Don't Call This Love

"Dammit!" I yelled.

I was so pissed! I could not, for the life of me, zip up this dress.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and kicked my heels off in frustration. In the big scheme of things, this little zipper shouldn’t have affected me the way it did. It wasn’t truly a big deal, and I knew that. Although that didn’t stop the tears from flowing.

I held my face in my hands as I cried. This dress had been the last straw.

I had lost complete control over my own life, and it petrified me.
Rodolphus had been free from Azkaban, that was supposed to make my life get better! instead, everything was going all wrong. My best friend is a Death Eater, I am being forced to marry, I’m not even allowed to stay at my own home! Not to mention for the past two months my only company had been a snarky old man. Now I couldn’t even wear a nice dress out to dinner. What was my life coming too? Next thing I know I’m going to be kicked out of Slytherin and forced into Gryffindor! Or worse! Hufflepuff!

All those thoughts had not done a good job of consoling me, and I just cried harder.

I was crying so much, that I didn’t even notice Snape studying me from the door way.

I wouldn’t have noticed him at all, if he hadn’t have cleared his throat. I calmly lifted my head from my hands and glanced his way. I couldn’t read the expression on his face, so I swiftly turned away from him. “Raeanne. Is something troubling you?” Snape asked coolly, not moving from his spot by the door frame. I shook my head as I tried to wipe away and evidence of tears, “No, I’m fine Professor. Everything is fine.” I babbled still sniffling. There was a long silence before he finally spoke. “If everything was alright, I don’t suppose you would be up here crying, now would you?” He said softly as he stepped closer. I wasn’t certain how to respond. He was behaving so different. I didn’t understand why he was being so admirable. Perhaps he felt guilty? No. He was Snape for Pete’s sake! He didn’t have those types of feelings. He couldn’t care about anyone else!

I mean he’s Snape! The coldest man I’d ever met.

And as if he’d heard everything that had just raced through my mind, he tensed. I turned and looked up at him. He seemed angry, and hurt. As if someone had just slapped him right across the face. “I see you’re recovering just fine though. I will be downstairs waiting. Try not to make us late will you.” He said harshly before turning to leave. He was just out of my room when I stood up from my bed. “Wait!” I called after him.

Snape lazily strolled back into my room, staring at me the whole time. “What?” He asked bitterly.

"I-I um, n-need your-r help with s-something." I choked out.

I was stuttering. What the hell was wrong with me? I never stutter! Snape’s face softened a little from his constant callous expression.

"With what?" He asked stepping closer. "My dress. I uh, I can’t…the zipper’s stuck and….if you wouldn’t mind?" I said slowly exposing my bare back to him while I made gestures towards the zipper. "Yes…yes. Of course." He said stepping closer to me. He hesitated for a moment, as if trying to decide how to go about this without touching me. He cautiously grabbed the dress and began tugging on the zipper. It took a couple tries, but finally it started moving. Snape let go of the dress once the zipper reached about half way. Then he softly laid his hand on the small of my back. His touch sent shock waves through my body. I closed my eyes took a deep breath, trying to regain my composure. By the time I had let out the breath and opened my eyes, he had finished with the dress and removed his hand. I slowly turned towards him. I didn’t know what to expect, or what I was doing. I faced him none the less. He didn’t step back like I half expected him to.

Instead kept intense eye-contact with me. I intended to look away, I needed to look away from him. But I couldn’t. All I could do was stare into his charcoal black eyes, as he searched my own. I wasn’t sure where this was going, or even what it proposed. As we held each other’s gaze, a piece of his hair fell into his face. Without even realizing what I was doing, I reached up, and tucked it back behind his ear.

Snape snatched my wrist at once..

I couldn’t breathe.

I thought he might be upset with me, and I was in no mental state to be yelled at by Severus Snape. I looked away from him, preparing myself for the worst. Then he slowly reached towards me with his other hand. He gently guided my face back to meet his gaze. Then he cupped the side of my face and wiped away at some of the smeared mascara on my cheek. I was at a loss for words. I wanted to say so many things, yet my brain couldn’t even form sentences. All I could do was feel.

And I felt everything.

From his hand slowly caressing my cheek, to the warmth radiating from his body, just mere centimeters from my own. I knew that we should never be this close to one another. He was a Teacher, and I was a student. But it all felt so honest. Like we were intended to be together. Even if it went against everything society stood for.

He must have been feeling the same thing, I could see the misery brewing in his own eyes.

Instantly he let go of me and stepped back.

"They’ll be expecting us soon. Be ready in ten minutes."

And with that he was gone.

I slowly fell to the floor and leaned against the bed. What just happened? What was happening? Why was he acting so different? And more importantly, why was I? I didn’t know the answer for any of these questions. Everything was being twisted upside down! I couldn’t possibly be falling for my teacher..

And my least favorite teacher at that! I knew it would be useless to try to fight these new feelings. But I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to try.

I took another deep breath and reached for my shoes. I slowly slipped them on and stood back up. I made my way to the mirror and gently wiped my face clear of all traces of smeared eyeliner and mascara. Then as carefully as I had before, I reapplied everything, and made some final adjustments to my hair.

I stepped back from the full length mirror and admired myself. I had curled my hair slightly, leaving it with waves of perfection. And had chosen a light rose colored dress to help hide my paling complexion. It was a simple little dress, but it would do for tonight.

Now all I had to worry about was Snape.

And my growing feelings for him..

I descended the stairs and walked into the living room. Snape was sitting down, but immediately stood when he saw me. I walked over to the fireplace and waited silently inside he as grabbed a handful of floo powder. “Malfoy Manor.” He said coolly. The room was suddenly replaced my green flames, and then as quickly as the flames appeared, they were gone. Replaced by the sitting room of The Malfoy’s. Before either of us could step out into the house, we shared a quick glance. And there was a silent moment of understanding. We would go the rest of the night, as if nothing happened. Because on some level we both knew….

Something had happened today when we fought in the bathroom. And whatever is was had changed our perception of the other. Whether the change was good or bad, was yet to be determined.