These Words to Her

"We don't have to do this," I said, looking at the house. Thankfully we were still sat in the car and weren't parked directly in front of it, making it so that no one knew we were outside and about to enter. I don't know what I would have done if someone had seen and come out to us.

"You know we do," Peter said.

"I don't want to see them."

He sighed but I refused to look at him. "Hannah's there. She checks your house regularly but has stayed because that's where you ran away from."

I let out a huff and crossed my arms. "I didn't run away," I snapped. "They didn't want me so I just didn't go home."

We set in a few more moments of silence. I didn't want to go into that house. I knew that Brian would try to spin the situation so that the blame fell on me - hell, I doubt he even told Hannah what happened before I left. After everything that had happened in my life, I didn't have much hope of them changing. A part of me really wanted them to - for them to acknowledge everything bad that had happened - so that maybe our relationship could be fixed. Most of the time I tried to smother that part because I didn't have any hope that it would ever happen. For years I had been convincing myself that I need only wait until my eighteenth birthday and then I could just refuse to see them. They wouldn't be able to force me to do anything once I was an adult, but now I wasn't prepared to wait a year.

Peter got out the car before me and came round to my side, opening the door and waiting patiently. I could just get out the car and then attempt to walk back to his place, but even I knew I would have to face them sometime. I was officially reported as a runaway so I had no choice.

I debated about holding his hand as we walked up to the house before deciding against it. Instead I walked briskly up the driveway, pulling the key I'd had the entire time out from my pocket. No one appeared as I cautiously opened the door and stepped into the house so I sucked in a breath and called out, "Hannah?"

There was a sound of feet approaching as Peter shut the door behind him and Hannah suddenly appeared, rushing forward and engulfing me in a hug. "Don't you ever do that again!" she reprimanded, squeezing me tight. "You might be seventeen but you scared me half to death!"

"You!" Brian's voice boomed. I pulled away from Hannah to see him glaring at Peter. "I knew you knew where she was!"

I hadn't come back for an argument to erupt between Peter and Brian. Hell, he wasn't even going to be saying anything - he was here to both make sure I came and for support. So before there was any response, I spoke to Hannah. "I need to talk to you."

We went into the sitting room and to my dismay Val and Matt were also there, though I thought it was fitting that Michelle would have her sister over during my entire 'missing' length. When she saw me, Val rose to her feet, relief flooding her face. "I am so glad you're okay," she said.

I looked at Hannah. "Just you and them. No one else."

She nodded. "Can we have a sec?" she said, addressing them. Val nodded and she and Matt left the room, leaving me to sit next to Peter while Hannah sat on the armchair nearest me and Brian and Michelle sat on the other vacant sofa. I didn't know where to start. Being truthful was never a strong point for me.

However, before I could compose myself, Brian spoke. "Where have you been all this time, Nicole?" he asked. "You can't just disappear and then return without explaining yourself."

"Brian," Michelle began.

"No. She didn't let anyone know where she was or even if she was alive, and here she is, not saying a word. We can't just let her go without explaining herself."

"Shut up!" I snapped suddenly, looking up sharply and glaring at him. "Why should I care about what you think? Give me one good reason why I should listen to anything that comes out of your mouth?"

"Nicole," Hannah started, but I wasn't having it.

"No! Answer me that, Brian," I spat.

His previously expression of slight annoyance morphed into anger. "I am still your father, whether you choose to respect me is an entirely different matter."

"Why would I ever respect someone who wishes they had aborted me!"

Hannah took in a sharp breath, her eyes going wide at my words. "You what?"

I gave a bitter laugh. "He didn't tell you?"

This time it was Michelle's turn to talk. "Can we not begin like this? I really don't want any arguing," she said.

Hannah turned towards her. "Tell me when you told her you wish you'd aborted her."

"No one said that," Brian dismissed.

Outraged, I rose to my feet. "Don't you dare!" I shouted. "I am sick of being made out to be the bad one."

Peter stood up and came in front of me, blocking my view of Brian. "Calm down," he murmured, holding the side of my face to stop me looking away. "You didn't come here to get worked up."

We stared at one another for a moment before I let out a deep breath and sunk back onto the sofa. He was right. I didn't come here to shout and scream and have this talk go the same way every single last one had. This one had to be different, and unbeknown to him, I had something else to say if it didn't go that way. I wasn't prepared to have the same outcome happen, not anymore.

