Forever; The Devil's Angel

"Do you have any idea whatsoever what he's up to?" Elena asked as she walked in the living room gazing hard at Stefan.

Stefan shrugged, "It's Damon. How do I know?" he flashed his eyebrows.

"I don't know," she sighed, "it's getting weird. He stays locked up in his room all the time and we have no idea of what he's...you know thinking and going through," she said as she sat down besides Stefan and he gently took her hand in his.

"Maybe, it's his idea of coping. You know," he took a deep breath, "After he remembered everything and all. It had to be hard, Elena."

"I know and that's what worrying me, Stefan. I mean, it's Damon we're talking about. He doesn't cope like that."

"Well, he can't exactly go on a killing spree, now that he's not a vampire," Stefan interjected.

"Yes, but he's not drinking either. You know that's his favorite...sorrow drown-er," she paused, "Or whatever," she waved her hand. She sighed and licked her lips, "Will you please, go check on him or something?" she frowned.

He kissed the top of her head, "Ok, I'll try again," he said as he got up from the couch and went upstairs to Damon's room.

"What...is it, Stef?" Damon yelled from inside, his voice firm and clear.

"Damon, we need to talk," Stefan replied, scratching his head.

We need to talk. That's all they've been saying since he recovered from the initial shock of his memories. He was sad and hurt. He was angry and pissed as hell but he was thankful and satisfied and then, he missed her terribly. Everything made sense to him now. What happened to him? Where she was? She had been watching over him, he knew that. He saw her in Italy, at the club when Annalisa told him she was Maya. He knew she wasn't. The way he felt with her, how he lost himself in her that could only be his angel, his Mia.

"I love you, Damon," the words brought a smile to his lips, it was bittersweet, getting his memories back. He could feel the pain of them but he could relish in the small moments he spent with her. The way she looked at him as if he was all she hoped for. The way she held onto him after her every nightmare. The way she was genuinely surprised when he took interest in her life. The way she touched him and kissed him, the way she melted in his arms. Everything tugged at his heart but brought a smile to his face every time.

He also knew the details of her life that they didn't knew before. Her family. That was the phone number that repeated itself in his mind all the time. The Markowitz. It was her real family, the one Katherine took away from her. He could go meet them but he still didn't know what he would say to them.

Damon opened the door and looked at Stefan, his expression, annoyed. "What is it?" he stared hard at Stefan who stood there shocked, his eyes wide, the words stuck in his throat.

Stefan broke the eye contact and blinked slowly to give himself a moment to gather his thoughts. Damon had never been the polite one but he had lost his edge since he had become human and the coldness in his voice took him by surprise.

Stefan knitted his eyebrows. "I-uh...how are you doing?" he asked finally.

“Fine,” Damon rolled his eyes. Fine…it was all he had to think about himself. It was all fine. He was fine. Mia was fine. Having memories of her was fine but he knew better. It was to answer their questions, to console his ever breaking heart that the world was not falling apart when it so obviously was and there was nothing he could do about it.

Stefan cocked his head to the side and raised his eyebrows, clearly not buying into the pathetic lie. The look sent a spurt of anger to flow through Damon as he scrunched his nose in disgust, “Well! What do you think, genius?” he spat the words and turned around to walk back into the room.
And just like that, Stefan knew Damon was truly back, his behavior, his attitude. All that was missing was his fangs and he could be what he was four years back when he came to Mystic Falls.

“You can’t blame us for worrying?” Stefan replied as he followed Damon into the room.

“You don’t have to. It’s not your freakin’ problem,” Damon replied without turning back.

“It is. You’re my brother and I…” Stefan started but Damon turned to face him. “Where’s it coming from? The sudden urge to become brothers again?” Damon asked, his tone harsh but there was undertone of vulnerability and Stefan held on to that. He needed him.

Stefan sighed, “We know you’re hurting, Damon. We all are…”

“Hurt is for weak, Stefan,” Damon said as if him hurting was a thing out of this world.

“Don’t do this,” Stefan took a step forward, his stride determined, “Don’t let this hurt change you into what you were before. Don’t let it change you, Damon. We’ve come so far.”

“Isn’t changing a part of evolution?” Damon asked raising his eyebrows, “Survival of the fittest?” he continued, “What do they teach in school nowadays? Don’t they have biology or something that…”

“Don’t be what you were before she touched you,” Stefan raised his voice, cutting him off, “Don’t reverse that. Don’t reverse her or the change she brought in you. Don’t erase her like that, Damon,” his voice was low now, sympathetic and it hit Damon on all the right chords.

The room was suddenly getting smaller, the walls coming around him, suffocating him and there was no place he could escape to, no place where he could hide.

