let's not waste what time we have left, okay?” I immediately recognized the song playing softly from the radio, “Butterfly Kisses”. It was the song that I wanted at my wedding when I danced with my dad...who wouldn't be around. “I haven't been here through the most important parts of your life. And I won't be around for the rest of them.” His voice was calm and I cried harder. He turned around to look at me. “Can I have this dance?”

A hand on his shoulder and the other in one of his calloused ones. We shuffled around the concrete and I couldn't stop my pitiful sobbing. I glanced up at him and saw his own eyes glistening. My chest was shredding into pieces, heart breaking all over again.

“I'm going to miss you, Daddy.”

“I know, hon,” he said. “But I'm always going to around.”

“Really?”

“How do you think I've known all this about you?” he asked with a slight chuckle. “You told me.” He pulled me closer, his lips pressing against my crown. “You know...one more thing?”

“What?” I croaked, pressing my face into his chest.

He whispered the words I had always begged to hear, “I am so proud of you.”

And he was gone.