"When did they tell you that?" Hannah asked.

"Last time I saw them, but it was just Brian."

She looked towards them. "I believe her."

"You're half the problem," he snapped. "We've had nothing but problems since she was five and everything has stemmed from your influence on her."

Hannah's expression darkened. "Watch what you say," she warned.

Michelle looked worried, glancing between them both. "Shouldn't we be focusing on Nicole?" she said.

"Did he say that?" Hannah demanded.

I watched as Michelle looked at Brian before giving a small sigh. She didn't give a verbal answer but I could tell that Hannah took her sigh as one. "So let me get this straight, you told her you wish that you had aborted her from existence and then couldn't understand why she didn't come home? Am I understanding this right?"

All Brian did was clench his jaw, fighting the urge to snap at her. I wanted him to snap at Hannah and show her the way he reacts whenever I bring the past up. For so long I've been disbelieved but now it seemed that she was beginning to see just what I've been putting up with, and having him lose it on her like he does with me would just solidify everything.

"Why on earth would you say that to her?" Hannah snapped before turning to Michelle. "And why did you just stand there and let him say that? I can't believe that I'm hearing this."

"It wasn't that bad--" Michelle tried to explain only to be cut off.

"You don't ever tell your own child that you pretty much want them dead. Do you know how sick that is?"

"He didn't say that!"

"No? How else does 'I wish we had aborted you' translate?"

There was silence. Either Michelle didn't know how to reply or she just didn't have anything else to say. I could tell Brian had many things to say but was holding them back. I, however, didn't have anything to say about that. Hannah was doing all the talking for me, even if she didn't realise. Peter kept making his presence beside me known by occasionally squeezing my fingers, a reminder to keep calm so that everything I wanted to say could be said. I didn't know how I could have done this without him. Had he just decided to drop me off, I would have left the moment he drove away. I'm a coward and I'm not afraid to admit that.

As the silence continued, I took a small breath before steeling myself to speak. "I'm not coming back here," I said.

"If I could just explain," Michelle interrupted.

I shook my head. "I don't care. You can't make me come back. None of you can."

Finally Brian broke his silence. "You're forgetting that we're still your parents," he snapped.

"I'm not coming back."

"Like hell you aren't!"

I knew that not even Peter was aware of what I was about to say, but I also knew he would have probably attempted to convince me otherwise. "If you try to make me come back, I will report you to the police."

Michelle's mouth dropped out and she raised a hand to her mouth, betrayal shining in her eyes. Even Hannah looked shocked as she turned to look at me. "I don't think that's the route to go," she said.

"Will you take their side if I did?"

"Of course not," she exclaimed. "I still have everything filed away."

"Everything of what?" Brian asked.

"Of her, of the conditions I found her in. I took pictures of everything and detailed notes. Did you really think I was going to get rid of all that? I was going to give it all to her when she turned eighteen for her to do whatever she wanted with them."

The next voice came as a complete surprise. "Pictures of what?" Val said from the doorway. "What is she talking about, 'Chelle?"

Michelle stood up and headed towards her sister. "I'll explain later, okay?" she said, trying to usher her out the room.

"What pictures do they have? What did you do?" She turned and looked between Hannah and me, and I could see everything registering on her face. "Nicole," she exclaimed before looking back at her sister. "She was telling the truth."

"Val, listen-"

"I can't believe this. All these years you told us that she was troubled, that she told lies to get attention, but they were all true?" she accused, shock evident in her voice. "I believed you. Not once did I ever think for a moment that maybe that little girl - my niece - was telling the truth. How could you?"

This time it was Hannah who spoke up. "I'm taking Nicole home. From here on out, every move is dictated from her. I can't believe I was so ignorant to how you've been treating her, pretending that everything that happened was just a pack of lies, but no more."

Brian remained on the sofa, knuckle raised to his mouth as he stared straight ahead. He looked frozen in his spot but I knew that he was trying to contain himself. It was obvious who I got my anger issues from. Val looked so ashamed as we walked past her but I knew I couldn't blame her. If I was in her position, I think I would have done the same.

Peter said he would follow behind in his car as I rode with Hannah, but the moment we got home I went up to my room and locked myself away.

What was I going to do now?