We Feel Like Dead Ends

The snow landed on Jack’s bony shoulders, settling like the dandruff he knew he should wash out. Eventually. With his hands deep in his pockets, hunched over against the biting weather, he trudged a pathway through the drifts at the edges of the school. His path hugged the walls of the building, almost to the point where his arm was scraping against the rough concrete.

“Hi, Jack!” Someone called out to him from the parking lot.
“Can’t say that on an airplane.” He muttered before turning around, pivoting on his heels. A girl leaned against the hood of a black car, blonde hair spilling out of her snapback. She looked as unprepared for this weather as he was, standing there in only a plaid shirt and black jeans with holes in the knees -but this time, it was for style. The girl had a book in one hand, a finger stuck in it to hold her page, and one cheap apple ear bud in her left ear (or right ear. He wasn’t very specific when he told me. Maybe she had both of them in. Who knows?) The black car probably wasn’t hers; she only looked 15 or so.

“Jack? Fuck, that probably isn’t you. Sorry.” She grimaced, then stuck her nose back in her book. Figuratively. Her book was on her lap, not in her face. Jack almost cracked a smile. She seemed awkward enough to be nice. He walked towards her and she looked up again.
“You’re here to laugh at me now, aren’t you?” She said. This time, Jack heard the sound of an accent in her voice. “Look, sorry that I called you by the wrong name.”
“No,” Jack shook his head. “I am Jack. Jack Barakat. Do I, uh, know you or…”
The girl laughed. A nice laugh, Jack noticed. The sort of laugh that lightens the mood of anything.
“I’m Jenna. Jenna McDougall. I’m sort of new here, if you can call it that.” She smiled as she spoke, finally folding over the page in her book and looking at him straight on. “They’re not wrong, you know. You do look as if you’re dead.”
Jack almost laughed in black humour.
It’s not me that’s dead, he thought miserably.
“Yeah, well.” He turned to go. Already, she was making him think of Alex. It didn’t take much those days. Sometimes even the way Pete said hi at his locker sounded like Alex.

“Look, mate. I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I just- well, you look pretty broken to me.” Australian. This Jenna girl was definitely Australian. Jack didn’t answer. Because she was right, he was far more broken than he let on.
“Shit, dude, I screwed up again. Honestly, I shouldn’t be allowed to talk to people.”

She talked a lot. This was a fact. But hey, Alex talked a lot too, quite a bit more than normal. He spoke to fill silences, he spoke to interrupt Jack himself, and he spouted strange space facts every chance he got. What a weirdo, Jack had always thought.
But he’s my weirdo. A weirdo who was gone- no. We’re not going there. Not yet… sorry.

“Hey, Jack. You okay?” Jenna didn’t touch him like Vinny had, thank god. But the concerned look in her eyes was enough.
“I’m fine.” He murmured. She didn’t look convinced. “So.. um, what’re you listening to?” He gave an effort to change the subject. Jack didn’t expect her to be listening to anything he liked. Not a girl who was reading The Fault in Our Stars, by the look of the book jacket. She probably had Lana Del Ray singing through her headphones. At best, maybe Lights.
“Oh, Paramore.” She reached into her jean pockets and pulled out her iPod. She switched on the screen and flashed him the album cover. “Last Hope. One of the better songs on their self-titled album, at least in my opinion.”

“Paramore.” He stared at her in disbelief. Paramore. That was impressive. But then again, it was their self-titled album. And, let’s be perfectly honest here. It wasn’t nearly as impressive as their old stuff.
“Yep. Although,” Jenna glanced at his shirt. “I think I have some Blink 182 on here, too.” Now he was interested.
“Really?” She nodded enthusiastically.
“Stay Together for the Kids is my favourite.” She grinned, pausing Paramore mid-song and wrapping her ear pods around her iPod before stuffing it into her pocket.
“I… uh I like I Miss You the best…” He hummed the song to himself. He rarely ever told anyone about why he loved I Miss You so much. He rarely even told anyone that he liked it or acknowledged its existence as one of the best Blink 182 songs.
“Even though it’s sort of overrated.” He added as a precaution. Blink 182 could never be overrated.
“Nah, I never really mind how overrated things are. Like this book,” She shook her bag slightly. “My friend lent it to me, and it’s good, but I don’t get why everyone’s so obsessed. I liked Looking for Alaska ten times better.” She glanced at him, then snuck a look at her watch.

“Look, mate, I sort of have to go.” Jenna pushed some of her hair behind her ear and lifted her bag over her shoulder. Her eyes darted to the corner of the school for a split second. “But, here, text me tonight?” She pulled a pen from a side pocket of her bag and scribbled a number down on the back of Jack’s hand. He nodded silently. She flashed him a quick smile as she walked away. Jack frowned slightly as the frozen wind carried a distinctively Australian murmur his way.
“Doesn’t talk much. And is definitely as dead as he looks.”