Diary of an Obsessive-Compulsive Blonde

9:12 October 24, 2007
Period 1 Geometry

Dear Diary,

This morning I woke up really early and made pancakes for my mom and me. Yes, I, Barbie McBride, made pancakes. What is the world coming to? But really, pancakes aren't that hard to make. Except that my pancakes were rather deformed because I'm not very good at flipping. They still taste the same though! My mother was shocked when she came into the kitchen and saw me flipping pancakes and whistling that song from Snow White, "Whistle While We Work."

Her mouth dropped open and she said, "Is this a dream?"

"Nope," I told her as I sent a pancake flying over my head, "whoops! I keep doing that…"

My mom rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times, then decided what she was seeing was real, made herself a strong sup of coffee, and watched my struggles.

"I haven't seen you this happy since Britney Spears dumped Kevin Federline," my mom said.

"Well, why shouldn't I be happy? I've just been asked out by the guy of my dreams!" I exclaimed, putting pancakes on two plates.

"Yeah, that's true, and I can't say I'm not happy about it either," my mom said, chuckling, as she dug into her lopsided pancakes.

After I finished breakfast, I straightened my naturally straight hair so that it was pin-straight, applied quite a bit of makeup, and chose a super cute outfit. I put on a turquoise tank top, a flippy white mini-skirt, turquoise wedges, and dangly turqouise earrings. I walked down to the bus top and sat down on a bench. When the bus pulled up, the bus driver, Owen, was shocked.

"Wow. You're all dressed up, and you're on time. What's goin' on?" Owen exclaimed.

"Nothing," I said happily. "It's a beautiful day today, isn't it?"

Owen just raised his eyebrows.

Once I arrived at school, I received a pleasant surprise. Instead of making out in front of my locker like usual, Ryan and Amber were making out in front of Danielle's. Smiling, I unlocked my locker and began outing my books away.

"Hey guys," I said cheerily.

Amber pried herself off of Ryan and replied, "Hey Barbie."

Ryan simply stared at me, his eyes wide open, "W-wow, y-you look r-really pretty today, Barbie."

"Uh, thanks, I guess. Do I usually not look pretty?" I asked him.

Ryan shook his head, "No! Of course not! You always look pretty…I was just…I mean…I only meant that-"

"Just stop before you hurt yourself, Ryan," Amber said, laughing.

"Y-yeah, I'll just go now…" Ryan walked away toward his own locker.

Amber shook her head, "Okayy. But you know, he was right, you do look really pretty today, Barbie. And you're so happy! You're even humming! You must really like this guy."

I sighed contentedly as I stuffed my English book into my bag, "I do. I really really like him. He makes my heart go boom-boom."

"He makes you heart go boom? How can a heart boom?"

"You know, when your heart is booming really hard and really fast like it's gonna explode."

"You mean your heart is beating?"

"No, I mean my heart is booming! Like fireworks! You know, how fireworks go boom-boom! That's what my heart does when I'm around him."

"God, you're weird," Amber said.

"I know," I said cheerfully.

"You know," Amber said thoughtfully, "that would make a really good pop song. You make my heart go boom-boom!" Amber sang loudly, causing everyone in the hallway to stop and stare.

"Amber! Shut up!" I hissed.

"Aww, come on Barbie! Don't be a party pooper," Amber pouted before bursting back into song, "I look at you, my heart goes boom! You look at me, it goes boom-boom! And then you smile, and it's ready to explode!"

I shook my head, smiled, and joined Amber in singing, " I see your face, I lose my breath! I look in your eyes, I need crystal meth! I kiss you lips, I can't take it no more!"

All of a sudden, Danielle appeared, wide-eyed, and begins pulling us away and hissing, "Stop it! You guys are embarrassing yourselves!"

I pried myself away, kneeled on the floor before her, and sang at the top of my lungs, "Oh why can't you see, you make my heart go boom-boom!"

Danielle let out a frustrated moan and stalked away from me and Amber.

"D'ya think she's mad?" Amber asked sarcastically.

"Nah. She's just worried people will think she actually knows us," I said.

"Makes sense. I would be ashamed to know me too," Amber agreed.

We separated and I walked to my English class and sat down next to Danielle, who didn't look very pleased to see me. However, by the end of class, she was in a much better mood, and we chatted amicably as I walked her to her French class up on the second floor. Amber was waiting for us there, twirling a piece of dark brown hair around her finger and blowing a bubble. When she saw us, she spit her gum in the trash and walked over to us.

"Alright, Danielle, it's GO time," she said.

