Words

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I swam at the beach we used to go to, while thinking about all the things we let go. Love is nothing more than an illusion we create so that we won’t be lonely. That was what you used to say, but I believed that what we had was so much stronger. It was way further than in love. Our hearts, souls, bodies and minds were connected with the red thread of destiny, just like in the old Japanese fairytales.

The connection between us was strong from the very beginning. You were pulling me to you, like a magnet. You made me feel what it’s like to be really in love with someone and on top of that so deeply. I closed my eyes and tried to hide my face by covering it with my hands. I kept hearing your voice in my head telling me everything would be alright while it wasn’t. It made me feel better hearing the lies you said to me with that sweet voice of yours which sent shivers down my spine. But they were just that…lies.

My eyes were closed and yet our memories played before me like a movie. We were so happy together…at least I thought we were. But really, were we? I guess every good story has to have a sad part too, and we had found ours too soon.

I took my hands off my face and got out of the sea. I picked up my towel from my bag and covered myself, drying my body. I grabbed my things and walked barefooted towards our house. Once I was inside, I turned the lights on and threw the bag on the armchair you loved to sit in when you were reading. I threw the sandals to the side and I sat there, not caring if the armchair gained the smell of sea. And again, just like before, my mind traveled to you.

I should have realized that no matter how strong I thought our love was, missing you would win in the end and it would cost me you. I honestly wanted to scream how much I missed you and how much I regretted fighting with you. I should have never fought with you because you went to university in Canada. It was your dream and I should have never been so selfish. Long distance relationships never worked if there was no love involved, and even if love was there, it was still hard. I should have understood.

There was a pain in my heart and my tears kept running down my face, each tear trying to outrun the other. I got up and opened the front door. I stood outside, letting the cold air hug my skin. I turned my hands to fists and yelled, ‘’I fucking miss you,’’ to the night sky which kept company to the moon like a loyal dog.

‘’I miss you too,’’ came your voice from behind me, and when I turned around my tears didn’t stop. I touched your face making sure you weren’t another illusion my mind had created. I felt the cold skin under my fingertips and then my lips found yours, and the smile which was long forgotten was back on my face.