Forever; The Devil's Angel

"So, Cam kind of kicked me out," Mia said as she entered the mansion. She tried to keep her tone as causal as she could. She didn't want him to apologize which she knew he would. She had given him enough time and she knew him, he would've gathered his thoughts by now. She shook her head and smiled, "I don't know what had gotten into him though. He was acting pretty weird," she said as she came forward to hug Damon from back, her arms encircling his waist as she rested her cheek on the back of his shoulder.

Damon was standing by the fire place, staring hard at it like it was a solution to some puzzle, like it would hold some kind of answer he needed. Her voice was a soothing balm to him but it was a ringing bell to their end. The way she hugged him, he didn't want her to move ever...the pain from her contact was too much to bear yet, he craved it.

Listening to his silent breathing, Mia tensed a little. She knew he was worried. After all, she just left him like that. "Are you doing better?" she asked softly as she held him tighter to herself, trying to take the darkness away.

He clenched his eyes shut and gave her a mechanical nod. Taking a deep breath, he held her hand and turned to face her, putting some distance between them. The way he held her away from him pinched at Mia's heart but she didn't comment on that. He was suffering and she wanted to take that away first. "Damon, look. I know that it was not what..." she started but he raised his eyes to her, stone cold and Mia felt a shiver run through her body and it was not the good kind as she looked at him and tilted her head to a side.

"No, you were right," he said quickly and Mia waited for the rest of his sentence, her heart picking its pace. It wasn't good. She knew it wasn't good. The look in his eyes was terrifying and it chilled her to bones. It was hopelessness, utter defeat, something she had never seen before. He was Damon for crying out loud. He never surrendered, gave up but the defeat in his eyes was unmistakable.

"Damon?" she said in a low, shrill voice.

"No, I said you were right," he repeated, nodding his head, "It was wrong to kill those people," he said as he averted his gaze, looking behind her. Ok, that was not what she wanted him to apologize for. She didn't want any of it but now that he was apologizing, it shouldn't have been for this. He was going to blame himself, she knew it. It was something he always did when he wasn't feeling well. Good thing, she knew about that little fact. She knew she could put up with that behavior.

"It was but..." she started and put her hands on his shoulders.

"There's no but, Mia," he yelled and jerked her hands away as he took a step back. Her eyes flashed hurt. It was crystal clear but he knew that was what he needed to do, to hurt her enough to make her hate him. "It was wrong and I did it. I'm responsible for it and it was wrong. Don't defend me," he hissed through his teeth as he glared at her.

Mia was shocked to the core. He was upset, she knew but he wouldn't push her away like that. It wasn't like him. No, it wasn't like him at all. There had to be something else. There was something that she was missing and then it clicked her.

Mia shook her head in disbelief, her eyes brows raised, "Cam?" It wasn't a question. She knew it had to be him, "Cam said something to you?" she asked, taking a step forward to reach out to him.

"Huh," Damon smiled a disbelieving smile, "It means he thinks so too."

Mia shook her head slowly, denying his statement, "Nobody thinks anything, Damon. Only you do and...wrongly," she said. Why did she had to be so caring and understanding? Why was it her that could be the only person for him? She looked so fragile standing there, her brown cascade of hair tumbling down, framing her face. He wanted nothing more to touch her but what he wanted to do and what he needed to do were two different things.

He mustered up his courage. You need to protect her. You need to protect her, he kept chanting, drawing the strength from the words. "You can't justify me killing those people," he screamed at her and saw her flinch.

He hated it. He hated it more than anything. He didn't want to hurt her and that's exactly what he was doing. The truth was not only that he knew he was going to hurt her despite his wish but he also knew that it was going to hurt him more, that every word that got out of his mouth was like sandpaper against his tongue, brutally injuring him.

"I'm not justifying," she said calmly, "I'm just saying that if I were at your place, I would have probably done the same thing. I'm not a saint, Damon and I understand that. I know I would have killed anyone to keep you," she said, "If that was the price, I would have done it."

He would have done it too. Hell, he even did but he shook his head. I can't do it. I can't be with you at the price of your life, angel. Whole world and I would give them away in a heartbeat but not you. I can't let them kill you.

"No, you wouldn't have," he shook his head, "Because no matter how much you say, you're not this person. You're not the person that I am and I know it. I know it for a fact, Mia that if it were someone else instead of me, you would have hated him. No, you would have loathed him and had probably killed him by now."

