Schrödinger's Cat

"So how's this gonna work?"

A woman in a black suit shuffled some papers, Coleen She'd said her name was, and looked at Ryder."What was that?"

Ryder squirmed uncomfortably in his seat.

"I said how's this gonna work. The interview I mean...Are going to ask me questions or do you want me to just to talk about...." he swallows "Wild?"

She smiled reassuringly, "Don't worry. I'll ask you a few here and there. I'll ask you to elaborate, but I won't push you. If you don't feel comfortable about speaking about certain matters, I'll leave them be."

Coleen sat down in front of him and turned her head to nod at the camera man.

She looked back at Ryder, "Whenever you're ready." She smiled warmly.

Ryder took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and nodded.

"Wild and I have always had a silent fight against each other."

"What do you mean?"

Ryder shifts in his seat," When we were growing up I'd always try to protect him...he absolutely hated that. He'd always tell me that he 'didn't need it', and for me to 'stop worrying'. He always hated that, the worrying I mean..."

Ryder began to drift off in thought when he was snapped out by Coleen and the hum of her voice.

"Hm?"

"I said: What was he like as a kid?"

"Wild was Wild. He was very considerate of everyone and their feelings. He was very empathetic and if he would cause some type of strain to someone , whether it'd be mental or emotional, he would beat himself up over it."

"Him being the way he was, he'd often take it out on himself."

Coleen looked startled,"Even as a child?"

Ryder swallowed,"Even as a child."

-19 years previous-
............................

The Ennis Family was, for the most part, gathered in the kitchen that Lazy Saturday morning talking and eating; appreciating each other's company.

Their mother, Annabell Ennis, was helping some of the quints cut their pancakes as their Uncle Monroe churned out pancakes from the stove mechanically.

It was 10 am and the House was barely shaking the sleep off their bones.

The Eldest dilly-dallied down the stairs, rubbing the eye crud out of their eyes and yawning sleepily, lusting after the premise of pancakes.

The house is buzzing and humming with laughter and a lingering happiness that left a certain sweetness in their mouthes.

wake up. wake up. wake up.

Wild wrestled with sleep and drowsily rubbed his eyes and squinted them against the glare of the sunlight.

morning. morning.
are you awake, yet?
up, up, up.
food!
awaaaaaaake!

As he became more aware of his senses, Wild spotted Ryder lying on the floor coloring and humming quietly to himself.

Wilds' eyes drifted around the room and he became aware of the lingering aroma of pancakes.

pancakes! pancakes! get pancakes! we want pancakes!

He got out of bed and drifted from his room to the hallway.

Wild was about to walk down the big stairs when he saw his reflection in the hallway mirror as he passed. Seeing his hair all shaggy and brown, he thought, I look weird with long hair. I need to cut it.

So little Wild bounced down the big stairs to find the big scissors, just as Wesley Ennis slammed the front door and stomped inside; his aura radiating negativity.

The atmosphere changed as Wes walked into the kitchen. Wes walked in rigidly, opened the fridge and poured himself a cup of water. As he set it down after taking a big gulp he spread his hands out on the counter, staring down at the granite surface seeming to look for answers...

Their mother watched with a look of concern on her freckled face. She moved toward him and put a graceful hand on his shoulder."Wes, sweetheart, what's the matter?"
He mumbled something incoherent.
"Louder, sweetie, I can't hear you."

"HOW CAN YOU DO IT MA," he screamed with tears streaming down his red cheeks.

Silence fell upon the house.

"How can you smile and laugh and joke and be happy...knowing-knowing that-that you might not be able to kiss Wild or Eilleen good night someday. That you'll never see them grow up or have kids. Or-or...", he was hypervenalting now as sobs racked his body and the unspoken truth that had riddled the House for months since the diagnoses had finally been exposed from everyone's hearts and minds. The reality that no one wanted to realize, even though it was in the backs of everyone's minds.

The kitchen was now quiet and solemn as their new reality sunk in, leukemia. Leukemia a word that Wild and Eilleen couldn't understand let alone speak.

Heads were bowed and Annabell rested her head on her eldest son's shoulder, kissing his cheek. "It's okay, baby. I promise we'll get through it together, as a family."

"I'm just tired of having to act like it's all okay," he whispered

Wild had been walking back towards the big stairs ,with the big scissors clenched in his right hand, when he heard Wes scream as he was coming to pass the kitchen's doorway. He heard it all as he stood there, pressed against the wall.

He heard all the unspoken and spoken pain. He heard the fear and regret. He heard all the sadness, and there was so much of it. So much, and it was all over him and Eilleen.

Wild felt tingling in his palms and his eyes felt like they were ready to rain. His heart ached. Eilleen.

Wild shook his head violently trying to get all the sad thoughts out of his head, hoping they'd all fall out of his ears and onto the carpet of the hallway.

Remembering the big scissors he had clenched in his tiny fist and his little pet project.

He quickly walked up the stairs and went to the bathroom connected to his room.

Wild got his little stool and used it to help lift him onto the bathroom counter, in front of the mirror. Sitting there and studying his reflection, " Hm...How should I done it," he thinks aloud.

just cut it off.
we want it off!
off! off! off!

Grabbing a strand of hair and positioning the scissors, he chops it off, accidently nipping himself on the scissors in the process.id.

stupid. dummy.

His ring finger was bleeding slightly as he stared at it in a sick fascination.

He didn't quite understand why, but he liked the way the pain tingled throughout his body. The way it electrified everything and he began to realize in that split second of pain and throbbing, he didn't feel bad anymore. All the voices stopped.

He didn't feel that overwhelming ache in his chest and his eyes didn't feel like raining anymore.

His heart began to ache again as he thought of Eilleen and himself and all the pain he was causing his family, Mama, Wes, and he remembered what Mama told him...

They were watching ABC World News with Peter Jennings.

-Today The mastermind behind the 1993 World Trade Center Bombing, Ramzi Yousef, was found guilty after killing 3 people and injuring a thousand others-

Wild had his head in his mother's lap fighting the sleep that threatened to overtake him. The voices lulled in his head and he felt his eyelids grow heavier by the minute.

"How sad," his mother murmmred. He turned around and looked at his mother, "What is Mama," he asked. His mother's voice was grave," That man's Mama will grieve the son she will never get to see again, and his dada will carry a hatred in his heart that no daddy deserves to bare."

oh. oh. oh.

Wild looked up at her sleepily,"Why, Mamma?" She smiled at him sadly," Because that man did something with good intentions,but he did it by hurting people so he was punished. People who hurt other's deserve to be punished," she looked at him kindly,"Little Monster, never hurt anyone," She pulled him into a hug," I don't want to see you punished," She whispered.

hurt, you get punished. punished. punished. we make sure.

I need to be punished ,he thought, I hurt my family.

Wild felt his hands begin to tingle again and his heart began to ache, he noticed that his sleep shorts were hiked up and a large expanse of pale thigh was exposed, grabbing the scissors he lifted them above his thigh.

There was no blood. Why was there no blood?

He could feel a dull ache in his thigh where the scissors had struck, but there was no blood.

He must have done it wrong.

On his second attempt he closed his eyes and held the scissors high above his head,plunging it deep into his high.

He felt a dull ache and a pulsing relief flood through his body. All the voices stopped whispering and for once he was at peace.

Blood seeped from the wound and he admired his handwork as he lifted the scissors again and as he was bringing them down he heard someone whisper," Wild?"

Startled Wild jerked the scissors and they cut a line into his thigh.