Numbers.

*Oli's P.O.V*

"Oli's, what?!" Vic says, giving an extra sharp emphasize to the 'what' causing me to flinch in Mike's arms. He finally gave into his real emotions, and it made me extremely nervous...

Pulling my face from my boyfriend's chest, I look up at Vic. "Its fine, r-really." I say softly, bringing a hand up to wipe the fallen tears from my eyes and cheeks.

"No, its not." Jaime says, all of a sudden getting angry too. Why were they all getting so upset? I didn't mean to cause this. All of them were amazing, happy people and I managed to piss them off. Good work, Sykes.

'They want you dead. But you never seem to go away, do you?'

"W-what caused this?" Tony asks, cautiously glancing over to his friends, their anger obviously making him feel uncomfortable too, although he was in the same kind of rage just minutes before. He just looked so hurt. And I think that was what made me feel like absolute shit overall.

"I don't know." I lie quietly, slipping my hand over my leg to wrap my fingers around Mike's for comfort. "It's a constant struggle."

"Why weren't you there for him?!" Vic cries out, glaring at his brother like he wanted to slit his throat. Even though he never would.

"Can we all just calm down? We really-" Josh begins, but Jaime leans over and whispers something in his ear. He responds with a brief nod and leans back in his seat, uncomfortably picking at his nails. We were kind of alike in a way...

"I was out with you!" Mike snaps back, practically steaming out of the ears, all the extra commotion putting him even further on edge.

"W-what?" Vic looks taken back, staring wide-eyed at me and sympathy fills his eyes. Anything but that, anything...I didn't want sympathy, nor did I deserve it.

"Stop," I mumble lightly, looking up to Mike. "W-when can we l-leave?" I was practically begging with him, and I would do absolutely anything to be back in our little apartment and wrapped in his arms.

"Ask Vic." He replies flatly, glaring intently at his brother. I turn to Vic, realizing he was still looking at me.

"When c-can we leave?" I practically squeaked, my voice wavering and weak.

"I'm really sorry, Oli. I know you probably want to get out of here...This'll only take a few more minutes." Vic smiles normally this time, and it puts some of my nerves to ease. His gaze falls away from mine, and I wonder what he's looking at. I follow his path of sight to find Jenna returning with food and drinks. I immediately looked down into my lap. It wasn't worth getting tempted.

'Eat something. I dare you.'

I almost shook my head, in response but I realized how odd it would look if I was sitting here having a conversation with myself. Nobody knew about the Voice and I decided to keep it that way. I didn't want to be locked away in the hospital, or asylum. I wasn't going to take a single risk, even if it meant cutting off my largest addiction. I had been clean for over a year, there was no way I was falling back into it over a meal. I worked too hard for this. It wouldn't be fair to myself, and I knew I would get crazily addicted again. And yes, I'm talking about self-harm. In the form of 'cutting' would probably be the best way to describe it.

I zoned out once more. Ignoring the voices, clanks of dishes, and the opening of straw wrappers. Nothing was getting in the way of my dream. It was still quite a bit of weight to lose, but I would get there. I was one-hundred and sixty pounds. Eventually, if things went as planned, I would be one-hundred and ten. My goal weight since tenth grade. Soon...

"You alright?" Mike asks, looking over at me. I look up to meet his gaze, and find that his eyes are much softer and relaxed.

"Perfect," I answer, smiling at him before leaning up to whisper in his ear. "Y'know, you are so fucking beautiful." I pull away to find a bright pink blush painted across his cheeks, and a slightly surprised look on his face.

"You think so?" He whispers down to me, a dopey smile formed across his lips.

"Of course I do." I reply, giving him a kiss on the tip of his nose, hoping that he was enjoying the extra affection I had been showing him. Because I was.

"Baby!" He giggles, wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me in even closer to him, something I had happily obliged with.

We sort of broke out of our little trance and found the entire table staring at us. Vic was beaming brightly, looking like he'd never seen two people in a relationship before. Well, maybe it was because Mike and I were each other's first, and hopefully only love.

"So, uh," Mike begins awkwardly and clears his throat, his hand beginning to get sweaty and shaky in mine. Aw, cute. "When do we fly down?"

"In a day," Vic begins, that happy look still not off of his face, godammit. "Sorry for the uh, short notice. It just seems like you two have been busy lately."

"N-not really," I reply quietly, looking back up at Mike for backup. "Right, sweetheart?"

He blushes once more, before gathering himself and building off of what I was saying. "Yeah, basically just lounging around."

We hear a bit giggling and look over to find Tony and Jaime whispering and laughing. They both just look genuinely happy, and the expression on both of their faces is just...nice to see on other people. Especially Tony, since I rarely see him looking so lively and energetic. Then again, I barely speak and I practically drown in self loathing. So we're about even.

"How long will y-you be gone?" I ask shakily, feeling my heart begin to pound again as I awaited his answer.

"Uh, five days." Vic replies, awkwardly fidgeting in his seat, as my eyes grew wide and I had to refrain from letting my jaw hit the floor. Mike felt the same, because he pulled me in even closer and held me tighter.

"This is gonna be longest we've ever been apart." He whispers to his brother, sounding as though he was fighting back tears, as was I. The tense in my chest was almost unbearable and I felt like sobbing again. Alone. The word haunted me and I knew I wouldn't last that long without taking a blade to my wrist. No matter how much I tried to fight it.

"I know, Mikey," Vic answers, his eyes beginning to gloss over as well. He couldn't start crying. I'd probably lose all sense of sanity and break into a panic attack. "We have to go see her...He can't come with?"

"We don't h-have enough m-money." Mike says, his voice wavering, about to break into sobs at any second. I wanted to comfort him so badly, but I simply couldn't. My mental state wasn't in any sort of a better condition, there was no point. "H-he can't b-be alone, V-Vic."

"I know," Vic says, miserably resting his head on his hands, and remaining quiet. I assumed that he was trying to think of a solution, although I wasn't sure if there was one.

"I'll stay with him." Josh says quietly, everyone responding differently.

My head shoots up, and I find that he was already staring at me. And my heart began to race.