"But I don't," she screamed now, squaring her shoulders as she met his eyes equally, "I don't because I love you and I know that you love me," she said and Damon's heart skip a beat. He didn't know if he wanted to hear that now. To hear that she loved him or not because he was pushing her away. Whatever the reasons maybe, he was hurting her. "And I accept that it was wrong but it was the only choice and I would have..."

"You're the one who told me there's always a choice, we just take the easy way out," Damon argued, "Whatever it is between us, Mia," he took a step forward, "it's changing you and I don't want that."

"You don't want me?" she questioned as her voice faltered and Damon almost reached out to comfort her, to tell her that she was the best thing that ever happened to him, that she was perfect and that he wanted her so much, it hurt him. "You don't like this new me?" She asked again. How could a change be so bad that the other person couldn't like you anymore? She didn't understood it. What had changed?

His insides were twisting in pain. Make her believe it. Make her believe that she isn't good enough for you anymore. Make her believe the lie. Just say no and she'll go away, she’ll leave you and be safe but his mind was screaming, his heart aching and he closed his eyes. Self-control. He needed his self-control but he couldn't find it as he blurted out the next words, "I don't think I can ever undo, no matter who you are."

Damn it, Damon, he scolded himself. Why are you prolonging the pain? Why not just let go? He had to think of something else now because apparently his first technique wasn't working out too well for him.

"Then what's the problem, Damon? What's the problem?" she whispered in hopelessness, throwing her hands in the air. He just told her that he loved her. Not in the exact words but they hit the mark. She couldn't understand why he was doing this when he clearly didn't want to shut her like that. She didn't even know why they were arguing now or what was it all about. All she could see was the darkness that was enveloping them.

"The problem is that I can't turn you into a shadow of me. I can be selfish for you, Mia but not with you," he said in a raised voice. He just hoped it would work.

"I don't care, Damon," she persisted as she took a step towards him, the chocolate in her eyes swirling and shimmering. She wanted him so badly to understand, to let go of his demons. Something flashed in his eyes and it gave her hope, a sliver of it that maybe, if she kept trying they'll get there.

He knew about her persistence and stubbornness. He was ready for it. All prepared for that battle. "But I do and it's not the only reason," he said softly, putting another card on the table for her.

Mia held her breath, watching him carefully. Her heart gave a painful pinch and she felt dizzy. Where were they going? "The only reason for what?" she asked curious, afraid knowing beforehand she wasn't going to like the answer but she had to know. Her heart was hammering and her insides were screaming. She wasn't sure what to say or what to do. She could feel herself shaking, her palms sweating.

He knew what she was asking. In a very simple way, she was asking if he was breaking up with her and he could've just nodded and let it be over with but holding her in front of him was a little better than the other perspective of not seeing her at all. "You didn't take the drink. You're forever going to be an angel. I'm not going to actually ever have you, Mia. We can't and you know it," he sighed, "I think it’s better..."

"Don't, Damon," she gasped, finally understanding the reason for his outburst as she staggered back. Damon moved reflexively to catch her but stopped himself in time, pulling his arms back as he crossed them at his chest and clenched his hands into a fist.

This was the real reason he was pushing her away for. It was all nonsense about him changing her. He was never changing her, he just made her get out of her own comfort zone and experience things in a different way. He challenged her, vitalized her. He gave her meaning.

Seeing him retract, Mia exploded as she fixed him with her glare. “Don’t you dare,” she screamed as she took a step forward towards him and pushed him with all her might but he didn't even flinch taking on her assault. "Don't you dare do this," she screamed again, tears pooling in her eyes.

Anger. He was ready for it too. It was easier to take than her hopeless eyes and broken voice. She looked breathtaking in her fury and he wanted to gather her in his arms and tell her how she was the best part of his life. "I love it when you're here, Mia but I think...I think it'll be better when you're gone."

Mia looked at him, shocked, her wide eyes oozing with disbelief when she finally spoke. "You don't want this," she said through her teeth, "I know you don't," she drew in a shaky breath, "Why are you doing this, Damon?" she asked again in a small whisper, her voice rough with clogging tears. There it was again, the heartbreak, so apparent in her eyes and he wished for death. It would've been easy to die than cause her that kind of pain. Damn immortality.

"To protect myself," he simply stated, "I have to do that." He could just turn it off but he knew that as much as he had to stay away from her, she needed him too and now more than ever.

"Damon, you..." It hurt. It hurt so much whenever she said his name, called out to him like he would save her from himself, like it was an illusion and saying his name in that prayer like manner will bring back his good old soul.

