These Words to Her

For the first five minutes of dinner, no one said a word. Brian and Michelle kept looking at each other, almost as if having a silent conversation, and Matt and Val were probably regretting agreeing to stay for dinner. Like always, Val was next to me while Matt was sat opposite Brian on the end of the table, and unsurprisingly, it was Val who broke the silence.

"This is really good, 'Chelle," she complimented, jolting me from my trance of just pushing the food around the plate. I scooped a forkful up and shoved it in my mouth, surprised when it actually did taste really good. At least she can cook.

"Thanks, I haven't made it in so long but figured it'd be nice to attempt it." As she said that, Michelle glanced at me before quickly looking back at Val. I figured that she wanted to say something about the note I left with the tape but I also knew that she didn't want to start an argument. She wasn't one who liked starting arguments; Brian, however, loved to start an argument in my opinion.

After a look from Michelle, Brian put his fork down and cleared his throat but I refused to look up from my plate. "We've invited Hannah down for a couple of days and were wondering whether there was anywhere you would like to go?" he said, drawing my attention from the moment he mentioned her name.

"And what exactly will you be getting out of her visiting?"

"Nothing, we just thought you might like to see her for a while."

I rolled my eyes and shoved a piece of food in my mouth. "Bull," I muttered.

"Language," Michelle reprimanded.

Brian interjected before I could reply to her. "We've already spoken to Hannah and she's going to arrive in a few days. She's here for you, Nicole, whether you'd like to think so or not."

His words just went right over my head because I didn't believe him that she was coming here just for me. They always used her in order to get me to agree to do things with like – like for example, two years ago when they wanted me to invite them down for the school play I was taking part in. I refused to, and as I had the tickets, they couldn't just invite themselves so they got Hannah to talk to me in order to get me to give her two tickets without knowing it was for them. I only found out that they were there when they told me because I'd dropped out from the role two days before the production date so I wasn't there on the night but they both were and ultimately had a go at me for making them travel all that way for no reason. To say I was furious with Hannah would have been an understatement.

The rest of dinner went by without any more talking and I was still waiting for one of them to bring up the tape, so when Val was about to stand and help Michelle clear away the plates I decided to broach it myself. "So, do you two have an answer to my question?" I asked, looking between Michelle and Brian even though I knew Michelle would never give me an answer and Brian would prefer to shout at me rather than admit the truth.

"About what?" he said.

"About why you stopped loving me."

That made Michelle sigh and shake her head. "Not now, Nicole."

"So when? Tomorrow? Next week? Never? Because neither of you ever want to discuss it with me because apparently the way you treated me is all in my mind – right, Michelle?" I seethed, clutching my seat tightly in my right hand.

"We were never bad parents–"

I cut Brian off. "Bullshit!" I exclaimed, outraged at his words. "You were never bad parents to your friends because they were never there for the bad parts. All you want to do is make out that I'm an ungrateful daughter because you can't face the fact that you don't deserve a child because of the way you treated me."

"That is enough," he snapped, his temper clearly having be risen by my words.

"Of course that's enough because how dare I tarnish your "good parents" image with the truth," I spat sarcastically. Why was it so hard to communicate with them? They never seemed to want to know anything about me other than the good parts which meant that I had to deal with the bad parts of my life by myself because Hannah had enough on her plate with dealing with both them and me. To them, everything was fine other than my betrayal at wanting to go live with Hannah, although if they were really the good parents they thought they were I would have never wanted to live with anyone other than them, not to mention they would not have let me go without going to court.

Before either Michelle or Brian could reply and have this escalate into a full blown argument, Val placed her hand on my arm to try and calm me. "Maybe you should go to your room, Nicole," she advised, although she did it in such a way that it felt like she was blaming me for the entire thing.

I shrugged her hand off. "No, I want to go home but evidently your sister is too absorbed in what she wants to think about others," I snapped, standing up from the table. "Oh, and by the way, because of you two I have been in anger management for the best part of two years. Guess Hannah didn't tell you that, huh?" As soon as I said that, I shoved my place off of the table and disappeared upstairs. It was time I apologised to Peter because I needed someone to talk to and at this moment in time, Hannah would not be sufficient.

All I wanted was for them to realise that it's not just my fault.