“What’s my fault?” he asked in a broken voice and it tugged at Stefan’s heart. He knew his words had hit home but he wanted Damon to be stronger, not break down and watching him now, he saw his brother breaking down which was a shock to his system.

“No. None of it was your fault,” Stefan started but stopped suddenly when Damon dropped himself on bed with a heavy thud and clasped his hands on his knees, bracing himself, his eyes wide with unshed tears.

“Why? Why does this…this world,” he took a deep breath, “Why me? What did I do? Why they hate me…so much?” he asked again, not caring for an answer but the words just tumbled out of his mouth and he wasn’t in control anymore.

“Yes, I did a lot of things in my time but,” his voice broke again as he stared at the floors, the images and memories of what he used to be flashing in his eyes, “does no one care for intentions anymore? Do they not matter?”

“Damon,” Stefan was on verge of breaking himself. Damon was everything he wanted to be when they were humans, when they were brothers but it all had changed when Katherine entered the picture but now, after so many years, he could see the glimpse of his long lost brother, his long lost idol.

“Anyone who cares…this little about me,” he held his index finger and thumb a centimeter apart, “leaves…or die and others…they never try, never care. They don’t just for a second stand to see…” he drew in a shaky breath as a single tear escaped his eye and Stefan crouched in front of him, understanding everything, understanding him.

Stefan put his hand on Damon’s and wait for him to look at him. The words were far from him. It was so hard to digest this side of Damon but it was unraveling and he didn’t know what to do, “You don’t let them care either,” he said, “And well, they’re also blind.”

Damon chuckled without humor and patted Stefan’s shoulder and he was taken back a hundred years when Damon would appreciate him whenever he accomplished something, when Damon taught him things, shared and cared and loved him and mainly showed it with his every action, every word.

Damon turned serious again, “Because caring strayed them from me and it hurts more,” he said and surprised even himself with the admission, with pure honesty. Stefan was stunned into silence, understanding his brother for the first time. He thought he did but the realization of his words just hit him and he didn’t know what to do with these thoughts that had circled Damon’s mind for years.

When Stefan didn’t say anything, Damon continued, “Mother cared,” he said remembering her smile, her eyes whenever she talked to him about his brother. He remembered how ill she was, how weak and pale.

‘You’ll take care of him, wouldn’t you darling?” his mother asked him and he always nodded, “Do you know what your name means, Damon?” she asked him and he shook his head, sitting beside his mother, holding her hand, “It means to subdue and to save. You’ll be a savior, my boy. You’ll bring salvation and you’ll keep control because you’re strong. You’re my Damon, my boy and you’ll be strong to keep others strong.”

“She died,” Stefan completed for him, bringing him out of past, “and you never let father care.”

Damon gave him a single nod thinking about his time with his father in contrast with his mother. “Then Katherine, Elena…” Damon smiled sadly, “You even had Lexi,” he said thinking about things he never had.

“You had Rose very much like my Lexi,” Stefan pointed out almost suddenly and then regretted it, because just like Damon said, she left too.
“Had,” Damon clarified, “She died,” he sighed, “And then Alaric and even Andy. I never meant for her to get hurt, you know,” he shrugged remembering her and how he never wanted her to be casualty.

“She was my fault,” Stefan said taking burden for that, trying to take away some of the guilt his brother had.

“Doesn’t matter, Stef. She’s gone,” he said and sighed, “And now…Mia,” his heart pinched, “She deserved more than this evil devil anyway,” he said and smiled sadly because no matter she deserved him or not, her absence still hurt like hell.

“She couldn’t deserve any better than you,” Stefan said, “She loved you, Damon.”

And where did it got her? He wanted to ask but instead he closed his eyes and basked in the warmth of the words, ‘I love you Damon. Always have.’ If only those words could be enough.

He opened his eyes and sighed as he patted Stefan’s shoulder and stood up, “Ok, enough of the pity party,” he said and looked over at the table, “Now, what did you bring me?” he asked with a smile, a genuine, warm smile.

Stefan smiled back, feeling light in so many years and stood up and went over to the table and poured whiskey he brought for Damon in two glasses and handed him one, “To the strength that love bring us,” Stefan raised his glass to show Damon that he was strong and a good man despite everything he had been through. That he still had courage to wake up morning and smile and care silently for everyone.

Damon raised his eyebrows at him, “I was going to say, ‘the fool that love makes us and the bad stuff it brings’ but I’ll drink to that,” he clicked his tongue and winked at his brother, letting him know that he understood perfectly what he was trying to do and thanking him in his own twisted way.

‘To being brothers again,’ Stefan wanted to say, ‘To the girl who made you open up and lighten your heart.’ He wanted to say but he kept quiet as he silently prayed for everything his brother had lost but mostly for Mia to return in some way, anyway.