"I have every right to save myself, Mia and to do that I have to let you go," he argued, raising his voice as he turned his cold eyes on her. It chilled her to bones. She was shaking already. Be strong, Mia. You can do this. She was willing herself to be strong but she couldn't stop the shaking, not knowing that he was chanting the same thing in his mind, for her to be strong.

"But..."

"You staying here just hurts. Seeing you every day just hurts. I think it's best to let go," he said boring into her eyes.

"I can't. I can't let go," she almost sobbed but he shrugged as if he couldn't do something about it, as if it was easy for him, "And you can't either. I know it, Damon. I can see it in your eyes," she argued. She almost ran to him and took his face in her hands. He could feel her shaking, her strong heartbeat plummeting in her chest, her uneven breathing.

"Mia," he sighed and put his hands above hers. He felt the wall he had built for himself crumbling down at her touch. Every ounce of strength he had gathered for himself for this very moment dissipating into thin air until there was nothing but his feelings for her. The love he felt for her, the protectiveness and the need. All those feelings rushed into him, colliding with him and he let it wash over him.

"I can see that you're hurting just as much as me," she said in a low voice, "You don't want to let go. So, tell me what's wrong?" she asked, "Please, just tell me the truth because I know what you're saying is not..."

"You don't know anything," he shook his head and stepped away from her as he watched her arms fall to her sides and she shut her eyes as a single tear escaped. How could she know? Or understand? She wouldn't believe it. Damn it, he still couldn't believe it.

"Then, tell me," she hung her head, facing the floor but her eyes remained shut, "Tell me, Damon. Trust me with the truth at least."

"Mia..." he said in a defeated tone as if he couldn't provide her a sensible, valid reason and it infuriated her. What the hell was wrong with him? Why was he doing this? Breaking her completely after he made sure that he was the only best thing about her?

"You owe me that," she screamed, "After everything that we've been through, you owe me that," her eyes spoke volumes for everything she wasn't saying and it tore at his heart. Was it possible to love someone that much that you were totally incapable of hating the person even when the time called for it? It would be so easy for her crushed heart to hate him but she couldn't muster up that much bitterness against him.

"I'm sorry," he said listening to her uneven breathing as she stared hard at him.

Mia waited for him to say something else but when his empty eyes stared at her with no emotion in them what so ever, she got scared, terrified at the possibility of what was running through her mind. "No, no, Damon," she went to touch his face, trying to bring him back almost desperately, "Don't you dare shut me out. You do and it's over," she paused, "For good," she bit her tongue at her babbling. She was all over the place.

"That's what I'm asking," he said in a monotone, "We were never meant to be anyway. It should've been Cam. You should've chosen him...he was a better choice."

Every word that flowed from his lips angered her by the mere second. Her patience with him already was running out but hearing such a sentence set her on fire as pure rage boiled in her body. She couldn't comprehend her actions. The only thought running through her head was to make him shut up. Pursing her lips, she lifted her hand and made contact with his cheek.

The whipping sound bounced off the walls as it reached her ears. She clutched her hand at her side, the pain radiating from her hand reaching the fingertips. He was shocked as he gently touched his face where she had slapped him. He didn't know his naive, innocent angel could do such a thing but he probably deserved it. Bringing in Cam like that was really hitting below the belt.

"I don't know what's wrong with you," she said, "But you don't get to tell me who I should and shouldn't love," she hissed as she turned back, her heart breaking, her vision blurring with the unshed tears but he was letting her go too easily. He didn't want her. Damn it, he said she should've gone for Cam, like she felt an ounce with Cam in comparison to what she felt by just hearing Damon's name.

Please, stop. Don't go, his heart was screaming its silent pleas as he watched her march off in anger. Stop me, Damon, please. Tell me it was just a sick joke, she was thinking but to no avail because the voice they both wanted to hear more than their next breath didn't come. He just stood there frozen watching her leave, tears welling up in his eyes. It's for the best. It's for the best.

Mia wiped her tears from the back of her hand, her head hurt like hell but it didn't come close to what her heart was going through. It was like her body was in withdrawal already without him but she kept moving. Foot after foot, she could make it outside. She turned around to look at him for the last time, "Congratulations, Damon. You got what you wanted," she said bitterly, trying to keep her pride.

If you only knew the truth, Mia. If you only knew, he thought sadly as he faced away from her, his eyes finding the same kind of fire dancing in front of his eyes, the one he was burning in.