"Wh-what?" Danielle asked, confused.

"It's time to put our plan into action. Now let's go in the bathroom and get you changed quickly!" Amber exclaimed as we shoved her into the bathroom across from her French classroom.

All three of us went into the handicap stall and Amber removed some clothes from her bag.

"I am not wearing that!" Danielle exclaimed when she saw the dress she was supposed to wear. "I'll look like a fricken prostitute!"

"No you won't! Just shut up and put it on; we don't have much time!" Amber commanded her.

Danielle took off her jeans and t-shirt and slipped into the revealing red dress.

"Wow. You look like a whore," I said.

Danielle groaned and Amber glared at me.

"No, you don't Dani. You look very pretty," Amber told Danielle as she quickly put some more eyeliner and mascara on Danielle, and I applied some red lipstick to her.

I pushed an uncooperative Danielle out of the girls' bathroom and we stopped outside her classroom.

Now, you know what to do, just march in there and do the hair flip."

"B-but, I can't do that!" Danielle protested.

"Oh yes you can," I told her, taking her hair out of its high ponytail, "and then you are going to flirt, flirt, flirt."

"B-but-"

"No buts, Dani," Amber said sternly, "just do what we told you and you'll be fine."

"Now get in there and get your flirt on, sister!" I said, pushing Danielle into the classroom.

Danielle stumbled into the classroom and Amber and I peered through the doorway, looking for Liam.

"Found him!" I exclaimed, pointing to the handsome blonde in the front row laughing and talking to his friends.

He must have heard me, because as soon as I said that he looked around and saw Danielle standing there. His eyes widened and his mouth dropped open.

"Danielle?" He asked disbelievingly.

"Hey Liam," she said seductively, walking up to him and flipping her long, light brown hair, "I was wondering, do you want to go to my house today to finish up our project instead of the library?"

"Uhh, yeah, that-that sounds good," Liam said clearing his throat and staring at her cleavage.

Danielle noticed this and blushed bright red, but managed to say, "Okay, my chauffeur can take us after school. I'm sure it will be very…productive."

"Yeah, yeah, definitely," Liam said quickly.

Danielle sat down and looked toward me and Amber. We gave her thumbs-up signs and she smiled, relieved.

Just then, the bell rang, and Amber and I hurried off to our classes: me to Geometry, and her to English. When I got to Geometry, I was panting and my hair and makeup were a mess. I paused for a moment to catch my breath and run my fingers through my hair before opening the door quietly and walking inside.

"Barbie. You're late," my teacher, Mr. Gutierrez said sternly.

I lied quickly, "Sorry, Mr. Gutierrez. See, I was walking here from English class, when all of a sudden this hummingbird flew through the window and attacked me. It started pulling my hair and pecking me, and I was pretty much defenseless-"

Mr. Gutierrez interrupted me, "Wait, let me get this straight, you were attacked by a hummingbird?"

"No, that's not what I said, you must have misheard me. I said there was a fire in the girls' bathroom, and I had to heroically run through the fire and rescue some poor freshman girl from the flames. The paramedics said if I hadn't been there, her modeling career would have been ruined forever," I told Mr. Gutierrez melodramatically.

"What? A fire? But you said you got attacked by a bird! What's going on here?" Mr. Gutierrez sputtered. Geez, what a putz.

"No, Mr. Gutierrez," I exclaimed, feigning frustration, "I was ambushed by ninjas!"

Everyone laughed but Mr. Gutierrez just hid his face in his hands and said, defeated, "Sit down, Barbie."

I smirked triumphantly and sat down in my seat. Seated behind me, Emily whispered into my ear, "Nice one!"

"Thanks!" I whispered back, "I have had a lot of practice; I'm a compulsive liar. But really, it's not exactly difficult. Mr. Gutierrez is a pushover. You just have to get him really confused."

She smiled and I whispered, "Ninjas! Ninjas are attacking!"

Trying to muffle her laughter, Emily covered her mouth with her hand but couldn't hold back a very loud squeak.

Everyone, including our lovely math teacher, turned around and looked at her.

"What's going on, Miss Nguyen?" Mr. Gutierrez asked tiredly.

"Nothing. I have the hiccups. Sorry," Emily said in an unnaturally high voice.

So now I'm writing this journal entry and I think the bell is bout to ring. I wonder what we were learning today in geometry. I heard something about proofs, and immediately zoned out. Oh well. Thank God for Arnold. Or Albert. Or whatever that geeky kid who sits next to me's name is.

Over and Out,

Barbie