Diary of an Obsessive-Compulsive Blonde

3:14 a.m. October 27, 2007
My room

Dear Diary,

Well, let's just say that my much anticipated date did not turn out as planned. I feel violated and disgusted, and at the same time ungrateful and oblivious, and all because of two guys. Their motives were very different, and yet they both made me feel like a complete and utter idiot. Fucking fantastic.

Needless to say, my night did not turn out how I had planned. It started off well, though. After mom and I got back from the strip club, I took a shower. And who just had to walk in while I was singing(badly) in the shower? Amber. Of course. She burst out laughing and then shut the door. What a retard.

So when I walked out(in my towel, don't worry), she burst out laughing again. Then, of course, I bitch-slapped her.

"Hey! What was that for?" Amber asked, putting.

"For being insufferably annoying," I said.

"Aww, you're no fun Barbie," Amber said, then began singing, "Hey Jude, I saw ya nude, don't try to fake it, I saw you naked-"

I bitch-slapped her again to make her stop singing.

"Hey! You're a bitch, Barbie," Amber told me.

"Thank you!" I said, putting my hand to my heart.

Amber rolled her eyes, "You are so weird."

"Yes, I know, but I've got to go blow-dry my hair," I told her.

"Well, what am I going to do?" Amber asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know. Amuse yourself."

"Okayy, do you have a dildo?" Amber asked innocently.

"Oh my God! No! I'm not that desperate! And I said 'amuse yourself', not 'pleasure yourself', you dimwit!"

"Oh. Sorry. I'll just…go watch TV then," she said, walking away.

"You do that," I said, shaking my head.

Danielle showed up after I blow-dried my hair, and we just hung out for a little while. We went on Myspace and ogled at Liam's shirtless pictures for a little while.

"Oh my God. I want to touch his abs," Amber said.

"I know! There's something about them that just makes you want to feel them…" I agreed.

"You guys are so weird!" Danielle exclaimed.

"Have you ever touched them?" I asked her.

"Uh, yeah-"

"Oh my God!" Amber shrieked, "What did they feel like?"

"Um, hard-"

"Do you think he'd let us touch them?" I asked her, and Amber nodded furiously in agreement.

"Hey! He's my guy! You two stay away from him!" Danielle said.

"We're not trying to steal him away from you, Dani, we just want to touch his abs! Can we? Please! Pretty please with a cherry on top?" Amber pleaded.

"Fine!" Danielle finally gave in.

"Yes!" Amber and I yelled, giving each other a high five.

Danielle laughed, "You guys are pathetic, you know that right?"

"We know!" Amber and I giggled.

After that, we began the arduous primping process. First we did my makeup. While Danielle was doing my eyeliner, Amber found a pair of my clip-on earrings from when I was little and began clipping them on everywhere on her body (and I mean, everywhere) and asking us how we thought she would look with that part of her body pierced. So mature. Then, she began looking through my drawers.

"Amber, what are you doing?" I asked suspiciously.

"Just looking at your clothes. They're so organized! I mean, your underwear are freaking folded and organized by color! You can be so OCD sometimes, Barbie. Are you aware of how very weird you are?" Amber asked.

"Hey, I'm not the one with clip-on earrings dangling from my nostrils. Um, Amber, what are you doing now?" I asked her warily, as she began rummaging around in my underwear drawer.

"Just fixing your underwear drawer. It just didn't look right," Amber told me.

"Oh my God! What the hell are do you think you're doing?" I shrieked, jumping up and making Danielle swipe the eyeliner across my cheek.

I ran over to stop Amber from completely destroying my organization. I shoved her out of the way and got to work refolding my underwear.

"Jesus Christ, Barbie. You have a problem," Amber said.

"Ya think?" I asked her sarcastically.

"Oh no! You've got eyeliner on your cheek! And your eyeliner sucks! Danielle, you need to put more than that! You can barely see it!" Amber exclaimed.

"Fine. You do it then," Danielle told Amber.

"As a matter of fact, I will," Amber declared.

She took the eyeliner from Danielle and I sat down. After she was done applying it, Danielle shrieked, "Oh my God! She looks like a raccoon!"

I looked in the mirror and yelped, "Oh my God I do!!"

"Well, you're a very pretty raccoon," Amber said, trying not to laugh.

"Fix it!" I screeched, "Now!"

"Alright, alright," Amber said, and got out the eye makeup remover.

After we finished with the makeup, I got dressed.

When I walked into the living room to show my mom, she almost broke out into tears, "Oh my God, my little girl is all grown up and looking like a ho! Hold on a sec, I'm gonna go get a camera."

Mom ran away to go grab a disposable camera. Then she ran back, and started snapping pictures, while I posed. I must say, I was very proud of my outfit. I knew Luke would like it. I was wearing black skinny jeans, a Slipknot t-shirt that I had artistically(ha!) cut to make it low-cut and belly-baring, a cropped, black, leather blazer, and black pumps. Oh yeah. Hardcore.

Then I heard a knock on the door, and my eyes widened with a mixture of excitement and fear.

"Oh my God, you guys, he's here!" I whispered.

Amber nudged me in the direction of the door, "Don't worry, Barbie, you'll be fine. If you need us at any time, we're just a phone call away."

"Okay," I said, taking a deep breath. "Bye guys. Thank you so much!"

I walked over to the door and opened it. There he was, leaning against the doorway like he didn't give a shit. So sexy.

"Hey. Let's go," He said.

"Okay," I said brightly.

