These Words to Her

"Peter, wait!" I called, rushing out of the cafe after him. "Let me explain."

He only stopped when he reached his car. His expression was eerily calm but I knew he was anything but calm. "Let you explain? How can I trust another word that leaves your mouth? You've lied to me from the start."

I knew that meeting with Brian and Michelle would do me no good, and it turned out that I was right. I only came to the cafe because Peter said that he thought it was a good idea and even if I didn't go, he would go and talk with them and Hannah. Of course, I knew that if I wasn't there things would be said that I really didn't want him to know, but, as it turned out, they were also said while I was there. So I pretty much met up with them just for them to continue ruining my life. Fantastic.

To make matters ever better, Hannah decided not to turn up so that we could just talk as parents and child, but clearly that was not a good idea on her part. Honestly, I don't even think that was her idea. She knows how much I dislike having to speak with them, and she also knew that with her around I was more likely to behave in terms of how I responded to them. I bet Michelle asked her not to come. It sounds like something she would do.

"I didn't mean to," I said, scratching at my arm. "but you never asked at the start, so I never told. Then when you did ask, I knew the truth would make you run a mile."

"You've just turned seventeen and we met two years ago. Any sane person would have," he retorted, crossing his arms over his chest. "What were you thinking?"

I threw my hands up in the hair in exasperation. "I don't know, okay? Is that what you want to hear? Or would you prefer to hear me admit that I have issues and couldn't let you go?"

"Well maybe if you opened up to me we wouldn't be having this discussion right now," he replied.

He was right, I knew he was, but I didn't know how I could open up to him and still face him like normal. How do you tell someone all your dirty secrets and still expect them to look at you the same? It's not even just that which stops me from being truthful. How would I know that everything would remain the same? It probably wouldn't, and I don't know how I would deal with that. It still sometimes got to me thinking about how Hannah knew what had happened in my childhood and probably still thought about it now.

Before I could reply, he spotted something behind me and grew annoyed. "Haven't you done enough?" he snapped, making me turn and see Brian and Michelle heading towards us.

"We only wanted to talk," Michelle began, but Peter cut her off.

"I often wondered why Nicole hated her parents so much, and guess what? Spending all of five minutes with you has shown me why." His words shocked me, and presumably them as well. After discovering my lies, I didn't expect him to side with me.

"Now just hold on a minute."

Peter continued without letting Michelle speak. "And, maybe if you got off your pedestal for five seconds, you'd see how damaged your relationship is with her and stop making it worse," he snapped before turning to me. "I need to have some time to think." And with that, he got into his car and drove away. Leaving me alone with Brian and Michelle. If Hannah had joined us, I doubt it would have turned out like this. It seemed that whenever Hannah wasn't around, things always went sour. I could never understand why, and even now I didn't. Do I always need her around to have things turn out alright?

"What have you been telling him?" Brian demanded, making me turn and face them. He looked furious for some unknown reason, and glancing down I saw that he'd clenched his fists. It reminded me of the last time I was alone with Michelle when I provoked her to hit me. I wondered if he would do that in public.

Michelle placed a hand on his arm but he shook it off. "Brian," she warned, but it fell on deaf ears.

"Why can't you just be a decent daughter for once? All we've ever had with you are problems, and I'm sick of it!"

"Maybe you should have aborted me then!"

"I wish we had," he snapped, and Michelle immediately clasped a hand to her mouth.

An unfamiliar feeling seeped into my heart, and for some strange reason I felt physically sick. I couldn't describe what hearing those words made me feel, and to be honest they shouldn't have made me feel anything. I had known all along that they never wanted me and that if they could go back time, they would have had an abortion. But there was just something about hearing it said aloud, something about actually having it confirmed that was making me feel like this. And I didn't like it.

I kept my feelings out of my voice and gave a small, pained smile. "I wish you had, too," I said, watching as Brian's expression changed as he registered what he had just said.

Even so, I knew that I had to get away from them. As I turned a hand grabbed my arm. "Nicole-" Michelle started.

"No!" I exclaimed, shoving her hand away. "Just no." Then I walked away, and this time no one tried to stop me. I knew that they would probably have a talk, so to make sure they didn't follow me after they'd spoken, as soon as I was out of sight I began to run. I had no idea where I was heading, all that I knew was that I had to get away.

I never knew the truth could hurt this much.