These Words to Her

Michelle had phoned five times and each time Hannah had told her that she wasn't welcome, with the final time warning her that she would block the number if she tried to ring again. I heard the entire one-sided conversation from the safety of my room but I never brought it up. It had been a while since I threatened them with going to the police and other than the phone calls, I'd had no contact with either Brian or Michelle. While I was grateful that Hannah now understood, I hated that it happened.

No matter my anger or hurt at them, I'd always hoped that maybe one day they could change. That they could see the error of what had occurred in my childhood and let us move past it, but each year my hope had dwindled until now I knew it was never going to happen. I didn't think Brian was at all capable of admitting that he was wrong.

My relationship with Peter was still unknown - he'd been here every day but I didn't know whether we were back to how we were before my lies were exposed. I didn't have the courage to ask, not when there was a possibility that the answer could be that we weren't back together. I knew I should address it head on but I'd rather just assume than face the truth. Even after all that, facing the truth wasn't my strong point.

I had just got off the phone with Leah and was lying on my bed when there was a knock on my door. "Nicole? Val's wondering whether she can talk to you. I told her it's down to you so whatever you say I'll tell her," Hannah said through the door.

Leaning my head back onto my pillow, I sighed. I didn't know whether I truly believed her when she burst in on the last conversation I'd had with Brian and Michelle, but I honestly had nothing against her. Her being Michelle's sister was the only reason why I'd always been distant from her. "You can send her up," I called back.

I ended up sitting with my back to my headboard and holding one of my pillows so that my hands were occupied by the time Val knocked on the door. "Come in," I said, and she opened the door.

"You've got a nice room," she said, looking about the place. "It's so full."

I shrugged. "I hoard stuff."

"May I sit?" I nodded and she moved my desk chair over to the bed and perched on it, her eyes now focusing on me. "How are you?"

That surprised me. "I'm fine."

"I know that...that we've never been close and that you probably resent me after all these years, but I wanted to come here to apologise. If I'd had any inkling that there was more to the story than what they were telling us, I wouldn't have believed them," she said hesitantly. "You have to understand--"

I cut her off. "I don't have to understand anything," I replied coolly.

She nodded. "You're right. I've no excuse other than ignorance. When you were five and Hannah took you from them, Michelle told me that it was financial issues that made them decide that you needed to be raised in a more stable household. Of course, as neither our parents or Brian's would help them, I knew that they were struggling. Brian's father had offered to take you in, back when you were a baby, but they declined. He'd offered because he was all too aware of how difficult and time-consuming it would be for them to have a baby and the band, and while he offered no help with money to teach them that they had to take responsibility for their actions, he had said that the offer would always stand."

Val stopped and took a breath, giving me a small smile. "She told me that the reason they took Hannah up on her offer was because she wasn't family and that way they'd feel less like failure than they would've if Brian's father had taken you. It sounded logical, especially as we knew that she looked after you all the time."

That made me frown and dig my fingers into the pillow. "No she didn't," I said.

"What?"

"Hannah didn't start looking after me until after my fourth birthday."

She looked confused. "But all those times that they would come over without you - if she didn't look after you, who did?"

I didn't reply. While I wanted her to know, part of me didn't want to tell her. Michelle was still her sister, even if she had never been a decent mother. Was that protecting her? I wasn't sure. After all these years of wanting to expose them, finally getting the chance made me wary.

A hand on my arm made me snap my head up. Val was leaning close to me, her expression one of determination. "They left you alone, didn't they? All those nights they would come you were left alone."

"They always put me to bed first," I said quietly, "and they'd tell me not to get up until morning."

"You were just a kid. I can't believe this."

"I stayed in bed most nights."

She looked at me sharply. "You shouldn't have had to. Anything could've happened! They told us you were being looked after. I'm so sorry."

I was shaking my head before she had finished. "You don't have to apologise."

"I do. God, I do. I feel like I failed you as an aunt. You probably don't even consider me one and I don't blame you in the slightest."

There was silence after that. She was right, I didn't consider her an aunt, but then the only person I'd ever considered family was Hannah. Everyone else had been an extension of Brian and Michelle and for the past nine years I had refused to see their parents. It was easier to not form attachments or grow to consider them as family. It was always difficult to talk about family at school because how was I supposed to say that the only family member I felt I could talk about was someone who wasn't even related to me? Most people would assume that I would've been adopted and then it would have been difficult to tell them that I wasn't, that I knew my birth parents and saw them every holiday, but that I didn't consider them family and would much prefer to never have to see them.

Val shifted in her seat and rubbed her cheek. "I would really like a relationship with you. I can't even imagine what it's like for you, and I will understand if you say no, but now that I know, now that the truth's come out, I would like to start new with you," she said eventually. "Just me and maybe Matt, if that's okay with you. Independent of Brian and Michelle. You have every right to not want anything to do with me but I really want to make up for my ignorance. I want to be your aunt - I want to show you that we're not all like them, and you don't need a relationship with them to still have other family. I'm not going to ask about what you're going to do about them, but please, think about letting me be part of your life."

She then stood, clearly having said what she'd come over to say, and gave me another smile. I watched as she walked over to the door and opened it. Before she could leave, I spoke up. "I would like that," I said, making her turn back to me.

Her expression changed to one of complete happiness. "I will never let you down again, I promise."