I grabbed my purse and waved good bye to Danielle, Amber, and my mom. I shut the door and followed Luke downstairs. I looked around for his motorcycle, but it was nowhere to be seen. Instead, a rusty old pick-up truck was parked in front of the building.

"Where's your motorcycle?" I asked Luke.

"I crashed it yesterday, so I have to use my brother's car," he said.

"Oh, that sucks. Are you hurt?" I asked.

"No. I'm fine," he told me, unlocking the car.

We both got in, and he started the engine, then looked over at me.

"You look hot," he said.

"Thank you!" I said happily.

As we drove through L.A., I took my hand sanitizer out of my purse and began rubbing it on my hands. Well, if I can't wash my hands with soap and water, I have to use the next best thing.

"Uh, what are you doing?" Luke asked curiously.

"Um, sanitizing my hands?" I offered. When he looked at me like I was a complete idiot, I lied, "You know, the lead singer of, um, Metallica uses hand sanitizer before every show."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yeah!" I assured him.

"Um, can I borrow some of your hand sanitizer?" He asked me.

"Sure!" I said, handing it over.

That was a close one.

We talked the rest of the way to the show. When we got there, Luke spotted a bunch of his friends and introduced me. His friends all checked me out, and one of them even had the nerve to say, "She's hot dude. You're getting some tonight!"

I pursed my lips and glared at him. They turned their attention away from me and we walked inside. Goddamnit, I deserve a place in heaven after the torture I went through that night. I had to listen to mindless, angry screaming for hours. I seriously have the hugest headache now. Halfway through I even went to the bathroom and took some Tylenol. Didn't really help much. Luke was having fun though. Course, he didn't pay any attention to me. At all.

Then after the show, we went to his friend's apartment for a party. I got separated from Luke, and had to endure a bunch of drunken guys hitting on me all night. Eventually, I made up my mind to force Luke to take me home immediately. I weaved through the crowd of people and found him making out with some girl. I seriously could have cried at that moment. After all I went through that night; I was at my breaking point. And I had finally realized that Luke was not the guy I thought he was. My former ardor for him was fading fast. So, I simply tapped him on the shoulder and stood there, my arms across my chest.

"Oh, hey, Barbie, what's wrong?" He asked me.

"What's wrong? What's wrong?" I asked him, my voice rising. I took a deep breath and ordered him, "I want you to take me home. Now."

"Aw, come on Barbie-" He said.

"Now!" I growled.

"Alright, fine," he said to me. He turned to the girl he had been making out with and said, "I'll be back soon. I have to take princess here home."

The car ride home was silent. I was pretty pissed, at both Luke and myself. When he pulled up in front of my apartment building, I made to open the door, but he grabbed my arm. He leaned in and began to kiss me. It wasn't very nice; I could taste the beer and tobacco on his breath. I decided to just go along with it, but then he started to take off my shirt.

"Hey, stop it," I muttered, but he continued.

When he started to take off my pants, I pushed him off of me and said, "Stop it, Luke."

However, he didn't and I began to kick and scratch him. He slapped me across the face and held me down. He started to unbutton his pants, and I began to yell for help. He lifted his hand to slap me again, and I closed my eyes and braced myself for it. However, the slap never came. I opened my eyes and saw that Luke was no longer in the car. Someone had opened the door and the two were engaged in a fist fight outside the car. I grabbed my clothes, opened my door and ran out to see what was going on. Right as I ran outside, the other man punched Luke right in the eye and Luke fell down to the ground.

Luke stood up, got into his car, and drove away like a dog with his tail between his legs. Then the other man looked up at me, and I gasped.

"P-Parker?" I asked incredulously.

"Barbie! Are you okay? Did he hurt you?" Parker asked, running over to me and enveloping me in a hug.

"Ow!" I exclaimed, as the tight hug hurt my bruised arms and ribs.

"Oh, sorry," Parker apologized and let me go.

"No, don't be sorry. You saved me!" I said, "I'm the one who should be sorry. I should've listened to you and everyone else when you all told me not to go out with him. I'm just stubborn."

"No, I shouldn't have let you go out with him. I knew what an asshole he was," Parker protested.

"No, don't blame yourself," I told Parker. It was then that I realized that I was standing in the middle of the street in front of THE Parker Cole in just my bra and thong.

"Um, I should probably go inside," I told Parker, then realized something. "Parker, why were you even here in the first place"

He held up a pink, sparkly Barbie notebook, "You left your notebook behind in biology this morning. I thought I'd drop it off for you."

I took the notebook and said, 'God, Parker, how can I ever repay you?"

"Just promise me you'll never go out with anyone like Luke Lyons ever again," he said.

I laughed, "I don't think I'll have any problems keeping that promise. I've learned my lesson."

We hugged goodbye and I walked inside. My mom was sitting on the couch, watching The Cosby Show reruns. As soon as I saw her something inside me let go, and I began sobbing.

"Oh, honey, what's wrong?" My mom asked me worriedly.

"H-He t-tried t-to r-rape me, Mommy," I sobbed into her chest.

She hugged me closer and said, "It's okay, baby. Everything's gonna be okay. Mommy's here."

Eventually, I ran out of tears and then called Danielle and Amber and begged them to come over. Somehow Danielle convinced Ramiro to take her and Amber to my house for the night. When they arrived, my tear ducts somehow filled right back up, and I burst into tears again. Of course, they made me feel better, and we ended up having a lot of fun. Now they're both fast asleep on my floor, and Amber's foot is lying on top of Danielle's face. Boy, she'll have a nasty surprise when she wakes up. I've had a long night, so I'm going to go to bed now.

Love, love, love,

Barbie