Diary of an Obsessive-Compulsive Blonde

2:10 p.m.
Period 6, Study Hall

I'm in my period 6 study hall right now, which Danielle, Gabriela, and I just use as an excuse to talk. (Amber doesn't have study hall because of cheerleading.) Danielle is actually doing homework, but Gabriela is kind of pissed that I'm writing this instead of talking to her. She'll be fine though; she's texting her boyfriend Robert right now.

So, after the bell rang signaling the end of period 3, Amber woke up yelling, "Bomb!"

That woke Sra. Iglesias up, who nearly had a heart attack, "What's going on? What’s wrong? Is it a school shooting? A fire? Are the terrorists attacking? Everybody get under your seats!"

And with surprising agility, Sra. jumped underneath her desk. I hurried over to her and peered under the desk.

"Senora? Nothing's wrong. There's no shooting and no fire. You can get up now," I told her, holding out my hand.

She grabbed it and I pulled her up gently. She smiled and said, "Thank you, Baby. I could have sworn I heard someone yell something about a bomb though…"

"No, you must be hearing things, Senora. And my name is Barbie. Barbie McBride."

"Oh. Okay, Bridey."

I just rolled my eyes and Amber and I went to our lockers. Then I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I always wash my hands about twenty times a day to get rid of the germs. Lucy says that's another part of my OCD. After that we bought lunch and sat down at our usual table. Now, the BHHS cafeteria has tables outside and inside. My friends and I always sit outside. Our table is very nice, it's out of the way so birds don't crap on it and it's in the shade. Unfortunately, it's also right next to the table of Brianna Levitt and her minions. Brianna is the daughter of a very wealthy and influential record producer. She's the captain of the cheerleading squad and, like her friends, has bleached blonde hair, fake boobs, a nose job, and a snooty attitude. She and Amber are archenemies. They hate each other with a passion, and because we're friends with Amber, Brianna hates Danielle and me too. Their hatred stems from the very first day of kindergarten. They fought over a baby doll, and to this day have fought over everything, including guys. When Brianna became cheer captain instead of Amber, Amber stole Brianna's boyfriend, Ryan. Amber has done some pretty mean things to Brianna, but if Amber's a bitch, then Brianna's the Queen of the Underworld.

When Amber and I sat down, Danielle greeted us by saying, "Where the hell were you guys?"

"Sorry," Amber said, rolling her eyes, "Barbie had to wash her hands again."

Everyone groaned and my friend Gabriela said, "You really need to get over that obsession, Barbie. You're not going to die if you don't wash your hands twenty times a day."

"I know, I know, I just can't help myself," I said grumpily.

"Hey, Barbie," Danielle suddenly said, "Look over there. Lover boy is watching you."

I looked to my right and saw Parker Cole looking straight at me, completely ignoring Brianna Levitt and her clones, who were totally flirting with him. When he saw me look over he smiled and waved. I waved back and had to stifle a laugh when I saw Brianna and her friends glaring at me. The ice queen and her cronies got up and walked over to our table.

Brianna glowered down at me and said, "Well, well, well, if it isn't the little matchstick girl. I heard you're living on the streets now with your prostitute mother. Is that true?"

Before I could retort, Amber snapped, "Keep your fake nose out of other people's business, Brianna. I heard your father is cheating on your mother with his secretary, who I believe is about your age. And I also heard your mother just checked into rehab for her addiction to painkillers. Is that true?"

Confronted with the truth, Brianna stood stock-still for a minute, her eyes plainly showing that she wanted Amber to die a slow, painful death. "Shut up," she snarled suddenly, "you don't know anything about my family."

"I know enough to know that you shouldn't draw conclusions about other people's families," Amber retorted.

"You shouldn't be talking," Brianna said to Amber, "your mother broke up your father's marriage and family. She's a whore who uses you to get money out of your father to pay for her alcoholism."

As Gabriela and Danielle held Amber back from attacking Brianna, who now had a self-satisfied smirk on her plastic face, I took out my trusty lighter from my backpack, opened it, and clicked it a few times until it ignited her precious Fendi purse.

"Oh my God, Brianna," I yelled as I pointed at her flaming purse, "Your purse! It's on f-fire!"

Brianna shrieked and through her purse against the wall. One of her smarter friends poured some water on it, but it was too late, the purse was ruined. Brianna let out a little yelp and ran over to survey the damage.

"No!" She wailed, "Not my Fendi purse!"

She turned to me and snarled, "You! You did this!"

I opened my eyes wide and said innocently, "What? Why ever would I do something like that?"

"Because you're a bitch. And I've heard you're a pyromaniac."

"But, Brianna," I began, "Pyromaniac means you're terrified of fire. I can't get near it without freaking out and hyperventilating."

"Oh. Well, of course I knew that. I'm not stupid," Brianna said as she walked away and sat down next to Parker and his friends, who were all laughing hysterically, "What's so funny, Parker, baby?"

Parker tried to answer but couldn't. My own friends were laughing pretty hard, too. They each held up their hands and I gave each of them a high-five.

"That was brilliant, Barbie, dear," my friend Annie Douglas said, "Absolutely brilliant."

"Did you see her face when she saw that her beloved Fendi purse was on fire? That was priceless," my friend Kaycie said, shaking her head.

"And I can't believe she actually bought that pyromaniac meant being afraid of fire! She is so dumb!" Danielle exclaimed.

Amber, however, was still sulking, "But why did you guys have to hold me back? I could have taken her!"

"That's what we were worried about," Gabriela said.

At that moment, there was a big commotion in the cafeteria. We all ran inside and saw Davey Windsor and Jessica Harringer yelling about something. I realized he must have found out about what Jessica did at the party on Saturday. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw Davey walk over to Chris Rinehart's table, fuming. I whipped out my phone and began taping the whole scene. Davey reached Chris and punched him so hard Chris fell off his chair. Chris stood up and punched Davey back. The fist-fight continued even as Jessica tried to intervene.

Finally, BHHS security came and separated the two boys. As Davey and Chris were taken to the deans' office, Kaycie ran over to comfort her friend Jessica, and the rest of us went back outside to finish our lunches. After we were all finished, Gabriela and Annie left and Amber, Danielle, and I sat there, bored.

"So, what do you want to do?" Amber asked.

"Let's go stalk Luke!" I suggested excitedly.

Danielle shrugged, "It's not like we have anything better to do."

We got up and began walking over to where Luke and his friends sit. Before we turned the corner, I stopped Amber and Danielle and said, "Act like I just said something really funny, kay?"

They nodded and as we turned the corner they began laughing and Danielle said, "Oh, Barbie, you are too funny!"

I could have killed her right there! I mean could she have been any more obvious! Instead, I laughed along, turned to Luke, and said, "Oh, hi, Luke! What's up?"

Luke looked me up and down before replying, "Hey, Barbie girl. Are you going to work tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I have to. Frankie is soo close to firing me."

Luke laughed, "That's for sure. I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yeah. See you tomorrow!" I replied enthusiastically.

"You have got to get over him, Barbie," Amber instructed me as we walked back to our table.

"It's becoming obsessive," Danielle added.

"May I remind both of you that I have OCD? I can't help it-"

"Oh, yes you can," Danielle said, "Don't blame it on the illness."

"You've almost reached stalker status," Amber said.

"Soon you're going to be making a shrine to him in your bedroom-"

"You'll make a pillowcase with his face on it-"

"You'll begin hiding out outside his bedroom-"

"And watching him change-"

"And taking pictures of it-"

"I wouldn't mind that, though. He is pretty hot," Amber admitted.

"Thank you!" I exclaimed, exasperated.

Danielle walked in front of me, faced me, and put up a warning finger, "I'm warning you Barbie McBride. Don't let this get any farther than an innocent flirtation. Mark my words, that boy is no good. He WILL break your heart."

"Oh, you guys worry too much. I can take care of myself," I retorted.

At that moment the bell rang signaling the end of lunch and the beginning of period 4. We grabbed our backpacks and Danielle sighed

"Fine," she said, "but don't come running to us when he breaks your heart."

"Whatever," I muttered as we walked to the girls' locker room to get changed for P.E. For a moment I wondered if maybe my friends were right, but I quickly shook it off.

I unlocked my locker, which was completely organized and took out my gym clothes, which were perfectly folded. (The organization obsession is part of my OCD). As we were getting changed, Brianna Levitt and Samantha Lovegood walked over.

Brianna snorted and said, "Oh my God, Amber. I feel so bad for you. You must be what, an AAA? You know, you could always wear a padded bra-"

"Oh, just shut the fuck up Brianna. At least mine aren't fake," Amber retorted.

Samantha gasped, "Oh my god, how did you know? I swear I didn't tell anyone, Brianna-"

"Shut up Samantha! God, you are so stupid! Next time just keep your big fat mouth shut!"

Brianna stalked away with Samantha following close at her heels whimpering and apologizing profusely. Amber, Danielle, and I were laughing hysterically. My day a whole lot better, I entered the gym with a smile on my face. That was, until my P.E. teacher, Coach Levenstein, ordered us to go outside to the track because we were going to be running the mile. I groaned and followed everyone outside. After we stretched, we got into place and Coach Levenstein blew her whistle shrilly. We began running, Amber, Danielle and I jogging together.

"Ugh, I hate running!" I exclaimed.

"What are talking about? You're really fast!" Danielle said.

"Yeah! Remember when we were running away after we egged Paris Hilton's car? Or after robbed that 7-eleven? Or when we graffitied Will Smith's trailer?" Amber asked.

"I don't mind sprinting, but jogging's another thing altogether. It's just so…boring!"

"Whatever. At least you're good at it," Amber grumbled.

"I actually like running," Danielle said after a long silence.

"Yeah, well you play field hockey," Amber said.

Just then, we ran by Coach Levenstein yelled, "Good job girls! Keep it up! Just a few more laps left!"

I resisted the urge to flip her off and muttered, "Easy for her to say."

Amber, Danielle, and I eventually finished the mile, although we were in second to last place because we just talked the whole time. After that we quickly jumped into the showers and got changed. Then, I went to my World history class. I immediately sat down next to Gabriela and Kaycie in the back row. During that class I mostly doodled Luke's name all over my notebook until Mrs. Payne began describing medieval torture methods in vivid detail. Mrs. Payne gets really into things like that. It's pretty creepy. I took out my ipod and blasted some Evanescence and My Chemical Romance songs in an effort to tune her out.

Now I'm in Study Hall obviously. I'll write more later, right now I'm going to actually attempt to do some math homework. Shocker, I know.